Oh, I hear the hurt in your words. What a struggle! It sounds like your wife has absorbed negative messages about both herself and sexuality. Too often, women hear that sex is just for men, when God created it for both spouses! Many wives also struggle intensely with body image, and your wife’s physical challenges seem to have increased that struggle. I pray that God shows her the truth of His design for sex in marriage and that you can find ways to help her see that truth while keeping yourself from the bitterness that so easily can take hold. In other words, praying for a miracle too. Blessings!

Whale-like? Hey, the Whale Institute for Sexual Enjoyment (WISE) contacted me to say that they object to that characterization and even whales can have fabulous sex. They’d like to send you a bumper sticker that says Whales Need Love Too.
(Sorry, my humor side ran rampant there. 😉 )

Haha, yes, we have five children under the age of six. We are crazy ? But we both believe that taking fertility out of sexuality is taking away an important part of the design. Personal belief, we definitely don’t judge people who believe differently!

J, we have talked a lot, and I believe we are finally in agreement on this subject, but it’s as if his guilt from the past gets in the way, maybe? He is very hesitant to take the initiative now, and I’m far too whale-like and uncomfortable to do that much myself. I hope after baby comes, we can pursue a more spontaneous, loving relationship in the bedroom. That’s my prayer anyway.

Uh,……5under6? Does that mean you have 5 kids under the age of 6? If it does, i am rather pleasently surprised that you are functional in any capacity. ?. I only have one who is about to be 6 and he alone can take down anything. Including relationships. Praying for you!

A pastor told him that?! *shaking my head* While there is a biblical duty to have regular sex in marriage, it’s also your husband’s duty — and privilege — to love and cherish you as Christ loved His church. And the main focus of that oft-cited passage, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, is its emphasis on mutuality.

I suggest you and your husband have a candid conversation about where your sexual intimacy is, what you want for it to be (as in, mutually pleasurable and intimate), and what the Bible really says about godly sex. Praying for you both.

I wonder if, in trying to be mindful of my own physical limitations, he has had to just shut down sexually? And how can I help both of us restore that passion when I cannot force my body to be well enough all the time?

Anyway, my prayer is to the Maker of our bodies, that He will 1. Restore my health, and 2. Give us freedom, joy and passion in the bedroom again.

Thanks, Doug.

Praying!

I had the kind of illness as a small boy that has sent many, many people I’ve known to dialysis, and not all have made it. I have never in my life been near a dialysis center, and I am now 59 years old in excellent health. Yes, self-care makes a difference, but it is all due to my Father God, who also shows me how to do that.

Fast forward from infancy, and neither my wife nor I were all that young when we married. We were young enough that for a few years we could barely keep our hands off each other at times, but as I’ve learned, love and sex, and especially both together, take a lot out of you. (Thank you Dr. Ed Wheat for helping quash the myth that they’re easy.)

Now we’re *really* not all that young, though still not ancient, yet. Long story short, although my drive has scarcely diminished, I have never been in a better place. Don’t get me wrong, I am intimately familiar with sexlessness and it’s frustration too, and am by no means exempt even now. We talked about all this recently, and I have an extra special dinner and mini-getaway planned. Her prayer is that I not be disappointed, because she knows how intense my drive can be. (She has a few years on me.)

My prayer? Simply that it goes well, whatever does or doesn’t happen in bed.