Comments on: Q&A with J: No Interest in Sex & Meeting Emotional Needs https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/02/22/qa-with-j-no-interest-in-sex-meeting-emotional-needs/ God's Design for Marital Intimacy Thu, 08 Mar 2018 20:26:54 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1.2 By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/02/22/qa-with-j-no-interest-in-sex-meeting-emotional-needs/#comment-69663 Thu, 08 Mar 2018 20:26:54 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24128#comment-69663 In reply to Ashlee.

Oh, bless your heart! I just want to pull you in for a big girlfriend hug. It does sound to me like you’re doing so much right. I’m not going to give you some platitude-like tips here. But I would encourage you to see a specialist in sexual health. Chris Taylor of the Forgiven Wife wrote a great post on her experience: An Embarrassing Post about Female Sexual Dysfunction (Plus 5 Tips!) Also, you might want to read Jennifer Smith’s story (the Unveiled Wife); she also went years without knowing what was going on, but finally found some answers. While I doubt you have the same issue, her journey might encourage you: https://youtu.be/Uv514hOj9bs

Saying a prayer for your challenge.

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/02/22/qa-with-j-no-interest-in-sex-meeting-emotional-needs/#comment-69599 Tue, 06 Mar 2018 17:02:36 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24128#comment-69599 In reply to Jodie.

I’m not familiar with that resource, but when I looked up Revive Our Hearts, I recognized Mary Kassian from the site. I liked Stormie O’Martian’s Praying for Your Husband book too.

]]> By: Doug https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/02/22/qa-with-j-no-interest-in-sex-meeting-emotional-needs/#comment-69404 Sun, 25 Feb 2018 22:52:38 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24128#comment-69404 Good advice for the unmarried woman who thinks she has zero sexual desire. To me, however, this raises a serious red flag. If her future husband can’t turn her on before marriage, I would not expect anything after. I would suggest the woman clearly communicate this to her fiancé before they marry. Her lack of desire may be attributable to the man.

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/02/22/qa-with-j-no-interest-in-sex-meeting-emotional-needs/#comment-69354 Sat, 24 Feb 2018 15:00:44 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24128#comment-69354 In reply to E.

I’m a little familiar with Enneagram of Personality, but not much. While the MBTI is based on a substantial body of research, the Enneagram system is based in historical theories that haven’t been well researched or accepted by the academic and practician community. Other personality systems like CliftonStrengths (formerly Strengths Finder) and the DISC theory of behavior have much wider acceptance.

By the way, the DISC system is analogous to the four temperaments (sanguine, phlegmatic, melancholy, and choleric), and Gary Smalley and John Trent used those to establish a fun little system matching personality types to animals.

…and now you’ve seen what a bit personality type nerd I am! Lol.

]]> By: E https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/02/22/qa-with-j-no-interest-in-sex-meeting-emotional-needs/#comment-69350 Sat, 24 Feb 2018 10:46:28 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24128#comment-69350 In reply to Kay.

Yes! I am also words of affirmation, and I just feel the love when I am told that something I have done has blessed someone (like my husband), conversely, be very careful with using a harsh word when you are angry, because words of affirmation peeps tend to get wounded easily by words used against them.

Also, I’m curious about your Myers Briggs, J (if that’s not too intrusive a question), I love me some Myers Briggs (I’m an ISTP)! Have you had anything to do with Enneagram numbers?

]]> By: Jodie https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/02/22/qa-with-j-no-interest-in-sex-meeting-emotional-needs/#comment-69341 Thu, 22 Feb 2018 22:45:25 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24128#comment-69341 Consider grabbing the 30 day husband challenge from Revive Our Hearts. It’s a fantastic resource for focusing on encouragement for your husband. Each day gives a different area to focus on. I could see this being a great resource for people who don’t know how to give affirmations naturally.

]]> By: Ashlee https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/02/22/qa-with-j-no-interest-in-sex-meeting-emotional-needs/#comment-69340 Thu, 22 Feb 2018 22:31:39 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24128#comment-69340 I relate to the person I the first question of about having no interest. Your answer is even more concerning because I am that person has lacks both desire to be sexual AND physiological arousal. My husband and I have been married 13 years and my body does not respond to sexual stimulation be it foreplay or intercourse or anything in between. I did not have sexual desires growing up either and never understood why people or how people enjoy sex because it doesn’t feel any different than washing my body. It’s just skin. I began pushing my doctor about it as I felt like I had been married and tried many many things to attempt to get an arousal response with out any results and I wanted answers as to why my body and brain was broken. It would be nice to be “into” making love with the same excitement and passion as my husband but that’s hard to do when you lack those desires and sensations. They tested my hormones and said everything was within normal range. I persisted more so they tried some topical hormone therapy. After 6 months of trying they still NOTHING happened except side effects like new thick hair growth where it was applied. I’ve read and applied Sheila book on good girls guide to sex and still nothing changes physiologically or with desire. I don’t have fantasies and sex is ever on my mind. I’ve spoken to 3 doctors and they don’t seem to know what else to do or try at this point so I feel hopeless. That I may never know what it feels like to be aroused or mentally desire sex much less something like the mysterious orgasm. It’s easy to get advice and try it but after years of trying this and that it’s just emotionally exhausting and the disappointment and dissatisfaction in my marriage bed for us both is disheartening to say the least. We both want so much to have a mutually great sex life of intimacy but he knows I don’t desire sex and he knows from experience that no matter how hard he tries and has tried to get me aroused all his efforts are fruitless and no matter how hard I try to mentally push my brain to think sexually it never produces fruit. There seems to be no good reason for my otherwise normal body to not work in this area of life that God designed to be good. Again this is a lifelong circumstance for me… so what advice if any is there for a woman like me. Who has the right heart attitude about sex and knows it’s value for a healthy marriage but just can’t physically or mentally get aroused which causes stress in our marriage bed on both parts. We have sex 1-2 times week typically because I know it’s important to him but I pray one day I will want it too and that one day I can feel some sort of pleasure from it beyond just mentally knowing it’s healthy for marriage. It’s like eating my green vegetables… I don’t care to have them and sometimes choke them down but I do it because it’s a healthy part of life and provides nutrients. Oh how much easier it would be if I truly loved eating them or craved them and felt satisfied

]]> By: Kay https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/02/22/qa-with-j-no-interest-in-sex-meeting-emotional-needs/#comment-69339 Thu, 22 Feb 2018 21:49:02 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24128#comment-69339 I am at words of affirmation gal myself, and the formula really isn’t that hard. Try something like “thank you for XYZ, that means so much to me. “ Or “I really appreciate that about you.” Try texting if that isn’t too lame. A text like that from my husband would probably make my week.

Example: thank you for getting the girls to bed last night well I wasn’t feeling well. That means so much to me. I appreciate your willingness to jump on in.

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