As far as sex itself, I note that the Bible does not prohibit sex acts. It prohibits sex partners: Men are not to have sex with single women, other men’s wives, prostitutes or men. Basically leaving only wives. And it teaches why, and why not, have sex with your wife. She’s a partner and is due her conjugal rights as the husband is due his, the two display and deepen their affection for, and bond to, each other. She is not a masturbatory aid.

I’ve always read the passage with David and Batsheba as coercion. Aka, not by consent, therefore rape. What’s a lady to do when the king summons her and her husband is an officer in his army? That’s all kinds of coercive force there. I guess from the story with Abigail we have reason to believe that David would have listened to appeals to his better nature. Did she know that?

I normally don’t think of lust as a sexual thing; maybe because I have little to no temptation to it. Maybe I just watch too much Anime. Lust for knowledge and vengeance is far more likely to get me. Lust for power, dominion and control, that I get.
I think C. S. Lewis is right in the Screwtape Letters and Surprised by Joy. You can tell lust be the quality of the emotion. He described ravenous lust for the occult. I can 100% identify with that. Or the quality of sexual desire for the Infernal Venus as qualitatively different than his more healthy and innocent desire for the Terrestrial one (although the latter can still be twisted to lust).

Lust is close cousins to greed and envy. And if you don’t think lust for power, vengence, dominion, control or knowledge can corrupt and destroy people maybe you should watch more Anime. Naruto Shippuden is a case study in how desire for vengence can utterly a person (Sasuke). Pain and Madara are case studies in how desperate desire for dominion, power and control can essentially drive you mad and destroy the world. Kabuto and Otochimaru embody the lust for knowledge. It’s not pretty.

I sometimes feel as if she is trying to hold me to an unrealistic standard and she feels I’m trying to make excuses to lust. I once told her I lusted for her and she became very upset and hurt, telling me lust is a negative thing and I was objectifying her. I have never used the word again.

An interesting response — one that is going to need to rattle around in my head for a while. Initial reactions:
1) Interestingly, my first reaction is to reflect on the Catholic enumeration of the ten commandments — specifically that they tend to split “thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife” (#9) from “thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s stuff” (#10). As an aside, I sometimes wonder if it would be valuable to talk about the 11 commandments, but we are so poetically attached to the number 10 that no one would probably go along with me on that.
2) I am reminded of those who have said that “fantasizing about your spouse doing something that your spouse would not do in real life” is a form of lust/covet/objectification. I can understand why it is said, but it still seems like there is a question of degree here. Our desire for sexual novelty and variety suggests that a spouse must have some room to contemplate new ideas and to gently push your spouse’s boundaries and limits. Taken to the extreme, this attitude feels like “once you have discovered your ‘leftovers’ (see Dr. Schnarch’s discussion about sex consisting of leftovers), you are not allowed to think beyond them.”
3) Objectification, like lust and covet, is a word that may be difficult to clearly define. Is there a question of degree between thinking about sex and objectification?
Those are my immediate reactions. Not sure what they mean. This is going to need to simmer for a while.

If we conquered our sins in order to be saved (or to remain saved), that would be work on our part. But we are saved by grace, through faith, not by works. Jesus said that whatever the Father gives Him He will keep, and no one can take His sheep from His hands. Jesus’ death on the cross and resurrection conquering sin and death are the only things that save us, and God’s unending, unconditional love is what allows us to draw near to Him.

I am daily thankful that I cannot (or did not) do anything to become or remain saved. If I recognize the sin in my heart and life and yet think that maybe I can be good, how much more will God see my true colors (and yet, He chooses to look at me through Jesus). “Goodness” is not a standard I can meet; “perfection” is the standard that God judges on and one that only Jesus can meet.

To J’s point as to the “rape” of Bathsheba, I would just add that the account of the rape of Tamar includes the words “by force”, as did the rape of Dinah (Jacob’s daughter). David’s encounter with Bathsheba does not.

Well, I don’t know what to say to you, Brian. Because of course David — and men — shouldn’t choose to “look deeper” at naked women, but most of the time men aren’t dealing with nude women strutting around in front of them. Instead, we tend to lust after people with bodies we appreciate or those dressed provocatively. What I’m saying is that pretty woman checking groceries out for a man or walking down the street shouldn’t be viewed as a collection of body parts, but rather a person made by God. If we can change our thoughts to those considerations, I believe it would help. I mentioned the apostles, because I think they largely did that with the women they encountered. But if a man believes he can do nothing but lust unless he “bounces his eyes,” then he’ll do nothing but lust if he doesn’t turn away. Just like if I don’t think I can resist chocolate cake, I will eat it and then blame the darn cake.

As to what a woman would think if the king’s men showed up at the door saying, “Come with us,” I think some women would feel assaulted and others would feel special, because — sad but true — a sufficient number of women are attracted to men in positions of power. Just think how many groupies over the years have responded quite positively when a rock star sent a burly security guard to say, “Come with us.” Which response did Bathsheba have? I don’t know. And I don’t think the Bible tells us exactly. Because that passage simply reads like this:

“One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her” (from 2 Samuel 11).

J, the fact that Jesus wa subjected to the same sexual temptations that we face and as a result of that he emphasizes with our struggles is kind of irrelevant to the point. Jesus was subjected to and successfully resisted all sins his entire life. I can’t even say that I get through an entire day without comiting some kind of sin.

As to the point of David, you said earlier that instead of immediately looking away that it would be better to “look deeper.” So in theory David could have just ignored the fact that she was naked and attractive, and yet the man after God’s own heart (the only person to be labeled as such) was unable to do so.

You can say that at this point he was already arrogant and that he should have been out leading his Army, but my point still stands. David was one of the most righteous people in history and yet he was unable to resist looking at a woman with lust. He should have looked away as quickly as possible and never looked back. Until we are are in glorified bodies incapable of sin I don’t think I’ll change my mind on that.