Comments on: Q&A with J: Engaging Your Mind in Lovemaking https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/03/15/qa-with-j-engaging-your-mind-in-lovemaking/ God's Design for Marital Intimacy Tue, 26 Jun 2018 15:26:16 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1.3 By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/03/15/qa-with-j-engaging-your-mind-in-lovemaking/#comment-71531 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 15:26:16 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24302#comment-71531 In reply to Kay.

Interesting stuff, but that’s a mis-characterization of experiencing the five senses. I’m not just feeling touch, I’m feeling my husband’s hand creating that feeling. I’m not just touching him, but aware that I’m touching the husband I love. I look at his body, breathe in his scent, etc. Just as the Song of Songs couple talk about lips as honeycomb, etc. It’s not just anyone’s lips, but your beloved’s.

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/03/15/qa-with-j-engaging-your-mind-in-lovemaking/#comment-71529 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 15:14:03 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24302#comment-71529 In reply to Mary.

You need to get to the bottom of WHY: Why would sex outside of marriage appeal to you more? Yes, I think this is a bad idea, because you’re essentially fantasizing fornication. However, that’s helpful without you figuring out why this notion attracts you; that is, what messages are deep inside you that need to addressed and resolved?

]]> By: Mary https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/03/15/qa-with-j-engaging-your-mind-in-lovemaking/#comment-71204 Thu, 31 May 2018 08:53:46 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24302#comment-71204 Hi, this article addresses the very thing that is my biggest struggle. For me it is all about focusing my mind. My fantasies are about myself and my husband, but I struggle with one thing – in order for me to feel aroused I need to imagine situations where we are not married. We got married as virgins and I am very happy that we did. I know that I would never actually ‘live out’ such a fantasy in real life, but the moment i imagine us in a ‘married’ scenario the sex feels like a ‘must’ instead of a ‘want to’. The fantasies I have is not lustful, it is something like we go for a picnic in the woods and one thing leads to another… If I imagine that exact same scenario as a married couple it doesn’t excite me. It feels like an obligation, like such a romantic picnic SHOULD lead to sex and then it feels like a chore… The moment I feel like I SHOULD be doing something, I don’t WANT TO do it… It doesn’t feel like my choice anymore.
What is your view on this? Is it wrong for me as a Christian to have such a fantasy within the safety of marriage? It does draw me closer to my husband and it makes me want to have sex a lot more often. This one thing would solve all our sex issues, but I’m not sure if God is okay with it, and therefore I don’t feel free to let myself go.
The thought of just having sex for the millionth time in our married life just doesn’t do anything for me 🙁 It makes me see it as a chore which I rather want to avoid…

]]> By: A Loveliness of Links ~ March 2018 - The Forgiven Wife https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/03/15/qa-with-j-engaging-your-mind-in-lovemaking/#comment-70200 Sun, 01 Apr 2018 11:01:05 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24302#comment-70200 […] Q&A with J: Engaging Your Mind in Lovemaking, Hot, Holy & Humorous […]

]]> By: Mb https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/03/15/qa-with-j-engaging-your-mind-in-lovemaking/#comment-69991 Sat, 24 Mar 2018 18:03:33 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24302#comment-69991 Yes!! So good!! I wish I would have known about this earlier.

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/03/15/qa-with-j-engaging-your-mind-in-lovemaking/#comment-69990 Sat, 24 Mar 2018 17:42:54 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24302#comment-69990 In reply to Mb.

You mean the very app that I recommended here: 5 (More) Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Husband? 😀

Thanks!

]]> By: Mb https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/03/15/qa-with-j-engaging-your-mind-in-lovemaking/#comment-69941 Tue, 20 Mar 2018 23:14:42 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24302#comment-69941 A while back on Sheila Wray Gregoires blog she recommended an app called “ultimate intimacy” and since using it, my mind is much more focused because it suggests foreplay with your own names instead of reading someone else which helps me picture us doing things as a couple instead of picturing something or someone else. It has questions you can ask each other and other things as well and is a clean Christian app which I have really appreciated. It may be helpful for women who have used romance novels or shows to get their mindset there in the past.

]]> By: Mark https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/03/15/qa-with-j-engaging-your-mind-in-lovemaking/#comment-69870 Sat, 17 Mar 2018 15:33:30 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24302#comment-69870 In reply to mepharisee.

mepharisee,

You are right. The trouble stems very deep especially to those that had parents that weren’t emotionally connected. They didn’t even hear of such a phrase and so they never had the capacity to mentor their own kids.

Many times “true” love is taken out of the equation.

So that left society to mentor kids (mainly boys) into an unhealthy locker room/porn like mentality how to please a woman or themselves. Schools didn’t emphasize connection either, they just emphasized birth control.

I even got into an on-line debate with a preacher who emphasized that if a couple is living together they better see him and get married, When in fact I emphasized if they don’t love each other, they shouldn’t get married, but in fact break up before the woman gets pregnant.

]]> By: mepharisee https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/03/15/qa-with-j-engaging-your-mind-in-lovemaking/#comment-69860 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 22:02:21 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24302#comment-69860 This world of sitcoms & porn has definitely taught us one thing. Impatience. It is a plague. We are taught, growing up, the popular worldly standards. Even the most devout Christian falls prey. Sex is rarely a slow experience in pop culture. It is hardly ever a learned conscious effort. And, it is never Godly. Thank you, J for shining light on the slow intentional subtlety of fine marriage sex.

Lock the door & give your selves some time. Heck, get a babysitter & give yourselves a night. Splurge on an anniversary & give yourselves a private room with your own pool. Take the time to enjoy. Eph 5:4 says, “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.“ It is amazing how thanksgiving can change an attitude. Things like body image, hygiene, & any other hurdles can be overcome with thanksgiving conditioning the mind. Patience, grasshopper…

]]> By: BM https://hotholyhumorous.com/2018/03/15/qa-with-j-engaging-your-mind-in-lovemaking/#comment-69856 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 16:25:38 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=24302#comment-69856 Interesting to hear this from a man’s perspective. No wonder hubby gets so offended when I look distracted..I now understand why it’s so important for him.

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