I think husbands are indeed called to provide for and protect our wives. If that role has a name it wouldn’t offend me. It’s if I’m ONLY valued for being that role that would cause me to be offended. After all, what value to a woman is a man who cannot or will not do those things? I think this is why women tend to be attracted to men with money and power. A power man or a man with money can provide for her and protect her. I don’t see anything wrong with this.

Yes, I have sadly also seen a few women treat their husbands like ATMs. Any objectification is outside of how God wants us to treat our brothers and sisters.

It works both ways. For years I felt my wife regarded me as merely her butler-object. I only existed to make her life secure and comfortable, no interest in the man behind the face.

Brian,
Personally, I’m glad arranged marriages – you know, the kind that showcase the “amazing power of the male sex drive”? – are no longer in vogue, as I know that “amazing male sex drive” felt an awful lot like rape to many un -wooed, un-won, scared virgins on the wedding night, and likely left many scars (in case you didn’t know, sudden sex without arousal is incredibly painful for women – and the vast, vast majority of women need a bit of wooing and relationship to feel arousal). If that seems amazing to you, and worthy of admiration, than so be it, but seeing as the Bible commands a man to love his wife as Christ loved the church and “gave Himself for it”, I feel confident that this scenario of triumphant male sex drive without the underlying relationship is completely at odds with God’s desire and design.

I’m glad my husband did and still does take the “trouble” to see me as a whole person, to pursue me in all avenues of my being, to seek a friendship with me apart from sex, and has valued me when the limitations of my own body made sex off limits from time to time.

You emphasize the risks a man takes in getting married. I guess you know that men do most of the abusing and cheating in those marriage statistics, right? Although women tend to file for divorce more, which of course proves that they were the ones at fault in causing the marriage to fail (yes, that was sarcasm. Sorry, but every failed marriage I’ve ever seen was the fault of BOTH parties!). Seems like risking abuse or a cheating spouse is a pretty big deal, right? At least as big a deal as divorce!

You also state how men have to sacrifice their freedom for marriage. I suppose you have considered that women sacrifice exactly the same things men do? That their time, choices, finances, futures , friendships and sexuality all become subject to the highest power of the marriage? Or do you really believe that only men sacrifice their freedom to become a part of a better, stronger whole than they could be themselves? (A little aside to say, if you are not ok with sacrificing your freedom, you should not be getting married! Go be an independent, selfish single person somewhere and spare your would-be spouse!)

If you are ok with seeing women as “very close” to a sex object (as you stated in your first couple remarks), I hope you are equally ok with being seen as basically a pay check. Because, if men and women start viewing marriage in the light you present it, your money is the only reason on earth a woman would degrade herself and agree to marriage. In which case, you now have a world of prostitution and abuse, a constant gender war and very lonely, broken people. How much better it would be to foster a healthier view of sexuality – male and female! – one which accepts sex drive as a beautiful step in the dance of life, and not the whole jig itself. Then, when bodies fail, and sex is not possible, there is still the strong chord of friendship and love to keep the song going.

God bless you.

Sorry guys, I am a man, but I will burn my man card if that’s what it means to be one. It only takes a second to understand that this kind of male (false) superiority is part at fault for the popular feminist & man bashing we have going on today. Not to mention the sexual harassment headlines we are reaping. We are the reason there is a backlash.

This is not how we ourselves would want to be treated. Seriously? There is not a man out their who desires to be NOTHING more than a sex object. Let’s just be a little gross here. Men, raise your hand if you want to be seen as a condom. How about a used one, at that? How about a diaper? These are objects. No, if there is one thing men do it is demand to be respected. Yet, another thing we do wrong. I’m not the best at who I am, so I get it. But, legitimizeing this label as God ordained is nothing but wrong. If God meant women to be an object He would not have made them from our rib. She would not be bone of my bone & flesh of my flesh.

Thanks for another respectful comment, Brian. I was less upset, as such, than annoyed at the way the other thread was progressing. My final comment on this matter (if J lets it through!) is this:

Yes, sexual attraction (and being really ‘visual’) is something that God has given us. BUT that doesn’t mean that we flesh minded, sinful creatures are using it correctly! Just because it is ‘God given’ doesn’t mean that God doesn’t want us to exercise control and wisdom in the use of those gifts.

God gave us delicious food, and an appetite too, but that doesn’t mean that we need to eat ALL the barbecued ribs, or cheesecake, or Easter eggs, no matter how much we feel like doing that! No, we are expected by God to use those gifts given to us with wisdom and control and not abuse them with our fleshly desires. I think that sexuality should be treated the same, and I get a little fed up with men saying ‘God made us like this so that’s just how it is’, when we are all seriously flawed, and should all be working towards changing our flesh nature to becoming more Christlike. Now, please don’t hear me say that sexual desire is wrong, it is most definitely not! But I would urge any man (or woman) who has used the excuse ‘it’s the way God made me’ (in any context) to think long and hard about whether that is truly how God wants you to STAY.

And honestly, I think there’s nowhere else to go with this conversation. So I’m not likely to approve more comments on the “men marry women for sex” thread here. It’s not exactly the point of my post, but I will say that arguments like I’ve heard here confirm to me that some men still consider a woman’s value primarily in terms of their sexuality. Which can be discouraging.

Now of course I believe sex is something to be considered — or else, why this blog? — but the majority of comments here demonstrate that there is mutual attraction and the whole package of the person is what draws us to one another. It’s feminine/masculine, personalities, life goals, companionship, and yes, sex. But the sum of the whole is greater than any part.

So Thomas, I disagree with your some of your views on this. And I am the higher-drive spouse, who might be seen by some as “too sexually-oriented.”

“Its my belief that if you took sex off the plate that men wouldn’t make this choice.” – But you realize that in saying this, you’re saying the worth of a woman as a life companion is her sexuality? And that plenty of men disagree with you?