Good idea! That could work.

However, plenty of spouses never get over that feeling of “no, thanks.” And it’s not necessarily “fear and ‘grossness,'” but maybe a reasonable discomfort with one particular act. That is, we should do what we can to meet our spouse’s needs and desires, but our own needs and desires matter too.

Honestly, most people who have confided in me at that level do not want to put their mouth where their own genitalia have been. That’s not unusual in the least. But if that’s a strong desire for your wife, maybe plant something near the bed—gum, mouthwash, etc.—to cleanse your mouth in between.

However the other day we were having sex and I asked to see what I needed to do to help her climax to make sure it happened before I did and I was using my hand, well she said will you use your mouth now; and I almost did, but then I was like no my penis was just down there. She didn’t push me to do it & I have read where some couples don’t mind performing oral on one another after penetration, because of tastes and mental blocks but it just grossed me out that I would be putting my mouth where my genitals just were.
Maybe I’m weird in that regard and most wouldn’t think twice about it, in the moment, but I did.
Is that anything you’ve heard before?

Either way I believe it needs to be mutual to make sure it’s satisfying for both husband and wife and sometimes one wants sex when the other doesn’t so a quickie works.

Thanks for what you do

Grateful, I agree with all of that. My comment from a long time ago was in response to someone else asking where the idea that PIV alone was sex. I was mearly saying how it seems extremely common sense that PIV alone would result in orgasm for a woman. After all, making a baby requires PIV. All other mammals have sex via PIV. For thousands of years we didn’t have the technology to understand the structure of the clitoris not the ability to access information even if we did.

Sexual knowledge was passed down via word of mouth and gained through experience. Also, many women do indeed have orgasms through PIV alone. All of these factors would lead anyone to conclude that there is something “wrong” with a woman who can’t orgasm with PIV or that the husband was doing something wrong. If you really think about it, it’s a modern day miracle that we have the knowledge of how to pleasure women now, as well as things like vibrators for those women that cNt orgasm any other way. That’s all I was saying.

You say a lot of good stuff here, but honestly having my part described as “female penis”? That hit me oh-so-weird. I understand the comparison you’re making, but I suspect a lot of us wives are happy to engage with our husband’s penis but do not want one of our own. So men if you talk about this with your wife, maybe use another phrase?

Since both the clitoral head and the G-spot are part of the clitoris, and the clitoris is basically a female penis, perhaps it becomes a little more intuitive if we think in terms of getting stimulation to both the male penis and the “female penis” to the point of orgasm for both. However the couple makes that happen, thumbs up! There seem to be several good suggestions above.

Expecting female pleasure primarily from PIV could be, I think, likened to only knowing to stimulate a man’s prostate (which stimulates a deeper part of the penis, G-spot like) and then discovering one day that he could have more consistent orgasms if the couple found a way for his penis to be stimulated as well. Eureka!

Another reverse analogy for PIV, sensation-wise, might look like this: a woman very, very gently (!) so as not to hurt him, rubs her clitoris against her husband’s scrotum, until she orgasms. They both wonder why he didn’t experience an orgasm, night after night. If babies were made by clitoris-scrotum contact, men would, I think, be in a similar situation as women. But of course, a man is generally are aware enough of his penis to make sure it gets friction and pressure during sex. I think as females become sufficiently aware of their “female penises” they will make sure the clitoris gets friction and pressure during sex, too. (Like Mj’s wife, good job guys!)

Besides potentially being emotionally satisfying for females (like a caress off the scrotum can be), and giving [one means of] access to put pressure on the G-spot portion of the clitoris (which actually lies outside the vagina), the vagina isn’t very pleasurably relevant to females (barring diffuse, unpredictable, deeper vaginal sensations that are not very relevant to our discussion). That is to say, the vagina and penis are not analogous for pleasure. The sooner both genders get a handle on that, the better sex will be. And maybe the less crazy, confused, or despairing wives will feel when they and their husbands stop ignoring their female “penises” or thinking it is just a nice extra stimulation aid. 🙂 Hurray for this blog!

Also, some women not only easily orgasm from PIV, but have thier most powerful and pleasurable orgasms from PIV alone.

Looking at a woman’s sexual response in general it’s not at all obvious that woman should be able to climax from PIV alone. I gather thrusting with a penis shaped object is not not most ladies’ go-to when they fly solo.
Woman can reportedly orgasm from fantasy or nipple simulation alone. Men don’t (can’t?) seem to do this. So why would you think you are defective from not being able to orgasm a certain way, but not think men are defective for not being able to do some things women can (multiples, orgasm without physical stimulation etc.)? Makes no sense.

As to the actual question; G-spot orgasm are a thing. But the angle has to be just right as well as the time in my cycle. I actually find I can’t get there with direct clitoral stimulation alone. It’s too much. Less intense stimulation at several places at once seems to do the trick. It actually took me nearly two years to learn how to orgasm at all because of all the emphasis on direct clitoral stimulation.