I can imagine that it would be hard if you aren’t what society considers normal. I guess it’s hard for me to imagine it being hard for a woman to be considered more sexual, because to me a more sexual woman is a great thing.

It’s harder because you are an outcast and a weirdo and all the stuff you read is addressed to men. And you can’t talk to your friends about it. And nobody thinks it’s amazing that you stay away from wrong things even when it gets really hard. But if you’re a man it is. We had a conversation lately where we both wish we were normal. There are seasons that we were, and we were happier in those times because there wasn’t so much to grapple with.

Thank you for your comment Nadia, and it truly means a lot. Unfortunately, I didn’t act with much grace for much of the time I was denied what I felt I deserved. I reacted with shock, bitterness, anger, resentment, thoughts that I’m ulgy, and such hurt towards my wife. It drove me to make terrible decisions that almost destroyed my marriage, and I was so close to ending a marriage that I thought couldn’t be saved.

But thanks be to God, a true miracle happened. Much like Paul on the road to Damascus, I was spoken to by God and had my eyes opened. The shock of almost losing me changed my wife’s heart towards sex as well, and we are on a journey towards a great marriage and a great sex life. The hurt isn’t gone, but I’m working through it and it gets better each day. I’m living proof that with God, nothing is impossible.

Brian, I truly understand the incredible letdown that was. Believe me I know it is easier said than done, but the rawness and vulnerability of disappointment in sexual intimacy of one’s marriage is a great opportunity to reflect the grace and goodness of God to our spouse. He loves and forgives us although we fail Him, disappoint Him, and hurt Him. It doesn’t necessarily make it easier to love and respect our spouse when we feel wounded, but it does make it feel a little more worthwhile, knowing that there’s a higher purpose as we are made more like Christ.

Please go look up Redeemer of the Rain by the Collingsworth family on YouTube. I hope it will be a blessing to you as it has been to me. And if you haven’t already, I hope you’ll look to God to bring beauty out of the brokenness you’ve felt. He truly can.

Nadia, your words really struck a cord with me, because your mention of your honeymoon sounded like it came from me. My honeymoon was the most disappointing week of my entire life. I’d struggled, and failed, with sexual purity and with lust my entire life up to that point. Although I was extremely nervous about getting married, the one thing I looked forward to more than any other was the end to having to hold back a huge part of who I was.

When I dreamed about the upcoming honeymoon, all I wanted to do was make love over and over and over again. In my mind, we would take short breaks to go eat and rest just a little before going back to the room. Back when I was 22 years old, I was capable of 5 to 10 orgasms a day, but I just wanted to be naked with my new wife and give her nonstop pleasure as we started a life together.

We had messed up a ton prior to getting married, and so I had no reason to think that she wouldn’t be up for just as much sex as me. Unfortunately, sex suddenly wasn’t a priority, and I was in shock. So, we spent most of our time shopping or sitting beside the pool, or doing all kinds of other things.

Oh, B. I teared up reading this because your words could have been written from my own heart. Yes, I’ve felt every emotion, from the deepest of hurts to bitterness and then hopelessness – praying to have my desire taken away (thankfully God knows that’s not the answer ;). From the day we were married until now sexual intimacy has been a constant struggle – I feel as if we never even had a “honeymoon” because we spent the days strolling through the town and stores rather than in our room where I desperately wanted to be. Thankfully God has done a work in ME and softened my heart so I am not bitter, but there are still times I have to work at it. My husband is an AMAZING, godly man and he is working at this area of our relationship, but it does NOT come easily. I’ve given up on the dream of ever having sex twice in a day – I count it a victory and a blessing if we have sex twice in a week.

Yes, high-drive wives married to low-drive husbands definitely do exist. And it’s not fun, but every couple has their battles. If the biggest struggle we have to deal with is not having as much sex as I’d like, but I have a husband who cherishes me, is a great father, and loves the Lord, well, I am grateful. I chose him, and I choose him for life.