Congratulations to you both! Glad you enjoyed the delights of marital intimacy. ♥

Do you have any notion WHY she’s now saying no? The reason determines the approach going forward. She likely has a reason that makes complete sense to her, even if it’s something you don’t understand. If you can seek to understand, then you may find ways to address the situation. Wishing you the best!

I’ll always continue working on being the best version of me, but always appreciative of solid advice / input.

Be well

And perhaps invest in a waterproof blanket for peace of mind. My husband and I have one; we call it our “sex blanket”. They’re all over online, some meant for pets and some meant for sex.

Song of Solomon 2:3
“As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”

Song of Solomon 4:15-5:1
“. . . a garden fountain, a well of living water, and flowing streams from Lebanon. Awake, O north wind, and come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow. Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits. I came to my garden, my sister, my bride, I gathered my myrrh with my spice, I ate my honeycomb with my honey, I drank my wine with my milk. Eat, friends, drink, and be drunk with love!”

I don’t know how else to interpret these verses other than them referencing oral sex for both the man and woman receiving. God created sexuality to be enjoyed within the marriage covenant; we are not meant to live in fear of “should I be doing this? Is this act wrong/sinful/ungodly?” when it is an act between only us and our husbands and we’re both experiencing each other and connecting through that act/experience.

And yes, tons (if not most) of Christians have oral sex. 😉

May I suggest you simply turn to Song of Songs and read? When you’re finished, turn back and read again. Do this over the course of a few weeks, perhaps with your spouse, and see how free (and unconcerned with mess) that married couple is?

Thank you for your response & you kept it quite simple.

I understand some of the roadblocks are because of stuff I went through as a kid, bad messages and I continuously work on that stuff & learning to trust my body.

I think societies push on sexuality can sometimes complicate things. And the idea that Christians “don’t” do oral, swallow, and things of that sort, because it’s “dirty”. And for some reason I was thinking that the majority of Christians don’t take part in oral sex, which I may be wrong. You would probably know that more so than me, I don’t talk to many people about sex.
I’ve also struggled with the idea it’s dirty all together, especially the messiness of sex. And worrying about fluids getting on our bedding, because our child will end up in our bed most mornings. And just fearful we will miss some of the “‘mess” and someone else could come into contact with our fluids. And it isn’t realistic to wash bedding every time we have sex.
Which is another reason of why I don’t wander to other rooms to be intimate. For instance I’ve seen blogs say, switch up rooms and locations, and it’s just in my head that if it took place on the couch or basement or something that we might get fluids on a surface and someone else could come into contact with it unintentionally.

As you can see there isn’t a whole lot of “relaxing” that takes place when it comes to sex.
Add that to the list of stuff I have to work on haha.

If you have any other input, I’m always open for suggestions or knowledge.

Appreciate you & your work

J

I came up with a long answer and then looked at it and realized that I can just answer this way:

“The idea of him kissing our mouths after they were on our spouses genitals the night before just seemed to gross us out.” Where have your hands been? Yet I bet you touch both your wife and your children.

Wash up, maintain hygiene, and relax.

My question / inquiry for you considering you’ve talked to a lot more people about sex than I probably ever will. As part of sex, we enjoy oral. But for a few years after our son was born we both felt kind of averse to the idea due to him sometimes sharing food with us or giving us kisses. The idea of him kissing our mouths after they were on our spouses genitals the night before just seemed to gross us out.
I’m sure there are millions of people who have children & still take part in oral sex in their marriage.
Is that something you’ve heard before? Something that is common, or are we just overthinking it?

Also, as a higher drive spouse who was sexually abused as a child by a female babysitter, as I was working through my traumas sex took a back seat. 7 years into doing healing work, my sex drive has started to rise again, and find myself wanting it more days than not. But being denied or comments like “you always want it” or other comments that cause shame. Is it “dirty” to want sex more days than not.
I’ve also said well when I’m in the mood, if you aren’t, you could always do oral, or help me another way. But that makes me feel kind of selfish.

Thanks again for all you do & I look forward to your input!

God Bless