Comments on: When Women and Men Struggle to Communicate

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[…] When Men and Women Struggle to Communicate – Hot, Holy & Humorous […]

By: J

Sat, 16 Mar 2019 16:13:54 +0000

In reply to E. I'm quite familiar with the Myers-Brigg, so the ISTP makes a lot of sense. My hubby is an INTP, also a problem-solver. Hang in there! Every personality has its beautiful strengths...and some areas we could work on. ;)

By: E

Sat, 16 Mar 2019 04:50:38 +0000

Love this article, J! It has definitely given me something to think over (once again). In the ‘womeandering’, I am definitely a stereotypical female, being told many times by my hubby and son to ‘get to the point!’ Or, after a long story ‘what was the point?’. But, I am not an empathetic listener – I’m a problem solver in this respect. But I think that’s an ISTP thing, I’ve read that ISTPs often get frustrated when people complain about something without solutions. This is one way that I know I communicate badly with my husband, sometimes when he is complaining about something, he just wants me to be a sympathetic ear, and not offer a myriad of possible solutions (or, if there aren’t any, a ‘suck it up’!)
Something I am definitely working on!

By: E

Sat, 16 Mar 2019 04:38:16 +0000

In reply to Ashley. Agreed! Exactly what I was thinking! Haha

By: J

Sat, 16 Mar 2019 00:41:13 +0000

In reply to Chris. Thanks, Chris!

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 15 Mar 2019 17:30:32 +0000

This is one of the best articles I’ve read involving marriage in a long while. I am a little late in reading it, but have to comment. Your writing here is incredibly balanced, something I rarely find in an article about marriage. My wife and I deal with communication differently, to say the least. She is the stereotypical wife and I am the stereotypical husband. She understands that if she is going to communicate something, I will offer solutions. If she doesn’t want solutions, she can talk to her female friends. On the flip side, it is my responsibility to listen to her stories, without offering a solution until the end. She needs to be heard and know that what she said matters. That is the best compromise for us. By the way, offering a solution does not make her obliged to take it.

By: J

Thu, 07 Mar 2019 03:38:27 +0000

In reply to Bobthemusicguy. Nice!

By: Bobthemusicguy

Bobthemusicguy — Wed, 06 Mar 2019 12:12:06 +0000

J, something that has helped me in communication is my many years of teaching experience. We were required to “reteach” material to make sure the students understood, and that means rethinking what I say and how I say it. Just because something is clear in my mind doesn’t mean I can assume it’s clear in my students’ minds. And the hardest things to teach were the things that were the most obvious to myself.

Transfer this to marriage: I had to apply the same principles and find ways to clearly communicate my thoughts and feelings, and I discovered that it improved my listening skills. Not that I always easily follow what my wife is saying. It’s just that if I make a real effort, I do get better over time. Sometimes it does drive me a bit crazy following the “womeandering” (great term, by the way), but if I can do it for my students, I can surely do it for my wife.

A helpful tip for the men out there who struggle to follow their wives’ patterns of expression: I actually try to make mental “sticky notes” along the way to guide myself. Example:

She: I was at the grocery store this morning and ran into X.
Me: sticky note about X
She: We were in the last checkout line, and the cashier was the one who was so rude to me last time.
Me: note, rude cashier
She: When I got to the cashier, she was visibly upset about something. I thought, maybe I need to cut her some slack. After all, I always appreciate it when someone shows me a little kindness, like last week when I was feeling so sick but had to go to the store anyway.
Me: see above note about X
She: That was that Saturday when you were out all day at the auditions and the weather was so ugly.
Me: don’t defend or excuse, just apologize and remember note about X
She: Anyway, X told me her son is getting married this summer and she wanted to know about my experiences when our son got married last fall.
Me: Yay! Finally got to X.

Sometimes when our conversation has been interrupted, my wife and I will both forget what she was telling me. Sometimes we can get back on track, sometimes not. But what I learned is that to her, what’s most important isn’t always (or even usually) the FACTS of communication, but the FACT of communication.

By: Mark

Mark — Sun, 03 Mar 2019 19:33:11 +0000

I struggled with communication skills in the way I “vocally” expressed myself. Much of it had to do with mentoring and lack there of and also the way all of us is wired, whether we are a conformist or a free spirit. It should start in early childhood development, but also a reminder it is never too late as we mentor our own kids and grandchildren in how to communicate with others and especially as they grow into adulthood and begin their own relationships.

Sounds hard, but not as hard as it sounds. I wish I had prayed and meditated to God much sooner as I would’ve discovered a more accepting heart and embraced a much more kinder way of discovering solutions and compromises.

By: J

Sat, 02 Mar 2019 20:21:24 +0000

In reply to Afriend. Mansplaining: "the explanation of something by a man, typically to a woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing" (Google dictionary). It's better called "male pattern lecturing," a phrase used by Ann Demarais, Ph.D., interpersonal communications expert. And I don't know anything about this blog as a whole, but this one article does a good job of outlining what this communication style is about: https://matteroffactsblog.wordpress.com/2014/07/10/explaining-mansplaining/