When I talk about performance it’s not necessarily about the work. To me performance is more about the ability. And there is a lot of pressure that comes into being able to perform.

Men’s performance :
Can I perform today? Can I get or maintain an erection? Will I last long enough?

Women’s performance: Can I perform today? Am I in the mood? Am I wet enough? Low libido?

These are just some examples that can put pressure on us. Toys reduce anxiety about performance because if the guy can’t last long enough than he finish the wife with a vibe. To me that’s a win win.
I do think the husband should work on any issues like ED and PE to see what the root problem is.

Yes, I’m grateful that we have marital aids that can assist couples who couldn’t otherwise engage and enjoy full intimacy to have it! This is an excellent use of sex toys—to provide you both pleasure and satisfaction. (And once again, I’m convinced it’s not the size of a man’s penis but the size of a man’s heart that makes the real difference in lovemaking.)

This is a wonderful posting, and the comments illustrative of the dilemmas and choices we all face. The question posed is “should you?”. We each need to answer the question each time we are inclined to reach for a dildo. There are dozens of teachings in the Bible about lustfulness, sexual immorality, and adultery. We have to become and remain familiar with them, and apply them in our lives. Whether, in a marriage, a particular kind of dildo or other phallic sexual aid is problemmatic, or use of it in a particular way would be sinful, a man and a woman must decide after reflecting on the Lord’s revealed truth and what is in our hearts. Open communication and agreement is essential.

Harmony in sexual union is important equally to my wife and me, and we both desired for her to experience orgasm through penetrative intercourse, which she knew from her past experience before knowing me she was capable of but which I could never guide her to do despite us trying for two years . I have a micropenis, thin and under 2 inches in erect length, and our physical union in that one way fell short of our strong emotional connection. It was frustrating for both of us. A therapist suggested that I wear a penis extender sleeve, and after trying some that didn’t fit well, we found one that my wife enjoyed and that fit me, one designed to be worn my men with small erections and men who cannot achieve erections. Its exterioe isn’t large, about 6 inches long and no thicker than average for a man. My penis fits in the hollow core, and it’s held on by suction.

It reduces some surface sensation for me, but I can feel her gripping me in a way I otherwise never have before. The extra sensation for her has allowed us to enjoy the harmony in union that we both wanted and that eluded us for years. Using it has brought us closer. It has eliminated a concern we both had that we may have been physically mismatched for full pleasurable expression in union as husband and wife, and we have fewer lustful thoughts about others.

That being said there are dildos that don’t resemble the penis at all. Those would be more acceptable in my eyes. My husband‘s penis is smaller than average and I don’t have complaints because I orgasm almost everytime. Though when I’m in a certain mood I do like when my husband uses 3 or even 4 fingers to stimulate me. The extra width feels really amazing (I can’t handle too many fingers all the time so we only do it occasionally) so this makes me think that a larger dildo (non realistic) could be fun to add to the bedroom. Or maybe even a sleeve that adds girth to his penis.

I see no problems with vibes either. As long as it’s adding Intimacy and not replacing it.

I know this is an older post but it is really helpful to me. Two years ago My wife asked to bring a large dildo into our bedroom intimacy. I am too small for her. I’m actually average size. But she says that for her I’m small.
It has been hard. I am an excellent partner in the bedroom. We don’t have an orgasm gap. I enjoy using more than just my penis to take her to the pleasure God designed her to feel. Hands. Fingers. Lips. Brain.
But she says she never has ever felt full from me.
It’s hard. And it hurts knowing I’m not enough for her. But I also want to show her Grace that I can accept that I’m not enough. She doesn’t understand why I have issues with the dildo. She says it’s just a toy and can’t replace me. And I know that. But Your point about the sleeve is spot on. If I asked for a maturation sleeve she would flop out. I have no desire or intention to use or ask for one.

So. We continue to agree that it’s OK to have this toy. It’s not my favorite part of our intimacy. But I also see how it brings her a type of pleasure that I cannot. I mean it’s visible and apparent and authentic. I cannot deny the truth of what I see her experience. So I will continue to agree to allow it to “spice” up the bedroom and look for grace to relieve me and flush out any pain that come with its presence.
This post and all the responses helps me see I’m not the only one with this and that is a gift to me. Thank you.

I agree that couples themselves have to make this decision. I just find this sentence interesting: “Takes a lot of pressure off both of us to perform.” Personally, I like the idea of having to put forth real effort into our lovemaking. Mind you, various factors can mean the effort required is too much, and marital aids can address that.

Sigh. What a frustrating situation! Yes, you both messed up here, but I’m a little amazed that she blamed you for her sin and you accepted it 100%. Whatever happened before, SHE decided to watch porn and do it with the dildo. You need to both own your part in this and work on the solution together. Which, at this point, is to toss everything and get used to one another again.

Porn is lusting after others, but a heavy reliance on sex toys is lusting after yourself, so to speak. It’s putting your sexual pleasure above your partner and the intimacy God created sex to be between husband and wife. Yes, it can feel physically good, but you have both missed out on the one-flesh experience God intended.

I would suggest first of all that you address your physical issues with a doctor, seeing what can be done to get you fully functional in the bedroom. If the doc says that’s not a possibility, then you can look into pleasing her exclusively with your hands and mouth. However, for the time being, the sex toys need to stay out of it, because she’s become dependent on those instead of you to become aroused and satisfied. (See Q&A with J: “I’m Desensitized to My Husband’s Touch!”)

You could reintroduce a marital aid later, like a clitoral vibrator, if you want. But it needs to be in the context of a healthy sexual relationship, not a substitute for one. Praying for your situation! Blessings.

It’s as simple as this: Does God prioritize people or things? Which one is made in His image? Obviously, it’s people. So pornography in which people are misused and mistreated as if they were objects is more problematic. Because it does damage to a person. The golden calf got pulverized, as well it should, but that didn’t hurt the gold. Do the same thing to a person? Well, that’s a whole different thing.

OF COURSE it’s a problem to lust after someone or something that isn’t your spouse, but if we’re just playing “which is worse,” I don’t see how there’s a question here. Pain caused to God’s own children must be considered a worse problem.

“ It matters whether it’s a person or a thing you’re dealing with.“
See that’s where I’d disagree! Strongly! In his commandments God didn’t make a difference between people and things. In fact he was just as upset over things (a golden calf or a wooden figure) that replaced Him as if it was a real person (King or Queen or prophet, etc). Any dildo or toy is made by people, just like a picture or movie or video is made by people. It’s not a person any more then a video or erotic story is a person. But often is modeled after a real person, usually some “hung like a horse” porn star with some possible enhanced features that don’t even exist in real life. Don’t tell me a women using THAT isn’t going to be tempted to let her mind wander as to where it came from and what the real thing would be like any less then a man looking at a picture!
I know a woman who had never seen a man, in real life or pictures, who masturbated regularly with her stuffy turtle that had a conveniently sized neck and head. What do you think her imagination went to?
I’m not advocating for either side here. I’m just calling a spade a spade.