Comments on: Have You Received Bad Marriage Counseling?

By: J

Mon, 11 Nov 2019 02:26:38 +0000

In reply to R. Oh my! Bless your heart is all I can say. Praying for you both!

By: R

Mon, 11 Nov 2019 02:19:00 +0000

Wow! This article helps me understand why our marriage coach didn’t work well for us!
He is an LMFT from out of state, so would talk to us individually on the phone alternating weeks. I have realized that that was not a good approach. I trusted him that it was a good plan and trusted that my husband was doing the same hard work I was doing. But after 4 months, the coach told me we were done working with him, and it was a shock. I knew my husband was resistant to the coaching, but the coach kept reassuring me and giving me things to say to help him stay invested. From what my husband says, the coach got frustrated that my husband wasn’t participating enough and “fired” us. But the coach would not give me closure or clarity around what happened.
He also minimized my fears around my husband drinking and driving after his 2nd DUI. He told me I was too focused on his drinking and needed to focus on our intimacy issues instead. He told me I had a “PTSD” reaction to my husband coming home after drinking, and I felt like that was a bad thing that I needed to get under control.
The coach promised me on 2 different occasions that “we will get the drinking thing figured out.” But instead I am left wondering what the hell happened, and in basically the same place we were before. Living in the same house like roommates. I cannot trust him. Wondering what could help us, or if I just need to move on.
I did learn a lot about how men think and feel differently than women and how to communicate my needs better. But it was not a good experience. Very painful to go through that. I also realize I still have a lot of work to do on my codependency and listening to my own voice.

By: J

Mon, 05 Aug 2019 15:29:11 +0000

In reply to C.

Counselors don’t “get into your head.” They ask you to talk about things, suggest different perspectives, hopefully give you some ideas and actions to try, but this isn’t an invasive process. Also, vulnerability is often needed to discover what’s going on at a deeper level and address it so real progress can be made.

Finally, how’s it going for you doing nothing? Not well, it seems. If you’re not interested in counseling, though, looking into reading a marriage book, attending a marriage conference, doing a marriage intensive (Google “Christian marriage intensive” and several will pop up; check their success rate), or taking a marriage class.

By: Are You in an Abusive or Destructive Marriage? | Hot, Holy & Humorous

Are You in an Abusive or Destructive Marriage? | Hot, Holy & Humorous — Wed, 05 Jun 2019 13:00:47 +0000

[…] of your marriage relationship, your best option is seeking therapy for yourself. Explain to a licensed, Christian counselor what you’re dealing with and ask for wisdom and help. Learn what you can do to care for […]

By: J

Thu, 23 May 2019 01:54:18 +0000

In reply to Mike. It appears that you may be a pastor, Mike? Sometimes that's all a couple needs—a check-in with a good pastor. But I hope that if the couple needs additional assistance, you would suggest counseling by a licensed, Christian therapist. Thanks!

By: J

Thu, 23 May 2019 01:52:14 +0000

In reply to Chris.

Well, Christian counselors should be certified and thus qualified. Just for clarity, I’m not talking about “biblical counseling” but “Christian counseling” here, meaning someone with training and license to counsel.

And I have heard far too many issues with secular counselors not approaching marriage the way God prescribes, so I feel it important that couples find a godly person to speak into their situation. Godly, but competent, well-suited, and solution-focused.

By: Mark

Mark — Wed, 22 May 2019 00:31:13 +0000

Nice read.

I think any who seeks Christian Counseling, the counselor needs to be licensed. Though I’m under the impression there aren’t enough counselors that have a counseling degree.

When anyone seeks counseling, it is usually much deeper and requires a fair amount of time so the counselor can understand how individuals are mentally wired, to understand their sensitivities.

I can see that those who seek Christian Counseling wants to stay within the perimeters of scripture and also a cost effective way to seek guidance.

By: J

Wed, 15 May 2019 02:05:46 +0000

In reply to KellyK. Oh my! I'd encourage you to get some help somewhere. And I'm glad you came through that cancer scare.

By: KellyK

KellyK — Wed, 15 May 2019 00:25:44 +0000

When my husband cheated on me, I insisted that we go to marriage counseling. Found a local counselor whose office is located inside a church in our town. It was helpful. However, in the middle of it all, I found out I had cancer (I’m fine now), and so I didn’t go to my 1:1 session with her. Hubby was making comments about how she had told him some things that she felt were my ‘fault’ and he rubbed that in my face. I never went back. Never mind the fact that his elderly mother was also living with us at the time….HUGE issue right there….but I digress.

By: C

Sat, 11 May 2019 16:15:33 +0000

I honestly just don’t trust counselors in general. Because if you’re in a vulnerable state (and why else would you seek counseling?) it seems the worst time to allow someone to “get into your head”.
Currently, I’m going through a really tough time. Marriage and life. I don’t feel
competent to decide if someone is giving good advice.
Not sure what to do so I do nothing.