Comments on: How to Read a Marriage Book https://hotholyhumorous.com/2019/05/27/how-to-read-a-marriage-book/ God's Design for Marital Intimacy Wed, 07 Oct 2020 23:14:05 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0 By: 8 Books That Changed My Life | Hot, Holy & Humorous https://hotholyhumorous.com/2019/05/27/how-to-read-a-marriage-book/#comment-97410 Wed, 07 Oct 2020 23:14:05 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=26711#comment-97410 […] Not everything is explained by gender. It’s typically less than we think—with personality, character, and life experiences playing a big role too. […]

]]> By: 10 Takeaways from the Spark Marriage Conference | Hot, Holy & Humorous https://hotholyhumorous.com/2019/05/27/how-to-read-a-marriage-book/#comment-78787 Mon, 26 Aug 2019 14:28:41 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=26711#comment-78787 […] rather be respected than loved. Whatever you learn about gender and marriage, even here on my blog, don’t just assume it represents your spouse perfectly. Ask if it’s true for […]

]]> By: A Loveliness of Links ~ May 2019 - The Forgiven Wife https://hotholyhumorous.com/2019/05/27/how-to-read-a-marriage-book/#comment-75406 Fri, 07 Jun 2019 11:02:07 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=26711#comment-75406 […] How to Read a Marriage Book, Hot, Holy & Humorous […]

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2019/05/27/how-to-read-a-marriage-book/#comment-75392 Wed, 05 Jun 2019 15:07:54 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=26711#comment-75392 In reply to Ashley.

You’re welcome. And I’m sad for what you went through.

]]> By: Are You in an Abusive or Destructive Marriage? | Hot, Holy & Humorous https://hotholyhumorous.com/2019/05/27/how-to-read-a-marriage-book/#comment-75390 Wed, 05 Jun 2019 13:00:21 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=26711#comment-75390 […] week, I gave advice on How to Read a Marriage Book, which might be one of the more important posts I’ve written, since the points there can make […]

]]> By: Ashley https://hotholyhumorous.com/2019/05/27/how-to-read-a-marriage-book/#comment-75387 Tue, 04 Jun 2019 20:25:27 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=26711#comment-75387 I know it’s already been mentioned, but thank you for mentioning the abuse dynamic. The frustrating and sad thing is that many times abuse victims don’t fully realize they are being abused. I would have called my marriage frustrating and one-sided, but not necessarily abusive.

]]> By: Denise https://hotholyhumorous.com/2019/05/27/how-to-read-a-marriage-book/#comment-75361 Wed, 29 May 2019 11:21:01 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=26711#comment-75361 I’ve read several marriage books that focus on gender dynamics but don’t focus on the causes of common marriage problems or how to fix them. For instance if your spouse abuses alcohol, that problem needs to be fixed before anything constructive can happen. If you and your spouse have money issues that stress the marriage, perhaps you need to find a mentor that can guide you through those problems. If one spouse has significant jealousy issues, perhaps some counseling needs to happen. I remember being at work in the days before cell phones and being astonished at how many times some spouses would call during the day to check in because they didn’t trust their spouse was actually where they said they were. My point is that not every problem is about gender dynamics.

I think when males try to describe the needs and desires of women sometimes there is a huge potential for failure. I know there is one book that is really divisive for people. When it(or any other book) receives criticism I wish that others would think twice about recommending that particular resource. I know I don’t really see myself in how a “typical” female is described in some of these books.

I think all of us can be kind and not be jerks. We can certainly raise our children to be good future spouses by teaching them to be kind and courteous. I read posts about husbands throwing their dirty laundry on the floor instead of in the hamper and I don’t understand them because my husband was raised not to be that way. I read posts about women nagging their husbands to take the trash out and I wonder why if it needs taken out, why these wives can’t do it themselves.

I will say I think I am lucky in that my husband and I came in to marriage with similar values as far as financial goals, hard work and raising children.

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2019/05/27/how-to-read-a-marriage-book/#comment-75351 Tue, 28 May 2019 15:57:43 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=26711#comment-75351 In reply to sheep.

Oh, I ache for you. We really do need to make that clearer. I’m glad you got out!

]]> By: Lynn https://hotholyhumorous.com/2019/05/27/how-to-read-a-marriage-book/#comment-75350 Tue, 28 May 2019 14:35:43 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=26711#comment-75350 I agree with Andrew. I often read Paul Byerly’s posts to my husband, who almost always disagrees with Paul’s explanation of males to females. (With all respect – just pointing out that not every XY is the same!) It opens up some conversations that have been very helpful to me in understanding my husband.

]]> By: sheep https://hotholyhumorous.com/2019/05/27/how-to-read-a-marriage-book/#comment-75349 Tue, 28 May 2019 14:12:54 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=26711#comment-75349 Thank you for pointing out that the vast majority of marriage/relationship books assume good will. I was stuck for a long time in the trap of reading and applying marriage books while in an abusive marriage. I tried so hard for so long and everything just got worse, which just made me feel even worse about myself because nothing ever changed in her or in the marriage. In fact, the more I did, the worse things got. It wasn’t until I read “the emotionally destructive marriage” by Leslie Vernick that I realized that in my situation, all those books were wrong and that their advice just gave the abuser license to do more.

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