Anonymous this could have been me writing…almost everything you’ve written has been my story too. Even the dysfunctional marriage my parents had. It’s been almost 30 years and I’ve only started turning things around recently. Being a housewife and financially dependent made it worse. I got the opportunity to work part time these past few months and it has given me a bit more freedom. I know I need counselling but for now I have just stopped reacting to him and stopped being a doormat. I have also stopped sleeping in our bedroom because of his horrible habits I don’t feel able to tolerate anymore. He has made it clear by his actions that he isn’t willing to work on our relationship after I told him a while ago that I’m tired of doing all of the work and he needs to meet me halfway. Sometimes I feel so guilty and like I’m being a bad wife and then I remember all those times I backed down, bent over and allowed him to continue treating me the way he has. I know that what I’m living now still isn’t healthy but I’m never going back to what it was before. I wish you God’s brand pray that you will have peace and happiness in the Lord, whatever happens.

Thank you for this article, because I think so many of us Christian women don’t know what domestic violence is, its warning signs, or that we might be enabling it under such generally good guidelines as, “Don’t speak ill of your husband.” Thanks J!

I looked up checklists, but I never felt like I could check enough of the boxes to “qualify.” But now I know about covert abuse.

I haven’t seen direct teaching about abuse in churches; that is, warning people what it is and to avoid such people. I have seen churches surround a victim of abuse and help them out of a terrible situation, but I wish we did a better job of helping people avoid the heartache and damage altogether.