That is indeed sad. I have seen several posts telling wives to get off social media, and I agree that can be a problem. In fact…at one point my husband asked me to put my phone during a date we were on. ~wince~ He was right; though I was on my phone for work, I was distracted from our date, so I learned to put it away when we’re together!

That said, my wife consumes far more media than I do. Date nights are often lonely, with her on FB and texting her friends the entire evening. It means that I fight a losing battle for attention against the best and brightest storytellers and cinematographers of the last few generations. Every time she finishes mainlining another show, there is the faint hope that now she will spend some time with me; however there is always another one queued up and waiting. Her idea of quality time is her watching a TV show on one device, while she plays a game on another, and text her friends on a third. It is “quality time” because I am physically present (not talking during her show, but there in case she needs a snack).

Or the other way I look at it – Netflix is $15/month, so $0.50 a day; but it feels like I am worth less than that to her.

J, thanks for the response and the suggestion. But my point was that the screens/reading are not the real problem, and more just a way to avoid dealing with whatever that real problem actually is.

She is much lower in desire than me and very much controls our sex life and frequency. And in my view the screens, reading, etc allow her to avoid having to deal with me and my sexual needs/desires.

If I took your suggestion to try and distract her (never mind the lotion, a total non-starter – “so messy”) the response will be, 100% of the time, either “give me space” or “that’s nice but don’t expect anything” (and she means it; there will be nothing) And I do mean 100%. Nothing ever works.

So it’s not the screens – it’s something deeper.

Thanks as always for your great blog and ministry.

I’d rather throw the TV in the dumpster and go have sex.

But TV also gets in the way of communicating.

As I look back and up until now, I realize there has been many, many times (with the emphasis on many) that my wife could be chatting with me and I’m not paying attention to a single word she is saying.

I’m not emotionally stimulating her mind by what essentially is ignoring her.

Either way, any man or woman (myself included) who is spending a lot of time in front of a screen, needs to remind themselves that the time with the screen is not quality time with the spouse. Or for that matter, the kids. I’ve seen kids at coffee shops bored out of their mind while the adults at the table stare at screens.

I’m all for watching a good movie while cuddling on the couch once in a while. Mutual enjoyment is key. Getting out to exercise together? Even better.

Oh, I love to read! So yeah, we’ve been in that situation where I’m reading and don’t want to stop. My husband now considers it a challenge to get things going enough that I have to put my book down and focus all the way on him. Maybe you could give that a shot? (Quick hint: Grab the lotion or massage oil and tend to her body more than lady parts first.)

I’m so sorry. My husband really did have an issue at one point while playing computer games. I once told him, “I could dance naked on the keyboard, and you wouldn’t see me.” To which he replied, “Well, I don’t know. Let’s try it.”

Seriously, I don’t think they realize how off-putting it is. Maybe you could simply share this article and ask, “What do you think about this?” Then listen before you give your viewpoint, because maybe he’ll get it…at least a little. Blessings!

Now that would be an interesting study: How many people in America are not having sex because they’re watching C-SPAN? Why do I feel that would be a particularly small number? 😀

I had the same reaction as e2 as my wife spends a lot of time on her phone when she knows I am ready and willing and sometimes desperate to have sexual intimacy. However I know the screens are just a symptom, not the problem; it would be the same if she was reading a book. To J’s point, I think men are more likely to compartmentalize screen activity and be oblivious to its wider effect. Though I’m sure not in all cases.