If you are willing to give your wife physical pleasure even without intercourse, you have fulfilled the real spiritual meaning of pleasing your wife physically. My husband hasn’t even considered it, so good for you.

But I’m here to tell you it does happen. I’m very sexually frustrated because my husband has totally lost interest and it’s humiliating because the world tells your situation “rarely, if ever” happens, and I must be lacking if he doesn’t feel desire. If I weren’t a Christian who truly loves her husband, I’d probably be getting my physical needs met elsewhere.

Are we married to the same guy? I am in tears reading your comment.

Let’s start with this: I am not a healthcare professional. I am not qualified to offer medical advice, nor do I purport to do so here.

Now about the P-shots. Research does not bolster the claims of P-shot manufacturers. I’m reporting what I’ve read, and you can see a summary here: https://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/p-shot

This is unhelpful at best: “Doc then said ‘just man up and do it to your wife’ and handed me a bag of Viagra samples.” If the advice of my doctor was to perform sex merely as a duty, I would find another doctor.

Speaking of which, is this doctor a specialist? Given that you do not have spontaneous erections, I recommend seeing not just a primary care physician but a urologist. They should have far more understanding and expertise.

And I think you should look into some counseling. I suggest touching base with a Christian sex therapist, and I’d refer you to specifically to Jessica McCleese of Be Fully Well. She does online consulting, and that may well be worth your time and effort.

Since my early 40’s I don’t get spontaneous erections. Trying to force myself to get one doesn’t work. If I do manage to get anything hard enough to use it rarely lasts long. All I feel about that is “what a waste of time this was.” Made me think back about sex and I realized I never really felt it was that great, but chased it because society says all men must be love sex. Not should love, but must love.

I’ve always been low desire and suspect that I’ve been low T since my teens. I’m also extremely introverted and people drain me fast. All people, including family. I work a very intense and demanding job that adds to this issue. I also have always needed lots of sleep. I’ve always gone to bed earlier than friends. I hated sleepovers because I was done by 9pm and wanted to go to sleep. I still do. If possible I’m in bed no later than 9. When I go to bed I’m on a mission for sleep and recharging my batteries. Do not disturb me with anything, including sex. I suspect this is all tied together with the low T.

I’m not putting myself through more meds. My doctor and wife have suggested P-Shots and penis pumps. I politely tell them both that we are already at 2 strikes with the T replacement and then the Viagra. Not injecting anything into my penis and then sitting with a pump on it for 20 minutes. Not to mention the shots are $1,500 each and you need them multiple times/year.

This is tough question, but I’ll ask it. When can I safely say no more? I feel I’ve tried. I’ve tried to the point of physical damage to my own body. I’ll make her feel good, but no more meds or experiments. Am I bad for refusing to do the P-Shots?

It’s offered at just about all of the men’s health clinics popping up everywhere.

I’m very interested to hear from LD husbands how they feel, but I don’t have direct access to them, and in many cases, these wives simply reported what their own husbands had told them.

But I certainly understand your perspective. If you’re willing, could you relate where you think these are off? Or how you would describe it instead?

I’m glad you listened and opened your heart. I pray that sexual intimacy can become a blessing for both of you — as God intended it to be.