This is my story, V! It took me a long time to see myself differently, even though I knew God had forgiven me. I know I talked about this recently in our Sex Chat podcast, but it may take me a little time to find that episode. In the meantime, here are several posts about this issue:

Entering Marriage with Sexual Baggage
Why You Feel Worse Than He Does about the Premarital Sex
Q&A with J: How Can I Forgive Myself for My Past?
Q&A with J: Getting Over Your Baggage
Has Your Previous Promiscuity Impacted Your Marriage?*

*especially that one

Any tips or advice? I read “Who stole my marriage?” Which helped a bit but I pray and pray for change and it just doesn’t happen.

Well, here you go: Is Refusing Sex in Marriage a Sin?.

And I would make the distinction between someone refuses from time to time or for reasons such as prior sexual abuse they need to work through and a long pattern of selfish withholding. Jesus seemed to have great compassion for those who had struggled in sin if it came from a place of hurt rather than arrogance (e.g., Samaritan woman at the well vs Pharisees).

Also, just on a practical level, I’ve learned that simply telling people they’re sinning by withholding sex from their spouse can guilt them into duty sex, but that’s not the sexual intimacy God desires for marriage, or that most rejected spouses want. So I, and others, try to talk to the underlying reasons for rejection, help them remove the obstacles, and understand God’s far better plan—thus moving from sin to blessing.

I got choked up just reading that comment. I’m so sorry. Praying for you and a breakthrough!

True! Hygiene and grooming are so important. In addition, women tend to have a better sense of smell than men, so odor can be a factor for her. (See Why She Needs Him to Shower.)