I wasn’t particularly focusing on whether abuse constitutes violation of the marital covenant (though that is an interesting question).
The major question for a spouse who has been abused in the past and/or is being abused presently is whether it is truly healthy for them to stay in close physical proximity to the spouse who is abusing them. If they continue to be around them and there is no remedy for stemming the abuse, then the abused spouse runs the risk of being forever emotionally or physically damaged. Really, it can get to the point of emotional and sometimes even physical survival — rather than just a theological question or debate as to whether abuse severs the marital covenant. Long-standing abuse, especially, can emotionally warp people into a state of perpetual dysfunction.
I’m not sure if typical Christian marriage advice can ever be useful to spouses in a relationship where abuse is going on. Only someone who has been abused themselves can truly understand how it can affect people. I’ll leave open the caveat that trained counselors have some tools in their toolbox to help spouses recognize it and deal with it. However, it’s not the same as the trained counselor experiencing spousal abuse themselves personally.
And yes, I’ve experienced long term, intermittent emotional abuse from my wife (27 years) and just became totally aware of it recently. And yes, I love my wife 100% despite the abuse — but that fact is what makes things truly difficult and has had me looking for answers.

Well said, Active Mom.

“Put up with” — no. In the moment, when you are mistreated, it’s reasonable to speak up about how your spouse’s actions are hurtful, to set boundaries if needed, and to ask for better treatment going forward.

But I sense that the deeper question you’re asking is whether periodic emotional abuse rises to the level of breaking the marital covenant. (If I’m wrong about that, let me know.) And again, I’d defer to the sense that I can’t answer for a specific situation. Instead, I typically tell spouses to consult with a trusted mentor and/or trained Christian counselor who can help them determine what their next best steps are.

Do you believe that a spouse, husband or wife, should put up with and endure emotional abuse even if the abuse occurs just occasionally or even infrequently?

I got out…thank God….but it cost me and my children. My church turned their back on me, and they supported our abuser. He still attends church there.
And unfortunately, so many years of living that way…it damages you. I expect I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to recover from what he did to me.
If I could….please, any woman living like this…GET OUT! It’s hard, it’s scary, you think God will punish you…but I promise you, it can be done!!!!

I’m heartbroken that happened to you! That is absolutely awful, and the church should have intervened for your safety and wellbeing. That’s a moment when What Would Jesus Do? should make our actions clear: His calling included “to set the oppressed free” (Luke 4:18). I’m glad you got out and found a truly godly man. Thanks for sharing your story. May it inspire someone else. Blessings!