Comments on: Must a Better Friendship Come Before Better Sex?

By: J

Mon, 22 Feb 2021 16:07:17 +0000

In reply to libl. So very true. Excellent points here! I have talked about how having sex gives you rose-colored glasses; which is good in marriage, but can be terrible for proper discernment before marriage.

By: libl

libl — Mon, 22 Feb 2021 11:09:14 +0000

My husband works with a lot of young, secular guys. Sometimes these guys share their stories with us, often about their relationship problems. Here’s what we see:

He spies gal he thinks is hot. They hook up. Sex happens fairly quickly in the relationship, and then they try to form a relationship around that. So many of these guys end up living with or even having kids with women they actually have no real friendship with. Often they complain about how controlling she is, how tied down they are, how lonely, how disconnected, but so long as she dangles the sex carrot often enough, they stick with it.

One or both usually end up cheating and finding the next sexcapade.

It is REALLY important to have a solid relationship outside the bedroom first and foremost. Sex doesn’t fix or create relationships. It only gives you dopamine rushes that make you think things are ok. If you need a dopamine rush to feel close to your spouse, that’s not good or enough. That’s like having to take drugs to get through a day.

By: libl

libl — Mon, 22 Feb 2021 10:59:30 +0000

In reply to Chris. I find my desire for intimacy with my husband goes down when our friendship is not so hot. Who wants sex when you feel like an afterthought and in last place of all the other priorities in life? I suspect I am not unique in this. When we regularly connect with friendship and companionship, not simply when he wants sex, everything inside the bedroom just seems easier. Just food for thought.

By: Angela

Angela — Sat, 20 Feb 2021 10:26:02 +0000

In reply to Chris. Could be that her desire for intimacy goes down when the friendship isn't so hot? As the article states, 'put youself into ALL of it.'

By: J. L.

J. L. — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 14:18:15 +0000

With my marriage, we are friends and buddies. We have a very solid friendship that I think (should we have been unable to marry for some reason) could stand totally independent of our marriage. However, having that super strong friendship within our marriage has definitely been a boon to us. In our case, the friendship formed first and then we added everything else to it as we dated, got engaged, and married. I’m certainly not saying this is the way everyone ought to do things, but for us, and me especially, having our relationship built on a solid friendship was a necessity. I don’t think I could have married a man I wasn’t David and Jonathan-esque friends with. But I also have a somewhat archaic view of friendship… But that’s another story.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 05 Feb 2021 04:08:03 +0000

Well, many years ago, sex helped me feel closer to my spouse. Lately, when we do have sex, I don’t feel a closer connection because my spouse only has sex for me (because I “need it” and she does not). It is hard to feel close to someone who who can do without sex…

By: Music Lady

Music Lady — Thu, 04 Feb 2021 01:55:05 +0000

My husband and I became friends before we started dating. We dated and were engaged over a span of five years which set up a pretty solid friendship foundation for our marriage.
We were not prepared for all of life’s conflicts or hardships that we have faced in our fourteen years of marriage such as sexual difficulties from the start (size differences and possible vaginismus), family drama, job losses, two deployments, and three children along with many other problems over the years. However, our friendship has stayed strong and has grown as we have grown with each other. Yes, sex in our marriage has also seen its ups and downs and without a doubt, I feel closer and more connected with my husband when we make love often.

By: Chris

Chris — Tue, 02 Feb 2021 15:36:24 +0000

I find my desire for friendship with my wife goes down when our intimacy is not so hot. Who wants friendship when you feel like an afterthought and in last place of all the other priorities in life? I suspect I am not unique in this. When we regularly connect with intimate love making, not simply sex, everything outside the bedroom just seems easier.

By: Martha

Martha — Tue, 02 Feb 2021 14:59:50 +0000

My sentiments exactly.