You did justice from my perspective. And yeah, it’s the Word of God itself that does the heavy lifting here (as usual). Thanks for your comment!

Words do matter, especially to our spouses, but of course to others.

Your scripture references are powerful. There is no middle ground as God doesn’t want me to be lukewarm. So in reality is life defined by either love or hate?

In Revelation 3:15 “I know what you are doing. You are not cold or hot. I wish you were one or the other”

From your post, kindness can be a lifestyle enhanced by how we think which can be exposed by the words out of my mouth or by my actions. It either exposes a more of a loving heart or a hateful one. I don’t know how many times my mind was numb (lukewarm) like I didn’t have a soul, not loving or hating or not pursuing God when circumstances were difficult or not so difficult and not being more thankful.

I want my words to be soothing to my own spouse’s ears, no matter the circumstances.

I also don’t want my words or testimony towards others to be defined as hateful.

When a couple is emotionally connected and getting inside one another’s mind, sometimes words don’t always need to be exchanged, like at night and falling asleep in one another’s arms.

Sometimes when you write something this good, finding the right words to comment on, may not do it justice.

Wonderful, Vicki! I find it to be something I have to continually remind myself. Even though I’m much better, I still backslide at times. #WorkInProgress

Very true. HOW we talk about our spouse to others matters a lot!

Also, choosing who you share with makes a big difference. I have a couple of very close friends with whom I’ve shared some frustrating moments in my marriage, but they will call me out when I’m wrong about the issue or my tone. As Proverbs 27:6 says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Faithful friends who encourage you to change for the better are far better than those who make you feel good in the moment by encouraging bad behavior.

A serious comment, though … I am convinced it is important to watch how we talk about our spouses to others. When we complain, it is typically to those who are going to support our complaints and are likely to make us feel that even a valid issue is worse than it is. A comment of “my wife said such and such, making me upset” can boil into “she always does this and will never change” when taking to friends who do not have the capacity to encourage you to seek a positive outlook, such as suggesting it wasn’t what she intended, she had other things going on that impacted her words, or that she may have a valid point that needs to be discussed. I make it a point to only discuss such things with one person who will absolutely call me out, and on very rare occasions. I have enough faults of my own.

I got into such a negative pattern of thinking about my husband and my marriage because of his behaviour (not abusive, just sometimes selfish and unthinking) and it started to come out of my mouth to the point that I knew I was hurting him and making him feel less than. I couldn’t see a way out but then started to concentrate on the good stuff and comment on that and think about ‘whatever is good, noble, honourable, lovely…..’ (from Colossians, I think, and the difference it has made!!

I feel so much more positive about him. He feels and knows how much I love him. We’re not there yet but headed in the right direction.

Thank you for this reminder today.