As I said in the comments, the 1-in-4 sexual assaults on college campuses is a debated statistic, but even if it were highly inflated, there are still far too many rapes. And I would contend that many parents don’t know their daughter (or son) was raped if it didn’t get reported, and a lot of date rapes in particular do not get reported. There’s some truth to what you say about drunk people showing poor judgment, and consent can be a little dodgy to determine in such circumstances, but even drunk, there shouldn’t be any kind of force. (See Kevin A. Thompson’s excellent post, What a Drunk Girl Deserves.)

Finally, I really wish some people would understanding the impact of this kind of pushback when we start talking about rape. I agree with you that “Forcible rape should be vigorously investigated and prosecuted!” and yes, we need to ensure fair treatment of all involved. But when the bulk of what someone says comes across as “But was she drunk?” it has a chilling effect on women reporting rape that cannot be easily and perfectly proved. And I think we as a society want better. (You can see this discussion in the comments here.)

I don’t usually approve comments that link to other sites, but I’m so in favor of dealing with the rape kit backlog, I agree! It’s astounding that we haven’t yet solved this issue, and heartbreaking for those hurt by it. Thanks for speaking up.

And poor policy, again, has led to big question marks about how many thousands of rape kits are unprocessed because policy does not require law enforcement or crime labs to routinely log or audit what is in storage… this varies from state to state…

Anyone curious can visit endthebacklog.org and learn more, and see how their specific state’s policy is working… if you’re in a state with thousands of unprocessed rape kits and no plan or legislation seeking to correct the way these cases have been marginalized, there is a “rape culture” within your local justice system that quietly continues to inflict secondary trauma.

You wrote your points very well. I am fortunate to have grown up before the easy access to porn. You are absolutely correct, porn completely distorts one’s view of sexuality.

That’s a great point. Certain phrases themselves seem to trigger reactions whether or not the person using them agrees with the most extreme version of that. (Oh, and whataboutism—that’s a whole other thing I get frustrated with. But I digress!)

Your point about the influence of porn is spot on. Porn teaches that sex is about power and domination, which dehumanizes the other person.

You asked above, “Where I’m really having a problem here is that I bring up the issue of sexual assault, and now there are pages worth of “but what about the false claims?!” in my comments section.”

I think this is because everything in our culture these days has become polarized and politicized. Many people have a knee-jerk reaction to certain phrases because the phrase has become associated with the extremes of “x side”.

So when someone hears the phrase “rape culture” they often assume that the author is advocating for “no due process” regardless of whether that was the author’s intent.

Similarly someone who hears the phrase “religious freedom” may assume the author is advocating for hatred and discrimination against LGBTQ people when that isn’t the author’s intent at all.

In other words it is easy for people to assume that an author is advocating an extreme viewpoint and they respond accordingly.

I agree, and I don’t see how anything I said suggests we should “automatically validate the accusation.” We should, however, validate the person by taking their claims seriously and investigating. Yes, there are some instances when lives have been damaged by false accusations—and that should not happen!—but far more lives have been damaged by true accusations not taken seriously enough. That’s what I’m saying.

And by the way, I’m sad and angry that your wife went through that. I’m glad she has you to love her well instead.

J, I understand where you are coming from and absolutely want to see those who commit such horrific actions jailed (actually worse, as I mentioned already that my wife is a survivor and it is incredibly damaging). False accusations do incredible harm to true victims of this crime. However, while we can support those who make accusations in terms of getting counseling and not accusing them of lying, we also cannot automatically validate the accusation. It is not an easy balance, but I believe it is important to try to have this balance. I personally would have liked to see my wife’s perpetrator go to jail for a long time. I not only believed her, but I am convinced that it was real. It still angers me that he never had any consequences, and this if over 30 years later. However, there still needs to be an investigation and evidence before we accept a verdict of guilty. I hope this makes sense, as I really want women to come forward. Every woman is so valuable to our God and none should have their claim of abuse simply dismissed. I will, however, admit that I don’t have a good answer or solution.