Comments on: How a Good Husband Can Be a Great Lover

By: 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover Unsatisfied - Hot, Holy & Humorous

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover Unsatisfied - Hot, Holy & Humorous — Tue, 24 Jan 2023 17:48:47 +0000

[…] your orgasm and then stop.How a Good Husband Can Be a Great LoverQ&A with J: “How Do I Get My […]

By: J

Mon, 01 Nov 2021 16:06:59 +0000

In reply to Patty. I wish it wasn't so difficult and frustrating for you as well. May I also suggest checking out my good friend's blog, Honeycomb & Spice? She has a lot of good resources for lower-desire wives.

By: J

Mon, 01 Nov 2021 16:04:15 +0000

In reply to Patty. I'm so sorry for your frustration and heartache. Sex is not supposed to be a duty! (See Are You Owed Sex in Marriage?) The higher-desire spouse shouldn't get to demand how often and in which ways sex happens. (See Q&A with J: Should A Higher Drive Spouse Lower Their Expectations? and Why I Won’t Just Tell Your Spouse to Have Sex with You Already.) It should not feel "emotionally invasive," but safe, welcoming, and intimate. (See Safety & Vulnerability in the Bedroom and What is Intimacy?.) It should also be pleasurable and fun. (See Episode 25: Sex Is Funny and Episode 114: Pursuing Playfulness in Sexual Intimacy.) As for sex being a need for men, I'm not among those who make that case. (See Q&A with J: Sexual Wants Vs. Needs and The #1 Myth Christian Women Learned about Sex.) I do believe it's important in marriage, for many reasons, but sex is not more important than the spouses involved in it. While I've encouraged wives to pursue sexual intimacy, I've also encouraged them to speak up for themselves and encouraged higher-drive husbands to be more compassionate and caring in their pursuit of physical intimacy. (See Submission Doesn’t Mean Putting Up with Sexual Misbehavior, 7 Reasons You Don’t Want Sex, and Does Your Wife Owe You Sex?.) That's just a sampling. But all that to say that you should not have looming dread. If that's where you're at in your 30-year marriage, it's time to speak up and ask for (or insist on) something else. (See Change the Dysfunction in Your Marital Intimacy, Wives, Your Voice Matters (in the Bedroom & Beyond), and How to Turn Your Marriage Around.) Praying for you.

By: Patty

Patty — Sun, 24 Oct 2021 02:04:52 +0000

Over 30 years of marriage. Honestly, I am so tired of sex being such a big deal. I know God designed men to need it… It stands to reason that women do to. But I couldn’t care less these days. It’s not fun, it’s a duty that is emotionally invasive. My husband invites me to have fun… Fun? Very, very rarely. I cannot fathom a rich and full sex life with my husband. And I really don’t want to have this frustration and looming dread any more.

By: Patty

Patty — Sun, 24 Oct 2021 02:01:36 +0000

As a follow up, I do not disdain that men have a God-given sex drive. I wish it weren’t so difficult and frustrating to have whatever sex life God wants us to have. I’m ready to give up.

By: J

Sun, 17 Oct 2021 15:28:02 +0000

In reply to Dominic A. Oops! Yes, that is definitely a typo. Thanks! I'll fix it ASAP.

By: Dominic A

Dominic A — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 08:55:30 +0000

Thanks J. Just a little typo (I think).
“And with love as defined in 1 Corinthians 4:5-8a:”

I think that passage should be 1 Cor 13, not 1 Cor 4

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 15 Oct 2021 12:06:43 +0000

The biggest take away is “Your wife’s orgasm does not mean she enjoyed sex.” My wife and I have discussed this and I still don’t get it. I know it intellectually, but it is just really hard to comprehend. Yet, there are times she just wants to be close and doesn’t care if it ends with a big explosion or not. She is still quite satisfied, where I would more frustrated than ever if I had the same experience. It is not that I don’t believe her, it is that men and women are simply different.

By: J

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 20:29:44 +0000

In reply to Z. Wow. I just want to hug you, high-five you, and give you a big thank you! What lovely encouragement. And yay to that Big O! May you and your husband enjoy intimate, exciting sex for many years.

By: J

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 20:13:49 +0000

In reply to Doug. Thank you!