Comments on: Why I’ve Never Told a Reader to Seek Divorce

By: J

Wed, 13 Apr 2022 19:58:02 +0000

In reply to Laci. Oh my! I'm so sorry you've been through so much. Please set good boundaries, get help if you need it, and keep your eyes fixed on God. Praying for you, Laci!

By: Laci

Laci — Wed, 13 Apr 2022 17:22:42 +0000

My husband & I are desperately trying to hang on to our marriage. We were an extraordinary, fairytale kind of love that people who knew us, & our friends, envied or “looked up to.” I say this because we’ve been told this on multiple occasions. However, after 17 years together my husband started physically abusing me. After 2 years of enduring the violence, I began to cheat. I did this several times with 2 different men & had one long emotional affair with another man. After some soul searching, I decided that I didn’t want to be this kind of person. That, God forbid, our marriage ends in Divorce I wanted him & I to know & feel that I put forth my best effort to saving our marriage. The constant questioning & physical abuse have slowed down, almost to a complete stop after almost one year. We are slowly getting back on track though. We went from, Divorce being inevitable, to it being rarely talked about. We’ve now been together almost 22 years.

By: Paul

Paul — Sat, 26 Mar 2022 16:10:10 +0000

Thanks for wise counsel to sometimes hurting marriages.

By: Chris

Chris — Tue, 15 Mar 2022 22:28:42 +0000

Aw, thank you!

By: J

Tue, 15 Mar 2022 20:19:20 +0000

In reply to Chris. Wow, good for that church! And good points here overall.

By: Chris

Chris — Mon, 14 Mar 2022 15:51:45 +0000

I see two different issues here. It is not necessarily a divorce or stay. We had a man who was physically and verbally abusing his wife in a church I used to attend. The church revoked his membership, following the biblical process of church discipline. However, that was not the end of their actions. They assisted the wife by getting her out of the home with a temporary, though long term, place to live and with getting counseling for those who have been abused. I believe they also worked with the police to ensure the abuse was documented and legal penalties were pursued. We did not recommend divorce, though it may have eventually come to that if the husband was unwilling to change (I don’t know the final outcome and, sadly, would be surprised if many of these types of situations change). The point of all that is to say that divorce was not recommended but neither was staying in a dangerous environment.

The second issue is that a recommendation needs to be from people who have been able to fully understand what has really happened and who are disciple in the scripture. God does want healing and yes, He hates divorce. However, that does not mean divorce is always the wrong choice. But without being physically present with the person struggling, one cannot fully understand the situation. There is always two sides and a good counselor will want to hear both sides, encourage reconciliation if possible (it takes two and both need to be willing), and only recommend divorce when reconciliation is not possible.

By: J

Wed, 09 Mar 2022 02:12:03 +0000

In reply to W. Wow. Thank you for sharing your story, and good for you insisting on something better! I'm honored to have been a small part of that, though I believe you, your husband, and God deserve the credit for restoring your marriage and pursuing God-designed intimacy. Many blessings!

By: W

Wed, 09 Mar 2022 01:46:13 +0000

I won’t go into details other than to say that I’d had it four years ago and said to my husband either counseling for both of us with a pastor or divorce (after 30+ years of marriage). He agreed to the counseling. Through that God-given counseling, deep and agonizing prayer, and finding your website and the group on FB you had back then, our marriage changed completely. Each of us found from God what we each needed to change so we could then be to each other what God intended. We’re more in love now than ever, and we’re individually–and as a couple–closer to God than we ever were. And you were part of that J, so thank you so much for what you do.

By: J

Sun, 06 Mar 2022 00:21:11 +0000

In reply to Eric. I have to give some credit to my counseling training for driving that home. (Not that every counselor really soaked in that message. )

By: Eric

Eric — Sat, 05 Mar 2022 04:52:39 +0000

I appreciate your humility in recognizing that you often don’t know the full story. It’s easy for experts to become proud and think they know more than they really do.