Yep, God’s calling to love is not about getting “the feels.” I’m certainly not opposed to the feels—we can do a lot in marriage to stir up such emotions—but it’s not our core focus. In fact, I’m always struck by the command to husbands to be like Christ who “gave himself up for her … to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” What a challenge! But in this area, wouldn’t keeping one’s wife without stain, wrinkle, or blemish include prioritizing her sexual integrity before marriage well over one’s (understandable) fleshly desires?

Again, it’s a big challenge, and God forgives and redeems those who fall short and turn to Him, but the principle there shows the kind of agape love God desires us to have for one another.

Your “bottom line” point about where we stand on the authority of the Bible is central. Yes, there are some less-than-graceful Bible thumpers out there. But on the other hand, when you choose to explain away scripture, anything does and will go.

I would also include that part of our modern problem is too much reliance upon “Falling” in love as a basis of marriage. If this is so, it stands to dissolve a marriage simply when they “Fall out” of love. Thus, Biblical love must be included in this discussion.

Your wisdom and thoughtfulness in this response and in so many others is admirable. I praise God for what He has given to you…. and that He has made you into a person of integrity that searches His Word deeply, chewing and meditating on it in order to supply living words to the body of Christ. God bless you for your faithfulness.

Not necessarily a feast, but that is our own fault, not God’s. You see, we live in an imperfect world, where sin impacts God’s perfect plan. That doesn’t make the plan wrong, it simply makes us (and by that I mean me) imperfect. It means my wife and I did not fall right into His plan but tried to do things our own way. We looked for our own needs instead of each other’s needs. We allowed our sinful past to impact the feast that God desires for us. It is a daily battle, submitting ourselves under the authority of God. But on those days we get it right, and yes there are days I fail miserably and have to rely on God’s grace, but on the days we get it right, it is an amazing feast.

I suspect your view represents a lot of people out there, Raphael. I do think there are some assumptions here that I’d like to address.

1. Yes, it is “the standard church message,” born of centuries-long study of Scripture and God’s design. Not to say that the church gets everything right, but the core features are consistent across time, including a belief that sexual integrity matters. Not because God is a restrictive tyrant, but because He understands the power of this intimate act and wants it to bless His children.

2. As to “If you aren’t married you can go kick rocks,” I believe there’s a lot more compassion out there for people who are not married but want to find love and be sexually intimate. There’s also a lot of compassion for those who have been sexually active outside marriage, while also wanting those people to enter a better way. I don’t know anyone in the field I’m in who has the cavalier attitude you describe. But what we won’t do is confuse compassion with license.

3. I’m sure you are tired. This road can be wearisome. I don’t deny that it’s a tough calling. But as Galatians 6:9 says, “Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.” Yeah, yeah, I can hear someone saying, but when is my “proper time?” I don’t know, and it’s frustrating not to know. Yet this is also where faith enters: “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Hebrew 11:1). Believing God will make good on His promises requires that kind of confidence, even when one doesn’t understand where, when, or how.

4. You call this approach “bizarre.” Yep, it is bizarre by many people’s standards. Frankly, the whole of Christianity is somewhat bizarre. But 1 Corinthians 2:12-14 says:

What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.

Now that passage is specifically about the crucifixion, but it might well pertain to a lot of other concepts within Christianity, including the call to keep sex within the bonds of marriage.

5. It’s a mischaracterization to say that sex in marriage is a feast. Yes, it would be lovely if it was feast-time all the time in marriage, but most couples know that’s not at all how it goes. Sex can be challenging to get right, even in marriage, and struggles are common. Thus, my ministry! You could still say that a morsel is better than nothing, and I would mostly agree. But to describe the comparison as feast or famine just isn’t quite accurate.

Once again, blessings to you! I am prayerful that those who long for relationship and physical intimacy can and will find it.

The standard church message. Sex is great and beautiful and should be engaged in regularly … But only if you’re married.
If you aren’t married you can go kick rocks.

I’m really tired of that message and this bizarre feast or famine approach to sexuality.

You clearly don’t understand that entire passage. Jacob didn’t have God’s blessing to marry just anyone. He was in a foreign land and Laben’s daughters were potentially his only choices.
In my opinion, J is right on with this post. Although, most people agree that he did not wait 14 years to have Rachel. After receiving Leah, he was also given Rachel and then worked 7 more years for Laben, while having both wives.

I agree that marrying younger could be a good idea. Yet, I think a lot would have to change for this to be a viable option in our culture. I will say that results would have been disastrous had I married anyone I was dating in my teens! Not that there weren’t some good guys among them, but we were nowhere near ready and I had quite a bit of baggage. Anyway, I think we could at least encourage people not to do everything else first—school, career, travel, etc.—before considering marriage. I don’t particularly want 15-year-olds marrying, but waiting until one’s 30s (becoming more common) may not be the best idea.

So what’s the ideal age? I think that varies from person to person, but with greater family and church support, we could help individuals mature faster, prioritize marriage, and stand steady once they say their I Dos.