Comments on: How to Maintain Sexual Integrity Before, and After, Marriage https://hotholyhumorous.com/2022/06/01/how-to-maintain-sexual-integrity-before-and-after-marriage/ God's Design for Marital Intimacy Mon, 01 Aug 2022 23:18:10 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1.3 By: Denise https://hotholyhumorous.com/2022/06/01/how-to-maintain-sexual-integrity-before-and-after-marriage/#comment-105262 Mon, 01 Aug 2022 23:18:10 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=43470#comment-105262 This was a great series. I suspect that some of the four examples you listed above hold true for many young people. Especially when you mentioned sexual hypocrisy of older members.

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2022/06/01/how-to-maintain-sexual-integrity-before-and-after-marriage/#comment-105116 Sun, 19 Jun 2022 14:20:51 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=43470#comment-105116 In reply to Morgan H..

Wow, this is fantastic. You are quite wise. Praying for strength, focus, and a good marriage, if God wills that direction for you two. Blessings!

]]> By: Morgan H. https://hotholyhumorous.com/2022/06/01/how-to-maintain-sexual-integrity-before-and-after-marriage/#comment-105088 Thu, 16 Jun 2022 14:21:28 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=43470#comment-105088 In reply to Morgan H..

I also want to add that knowing your pitfalls – being super honest with yourself (just like J mentions in the blog post) is so necessary. I learned that making out will very quickly start the uncontrollable cascade. My body goes into auto-pilot just from making out. We had to give that up for our own good. As well as not traveling together alone (despite our love for backpacking and not having many friends to go with). So we hug a lot, and do simple kisses, which seems so pathetic to my past self, but we’ve actually had the most emotional intimacy and most spiritual BLOOMING once we finally did what we needed to do to move forward out of our boundary-pushing spiral!

]]> By: Morgan H. https://hotholyhumorous.com/2022/06/01/how-to-maintain-sexual-integrity-before-and-after-marriage/#comment-105087 Thu, 16 Jun 2022 14:13:43 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=43470#comment-105087 Hello! I want to leave a little advice/encouragement for anyone going through the struggle of waiting until marriage:
I’m 24 and have been dating a wonderful, caring boyfriend for over 2 years now. We’ve gone through huge ups and downs (almost lost him to illness last year, been together through the death of a loved one, lots of transitions, etc), so this has made us feel VERY close to each other. We have a lot of vulnerability and trust between us, which I’m so thankful for and we’ve worked through a lot of trauma, anxiety and the like together with God’s power! To top it off, he’s so attractive physically and we have great chemistry.
Now, towards the beginning of our relationship, he was still struggling hardcore with a porn addiction, had recently gotten sober of drugs and alcohol (which I had not known about), and so even though I had been clear about my boundaries, he pushed them, and not understanding my body’s response cascading out of control, I would give in. It was a perpetual shame cycle, and I felt fearful about kissing, cuddling, and the like thinking it would get out of control and would be used. I felt so powerless… We took a break in our relationship for other reasons mainly (my boyfriend pursued therapy) and I found a lot of healing.
When we got back together, we STILL struggled a lot – even more – sexually. Because we had crossed several boundaries before, it was easier to cross more. It made me feel so defeated. I felt humiliated confessing to my good friend that I was still in this spiral – thankfully she is so understanding. It wasn’t until I really humbled myself before God, let him have all of the emotions, desire to get married, control over timing, etc. that we started to find success in maintaining sexual boundaries.
Today, we’re doing better than ever, but it brings up another challenge because now I see him as total marriage material and it feels so unnatural, and even sad, to go home to different places at night. But, as sad and frustrated as it can make me, it gives me a lot to glorify God for! And I thank Jesus that the love I feel from my boyfriend is just a fraction of the love Jesus has for me! So take these longings and give them back to Jesus. The longing I have to get married is a beautiful picture of the longing that the Bride and creation has for Jesus’ return (“all creation longs and waits”). Lean into it! It’s uncomfortable and you’re going to want to express that love and longing physically before marriage, but it falls so, so short! I learned the hard way. Focus your sexual frustration energy on how you can express love in other ways (sending notes, acts of kindness, edifying words and lots of hugs, etc.). But most of all, focus on getting REAL and vulnerable with God, build up that trust with God (trusting his intentions and will for you are good), and then let him take the reigns in your life. Focus on how you can build emotional intimacy in your relationship – because it will lead to better physical intimacy down the road.
And yes, follow the advice here that J gives! Especially about getting to the ROOT of these desires for premarital intimacy. But also lean into those longings (instead of stuffing/repressing the feelings), talk out loud to God, cry it out, talk to friends, and focus on Jesus and how every longing of the human heart finds solace in his perfect love which can never disappoint!
I pray this comforts at least someone out there! It’s really hard to wait – I know – but you aren’t alone!

]]>