Been a long time for me, too. And that is OK.

Natalie unfortunately it’s been a very long time since I’ve been in the 69 position so maybe you’re right.

I must say the view isn’t all that good when in 69 position. I very much perfer the “let me take care of you” (and you just sit/lay there and enjoy it) and the “you take care of me” and let me just lay here and enjoy it versions of oral sex . . . never get to the back arching level when trying to give while getting.

I can gladly state that it has been more than three decades of marriage. With so much time together, there is bound to be ups and downs. I was serious when I wrote that I was not complaining. I do believe the best years are yet to come, but we have had some incredible years as well, both in regards to intimacy and life in general. The primary reason I wrote is to help those who may also feel taken for granted to know that they are not the only ones, whether the husband or the wife. I think about my relationship with Jesus and realize that there are far too many times that I have taken Him for granted, having come to a personal relationship with Jesus prior to my marriage. There have been times when I needed to focus on the amazing grace of God, realizing just how incredible it is.

but the view sure is nice!

I can’t say that I feel your pain, but I get it. Hang in there.

I appreciate your response. The issue is not a lack of frequency, though more often would be wonderful. Once a week or so seems to meet her needs. I am not complaining, I just miss the days when she seemed to take more interest in what made me stop and go wow. I have a great marriage, but there are times when I feel I am taken for granted. I think it is likely a common issue as the years in a marriage get longer.

While this sounds good in theory, in my experience it is not a great position. It makes it very difficult for my wife to concentrate on what she is feeling as she is far more focused on what she is doing for me. While not as difficult for me, it was still much more difficult than any other position. We decided it just wasn’t for us after just a few tries.

It’s a little sad to hear you describe it as “plain-Jane boring, awful sex.” Plain sex can still be pretty good! It also sounds like she may not feel like she’s enough and thus shuts down at the idea of adding a bunch of other stuff or having sex more often. Rather than making a lot of suggestions (which are probably fantastic if I wrote them ~wink~), have you asked her what would make sex feel more intimate and appealing to her? Maybe she isn’t satisfied with the boring sex either, but has different ideas on how to make it more meaningful and satisfying.

I know that’s how it feels, but a lot of spouses who are less inclined to desire physical intimacy feel frustrated and a bit helpless too. Maybe it would be a good reminder to go read this post: How the Sexually Disinterested Spouse Feels