Comments on: Why Don’t Men Fess Up About Having the Lower Drive?

By: Mark

Mark — Mon, 01 May 2023 03:36:24 +0000

To answer: “Why Don’t Men Fess Up About Having the Lower Drive?” involves a delicate humility (and honesty) toward a spouse, even if both spouses drive is lowering as we age.

Even so I think it would be harder for some men to admit having a lower sex drive than his spouse, especially if her drive is 10x higher than mine of wanting penetrative intimacy.

I know it would frustrate me, if she became frustrated with me of not “keeping up” with her penetrative desires, even if I practiced cunnilingus and feather touched her intimate areas, as an alternative. (which I love doing)

Luckily (for the most part) my wife and I have had mutually explosive drives throughout most of our marriage and it seems our drive has simultaneously dropped down significantly.

However, I think my drive has become slightly lower than hers and yet I’m still extremely attracted to her more than ever, does that make sense?

Both of us seem more tired, but we do know that we need to make the time to make love once or twice a week. (which usually occurs on our days off from work) We can’t count how many times we use to wake up in the middle of the night during our marriage and made love. (those days are over, though both of us wished they weren’t, haha)

If there comes a day when her drive goes nuts over mine, I think I’ll still want to dive inside the “play-pen” with her, because it is emotionally uplifting to know that she’ll still experience some rather explosive climaxes, even if my “machinery” stops working or isn’t working all the time.

I think even now (during foreplay) when she awaits for the machinery to become “operable” it creates a lot of agonizing intimate urgency (increased arousal) in her, which can also create explosive climaxes, throughout foreplay, which at times has drained all the energy out of her body.

By: J

Sat, 25 Mar 2023 14:53:40 +0000

In reply to anonymous. Yep. that's one good example. There was also Married With Children, in which Peg wanted sex but Al wasn't eager.

By: Matthew

Matthew — Sat, 25 Mar 2023 12:08:07 +0000

In reply to KristinaG. I'm in the opposite boat. My wife seems to have no libido anymore since she's reached her mid 50s and I'm still raring to go at 51.

By: J

Sat, 25 Mar 2023 00:35:25 +0000

In reply to KristinaG. WOW. That's amazing. I hope the both the wives and hubbies felt true support.

By: anonymous

anonymous — Fri, 24 Mar 2023 23:24:25 +0000

J,
This reminds me of the Ropers from Three’s Company tv show in the 70s. Mr. Roper was always the low drive husband and his wife always wanted sex lol…always felt bad for her since he seemed to lack a libido of any kind.

By: KristinaG

KristinaG — Fri, 24 Mar 2023 17:44:01 +0000

My husband and I started going to the young couples Bible study from our church this year. It’s not a large study, with the couple that leads, us, and three more couples, none of which we know at all well. We had a series of illnesses and various things come up, so we didn’t go until a few lessons in.
Well, as “luck” would have it, the first lesson we went to was on intimacy. The format of the study has the husbands together and the wives together. When we were talking, it ended up coming out that all three of us wives are somewhat higher desire than our husbands! I was very interested to see if the husbands had discussed who had the higher desire among the men. On our drive home, I brought it up with my husband, who said that the leader and he had both said that they were lower desire. I’m assuming that the remaining younger guy either felt about insecure about saying it, or maybe he considers their desire to be more equal.
Anyways, I thought it was very interesting.
My husband doesn’t go around talking about it much, but doesn’t shy away from saying I’m higher desire than him if the topic comes up. So I don’t feel bad about mentioning it if the topic comes up when I’m talking with women either.

By: Chris

Chris — Tue, 21 Mar 2023 13:07:58 +0000

You might not get much feedback, for the reasons you outlined in this article, but it was a very informative piece. It is a shame that anyone would be critical of other people’s sex drive. That simply seems childish to me. I don’t know if I am high drive or average because I really don’t care how other couples sex drives are. It is not a competition. I don’t think I have ever heard a conversation about drives outside of sites like this one. I think this is a discussion, or likely multiple discussions, between spouses, finding a happy middle ground, possibly finding solutions if it is a physical problem, and confronting sin if porn is an issue (I always like to assume it is not, even if that is a bit naive).