Thank you.

You’re welcome. And on that last point, I wouldn’t call that “sexual compatibility.” Growth mindsets about sexuality can be taught, and I see it more in Christian circles now than I ever have before, but I know it’s still not enough. Praying for breakthroughs!

You perfectly anticipated my reaction reading the first part – I was indeed ready to yell that it wasn’t me who didn’t have the growth mindset, it’s my wife. But this is a useful framing. I especially like the term “grow” rather than the more provocative “improve.”

It has just always seemed a struggle to even talk about how to grow our sexual life in any dimension – it’s all “I’m good with how things are now; aren’t you?” She’s not interested in reading resources like yours and indeed it inevitably just leads to “can we drop the subject?” and “why are you bringing this up again?”

And respectfully, on the subject of “sexual compatibility,” I actually think there is something to that concept, and it’s exactly what you’re talking about: compatible growth mindsets. It was a difficult thing to realize early in our marriage that she did settle into a groove with our sex life and acted like there was a ceiling to our potential. It’s been many years and I do feel we are mismatched that way.