Comments on: Get to the Root of Your Sex Problem with the 5 Whys

By: J

Tue, 28 Jul 2026 20:17:45 +0000

In reply to Hannah U. Honestly, if you can't figure it out on your own, I suggest therapy. Your husband might want to find someone who can help him sort through it all. If you don't have in-person resources, I recommend Brad Aldrich of Aldrich Ministries Coaching Network. He works with guys a lot and is great at getting to the core issues.

By: Hannah U

Hannah U — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 20:54:37 +0000

Question: what if we don’t know the answer to our first “why”? We haven’t been able to figure out why my husband has some of the issues he does, and so we can’t continue the whys. We’ve struggled to find any useful information or help with these problems.

By: J

Sat, 21 Dec 2024 02:20:12 +0000

In reply to Denise.

Thanks for your comment! I want to address this part: “It is 24 degrees today where I live and is only going to get much colder as time goes on. I have seen ‘sex tips’ shaming women for wanting to wear weather appropriate sleepwear to bed. These ‘sex tips’ are often given so casually without regard to a woman’s comfort or preferences.”

Say what?! I’m a Texan, so I actually get cold when it reaches about 50 degrees, and OH YEAH, I’m wearing something warm to bed on freezing nights. That does not mean that my husband can’t suggest ways to heat me up that don’t require clothing (although, no matter what, I’m wearing socks when it’s brrrr temperature outside), but good gravy, can’t a woman stay warm at night?

By: Hello!mynameis

Hello!mynameis — Mon, 16 Dec 2024 21:23:40 +0000

Part of my problem is we’re with child, and my wife has been very sick. Tough times! Fortunately God rescued me from pornography years ago. In times like these, it’s hard to be patient and suppress wants.

By: Denise

Denise — Sun, 01 Dec 2024 21:30:13 +0000

I thought this was a great post. I think the time issue is so complex and we don’t teach people how to navigate it. My daughter is expecting her first child next year (my first grandchild!). I am hoping to be able to provide as much support as she would like as things get busy and stressful for her.

Beyond the actual time an activity takes, for me it was a matter did the outside activity recharge my batteries, or did it drain them? Do spouses have differing ideas of how we should spend our time? Earlier in our marriage we used to go through a period from Easter to Father’s Day where we were jam packed with events, mostly having to do with my husband’s much larger extended family.

As far as sex being for the woman, I think there are so many messages we receive that contradict that. Being tired ruins sex for me, and I have told my husband if he wants sex, he needs to approach me before my bedtime since I get up early in the morning for work. Yet there are so many messages out there that shame women who say they are tired.

It is 24 degrees today where I live and is only going to get much colder as time goes on. I have seen “sex tips” shaming women for wanting to wear weather appropriate sleepwear to bed. These “sex tips” are often given so casually without regard to a woman’s comfort or preferences.

Going to borrow the five whys to tackle some other non-marriage problems in my life!

By: Bill A

Bill A — Fri, 22 Nov 2024 17:32:30 +0000

Thanks for this, J! “sex tips aren’t the right place to start. Rather, you need to figure out your underlying why.” I use this sort of technique professionally and it can be very useful.

The one thing I feel I need to say is that in a marriage situation there’s both a singular and a plural “you” at work here. One spouse can do all this work analyzing the underlying problems, but if they can’t engage/convince their spouse, not much will probably get done to address them.