Comments on: It’s Hard to Write About Sex When You’re Not Having Any

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Mar 2026 01:52:18 +0000

In reply to Anonymous. Based on the other post, guess we should have been wearing socks as well at the time, lol. I guess that really works?

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 01 Mar 2026 10:13:52 +0000

In reply to Jojo. I LOVED your article about handjobs, especially your point about the wife giving her husband great visuals. That is so true. My all time favorite sexual experience is when my spouse would give me a handjob in the 69 position, allowing me to explore her visually while she pleasured me. The husband can also stimulate her at the same time which is a win win. This position brought the most sexual intimacy I've ever experienced. I hope things pick up for you soon

By: Jojo

Jojo — Sat, 14 Feb 2026 04:07:49 +0000

In reply to J. Thank you. It's called the "couple's disease" for a reason. Resuming intimacy has required a lot of communication and honesty (neither which are a bad thing), and some experimentation (which can be fun). My husband has said a number of times that he feels that we're closer now than before. Perhaps we'd gotten into the habit of focusing too much on the physical connection prior to the surgery, and not so much on the emotional and spiritual. And, yes, latest tests showed that they got all the cancer, for which we are extremely thankful.

By: J

Fri, 13 Feb 2026 18:49:42 +0000

In reply to Jojo. Oh my! What a journey for y'all. And you really do have my deep sympathy. I'm glad that they got the cancer, but this recovery sounds brutal. I hope y'all can enjoy the intimacy you have and get back more. Saying a prayer for you, Jojo.

By: Jojo

Jojo — Fri, 13 Feb 2026 01:34:18 +0000

I hear you, sister! And I’m not even the high-drive spouse. My husband had surgery for prostate cancer several months ago. At the appointment pre-op the surgeon asked us how our sex life was, and then stated, “Well, it could take up to 2 years to return and will only ever be 50% of what you had.” What!!! I seriously did not hear another word he said, and spent the next week literally grieving (we probably also had more sex in that week than we had had for a long time). Now, several months post-op, we are having to learn a whole lot of new tricks. In the beginning, it was finding other ways of being intimate. Now, with a mechanical device, sex is possible, but it’s really not the same for me. Because we only have a 30-minute window, there doesn’t seem to be time for foreplay, or, if we do foreplay first, he then has to go off for 30 minutes to get “ready” so it kind of defeats the purpose. However, it does mean he can have orgasms again, and he’s happy to help me in other ways whenever I need it. I may not have a date marked on my calendar, but I am certainly counting down the months!

By: J

Sat, 07 Feb 2026 21:56:04 +0000

In reply to Chris. I've come to believe that some spouses really don't think things will get better, so they just don't try. I wish I could convince them otherwise. In most cases, it can get better, but you're right: it takes prioritizing it and making some effort.

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 06 Feb 2026 18:01:18 +0000

I can relate to talking about sex when you are not having any. 4 weeks is a long time to go without. I have experienced 13 such time periods and 3 time periods over 10 weeks during the last 3 years. My wife just is not into it. According to her she still desires me and wants sex. Just not anytime that I want sex. She wishes we had more sex. Sometimes intercourse is painful so we cannot. And when sex is painful, we cannot participate in sexual activity. No oral, manual stimulation or hand jobs. When a spouse’s desire’s/wants are not important…. Then working on any part of the relationship is not high on the priority list. When a spouse spends an extensive amount time (4 plus yrs) hoping and trying to change things……….It is almost impossible to believe it’s only a season.

By: J

Fri, 06 Feb 2026 17:28:18 +0000

In reply to Anonymous. I'm telling you what you already know, but that's rough. Praying for your heart and contentment despite circumstances.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 06 Feb 2026 01:12:23 +0000

I have a lot of experiences with periods of no sex. Right now is has been 6 months of no sex and my partner will be having knee replacement surgery in a month and another one in 3 months. So I am prepared for another 6 months of no sex. Babysitting grandkids and keeping busy with projects around the home is my go to method of dealing with no sex. I am working on being content in my circumstances.