From time to time, this common question lands in my inbox: Does penis size matter? Husbands want to know if they’re big enough or wonder if their wives secretly wish for more, while women worry whether their future husband might hurt them or privately wonder if there is something to the “bigger is better” hype.

So let’s talk about penis size—what science says, what wives experience, and what really makes for great sex in marriage.

What’s “Normal”

What is a “normal” penis size? Research has shown that the average erect penis is between 5 and 6 inches long. For a sense of that length, think between a highlighter pen and a smartphone—like a Samsung Galaxy, iPhone, or Google Pixel.

Not every man is in that average range. But according to a 2014 study, 68% of men measure between 4.5 and 5.8 inches, and 95% are in the 3.9- and 6.5-inch range. Only a small percentage of men are beyond that on either end.

By the way, flaccid penises average 3–4 inches, but you can’t tell much about an erection from looking at one. Because some men are “growers” and some are “showers”—that is, a smaller flaccid penis may expand significantly, while a larger one may not change much.

What’s Needed

Now let’s look at the second half of this equation. A woman’s vagina, when aroused, measures about 4.25 to 4.75 inches in depth. But most of the nerve endings are located in the outer third of the vagina—meaning the part closest to the entrance is the most sensitive.

As Paul Byerly of The Marriage Bed put it: “Since only the first 2 to 3 inches of the vagina has nerve endings, length has little to do with pleasing a wife during intercourse.” Going back to our numbers from the previous section, nearly all men hit that stretch of nerve endings with ease.

Bottom line: Almost every husband on the planet has more than enough to satisfy his wife.

What Wives Think

Some men believe (or fear) that women prefer larger-than-average penises. Research says otherwise.

In a 2012 study, when asked about vaginal orgasm:

• 33.8% of women preferred longer-than-average penises.
• 60% said size made no difference.
• 6.3% preferred shorter.

In other words, two-thirds didn’t think bigger was better. (By the way, that “longer-than-average” wasn’t much longer than average. We’re talking point-something, not an inch or more.)

While a longer penis might reach the so-called “G-spot,” that’s no guarantee of better pleasure—and for some women, deep thrusting can be uncomfortable or even painful. Indeed, women married to men with exceptionally large penises may need extra care, foreplay, and lubrication to make intercourse enjoyable.

Moreover, intercourse isn’t even the best way for most wives to reach orgasm! (Click HERE to learn what three actions are more likely to help her reach climax.) Yes, it feels really good to be filled up that way by a loving husband. But, with that short span of vaginal nerve endings, nearly all husbands’ penises provide that sense of fullness to their wives.

When I hear a woman complain about her man’s penis size, it’s almost always outside of marriage—casual relationships or comparisons from high promiscuity. (By the way, that study mentioned above? Survey of college students.) In committed marriages, wives are usually grateful for and content with their husband’s body. They want the man they love and appreciate pleasure and intimacy with him.

When He’s Really Big

For those worried about him being too big for her pleasure, remember that vaginas are amazingly elastic. God designed them to stretch enough for childbirth, and no penis comes close to the size of a baby’s head.

That said, arousal is key. A woman’s body needs time to relax, lubricate, and stretch before intercourse. That means foreplay isn’t optional—it’s essential. Take your time kissing, touching, and caressing. Explore her whole body, not just her genitalia. When she’s well-lubricated, somewhat swollen down there, and eager, penetration will feel far better for both of you.

And lube is your friend. Keep some on hand, because her body may not produce enough naturally. That’s not a defect; it’s just reality.

Most of all, communicate. Ask how she’s doing, check in with her, and adjust as needed. The first time may leave her sore—like she just attended “Sex Boot Camp”—but that’s normal as her body adjusts. If she experiences sharp or ongoing pain, that’s when you need to pause and see a doctor.

When He’s Really Small

For those marriages where he has a particularly small penis, let me remind you that most of the vaginal nerve endings are in the outer 2–3 inches, meaning that’s all it takes to get it done, plus a wife’s peak of pleasure (orgasm) is often achieved in other ways.

But an exceedingly small percentage (about 1.5 in 10,000 men) have what’s called a “micropenis”—that is, less than three inches. That can still be enough, but I understand if that’s a disappointing situation for a spouse. Certain positions and angles can increase sensation, and adding clitoral stimulation with fingers or oral sex can make intercourse more satisfying.

A more invasive option is a surgery called phalloplasty, but that comes with potential complications. I am NOT a physician, so if you’re interested, see a urologist and do your homework. You may want to go that route or you may decide that your size is just fine, thank you very much, and you already have plenty of ways to create pleasure and intimacy in the bedroom.

Why We Worry

A lot of the anxiety about penis size comes not from actual experience but from comparison. Pornography in particular has warped expectations, with its parade of unusually large men. Men exposed to that imagery often feel inadequate, even if they fall squarely in the normal range. Women who’ve engaged with porn (or erotica) may also have erroneous expectations for size.

Even so, surveys show that 85% of women are satisfied with their partner’s size. Yet nearly half of men wish they were bigger. In other words, men worry far more about this issue than their wives do.

The truth is, wives value confidence and connection far more than size. They’d much rather hear “I want to please you” than “Am I big enough?”

So… Does Size Matter?

Not nearly as much as men tend to think. The real truth is: Almost every penis is big enough.

What matters most is love, intimacy, and skill. Husbands, focus less on measuring yourself against others and more on making your wife feel loved, desired, and pleasured. Wives, cherish your husband for the man he is and the body God gave him.

In the end, it doesn’t matter if your husband is a Tall, Grande, or Venti—as long as he’s your favorite flavor.

“My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
outstanding among ten thousand.”

—Song of Songs 5:10

Note
I couldn’t figure out where to put this tidbit in the post, but a recent meta-analysis of past studies suggests that penises are growing. In the last 29 years, erect penile length increased 24%. Huh.

Coming Soon! Stay Tuned…

Sources

• King, B. M. (2020). Average-Size Erect Penis: Fiction, Fact, and the Need for Counseling. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 47(1), 80–89. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2020.1787279
• Rui M. Costa, Geoffrey F. Miller, Stuart Brody, Penis Size and Vaginal Orgasm, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 10, Issue 11, November 2013, Pages 2875–2876, https://doi.org/10.1111/jsm.12281
• Veale, D., Miles, S., Bramley, S., Muir, G., & Hodsoll, J. (2015). Am I normal? a systematic review and construction of nomograms for flaccid and erect penis length and circumference in up to 15 521 men. BJU International, 115(6), 978-986. https://doi.org/10.1111/bju.13010
• Masters, W. H., & Johnson, V. E. (1966). Human sexual response. Boston: Little, Brown and Company.
• Libretexts. (2023, January 17). 26.5E: Vagina. Medicine LibreTexts. https://med.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Anatomy_and_Physiology/Anatomy_and_Physiology_(Boundless)/26%3A_The_Reproductive_System/26.5%3A_The_Female_Reproductive_System/26.5E%3A_Vagina
• Lehmiller, J. (2021, October 7). Does penis size actually affect female sexual pleasure? Sex and Psychology. https://www.sexandpsychology.com/blog/2012/10/17/does-penis-size-actually-affect-female-sexual-pleasure/
• Hatipoğlu, N., & Kurtoğlu, S. (2013). Micropenis: Etiology, Diagnosis and Treatment Approaches. Journal of Clinical Research in Pediatric Endocrinology, 5(4), 217-223. https://doi.org/10.4274/Jcrpe.1135
• Cleveland Clinic. (2024). Phalloplasty: Procedure, risks, benefits, recovery & outlook. Cleveland Clinic Health Library. Retrieved September 4, 2025, from https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/procedures/21585-phalloplasty
• Lever, J., Frederick, D. A., & Peplau, L. A. (2006). Does size matter? Men’s and women’s views on penis size across the lifespan. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 7(3), 129–143. https://doi.org/10.1037/1524-9220.7.3.129
• Belladelli, F., Del Giudice, F., Glover, F., Mulloy, E., Muncey, W., Basran, S., Fallara, G., Pozzi, E., Montorsi, F., Salonia, A., & Eisenberg, M. L. (2023). Worldwide Temporal Trends in Penile Length: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. The World Journal Of Men’s Health, 41(4), 848–860. https://doi.org/10.5534/wjmh.220203

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What should a wife know about sex? Well, lots of things, including how Tab A fits into Slot B. ~grin~ But with 12+ years of ministering to wives and couples regarding sexual intimacy in marriage, a few important points rise to the top. Here are three things I believe every wife should know about sex.

1. You Were Made in God’s Image.

The older I get, the more favorite Bible verses I have. In my Top 10 might well be:

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Genesis 1:27

That one verse is bursting with truths that make a huge difference in how we live our lives … if only we believe them. God—the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Master of the Universe—created us. As if that isn’t cool enough, He made us in His own image! So, our very existence testifies to who God is, including the beauty and intimacy inherent in His person. And He expressed His image in two same-but-different aspects—male and female—that when brought together represent Him even more. Mind. Blown.

But what does any of that mean when it comes to women and sex? Well, it means that we are an integral part of the equation. Our feminine nature—displayed through our bodies, our minds, and our hearts—has value. And if we want to honor our Creator, we’ll own that truth.

Too often, we don’t value ourselves as much as God does. So, we don’t like our bodies, we don’t speak up for what we want sexually, and we don’t value our contribution to the sexual relationship we have with our husbands.

As the saying goes, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking about yourself less.” When we feel secure in God’s love and embrace our inherent worth as a daughter of the King, then we can let go of thinking about ourselves so much and simply enjoy the experience of pleasure and intimacy with a loving husband.

Let’s live out made in his image, even in the bedroom.

Struggling with this?

• Body Image: Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves?
• 5 Reasons to Embrace the Body You Have
• Episode 111: Accepting Your Body – Sex Chat for Christian Wives
• A Love Letter to Yourself
• Wives, Your Voice Matters (in the Bedroom & Beyond)

2. Sex Should Feel Good.

While playing Spouse-Ology, a newlywed board game, with our son and daughterish, we received a question that began with the scenario of “if you were going on a 10-day camping trip” and then a follow-up about which you’d rather do. Spock and I won that round by playing an off-script token that allowed us to choose an answer not in the multiple-choice list. That answer? J. Parker would never go on a 10-day camping trip. Leave me at the posh hotel and pick me back up after your masochistic adventure of self-deprivation!

Some of you are screaming at me right now, because you can’t imagine why someone wouldn’t love camping. And for y’all, here’s a tip: You can’t convince me to enjoy camping with stories about how much you like it, or with a slightly different suggestion (“Try a mini-camper!” “Go to this national park!”), or encouragement to “Go anyway, because you’ll make great memories with your family.” I went camping with my Boy Scout son, because I love him, but I stopped as soon as he left Scouts.

Why am I telling you about my camping aversion? Because for some wives, sex doesn’t feel good. It hurts, or it doesn’t do much for you, or you end up with an infection afterward, or you feel used. And no one telling you how much they like it, or offering a slightly different suggestion, or telling you to do it anyway because it’s good for marriage will convince you that sex can give you pleasure. If you haven’t experienced it, then why would you believe that things could change?

But I will posit two things, one that I don’t currently believe and one that you don’t currently believe: Camping should be fun, and sex should feel good. And for each of us to believe that, the experience itself must change.

Thus, our first question is: Why don’t you enjoy it? Once you answer that, you can begin to explore answers and pursue healing to bring you to a better place. Your journey might involve a visit to your healthcare provider, a conversation with your husband, individual or marital counseling, fresh tips and techniques for arousal and pleasure, figuring out orgasm, recovering from past trauma, addressing your husband’s or your own pornography use, or something else entirely.

The reason I don’t enjoy camping isn’t the same reason others don’t enjoy it. For instance, mosquitoes rarely bite me, so that’s not my issue. But lack of plumbing? Oh yeah, that’s something that would need addressing for me.

Figure out what you need to address regarding sex in your marriage and take that first step.

Struggling with this?

• Is Sex for You Like Going to the Dentist?
• Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage
• Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design
• Q&A with J: Your Pleasure & Orgasm Matter
• How To Tips Archives
• Episode 154: Why We’re Against Porn and Erotica – Sex Chat for Christian Wives

3. Your Sexuality Matters.

Too often in Christian circles (and secular ones too), sex has been discussed a man’s desire and a husband’s privilege. Plenty of resources messaged to wives that their calling was to engage in sex for the sake of their husband and their marriage. Even my own blog began in great part as an attempt to convince wives who weren’t having enough sex in their marriage why it was a worthwhile endeavor (though I never suggested she had to have sex, much less bad sex!).

Through the years, I’ve seen how misguided it is to set the husband’s drive as the standard for sex in a marriage. God designed sex to be mutually desired and satisfying, meaning that the sex life that a couple builds should reflect both of them. Defining sex according to what he wants left far too many wives feeling obligated, used, and/or less valued. And 20–25% of wives couldn’t express their full sexuality because they had married a lower drive husband.

Please hear this, wife: Your sexuality matters just as much as his!

You should both know how your desire and your body work. Your sexual frequency should be negotiated to fit both spouses’ needs and the good of the marriage. Your sexual repertoire should include activities you want or are willing to try. Your pleasure and orgasm should also be prioritized.

Bedroom tango should involve two dance partners moving in sync.

Struggling with this?

• The #1 Myth Christian Women Learned about Sex
• Understanding Your Sex Drive – Webinar Replay – Sex Chat for Christian Wives (only $5!)
• Sex Is for You Too (guest post from Scott Means)
• Episode 118: Sex Is for You Too – Sex Chat for Christian Wives
• You Are Not Your Husband’s Sex Toy
• Q&A with J: Should A Higher Drive Spouse Lower Their Expectations?
• 5 Truths for High-Drive Wives
• Desire Con 2023 – Higher Desire Wife Conference (Replay)

While these three principles aren’t the only ones I could suggest (Hey, I have >1000 posts here), embracing these foundational beliefs can lay the foundation for wonderful sexual intimacy in your marriage.

The post 3 Things Every Wife Should Know About Sex appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

I will never forget the wife who told me that she dressed in her closet rather than let her husband see her body. I would love to tell you that this story had a happy ending, but she and her husband divorced a few years later. Not just because of her body image issues, but they played a part.

Indeed, body image issues, both for wives and for husbands, can make healthy, intimate sexuality a challenge at a best and absent for too many. I really wish we wouldn’t be so unnecessarily hard on ourselves. Here are just a few reasons why you should embrace the body you have!

1. Your body is the only one you’ve got.

Despite such movies as Freaky Friday, All of Me, and Being John Malkovich, you will never, not ever, take over someone else’s body. The one you’re in is the one you’ve got. So, your body falls squarely in the first category of the well-known Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

Originally penned by Reinhold Niebuhr

Accepting your body means that you make peace with its challenges and flaws, but also that you recognize its beauty and effectiveness. Most of us can see, walk, and accomplish what we must do in a day. And even those who cannot perform typical tasks can still find wonder in what their body can and does do!

5 Reasons to Embrace the Body You Have: "Accepting your body means that you make peace with its challenges and flaws, but also that you recognize its beauty and effectiveness." @hotholyhumorous
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2. Comparison pits you against others.

Not all comparison is terrible, if it makes you grateful for what you have. For instance, the wife in Song of Songs says about her husband: “My beloved is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand” (5:10). She’s not saying those other thousands of guys aren’t worthwhile to their gals, but she doesn’t care about them because her hubby stands out to her as The One.

Likewise, you probably stand out to your spouse as The One. In fact, one’s spouse should be their standard of beauty, just as Adam and Eve only had each other as yardsticks for how great a body could look.

But that isn’t the problem as often as us comparing ourselves to others and feeling like we’re not measuring up. Too often, those measurements are fake ones such as airbrushed models or surgery-altered actresses, but sometimes they are real. Hey, I’m as guilty as anyone of feeling worse about myself when I see a friend my age who looks better than I do. But why do I feel that way? Why am I not happy for her? And happy that I look as good as I do? Or simply that my body does what I need it to do (mostly)?

Let’s call it was it is: coveting. And we need to stop it.

We need to look at our body and deal with it as it is and as it can be.

3. God knitted you together.

I know, I know, you say. At this point, perhaps you’ve had that scripture quoted at you somewhere between ten and two hundred times:

For you formed my inward parts;
  you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
  my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:13-14

Besides, those verses are from a psalm “of David,” about whom was also written: “Now he was ruddy and had beautiful eyes and was handsome” (1 Samuel 16:12). Easy to praise God when you’re such a hottie that it gets recorded in The Book!

Except, I don’t think David wrote that when he was young. And some scholars think he didn’t write it at all. The point of the chapter itself is that David doesn’t feel great about how things are going, so he reminds himself that he was made by God, in the image of God, “intricately woven.” And that describes all of us.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made!

Here’s one example. Among all the things I’ve learned about reproductive anatomy in the nearly 12 years I’ve been writing about sex, it’s a TED Talk about how God created the penis that sticks with me. It’s a wonder how God made that body part to have erections. Intricate indeed.

But it’s also a wonder that women’s vaginal lips swell and lubricate, that the vagina expands and contracts, that the clitoris had no discernible purpose beyond pleasure that can lead to orgasm.

God did knit us in some amazing ways—from our heads, to our hearts, to our hard-ons and hoohas. We should embrace that.

4. Bodies change.

Bodies can change for the better, through maturation, healthy living, and exercise. And they can change for the worse, through aging, unhealthy choices, and simple wear and tear. Some of our lifestyle choices will make a difference, but others won’t.

If your body isn’t what it used to be because you got older, welcome to reality.

My husband and I were once watching our son play Ultimate Frisbee, and I asked, “So how long do you think we could play this game before our arthritis made us sit down?” Spock answered, “About ten seconds.” You know you’ve reached a new level of intimacy when you empathize about your aging aches and pains.

The flip side of this was living in France this past summer, where my husband and I did a lot of walking and witnessed our muscles becoming more toned. We’re still not looking like we did at thirty, but we embraced the positive changes.

When a good-willed spouse expresses dissatisfaction with their spouse’s appearance, the issue almost always turns out to be neglect of grooming and/or health. Take care of your body, but let go of unrealistic expectations.

5. Your body is pleasurable.

Your body is pleasurable, in the exact breakdown of that word: pleasure-able; able to give and experience pleasure. And when it comes to sex, that’s the point.

When I consider the couples who’ve told me they deeply enjoy their sexual intimacy, there’s no correlation to appearance—not objective beauty standards of symmetrical features or culturally accepted norms of body size, shape, age, etc. Instead, these spouses have discovered that skin is sensitive, complementary physiques are interesting, and mutual pleasure creates a beauty all its own. They also bring into their sexual relationship appreciation for one another as a person and not just a compilation of body parts.

We should appreciate our body parts for the sensations they provide us and our spouse and how those sensations draw us closer together. That’s when we can lean into the pleasure that our body—whatever it looks like—can provide.

In short, embrace the pleasure, embrace the body that makes it possible.

After giving you five reasons to embrace the body you have:

1. Your body is the only one you’ve got
2. Comparison pits you against others
3. God knitted you together
4. Bodies change
5. Your body is pleasurable (or pleasure-able)

I’m now going to ask you to do something really weird: literally embrace your body. If you need inspiration, scroll up to the picture at the top or down to the one below. That woman is looking in the mirror, smiling at herself, hugging her body…and looks fantastic. Imagine the same woman slumping in front of a mirror, frowning at herself, shaking a disapproving finger at her body. How would she look then?

And yet, that’s the attitude many of us take when it comes to our bodies. Instead, embrace your body. Thank God for its functionality and sensations. Share it with your loving spouse. Enjoy the sexual intimacy you can have with that beautiful body of yours.

For more on this topic, check out the many posts that land under my blog category of body image HERE.

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Beyond the sensitive topic of sex, I’ve been candid about body image and breast augmentation. Today, I’m going to keep that up by sharing why I took my implants out.

Sharing About My Augmentation

In 2011, I wrote two posts about my decision to get breast augmentation, then a follow-up months later, and a second follow-up (based on a reader question) in 2017. Those posts are not available right now, because I want to revisit them and see whether they should be given an introductory disclaimer, revised to include what I know now, or simply discarded. But back then, I wrote:

After living with a pubescent chest for almost thirty years, watching my breast disappear every time I raise my arm above my head, and putting 19 of every 20 outfits I try on back on the rack because they don’t fit my bodice, I started thinking the unthinkable. What if plastic surgery isn’t about how I appear to others or vanity? What if it’s about how I feel about myself? About feeling normal?

Aiming for My Best Chest, Part 1

And this:

Some basic questions ran through my mind as I determined whether I could have plastic surgery and honor God through the process:

1.    Am I being a good financial steward? Plenty of people spend the same amount of money on vacations, furniture, home renovations, etc. That’s okay, as long as we are taking care of our families’ needs and giving generously to our local church and those in need. I had to know that we had money to use for this event and weren’t taking it from another, essential area.

2.    Am I seeking a vain, unrealistic ideal? God looks at the heart, not the outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7). If we believe that our worth is driven by external beauty, we’ve missed the point. I get that. I’m not determining my worth based on that. You see, I don’t want to win a wet t-shirt contest, just shop in the women’s lingerie department.

3.    Am I choosing a size consistent with the body God gave me? Women do lots of things to enhance their beauty–from make-up to Botox to liposuction. Where’s the line? I don’t know! But I’m pretty sure that a woman slapping in implants big enough to don an F-cup results in the wrong kind of attention. So I’ve done what I can to keep myself in check–choosing an implant that will take me to a reasonable bra size.

4.    Am I able to help others in the future with this issue? I think so. Sure, there are times we’d all like an extreme makeover, but my experience might help others sort through the actual issues involved. You gotta ask yourself: Why am I doing this? Is it pure vanity or something else?

I took my sweet time considering this operation–making sure that I was sure. 

Aiming for My Best Chest, Part 2

Believe me, I did my homework! In answer to a reader’s question on how I felt about my implants six years later, I said:

Will you have any regrets? I don’t know. I can’t predict what anyone else will feel. For myself, I have none. But a good portion of why I don’t have regrets is that I carefully considered my decision, researched my options, discussed it fully with my husband, and prayed to make sure my motives were not selfish vanity.

Q&A with J: “How Do You Feel about Your Implants Now?”

Many people had no idea I’d had the procedure done, because I had chosen implants proportionate to my body shape and size and didn’t flaunt them unnecessarily. (I did flaunt them at my husband, but he liked my chest being flaunted at him whatever its size!)

We Had a Good Run

As I said back in 2017, I had no regrets. I healed fine from the surgery, had no decrease in sensitivity (perhaps even an increase), and found it much easier to shop for clothes. My husband liked the result too, not in the sense of those breasts being better but different and allowing for new exploration.

But in October 2020, I got sick and my health problems persisted. You can read more at Are Breast Implants Bad for You? Essentially, I had severe fatigue, body aches, joint pain, weakness, headaches, mild dizziness, and my least favorite, brain fog.

What on earth was going on?!

Nine months later, I have a really good idea. Not because any one doctor had the diagnosis, but because I slowly but surely pieced together the puzzle.

The corner piece for me was menopause. Among other benefits, estrogen provides immune system support (very good for a potential or current mom to have!). Once that coverage went away, underlying health issues floated to the top. From October to now, I discovered:

• Mild rheumatoid arthritis, which explained some of the joint pain.
• Root canal infection, and retreatment made my headaches subside.
• Deviated septum and sinus issues as well as obstructive sleep apnea, which resulted in nose surgery and a CPAP respectively, both helping me to breathe and sleep better.

Yet the fatigue, aches, weakness, and brain fog continued. The most likely explanation I’d found was Breast Implant Illness (BII), a widespread immune system response triggered by the presence of that foreign body. It’s not an official diagnosis—and may never be, given healthcare industry incentives—but thousands of women have reported similar symptoms and relief when they got their implants explanted.

I still had no regrets for the decision I made back in 2010, because I’d done so as responsible and thoroughly as I could at the time. But now that there was a possibility that my implants were causing my health struggles? Well, we had a good run, but it was time to shut that show down.

Removing My Implants

I consulted three plastic surgeons—including my original one, who’d previously done a great job but denied the possibility of breast implant illness—before choosing one I trusted to perform my explant surgery. My doctor‘s practice is almost entirely breast implant removal these days, and he has a long track record of knowing how to remove the implants properly and completely. (For anyone looking for an explant surgeon, you can find a good list of options to start your search here.)

On the afternoon of June 10, I walked into the surgical room, laid down on the waiting gurney, and seconds later, the anesthesiologist had knocked me out. When I woke up, I was groggy and in a bit of pain, but my husband escorted me out and we made the hour-plus drive back home.

Fast forward through pain medication, propping up to sleep, and surgical drains, and we reach two weeks post-surgery. While I was still sore and recovering, it was like a cloud lifted and I had more strength, energy, and clear thinking. For those who read my post about no longer having my monkey circus brain, I felt confident that the chimps were coming back home.

Are all my issues resolved? I need more time to know for sure. But call me a believer that Breast Implant Illness is a real thing and removal of implants can help those who have it.

As for what’s left behind, I’m not concerned about the loss of size or the longer scars that come with this surgery. No one questions when a woman (or man) with breast cancer has her (his) original-issue breasts removed to get better. So why would I balk at taking out upgrades for the sake of my health? If it hadn’t worked, it was still no huge loss.

But it looks like it did work for me.

What Do I Think About Implants Now?

Are implants bad for you? I posed that question in a previous post, and my answer is … maybe but probably not. From what I gathered in my research, plenty of women get breast implants and never have any problems at all.

However, I’m also convinced that breast implant candidates should be screened for autoimmune issues. Moreover, patients should receive more complete information and thorough consent forms (explained in full) before undergoing surgery. (See Breast Implants – Certain Labeling Recommendations to Improve Patient Communication – Guidance for Industry and Food and Drug Administration Staff (fda.gov).) And finally, women with breast implants should receive FDA-recommended ultrasounds or MRIs at 5-6 years postoperatively and every 2-3 years thereafter.

A small percentage of women will have issues. If you think you might have Breast Implant Illness, head over to this post where I include more research information: Are Breast Implants Bad for You?

But do your homework about other possible health issues. It might not be your implants at all. Or maybe not the only issue. Had I jumped right onto BII, I might have resolved my primary issues, but I would still have the headaches and not know about my rheumatoid arthritis. Just look into the options before self-diagnosing BII or something else.

What I hope no one concludes from my story is that all plastic surgery is bad—that we can’t or shouldn’t mess with God’s creation. Yes, I fully believe in being grateful for the body we have that God knit together in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-14). However, plastic surgery has also done wonders for people with birth defects or recovering from a physical injury. And it has helped some deal with body image challenges in reasonably healthy ways.

I’m not opposed to plastic surgery. (See Should Christians Get Plastic Surgery?) Rather, I believe in being cautious and responsible in making such decisions, using the knowledge and insight we can gain from science and others, and seeking the counsel of God and trusted fellow Christians. As your fellow Christian, I hope my candid story can help.

The post Why I Took My Breast Implants Out appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

In December 2010, I got breast implants. In January 2021, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Sadly, I now believe these two events are related.

I have spoken openly about my choice to get plastic surgery and advised others to consider their reasons, do their research, and forge ahead with what they believe is best for them. Now, in addition to feeling personally bad myself, I am horrified by the idea that I might have encouraged someone out there to undergo a procedure that caused unnecessary illness.

Today, I need the correct the record based on what I’ve recently learned.

Why would someone get implants?

Women get breast implants for varied reasons, including:

• Unusually flat chest
• Unevenly sized breasts
• Extreme sagging
• Misshapen breasts
• Reconstruction after mastectomy

Yes, some women with perfectly fine breasts just go bigger, but it’s not as high a percentage as many believe. Most of the women I know who got implants had other reasons too.

What were my reasons for getting implants? Well, I was in the unusually flat chest department. Here’s why I did it:

• Feeling like a woman. When I was 39, my breasts looked 13. The rest of me was a woman, and I simply wanted my chest to display who I was internally.
• Fitting into clothes. I cannot begin to tell you how much easier it is to buy clothes with breasts proportionate to the rest of my body.
• Intimate engagement. Thankfully, my husband already saw me as more than enough. But the implants pushing my own tissue forward allowed more involvement of my breasts in affection and lovemaking.

For ten years, I had no regrets. But last October, I began experiencing health problems.

Do implants cause illness?

Most women who’ve gotten breast implants will never experience such issues, but a few will. An increasing body of evidence in recent years suggests that “silicone bleed” in the body increases the risk of autoimmune diseases and/or the diffuse range of symptoms that mimic known autoimmune diseases.

Some women will actually receive a diagnosis of an autoimmune disease, like me with rheumatoid arthritis. Others will have inconclusive results, and yet know deep down they are sick.

A growing number of women have spoken up about their symptoms, and in response, some researchers and doctors are looking into “breast implant illness.”

What is breast implant illness?

Breast Implant Illness (BII) is the current term used to describe a range of symptoms that occur in those who’ve received breast implants. As of this writing, it’s not a medical diagnosis, but rather an area of discussion and research. We’re still in the information-gathering stage, but enough women have experienced problems that it warrants attention, concern, and perhaps action for those suffering.

What are typical symptoms of BII?

• chronic fatigue
• joint and muscle pain
• memory and concentration problems (“brain fog”)
• breathing difficulties
• sleep disturbance
• rashes and skin problems
• dry mouth and dry eyes
• anxiety / depression
• headaches
• hair loss
• gastrointestinal problems

(List from What Is Breast Implant Illness? breastcancer.org.)

Now these symptoms can certainly occur with other illnesses, so having them doesn’t mean you have BII. Like any medical issue, you need to investigate possible causes, rule out issues, and pursue the right diagnosis as best you can.

In my own situation, I went through physical exams, X-ray, MRI, bloodwork, Covid-19 tests (including antibody), and several more screenings to finally arrive at a rheumatologist saying, “You have the requisite markers of mild rheumatoid arthritis” (RA). I followed up with my own research as well and concluded this diagnosis is very likely correct.

[Note: As part of my own health journey, I discovered obstructive sleep apnea, which I’m having treated as well. So it’s not all RA or BII-related.]

What should you know before getting implants?

Above all, breast implant candidates should be screened for autoimmune issues.

In addition to knowing your whys for wanting implants, I now believe that every woman should be screened for autoimmune issues through medical history, family history, and bloodwork. For instance, I had pseudothrombocytopenia for more 20+ years; that’s a tendency for my platelets to clump that’s not problematic in itself but has been linked to autoimmune diseases. That condition might have shown up with a proper history and bloodwork, making me an inappropriate candidate for breast augmentation involving silicone.

Allergies can also be a precursor for breast implant patients who experience autoimmune issues. Allergies, autoimmune disease, and fibromyalgia were deemed risk factors in research conducted by immunologists (see testimony before the FDA here).

You should know that augmentation options currently include:

• Silicone implants, which are now a gummy-like substance. The silicone won’t leak into your body like prior implants did, but some silicone may slough off (“bleed”) and a rupture could cause even more spread.
• Saline implants with silicone shells. Yes, there’s less silicone involved so they might be safer, but plenty of women now experiencing BII symptoms used saline.
• Natural augmentation, using fat cell replacement. In this procedure, a plastic surgeon liposuctions fat cells from one area of your body (tummy, thigh, etc.) and moves them to your breast. It’s not an option if you don’t have sufficient fat cells, and the increase in breast size is maybe a cup.

Each of these has advantages and disadvantages, which I cannot cover entirely here, but I encourage you to do your homework, ask questions, and follow up if you have any issues or concerns.

You should also know that the US Federal Drug Administration (FDA) recommends periodic imaging (MRI or ultrasound) of silicone gel-filled breast implants, with the first screening at 5-6 years after initial implant and every 2-3 years thereafter. (See also Saline, Silicone Gel, and Alternative Breast Implants – Guidance for Industry and Food and Drug Administration Staff (fda.gov).)

Why not screen for saline implant ruptures? Well, if your saline implant ruptures, the saline leaks out and your breast deflates. But there is still that silicone shell, so perhaps the FDA will introduce some screening for that at some point.

Anyway, if you get implants or have them now, you can and should do some follow-up to make sure everything is a-okay.

But this feels unfair!

When I started researching breast implants, I was taken aback by how many women got them to just feel normal. What I saw in media was the supermodels, actresses, and reality TV celebrities sporting unrealistic boobs. Even what I saw in my own community was often women with breasts lifted up, pushed out, and on display in low-cut tops.

But what I saw online, and since I had my augmentation and discussions with others, was that a lot of wives privately got implants simply to even out breasts, lift drooping boobs, or be a reasonable size. They weren’t getting them to feel boobalicious, but to simply feel normal.

If that’s you, I wish I could hug you. I know what it feels like.

And far be it from me to challenge the Word of God, but I have a question for Him at some point. In Song of Songs 8:8, the wife says: “We have a little sister, and her breasts are not yet grown.” A couple verses later, she says, “I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment.” I once read that passage and sobbed, because even at age 25, I felt like the little sister with not-yet-grown breasts rather than the woman with tower breasts bringing contentment to her husband. For a book that talks so much about our worth to God and others, why is that passage there, making too many women feel not enough? I really would like to know.

Let me encourage you to reach out to me if you need a virtual hug, a shoulder to cry on, a reminder that God really does love and value you. If I believe that God loves and values every single person, including every disabled, mentally challenged, and diseased person—and I certainly do—then of course I believe that I’m beautiful with or without boobs. So are you, my dear sister!

But I also know the grief you feel, and I just acknowledge that. You are precious as you are, but it is also frustrating to have this issue, when it seems it should be improvable.

An apology and a plea

When I got my implants in 2010, this research was not out there. I did my due diligence at the time and spoke from what I had learned. Believe me, I spent at least 50 hours investigating implants—size and appearance, surgery process, and yes, safety. I took nearly a year to make the decision to get the implants, chose a high-quality plastic surgeon, trusted the evidence I’d seen at that point, and felt good about the result. We do the best we can with what we know, right?

Yet, I feel the heavy burden of having advised others. In speaking about the importance of our words, James 3:1 says, “Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.” Ouch. Did I teach someone—even a single individual—to do something that returned harm to them? All I can say at this point is that I’m sorry.

I don’t believe implants are the wrong decision for everyone. They are the right decision for some. The incidence of breast implant illness is perhaps only 1.4 to 2% of implant patients. But that’s still a risk.

So you should be careful, get screened for autoimmune issues before implantation, do your homework and discuss any concerns with your physician, and receive periodic follow-up after.

And if you have developed an autoimmune disease and/or experience several of these symptoms, perhaps you should see a physician. I’m working on my own decision tree for where to go from here.

I’m going to end with possibly embarrassing my husband by sharing what he wrote to me after we slowly peeled back all these layers and decided the implants might be an issue.

I think you should have them explanted…. At the end of the day, you are all I need. And right now, the disease has chased you away.

“Spock” Parker

Hubbies, if you’re reading, take a cue from from that right there. With that attitude, my intimacy with my beloved is intact, and whatever their size or shape, this wife’s breasts will satisfy her husband always (Proverbs 18:19).

Resources
You can find a lot of stuff about Breast Implant Illness now online—some of it well-supported and some not. Below are sources I believe are trustworthy. Use your own discernment as you search for information and understanding.
What Is Breast Implant Illness? (breastcancer.org)
Largest-Ever Study Shows Silicone Breast Implants Associated with Rare Diseases | MD Anderson Cancer Center
Resources | BISA Nonprofit (breastimplantsafetyalliance.org)
Breast Implant Illnesses: What’s the Evidence? | National Center for Health Research
Medical Device Reports for Systemic Symptoms in Women with Breast Implants | FDA

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