Spock (husband) and I are fans of board games. We both enjoy learning, strategy, and competition, along with cooperation when the game requires (e.g., Pandemic). A few years back, we tried our first bedroom game, and we’ve played a few since.

Why would a married couple add games to their sexual intimacy? Three benefits quickly come to mind!

Learn Your Repertoire

Bedroom games provide ideas of sexual activities to try. The suggestions might appear on the squares on a game board, within the card deck, or a pair of dice, but you’ll likely encounter something new or a twist on something old as you play.

You may discover a new idea that you like or that you enjoy something you didn’t realize you would.

But you also learn about your repertoire by what you won’t do. That is, most bedroom board games were conceived and manufactured by secular companies, and thus some suggestions are beyond what you are—and sometimes should—be willing to do. As one or both of you look at a suggested sex activity and says, “Nuh-uh, ain’t gonna happen,” you are delineating boundaries. Even if it’s “for now.”

The point is that a bedroom game can help you both expand and define your sexual intimacy repertoire.

Introduce More Playfulness

Have you noted the title of my website? Yes, I believe sex should be hot (enjoyable) and holy (honoring to God), but it’s also humorous. Anyone who’s had intimate sex in their marriage for years can tell at least one sex story that’s outright funny.

Not only that, it’s important to cultivate a sense of lighthearted enjoyment. Laughter is a bonding experience that’s good for your marriage, and you can even catch aspects of this attitude in the Song of Songs. Introducing playfulness can increase intimacy. Bedroom games are one way to encourage that playfulness.

Introducing playfulness can increase intimacy in your marriage. Bedroom games are one way to encourage that playfulness.
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Bedroom games often include activities outside your comfort zone that feel awkward or even funny or provide opportunities to be humorous with what you’re doing. Even the experience of having an activity timed, and then stopping right as the beep goes off and saying to your beloved, “Your turn!” can cause laughter … since that’s not usually how you do things. (At least I hope it’s not. ~wink~)

Whether you’ve struggled to lighten up or already have a great sense of bedroom humor, games can help you foster your sexual playfulness with one another.

Extend Foreplay

It takes time to play a game, and most of the game is typically focused on arousal and pleasure. That is, you’re not likely to draw a card that says, “Have intercourse until you reach orgasm.”

Rather, the bulk of play involves seduction, exploration, and stimulation. You often have to delay your full gratification until you move a certain number of spaces or complete a series of activities, which draws out foreplay.

Guided by the rules of the game, you may discover that longer lovemaking creates greater connection, anticipation, and eventual satisfaction.

(Putting it more bluntly for certain hubbies: You may realize that she can get really “wet” and even be eager for intercourse—with more attention and buildup.)

You have to set aside enough time for game play, but extended lovemaking could produce a particularly delightful experience for both of you.

Which Bedroom Games to Play?

Good question! I’ll answer that soon on my site with reviews of a few bedroom games. In the meantime, if you’re looking to go ahead and try something out, check out the Married Spice section of bedroom games.

The post 3 Benefits to Playing a Bedroom Game appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

I’m a big believer in both observing the natural humor of life and introducing it into your life. Humor is good for both you and your marriage, as it’s been shown to:

• lower stress levels
• improve immune response
• sharpen cognitive ability
• increase relationship satisfaction

A couple of cautions, though: Humor can make things worse if you’re using it as a way to avoid dealing with issues that require your attention or if you’re laughing at rather than with your spouse.

With that in mind, today I’m sharing a few video clips from Dry Bar Comedy, a YouTube channel and app where you can watch clean comedy clips and specials. Maybe you can sidle up to your spouse, watch, and laugh together.

P.S. I have no control over ads that show up as you’re watching. I don’t think anything problematic will appear, but just in case, I want to let you know it’s YouTube, not me.

About Tying the Knot

On Communication Differences

About Being Different

On Being Lovers

The post Could You Use Some Marriage Humor? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Printable PDFs of the poem are available at the end of the post.

‘Twas The Intimate Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even your spouse.
You hung your stockings by the chimney with care,
In hopes that the two of you soon would get bare.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her Santa teddy and cap,
Was eager to wake hubby from his brief nap.

With hopes that your kids wouldn’t hear the clatter,
You sprang to the bed ’cause you know it matters.
His eyes flew wide open with a flash,
And he smiled at his beautiful wife, so rash.

The moon on your breast, as it shone through the window
Gave luster to your body, hinted at what was below.
Alas, to his wondering eyes, what appeared,
But the woman he chose and holds ever so dear.

With a smile and a grin, so lively and quick,
He lowered his mouth onto your lips.
More rapid than eagles your heartbeats came,
As you kissed him back, your love aflame.

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So out from your bodies the clothing flew,
With longing, desire, and passion a’brew.

And then, in a twinkling, we’ll skip ahead
Past the prancing and pawing that hap’d in your bed.
As you made love and your bodies wound,
It reminded you both of how deeply you’re bound.

Then his eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, (his chin a bit hairy).
His delicious mouth was drawn up like a bow,
After you and he got to “biblically know.”

He held you tight, his arm underneath,
The afterglow encircled you both like a wreath.
That wink of his eye and the kiss on your head,
Reminded you of the night you’d wed.

You laughed with joy, he responded with a whistle,
“Now that was a Christmas Eve with some sizzle!”
And then he spoke with whispered delight:
“Thank you, God, for the intimacy we’ve had tonight.”

Printables

Take your pick of a classic view or a more modern look.

The post ‘Twas the Intimate Night Before Christmas: A Marriage Poem appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

But screen sex is pretend sex. It involves special lighting, camera angles, makeup and wardrobe, choreography, and acting. If we get the idea that sex is like what we see on a screen, we can feel like we’re missing out or that something is wrong with us when sex doesn’t happen that way.

If we get the idea that sex is like what we see on a screen, we can feel like we're missing out or that something is wrong with us when sex doesn't happen that way. via @hotholyhumorous
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Let’s talk about 7 reasons in which screen sex is not like real sex.

1. She’s ready at the drop of a shirt.

Two seconds. That’s all a woman needs to go from zero to fifty shades of “Take Me!”

Yeah, right. The vast majority of times a wife, and often a husband, needs time to shift from daily life to a sexual encounter. She needs to settle the kids down, close her mental tabs, wash away her day’s worries, don her sensual self, and focus on lovemaking. She may need more foreplay than you think, particularly wooing and kissing.

Then, and only then, is she eager to have rip-roaring sex. Or sip-soaring sex. Your choice.

2. They shed their clothes seamlessly.

Blouses unbutton easily, trousers come off with a single zip, bras unhook with a snap, and socks? Well, you never see them removed, but since the couple is barefoot later, socks obviously came off without a hitch.

Meanwhile, in Real World, it can take a little more effort to get your clothes off. And it might not be quite the passionate affair shown on screen.

Anyone ever had a zipper stick? Fumble over the buttons or the bra hook? Stumble while removing your outfit? If you haven’t yet, just wait. As someone who’s 27 years into marriage, I can say pretty confidently it will happen.

3. They knock things over to have sex.

I used to think the scene from Bull Durham where Kevin Costner clears off the breakfast table and lays Susan Sarandon down on it was hot, hot, hot.

Reality check: If my husband swiped his hand over any flat surface in my house, making everything on it topple or drop, I would not be focused on sex. I would be wondering what’s getting broken and/or who’s gonna clean up that mess. ‘Cause it ain’t gonna be me, buster!

Who are these people just knocking stuff down for the sake of sex?! Can they not take ten seconds to move a few things? Find a better place? Maybe head to the bed where there are fewer breakables?

4. Their bodies fit exactly in the missionary position.

They lie face-to-face and penis-to-vagina. The alignment of their genitalia is only matched by the alignment of their eyes as they gaze passionately at one another.

Is that likely? In the US, the average man is five inches taller than the average woman (5’9″ vs. 5’4″). If you line up a man and a woman eyeball-to-eyeball, the likelihood their genitalia will line up as well is pretty much…not happening.

Yes, you can adjust your sexual position to look into one another’s eyes, but if it’s not that easy or not that way every time, join the club. If you have extreme height differences, you can check out some positions here for that specific scenario.

5. He knows exactly what to do.

They’ve never been together, but he knows just what takes her from stirred to sizzling. Indeed, that’s one way she knows he’s The One—because of how well he navigates and stimulates her body.

Good gravy. Most husbands wish their wives came with a manual. Or maybe not, because that manual would be 300 pages with footnotes.

Most husbands wish their wives came with a manual. Or maybe not, because that manual would be 300 pages with footnotes. via @hotholyhumorous
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Look, most men and women don’t know how the other works. We don’t have those parts, so we have to learn about them and what is truly arousing and pleasurable. On top of that, knowing what men and women find pleasing must be adapted to one’s particular spouse. We need to stop expecting our spouse to just know and instead learn and communicate.

6. She orgasms from intercourse.

Kiss, grope, fall on the bed, have intercourse, and boom! the heavens open and she’s gasping with excitement because…Best. Orgasm. Ever.

Sure, some women orgasm with intercourse, but a fair number of wives need other forms of stimulation to reach climax. Indeed, the best way for most women to reach orgasm is through heavy kissing, manual stimulation, and/or oral sex (aka the “golden trio”).

If you assumed the earth would shatter solely from penis-in-vagina thrusting, you may need to adjust your expectations. It could require more angling to hit that sweet spot, additional stimulation to the clitoris during intercourse, and/or other sexual activities.

7. They’re quickly ready to go again.

Whew. What a fantastic, exhausting session of lovemaking. Hey, it’s been five minutes. Let’s go again!

When he’s in his early 20s, maybe. But if that guy is older? Much older? Probably not.

After sex, there’s a refractory period, meaning a time during which the body recovers before it’s ready for orgasm or even arousal again. For men, the refractory period ranges from minutes to 24 hours or more. The average seems to be somewhere around a half-hour, but again, aging can stretch that time quite a bit.

Here’s the good news, though. As a man ages, he can usually last longer. So the total time spent making love could remain about the same, and the quality of the lovemaking may increase. Meaning, so what if you can’t go again right away—you’re better at sex now anyway.

Bonus: It’s Not Always Intimate.

The vast majority of sex shown on screen concentrates on the physical pleasure experienced by the couple.

Yes, sex can be super-pleasurable—sexy, sizzling, satisfying like nothing else in life. But it’s also not that big a deal if it’s just about the physical high.

That is, the physical high fades pretty quickly. Often faster than that refractory period. What makes sex as God designed it deeply satisfying is the one flesh experience—that is, the intimacy expressed and fostered through sex.

You don’t usually see that on screen. But in a healthy marriage with authentic sex, intimacy is the primary ingredient.

In a healthy marriage with authentic sex, intimacy is the primary ingredient. via @hotholyhumorous
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So let’s not watch screen sex and get jealous. It’s often not intimate. It’s certainly not real. It’s not the best sex we can have. Rather, the best sex comes with commitment, intentionality, and deep love.

The post 7 Ways Screen Sex Is Not Like Real Sex appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

I’ve been known to crack a few sex jokes and chuckle at innuendos. One of my favorites is when someone asks me about masturbation, and I answer, “Well, now that’s a touchy topic.” And you’ll periodically hear one-liners and laughter in our Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast.

But is there such a thing as too much sexual humor? Or a type of sexual humor that should be avoided?

Is there such a thing as too much sexual humor? Or a type of sexual humor that should be avoided?
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Ephesians 5:3-5 says:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

Hmmm. Should we reconsider how we treat the subject of sex in conversation? Don’t panic yet. Let me outline a few thoughts here.

1. Context matters.

This passage is talking about sexual immorality and impurity, and conversation in that context. A sexual innuendo about one’s body part is one thing when spoken to your spouse and a whole other thing when spoken to someone else. The first is in the context of a covenant relationship blessed by God with intimacy as the goal of that humor. While the second clearly meets the “out of place” definition in the scripture and could lead to the immorality and impurity warned about.

Now this isn’t license to say anything whatsoever within marriage, because our words should always meet the goal of building one another up (Ephesians 4:29). But speaking innuendos to your beloved mate isn’t an immoral or impure act. Indeed, look at how the lovers spoke to one another in Song of Songs — their playful use of metaphors and euphemisms. That’s a good example of how we can use sexual sense of humor in positive ways.

That said, we need to be careful how we speak in mixed company, to ensure that we are not nudging someone toward impurity. Sexual innuendos broadly (like my “touchy” joke above) don’t meet that definition to me — it’s just us laughing at the shared experience of life — but specifics could be problematic.

2. Content matters.

In the commentaries I read on this passage, the most common takeaway was that sin isn’t funny. Coarse joking about things like sexual trafficking, pornography addiction, adultery, etc. are not a Christ-like approach to sin. We can all nod our heads on this one, but let’s be honest: This can be difficult to follow all the time, because we tend to diffuse stressful situations with humor. It’s a go-to coping mechanism for some.

But real brokenness is heart-rending. It pricks God’s heart and should prick ours too. For instance, there were many jokes about Hugh Hefner through the years, but I never thought he was funny; rather, he was sad, pathetic, and damaging. Likewise, nothing about the #MeToo movement is funny for those who have been sexually harassed and/or assaulted.

Living in Texas, I remember vividly when front-runner candidate Clayton Williams lost the governor’s race by making an offhand comment comparing bad weather to rape. It wasn’t simply in poor taste; it was thoughtless and heartless to everyone (women and men) who had been raped. That is sexual humor gone much too far.

3. Consequence matters.

What’s the result of your sexual humor? Is it lightening you and others up about the awkwardness and foibles of the sexual act? Is it convincing us that sex is universally funny in some ways? Is it having a shared moment of humor with a close friend? Is it inducing greater intimacy between you and your spouse?

Or is it causing your spouse or friends discomfort? Is it encouraging your mind to dwell on sexual improprieties? Is it arousing your lust as much as it tickles your funny bone?

The goal is for God’s people to maintain sexual purity and morality, and if your humor doesn’t do that, then you need to take a step back and ask what, if anything, you need to change.

Now, admittedly, I sometimes have a commenter slam me for my sexual sense of humor here on the blog in a way that makes it clear the person is way too uptight. If someone thinks that Christianity means No Joking Allowed, then the problem isn’t really the joke but the audience. Tough crowd. Is this mic on? Of course if you’re married to that “tough crowd,” you need to tread carefully. Encourage them toward lightning up a little, but don’t dismiss their discomfort.

Is it okay to joke about sex? A playful attitude toward sex can help us see this act in a proper light, pursue greater intimacy with our spouse, and bring laughter to our daily lives. None of those things dishonors God’s design for sex.

But if and when our sexual humor is in the wrong context, includes immoral content, or has a damaging consequence, we need to rethink the purpose and power of our words.

The post Is Joking about Sex Okay? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.