In my last post, 4 Sex Research Findings I Keep Coming Back To, I shared that I’m involved in a research study about married women’s sexual experiences and provided a link for wives to take our survey. And then, I found out the link wasn’t working. (Of course it wasn’t. Why should months of work culminate in everything going smoothly when we release the link? Sigh.)

Please Participate

If you were able to take the survey (the QR code presumably worked), thank you for doing that! If you tried but couldn’t reach it, the proper link is below. And if you didn’t click the link or scan the QR code, please do so! Here’s info about the study:

Regent University’s Cherish research team invites married adult women to take part in an important study on women’s thoughts and feelings around their sexual experience. Participation involves completing a confidential 20-minute online survey. Your privacy will be fully respected and you may choose to opt out at any point; if you choose to participate, more information will be given with regard to informed consent. Your responses will help shed light on an area of women’s health that is often underrepresented in research. By joining, you will be contributing to meaningful insights that can improve awareness, resources, and future care for women. Your voice matters, and your voluntary participation can make a real difference. Please contact abigwi3@regent.edu if you have any questions.

A Few Notes About Research

Having reported on many studies, and now helping with a study, I’ve learned a lot about how research is conducted. In a prior post, I noted The Perks and Pitfalls of Sex Research. But here’s a short list of research considerations:

• Sample. Quality research involves a representative sample (unless it’s a case study, which is different). For instance, in the work I do here, findings of a study of committed couples are more relevant than one of single college students.
• Purpose. Studies ask a question and then attempt to answer it. However, most of the time, researchers don’t tell you the specific question(s) they’re looking into because sharing their hypotheses ahead of time could influence participants’ responses.
• Measurement. A key question is how to measure whatever the researchers are looking for. In sex studies, researchers typically have people engage in sexual activities in a lab or fill out questionnaires (obviously, more people would prefer to do the latter). To reach credible outcomes, a measurement should be valid and reliable; that is, it measures what it says it measures and produces the same results when repeated under similar conditions.
  • Note: Some research uses more than one questionnaire previously established as valid and reliable, and the questionnaires may overlap. While it can feel weird to answer similar questions more than once, researchers usually can’t remove “repeats” because that would affect the validity and reliability of their findings.
• Confidentiality. Researchers should always tell you how the information you provide will be used and lay out how your private details will be protected.
• Institutional Review. Well-respected research normally goes through an institutional review process, meaning those conducting the study submit the why and how of their research to an expert board to make sure everything’s on the up and up. If the board finds any problems, they can and should request changes.
• Participants’ Rights. Participants should have the right to opt out at any time and also be made aware of where and how to report any concerns or complaints.

If you want to know more about how research involving humans should unfold, check out the US Department of Health & Human Services page About Research Participation. The World Health Organization also has information about conducting human research ethically.

One More Time

If you’re willing, wives, please take 20 minutes and complete our survey. Here are the link and QR code again. Thank you!

The post A Call to Wives to Help Our Research (w/an updated link) appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

You may have seen it in the news lately: Americans are experiencing a “sex recession.” And while married people still have more sex than unmarried ones, they’re having less than they used to.

What’s up, y’all?

The Evidence

Using data from the General Social Survey, researchers Brad Wilcox and Grant Bailey of the Institute for Family Studies noted: “Between 1996 and 2008, 59% of married adults, ages 18-64, reported having sex once a week or more. That number fell to 49% for the period of 2010 to 2024.” Here’s a fuller picture of what’s been happening:

While that severe drop from 75% before age twenty-five to 28% at my age (late fifties) is also depressing, we’ll talk about that another time. Today’s point is that the average drop of around 8% for all ages represents about five million more couples not having sex weekly.

The Theories

Why aren’t more married couples engaging in weekly, or greater, sexual intimacy? The Institute of Family Studies suggested:

Today’s electronic opiates not only depress partnering and marriage among young adults—they also weaken already established relationships. A 2023 IFS study found that married adults reported lower sexual frequency when their spouse substituted couple time for phone or computer use. Furthermore, bedtime procrastination is a rising habit. So-called bedtime procrastinators spend two hours using some form of digital media in the three hours leading up to sleep. It’s not surprising that more social media, Netflix, or gaming on the part of spouses translates to less intimacy.

I largely agree with them (e.g., see my post Get Off Your Screen & Have Sex with Your Wife), but I’d add a few issues.

Widespread Pornography. Viewing porn has two common effects: (1) the porn user seeks out more frequent and/or risky sex, or (2) the porn user comes to prefer the more immediate, self-focused experience. In both cases, the couple may experience less sex. In the first scenario, the porn-using spouse pushes for more and riskier sex, which their mate reasonably resists. In the second, the porn-using spouse rejects sex with their mate in favor of porn.

Many husbands, wives, and couples have been wooed away by pornography. If that’s your story, please reach out to resources that can make a difference, such as:

Small Groups Online (from XXX Church)
Proven Men (for him)
Be Broken (for him)
Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer
Unwanted Journey Group Intensive | Aldrich Ministries (for him)
Samson Society (for him)
SheRecovery (for her)
Beggar’s Daughter (for her)
Her Freedom Journey: A Guide Out of Porn and Shame to Authentic Intimacy by Juli Slattery & Joy Skarka

Female Empowerment. For far too long, women have received the message that they owe their husband sex—to be a good wife, to keep him from cheating, to satisfy his “needs,” etc. Thankfully, various authors and leaders have challenged this message. God’s design for sex is not that a husband feels sated and a wife feels used. When wives learn that sex itself isn’t the goal, some choose to have it less often. That’s not all bad. Wives who’ve experienced trauma or sexual pain or bullying in the bedroom are right to put their foot down.

Of course, my goal is to introduce these couples to a better way, the mutually desired and satisfying sexual intimacy God designed for us to have! But sometimes that begins with saying no to the wrong way say you can say yes to the right way.

Parenting Overload. When I was growing up (in the 70s and 80s), parents expected their children to go outside and play . . . for hours. Many times, my parents didn’t know where I was, other than in the neighborhood and on my bike. I’m not suggesting we return to those days. (Frankly, we had a little too much freedom.) But many parents have swung the other way—managing and micromanaging their children’s schedules such that there’s little time left for a husband and wife to connect.

When your schedule is filled with your children’s dance classes, sports practices, taekwondo, marching band, and scouts, where you do find the time to reconnect emotionally, much less physically?

Extended Family Disconnect. Once upon a time, families lived in clans. While some families lost that centuries ago, many still had grandparents, aunts, and uncles living close to them who shared the responsibility of childcare. But in 2022, the Pew Research Center reported that 45% of Americans lived more than an hour away from extended family.

Not having someone to keep your kids for a while can negatively impact your ability to have date nights and private “couple time.” Not to mention that doing it all yourself can wear you out, leaving little energy for nookie.

Increased Stress. Stress has ticked upward since 2012, especially since the worldwide Covid-19 pandemic. (Remember that? Of course you do!)

While having sex can relieve stress for some, stress can also prevent you from having sex since cortisol, our body’s primary stress hormone, dampens sexual interest.

That’s a lot of factors contributing to less sex! While stopping sex that mistreats one spouse is a good development, the other causes are not so positive.

The Fix

What to do? “Get thee to the bedroom!” some would say.

For some of y’all, that’s good advice. But based on 14+ years of hearing spouses’ stories, I can tell you that most of the time, we need to back up and deal with those whys. Why are you not having sex as much as couples used to have? Is it for a good reason? Are you simply in a rough season? Do you need to change something else in your life before you can increase sexual frequency? And how is the sex itself when you have it?

Truth is, most spouses want more sex to happen in their marriage. One extensive research project found that “among those who said they were less than happy with the frequency, 76 percent of their spouses were less than happy with the frequency too! Even in the most low-sex/no-sex marriages, both the husband and wife want to be having sex more often!”

Thankfully, many of us aren’t willing to settle for Tab-A-in-Slot-B sex but want the kind of sex God prescribed: mutually desired and fulfilling sexual intimacy. Once you recognize that as the goal and figure out what’s in the way, you can work together to address the obstacles and prioritize physical connection.

That could involve something as simple as taking one task off your to-do list or letting one of your child’s extracurriculars go. Or it could be more involved, such as getting help for a porn habit or addressing past sexual trauma. It could involve fostering your emotional intimacy or learning more about how to experience better sex. (I can certainly help with that last one!)

But let’s strive not to be in that sex recession statistic. Instead, let’s choose the path God paved for us—a marriage of two spouses who prioritize and enjoy sexual intimacy.

Related post: 7 Reasons You Don’t Want Sex – Hot, Holy & Humorous

Sources:

• Feldhahn, Shaunti, and Michael Sytsma. Secrets of sex and marriage: 8 surprises that make all the difference. Minneapolis, MN: Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing Group, 2023.
• Hurst, Kiley. “More than Half of Americans Live within an Hour of Extended Family.” Pew Research Center, May 18, 2022. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2022/05/18/more-than-half-of-americans-live-within-an-hour-of-extended-family/.
•  Wilcox, Brad, and Grant Bailey. “The Sex Recession: The Share of Americans Having Regular Sex Keeps Dropping.” Institute for Family Studies, August 25, 2025. https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-sex-recession-the-share-of-americans-having-regular-sex-keeps-dropping.

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From time to time, this common question lands in my inbox: Does penis size matter? Husbands want to know if they’re big enough or wonder if their wives secretly wish for more, while women worry whether their future husband might hurt them or privately wonder if there is something to the “bigger is better” hype.

So let’s talk about penis size—what science says, what wives experience, and what really makes for great sex in marriage.

What’s “Normal”

What is a “normal” penis size? Research has shown that the average erect penis is between 5 and 6 inches long. For a sense of that length, think between a highlighter pen and a smartphone—like a Samsung Galaxy, iPhone, or Google Pixel.

Not every man is in that average range. But according to a 2014 study, 68% of men measure between 4.5 and 5.8 inches, and 95% are in the 3.9- and 6.5-inch range. Only a small percentage of men are beyond that on either end.

By the way, flaccid penises average 3–4 inches, but you can’t tell much about an erection from looking at one. Because some men are “growers” and some are “showers”—that is, a smaller flaccid penis may expand significantly, while a larger one may not change much.

What’s Needed

Now let’s look at the second half of this equation. A woman’s vagina, when aroused, measures about 4.25 to 4.75 inches in depth. But most of the nerve endings are located in the outer third of the vagina—meaning the part closest to the entrance is the most sensitive.

As Paul Byerly of The Marriage Bed put it: “Since only the first 2 to 3 inches of the vagina has nerve endings, length has little to do with pleasing a wife during intercourse.” Going back to our numbers from the previous section, nearly all men hit that stretch of nerve endings with ease.

Bottom line: Almost every husband on the planet has more than enough to satisfy his wife.

What Wives Think

Some men believe (or fear) that women prefer larger-than-average penises. Research says otherwise.

In a 2012 study, when asked about vaginal orgasm:

• 33.8% of women preferred longer-than-average penises.
• 60% said size made no difference.
• 6.3% preferred shorter.

In other words, two-thirds didn’t think bigger was better. (By the way, that “longer-than-average” wasn’t much longer than average. We’re talking point-something, not an inch or more.)

While a longer penis might reach the so-called “G-spot,” that’s no guarantee of better pleasure—and for some women, deep thrusting can be uncomfortable or even painful. Indeed, women married to men with exceptionally large penises may need extra care, foreplay, and lubrication to make intercourse enjoyable.

Moreover, intercourse isn’t even the best way for most wives to reach orgasm! (Click HERE to learn what three actions are more likely to help her reach climax.) Yes, it feels really good to be filled up that way by a loving husband. But, with that short span of vaginal nerve endings, nearly all husbands’ penises provide that sense of fullness to their wives.

When I hear a woman complain about her man’s penis size, it’s almost always outside of marriage—casual relationships or comparisons from high promiscuity. (By the way, that study mentioned above? Survey of college students.) In committed marriages, wives are usually grateful for and content with their husband’s body. They want the man they love and appreciate pleasure and intimacy with him.

When He’s Really Big

For those worried about him being too big for her pleasure, remember that vaginas are amazingly elastic. God designed them to stretch enough for childbirth, and no penis comes close to the size of a baby’s head.

That said, arousal is key. A woman’s body needs time to relax, lubricate, and stretch before intercourse. That means foreplay isn’t optional—it’s essential. Take your time kissing, touching, and caressing. Explore her whole body, not just her genitalia. When she’s well-lubricated, somewhat swollen down there, and eager, penetration will feel far better for both of you.

And lube is your friend. Keep some on hand, because her body may not produce enough naturally. That’s not a defect; it’s just reality.

Most of all, communicate. Ask how she’s doing, check in with her, and adjust as needed. The first time may leave her sore—like she just attended “Sex Boot Camp”—but that’s normal as her body adjusts. If she experiences sharp or ongoing pain, that’s when you need to pause and see a doctor.

When He’s Really Small

For those marriages where he has a particularly small penis, let me remind you that most of the vaginal nerve endings are in the outer 2–3 inches, meaning that’s all it takes to get it done, plus a wife’s peak of pleasure (orgasm) is often achieved in other ways.

But an exceedingly small percentage (about 1.5 in 10,000 men) have what’s called a “micropenis”—that is, less than three inches. That can still be enough, but I understand if that’s a disappointing situation for a spouse. Certain positions and angles can increase sensation, and adding clitoral stimulation with fingers or oral sex can make intercourse more satisfying.

A more invasive option is a surgery called phalloplasty, but that comes with potential complications. I am NOT a physician, so if you’re interested, see a urologist and do your homework. You may want to go that route or you may decide that your size is just fine, thank you very much, and you already have plenty of ways to create pleasure and intimacy in the bedroom.

Why We Worry

A lot of the anxiety about penis size comes not from actual experience but from comparison. Pornography in particular has warped expectations, with its parade of unusually large men. Men exposed to that imagery often feel inadequate, even if they fall squarely in the normal range. Women who’ve engaged with porn (or erotica) may also have erroneous expectations for size.

Even so, surveys show that 85% of women are satisfied with their partner’s size. Yet nearly half of men wish they were bigger. In other words, men worry far more about this issue than their wives do.

The truth is, wives value confidence and connection far more than size. They’d much rather hear “I want to please you” than “Am I big enough?”

So… Does Size Matter?

Not nearly as much as men tend to think. The real truth is: Almost every penis is big enough.

What matters most is love, intimacy, and skill. Husbands, focus less on measuring yourself against others and more on making your wife feel loved, desired, and pleasured. Wives, cherish your husband for the man he is and the body God gave him.

In the end, it doesn’t matter if your husband is a Tall, Grande, or Venti—as long as he’s your favorite flavor.

“My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
outstanding among ten thousand.”

—Song of Songs 5:10

Note
I couldn’t figure out where to put this tidbit in the post, but a recent meta-analysis of past studies suggests that penises are growing. In the last 29 years, erect penile length increased 24%. Huh.

Coming Soon! Stay Tuned…

Sources

• King, B. M. (2020). Average-Size Erect Penis: Fiction, Fact, and the Need for Counseling. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 47(1), 80–89. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2020.1787279
• Rui M. Costa, Geoffrey F. Miller, Stuart Brody, Penis Size and Vaginal Orgasm, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 10, Issue 11, November 2013, Pages 2875–2876, https://doi.org/10.1111/jsm.12281
• Veale, D., Miles, S., Bramley, S., Muir, G., & Hodsoll, J. (2015). Am I normal? a systematic review and construction of nomograms for flaccid and erect penis length and circumference in up to 15 521 men. BJU International, 115(6), 978-986. https://doi.org/10.1111/bju.13010
• Masters, W. H., & Johnson, V. E. (1966). Human sexual response. Boston: Little, Brown and Company.
• Libretexts. (2023, January 17). 26.5E: Vagina. Medicine LibreTexts. https://med.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Anatomy_and_Physiology/Anatomy_and_Physiology_(Boundless)/26%3A_The_Reproductive_System/26.5%3A_The_Female_Reproductive_System/26.5E%3A_Vagina
• Lehmiller, J. (2021, October 7). Does penis size actually affect female sexual pleasure? Sex and Psychology. https://www.sexandpsychology.com/blog/2012/10/17/does-penis-size-actually-affect-female-sexual-pleasure/
• Hatipoğlu, N., & Kurtoğlu, S. (2013). Micropenis: Etiology, Diagnosis and Treatment Approaches. Journal of Clinical Research in Pediatric Endocrinology, 5(4), 217-223. https://doi.org/10.4274/Jcrpe.1135
• Cleveland Clinic. (2024). Phalloplasty: Procedure, risks, benefits, recovery & outlook. Cleveland Clinic Health Library. Retrieved September 4, 2025, from https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/procedures/21585-phalloplasty
• Lever, J., Frederick, D. A., & Peplau, L. A. (2006). Does size matter? Men’s and women’s views on penis size across the lifespan. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 7(3), 129–143. https://doi.org/10.1037/1524-9220.7.3.129
• Belladelli, F., Del Giudice, F., Glover, F., Mulloy, E., Muncey, W., Basran, S., Fallara, G., Pozzi, E., Montorsi, F., Salonia, A., & Eisenberg, M. L. (2023). Worldwide Temporal Trends in Penile Length: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. The World Journal Of Men’s Health, 41(4), 848–860. https://doi.org/10.5534/wjmh.220203

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Sometimes I see an article in which a sexologist or marriage educator suggests that it’s good for a relationship to watch porn together. Of course, I disagree. However, I don’t think we should ignore the research they cite in support of their opinion. We Christians should be willing to speak truth, even if pieces of it don’t go the way we wish they would.

For instance, I’ve written before how premarital sex felt great, and saying otherwise doesn’t equip youth and singles for the temptations they encounter. That doesn’t mean that premarital sex is good, just that it felt good at the time. But let’s not pretend otherwise and let’s argue God’s design for sex based on a deeper understanding of what sexual intimacy should be in our lives.

Back to porn. From what I’ve read, studies consistently show two outcomes of watching porn as a couple that are considered positive:

1. The frequency of sex increases.
2. Individuals are more willing to try new sexual activities.

Now, first off, this is for couples voluntarily watching porn together. When one spouse watches porn alone or demands that the other watch them, most can see how this would be a bad idea. Of course, I believe that watching porn is sin, but even someone who doesn’t should recognize that acting out sexually in ways your spouse dislikes can and will damage the relationship.

As for watching porn as a couple, what about those positive benefits found in various studies?

1. The frequency of sex increases.

Increased sexual frequency seems like a great outcome. Plenty of spouses would like to engage in sex more often. I’ve even personally heard from couples who say this worked — that they had a particularly steamy session of lovemaking after watching a porn video together.

By the way, this is also an argument of romance and erotic romance authors, who point to research that shows an increase in sexual frequency when the wife reads their fiction.

However, this increase in sexual frequency does not translate to increased sexual intimacy. Rather, porn encourages sexual consumerism; that is, viewing the person on screen, and later your partner, as a means to an end. That end being your own sexual pleasure.

Speaking of which, the emphasis is physical pleasure, rather than emotional connection. While you might still feel emotionally connected the first few times when fueled by porn, over time, you will absorb the messages inherent in pornography. Those messages include objectification of others, aggression, unbalanced power dynamics, and misuse of our bodies.

Having more frequent sex that doesn’t lead to greater marital intimacy isn’t the goal. Instead, couples should find ways to increase sexual frequency that honor one another and promote genuine connection in their marriage.

2. Individuals are more willing to try new sexual activities.

The second “positive” outcome noted by researchers is that couples are more willing to try new things in the bedroom. Yes, it can be good to expand your sexual menu! That said, it’s not always good to try new things.

Think about it in terms of a food menu. Sure, you want to eat a variety of foods, and trying new things can help you accomplish that. But it’s one thing to try broccoli or Brussel sprouts and another thing altogether to try mice or maggots. (Yes, I discovered some people in the world eat those, and GROSS.) Sorry for that word picture, but you get the point that some sexual activities are not good for you to add to your menu.

When a study says that couples are willing to try what they saw in porn, what they’re saying is that people become more willing to try activities that are often extreme, degrading, or harmful.

Moreover, the introduction of extreme activities can keep spouses from enjoying “regular” sex. Drs. John and Julie Gottman explained it in terms of a supernormal stimulus:

Pornography may be just such a supernormal stimulus. With pornography use, much more of a normal stimulus may eventually be needed to achieve the response a supernormal stimulus evokes. In contrast, ordinary levels of the stimulus are no longer interesting. This may be how normal sex becomes much less interesting for porn users.

An Open Letter on Porn | The Gottman Institute

Again, you can try new things without “inspiration” from porn. I have many posts on my blog with how to tips for husbands and wives, I have step-by-step suggestions in my book Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design, and we share ideas on our Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast.

But Is Porn Really That Bad?

Short answer: yes. And not just because it hurts the intimacy of the couple watching it.

Pornography viewing has been linked to attitudes supporting violence against women. And the industry itself abuses actors who create that pornography. Even those who say they enjoy what they’re doing often have sexual abuse in their background and/or addictions to cope with the misuse of their bodies.

But today’s porn also includes unwilling participants — specifically, sexually trafficked victims. Many of whom are minors.

Yet, it also damages a couple’s intimacy, whether they watch alone or together. Over the course of my ministry, I’ve heard from countless spouses who have been negatively impacted by porn use. It sets up unrealistic expectations, encourages exploiting others for your sexual satisfaction, and keeps us from enjoying the so-much-better sexual intimacy God intends for us to have.

If you’re struggling with porn, please reach out and get some help. Here are a few resources to consider:

• Proven Men
• Be Broken
• Covenant Eyes
• Samson Society
• Fight the New Drug

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Through the years, I’ve had multiple conversations with wives that came around to this question about marriage: What happened to kissing?! Many women believe that once men got married and know that kissing could lead to really good stuff (yay, sex!), they seem to want to skip smooching and aim for their real target from the get-go. Many ladies have been, understandably, disappointed.

Now I’m not here to bash men. Plenty of guys enjoy kissing too. And some wives don’t take time to kiss.

But kissing is one of the romantic activities that too often falls by the wayside in the busyness of our lives and the settling in of our marriages. Let’s change that!

Why should you be kissing more?

Health Benefits. Practically speaking, there are health benefits to kissing. Among the perks are lowered blood pressure, easing of cramps or headache pain, facial muscle toning, and cavity-fighting. And contrary to the opinion some might have out there, kissing actually boosts your immune system by introducing your mate’s “germs” to you in small, manageable doses that build up your ability to fight off illness later.

Body Chemicals. Kissing also releases several body chemicals that bond you to your beloved. Dopamine triggers the reward system in our brain; endorphins give us a joyful buzz; phenylethylamine has an aphrodisiac effect; adrenaline energizes you; and oxytocin makes you feel more attached to your kiss-mate. In addition, men transfer some testosterone to their wives when they swap saliva which helps to fuel her sex drive. And if that isn’t enough, we also release pheromones, which are attraction chemicals that we, more or less, “sniff out” with each other. All those body effects gives us happy feelings about the experience, our partner, and the potential for sex later.

Intimacy-building. Beyond the biology, kissing builds relationship. The experience of kissing requires us to be face-to-face, even eye-to-eye, which is a very intimate posture. Up close, we’re also engaging our olfactory senses, and smell is the sense most tied to memory. Indeed, a research study showed that people had better recall of their first kiss than their first sexual intercourse. And it’s a personal expression of yourself that has so many variations. Putting your lips together is a lot like a dance, with you having to adjust to one another’s moves to make things work smoothly. It forces you to move in rhythm with your partner.

Love expression. Song of Songs begins with this verse: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine.” This biblical wife links the experience of kissing with knowing how delightful her husband’s love is. This theme is strongly represented in our literature, entertainment, and culture as well. Just think about the amazing kisses from novels you’ve read or movies you’ve seen or even weddings you’ve attended, and how you walked away thinking, “Wow, they’re really into each other.” Or think back to one of your favorite kisses with your husband and how that made you feel. Did you get the tingles? Feel warmth spread through your body? Experience a swell of love in your heart?

Do the genders differ?

Let me return quickly to my original conversation with those wives, who were wishing their husbands would get the memo and bring back some passionate kissing to their marriage. While I didn’t have a statistical sample, one research study indicated that men really do view kissing differently from women. On the whole, of course.

“Males tended to kiss as a means to an end — to gain sexual favors or to reconcile. In contrast, females kiss to establish and monitor the status of their relationship, and to assess and periodically update the level of commitment on the part of a partner” (University at Albany, A Kiss is Still a Kiss — or is it?).

If you’re a guy reading this post, let me break it down for you the way men often like things said — no hints, no frills, to the point. If you want your wife to feel confident of your love, secure in your marriage, and stirred up sexually, you’d better get to kissing her. And kissing her the way she likes to be kissed. None of that slurp-up-her-lips stuff. Y’all know what I’m talking about: Woo her with your mouth. I believe completely in your ability to sweep your lady off her feet with some sexy, sexy kissing. And will it lead to sex? You might get lucky right then and there. But you might not; rather, you might slowly nurture the romance and excitement in your marriage in ways that will pay dividends in your relationship and in your bedroom in the future. Besides, you might find out that kissing for the sake of kissing is pretty awesome after all.

What’s stopping you from kissing more?

Once you understand the benefits, what more do you need to start kissing again in your marriage? I think you need three things:

Commitment. Prioritize kissing in your marriage. Make it a habit for a while, even a goal. Like you could say, “We’re going to kiss for several seconds every day when we get home.” After a little while, you probably won’t need to think about it. You’ll just enjoy it enough to do it automatically.

Time. We often feel so in a hurry that we don’t take time for little things like kissing. It seems like an optional activity, so it doesn’t happen as much as it once did. But what if you devoted just five minutes a day to kissing? Could you find five minutes? Make time.

Communication. Some of you aren’t even sure you want to kiss more. Because if kissing is like a dance, your husband is constantly stepping all over your feet, so to speak. Basically, the kissing isn’t that terrific. Here’s where you both need to speak up and talk about what makes a great kiss. Be positive about asking for changes in what he’s been doing, but offer what really curls your toes. Tutor each other, practice often, become experts.

For more about kissing, see 5 Kisses You Need to Master.

And speaking of marriage ministry, don’t forget about the 2025 Marriage Bundle, with 26 marriage-enhancing products worth over $400 currently available for only $35! Only with my unique link: https://tinyurl.com/marriagebundle25 Promo ends Sunday, July 27!

This post first appeared on Hot, Holy & Humorous on August 15, 2016 and was updated.

Sources: CNN – 8 health benefits of kissing; Web MD – What’s So Great About Kissing?; Men’s Fitness – Kissing Helps Boost Your Immune System; Sparkly Science – The science behind kissing: 10 things that happen when we kiss; Daily Mail – You’re more likely to remember your first kiss than losing your virginity

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