Unfortunately, guys, some of your gender have done such a terrible job representing that various women wonder at times whether all men are pigs. Or at least a high majority of men.

Apparently it seems that you could stand in Hollywood, Corporate America, or Capitol Hill; yell, “Pig!”; and within earshot there would be a sexual harasser or assaulter who deserves the epithet. Our human tendency is to notice what’s askew in our environment rather than what’s normal, so we can end up focusing so much on the stink of the sty in our noses rather than the aroma of goodness from all the other men in our presence.

I know this is true, because when I walked out of the movie Blade Runner 2049, I was really glad my husband was walking beside me as a reminder of honorable masculinity. Otherwise, I might have fallen prey to a general rant about “men!” with a disgusted snort every minute or so.

Now I rarely see R-rated movies anymore. I just don’t want to be bombarded by all the filth along with the other stuff. So maybe this is the new standard, but the amount of female nudity shown in close-up was utterly appalling to me. It was not done in a particularly titillating way; however, it was as if they thought nothing whatsoever of saying to an actress, or rather several actresses, “Hey, strip down, and we’re going to show off your body.” And there was no story reason why private parts had to be shown. Every single point they wanted to make could have been made with strategic hints and better filming.

I emerged from the darkness of the theater with my muscles clenched, nausea in my stomach, and my head reeling. I went off for a full three minutes or so—bless my patient husband—about how the film was written by men, directed by a man, had starring roles for men, and what did they do? They treated women like sex objects, to be displayed and used in whatever way the men wanted.

Yes, the actresses went along with it, and that does not make me happy. Plenty of times I’ve wanted to say to some woman, “Please stop! Your willingness to be treated purely as a sex object makes things worse for the rest of us.”

And in a world that consumes porn like air, I guess I shouldn’t be so shocked by a flesh-filled, R-rated film. But I’m still regularly shocked by blatant mistreatment of women.

I'm still regularly shocked by blatant mistreatment of women.
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Unfortunately, too many “pigs” exist, who belittle women as little more than a collection of sexual body parts. Who watch porn daily with no remorse, who argue with me on my blog or Facebook that lusting after women is just what men do, who harass and assault women for their own jollies, who blame women for their willingness to go along with the sex object fantasy, who expect their own wives to be their personal porn star. Yeah, there are plenty of men mucking around in the mud of the pen.

But like I said, I walked out of that theater with my good and godly husband. So I kept my post-movie rant directed at the “pigs” out there, not men in general.

I am blessed to have amazing men in my life! My husband and my sons don’t treat women poorly. I have male friends who are upstanding husbands and fathers and spiritual leaders, for whom respect of women is given. And many men out there are just as bothered by sexual harassers and assaulters as many of us women are.

Have these men never struggled with lust? Have they have never responded viscerally to an unclad woman on screen? Has porn never been an issue for them? No, some have struggled with these issues. But they have overcome or continue to improve, because they get it — they understand that the difference between a “pig” and a good man is this:

“Then [Jesus] turned toward the woman and said to Simon, ‘Do you see this woman?'” (Luke 7:44)

Jesus knew Simon literally saw the woman. Before this verse comes this passage:

A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner” (Luke 7:36-39).

Jesus is asking if Simon really sees her—sees beyond the “kind of woman she is” to the woman God created her to be. Does Simon really see the person there? A person who deserves, just by being made in the image of God, to be treated with gentleness and respect.

Good men use their unique gifts to protect women, as Jesus spoke up for this woman in the presence of other men. Good men really see the women they interact with.

As I once said to my son, “Look, I get it: Women have very interesting parts. But remember that they are more than their parts.”

Want to stay out of the pig pen? Treat women like Jesus did. You can find some great examples in these passages:

Mark 5:24-34
Luke 10:38-42
John 4:1-26
Luke 7:36-50

And if you’re ever struggling, men, ask yourself Jesus’s question: Do you see this woman? 

The post On “Pigs,” Good Men, and the Difference appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

“I think there are a couple of reasons why women ‘bash’ men . . . first of all, we women, every one of us, have had experience with the worst of male behavior (catcalling, unwanted touch, etc.).”

Oh so true.

For example, my family moved into a new house when I was in 8th grade, and it was one of the first built on the street. The school bus dropped us off at the corner, and my sister and I had to walk a few blocks past houses under construction to reach our residence. Almost every afternoon, we were greeted by construction workers ogling as we passed, whistling at us, and making inappropriate comments. It was a whole group of men, and they were ill-behaved in the extreme — especially to under-aged girls.

Did this make me feel good about men? Nope, not so much. But what bothered me most was how powerless I felt in that moment. I couldn’t stop what was happening! They were adults, we were minors. They were bigger, we were smaller. We were two, they were many. And if we said anything, it only seemed to egg them on. But we had to walk that route. So we kept our eyes forward, ignored them as best we could, and walked home.

Looking back, I think if my father had known what was happening, he might have approached them or complained to the company. But at that time, we were teenagers wanting to be adults and handle things ourselves. I don’t recall ever bothering to tell my parents about our walk home, and as the construction areas slowly became built houses, the problem went away.

Yet other men in my life have certainly been inappropriate — everything from that weird up-and-down-your-body eye scan from a complete stranger, to creepy pick-up lines, to a guy getting grabby on the first date. After seeing those behaviors — and hearing from older, well-meaning women such stupid phrases as “guys only want one thing” — a girl can have more than one moment when she wonders if the whole male species is simply a pack of barely civilized wolves.

Thankfully, I didn’t buy that.

I had too many conflicting examples of guys being polite, proper, and protective! I had frank conversations with guy friends in which I asked what they really thought and discovered sex was not the only thing on their minds. Plenty of them had deep thoughts and emotional longings and honorable intentions.

I had male teachers in school, from elementary through high school, who demonstrated class and caring. And I got to know Bible teachers and youth ministers and church camp counselors who modeled what it means to be a godly man.

I’ve seen good family men in workplaces, churches, and volunteer organizations who love actively their wives and their children. And I have the intimate example of my husband, whose ethics are beyond question.

Then, there’s Jesus. Who, while being all God, was all man. If being male destines you to be a primal jerk, then how can I explain Jesus? Apparently, it’s not destiny.

Ladies, the creepy guys we know were just that: creepy guys. Not a statement about the whole male race, and certainly not confirmation that your husband is somehow a jerk underneath his smooth exterior.

This matters because it colors how we view our husband’s approach to us and our marriage bed. If he wants sex far more often than you, that’s doesn’t make him a sleezeball. He isn’t treating you like that creep you dated fifteen years ago who expected you to “put out” because he bought you dinner. Your husband wants to make love to his wife . . . because he loves his wife.

And if your husband has rejected your sexual advances, that doesn’t mean he’s a jerk far more interested in ogling other women. Sure, affairs and porn use will dampen his interest in you, but that’s a fairly small percentage of lower-drive husbands. It’s just as or more likely that he’s extra stressed at work and it’s taken a toll on his libido. Or that there’s another cause.

Most of you ladies did not marry a creep.

But do you sometimes treat him like one? Do you judge him based on those creepy guys we used to know? Do you secretly harbor fears about men and erect walls to keep yourself safe?

With the beloved man who chose and adores you, please let go of that. Consider him in the best possible light. If you’re not sure what he’s thinking or feeling, ask. (He might surprise you!) And even if his behavior in the past included ogling and whistling at women, he’s grown up since then, fallen in love, become a family man, learned what it means to be committed. See him as the man God intended him to be.

Let’s leave our memories of those creeps behind. They didn’t deserve our attention then, and they don’t deserve it now.

The post The Creepy Guys We Knew (Who Made Us Think Worse of Men) appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.