Before I began speaking up about sex in marriage, I looked to see what resources were already out there. It was over 15 years ago that I hunted for books on the subject and came across four or five. Some of that content involved stereotypical assumptions and/or weren’t all that practical.

After I launched my website in December 2010, I discovered several others blogging on the topic—some of whom would go on to publish books. Now and then, another author would enter the arena with a book on sex, and then the speed of publications increased. Book after book after book about marital sex came out, and also social media content, podcasts, and online courses.

These days, we don’t lack for resources written by Christians that address sex in marriage. Why such a shift in such a short time?

We’re more comfortable talking about sex.

When my grandparents, my parents, and I grew up, sex simply wasn’t an open topic like it is in today’s culture. We had written and unwritten rules about what could be talked about publicly, aired on radio or TV, and shared in magazines or publications.

I’m not saying no one talked about sex. Of course they did! But there was scant sex education, sex-related statements or lyrics were often metaphoric, and most adults were hesitant at best to talk about sex with others.

Now, people are largely comfortable talking about everything from bodies, to masturbation, to sex toys, to fantasies and experiences. Often shared with words once considered profane or at least crass.

Given that the whole culture has shifted, it’s no wonder that Christians are also more comfortable talking about sex. Even if we speak more responsibly about it, it’s not that big a deal anymore to discuss it.

We had a lot we needed to correct.

The Church always has messages it needs to correct. There’s never been one era for which we could say, “They did Christianity right all the way around.” Just read the New Testament letters (aka epistles), and you’ll see how quickly and easily churches can mess up.

But in the area of sexuality, churches have failed a lot of people. Some grew up with silence so oppressive, they had no place to turn when they experienced trauma, betrayal, or simply confusion. Others soaked in the messages of Purity Culture, which often overemphasized abstinence to the point of missing redemption and preached a sexual prosperity gospel for those who waited until marriage. And then, there are the numerous sexual scandals in which we learned not only that there were predators among us, but that many of them had been protected and enabled by supposed spiritual leaders.

While the Christian resources out there didn’t promote sexual abuse, they often didn’t address it. They also didn’t address other situations spouses struggled with, such as sexual pain, pornography use, recovering from trauma, and higher desire wives and lower desire husbands.

Some messengers didn’t care that much about godly sexuality, but others did the best with what they knew and still got things wrong. We needed take a fresh look at God’s design for sexuality and create resources helped people navigate their challenges in a more informed, compassionate way.

We have more ways to communicate.

As a young person, what I learned about sex from Christians mostly came from my parents, my church, and my youth group. Once I was an adult, the Church actually talked less about sex, despite the expectations that we marrieds were having it.

But now, we have many ways to get the message across! No longer must we wait for the pastor to deliver an awkward sermon about God’s plan for sex or that one class in our church’s marriage course that mentions prioritizing “intimacy.”

In addition to books, we have websites, social media, search engines, and even AI (for those using it). We have videos on YouTube, podcasts on players, apps on our phone, and reels on Instagram and TikTok. I’ve participated in webinars, online conferences, and live Q&As.

With so many options, people with different teaching and learning styles can find a medium that works for them. Christians can, and should, make use of various tools to share the good news about Christ . . . and the good news about God’s plan for our sexuality.

We realized that sex sells.

Let’s be honest: many people will spend money in the pursuit of better sex. That can be a twisted thing, but it can be a good thing. For instance, when you buy my books! ~smile~ Actually, my point here is that Christian authors, businesses, and entrepreneurs figured out that this was an area ripe for sales.

Christian publishers that wouldn’t have touched a book with the word “vagina” in it twenty years ago are now happy to turn out several books on sex each year, because they expect to make money on them. Oh, and help people. I’m not saying they don’t want to help people, but they’re also trying to pay staff and turn profits.

Authors who previously wrote about marriage in general decided to jump on this train and put out a book on sex. Again, they likely did so to help people as well, but writing a book isn’t easy, so it’s motivating to know you can find an audience for it.

And plenty of others jumped into this space, believing that they could offer not only wisdom but get paid something for it. And they should get paid for their labor. As Jesus Christ himself cited, “the worker deserves his wages” (Luke 10:7).

Mind you, not everyone who has worked in this space has made a living. For instance, me. But that’s a story for another day. The story I’m sharing here is that there’s greater supply because there’s greater demand. As long as people are willing to pay for Christian sex resources, we’ll continue to get Christian sex resources.

We became willing to share our stories.

God redeemed my sex life. But I didn’t share my story widely for a long time. As I said on my blog: “While some people’s faith testimonies are easily proclaimed in public, my biggest witness is not. How do I admit in the middle of a Bible class that my Amazing Grace moment should be sung ‘that saved a wench like me’?”

I had good reason to believe that judgment and shame would be heaped upon me for past sins. I’d witnessed it happen to others and experienced it a bit myself. But an odd thing happened when I finally decided to step out and talk about it: Far more people thanked me for my candor than disparaged me for it. Yes, there were detractors, but most people were thirsty for openness and insight about sex.

Moreover, once a few people started talking about this topic—I definitely wasn’t alone in this!—more people felt free to share. And more and more and more.

We discovered and demonstrated that our testimonies matter. For God’s glory, for ourselves, and for others. As Psalm 66:16 says: “Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me.” As we share our stories, we can “comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4).

For many of us, it’s not about being pro-sex as much as being pro-God. We wanted to highlight sex not for its own sake but so that more couples can experience the healing God can provide, the bonding that couples in Christ can have, and those glimpses of intimacy that God longs to have with us.

Have you witnessed a shift in how and how much Christians talk about sex?
What are your thoughts on the changes you’ve seen?

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The post What’s Behind the Boom in Christian Sex Resources? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

I promise you and me that my next post will be practical tips on improving sexual intimacy in marriage. But today’s post is a bit more in-depth, as I’ve been thinking about something my father used to talk to me about—that the church is often fighting the last battle instead of the current one.

What is the past battle regarding sexuality that we’re fighting?

I don’t know for sure, but I’ve been wondering about several issues. Let me share my thoughts and encourage you to chime in with yours.

Purity Culture

Hear me out. The Purity Culture movement, while well-intended in many regards, damaged many spouses who have struggled to come back from wrong messages about sexuality and instead embrace God’s design for sexual intimacy. Or those spouses ended up leaving their marriage, their faith, or both. I do not take that lightly.

But Purity Culture peaked in the 1990s and early 2000s, yet a look at how much books are talking about it shows that we’re far more engaged with the concept today. Take a look at this Google Ngram (cool tool!) showing mentions of Purity Culture terms in books from 1980 through 2022:

We should absolutely keep addressing the wrong messages about Purity Culture that impact couples today. But are churches really spreading that message now? Or do we have other issues that might need more focus?

Pornography

We will always be fighting pornography. Looking upon images or people with selfish lust has never been God’s plan for our sexuality. But the framework of pornography is likely to change a lot in the next few years.

I grew up in a world where you had to seek out porn, while today you have to block out porn. But pornography has remained a mostly visual, two-dimensional experience. Whether a movie produced by an industry studio or a direct-to-user platform, porn has been a performer-consumer interaction.

With the advent of artificial intelligence (AI), we’re very likely to see the development of virtual reality and sex-bot partners that simulate not only sex but emotional connection. Is the Church ready to answer that?

I’ve used ChatGPT for brainstorming and specific research tasks, and one thing that has bothered me about it is how flattering it tends to be! I ask a question, and it praises me for my curiosity. I give a suggestion, and it commends me for my insight. I push back on misinformation, and it hails me for my knowledge. I roll my eyes and move on, but if this AI can stroke my ego about basic questions, what could a person-like AI do for someone who’s lonely and longs for intimacy?

Surely some will be drawn into this easy fix rather than pursuing the more difficult route of a relationship with a real person. Do we have a response to that temptation?

Intimacy Obstacles

Christian Boomers and Gen Xers mostly grew up in the don’t do it / don’t talk about it generation. Christian Millennials felt the brunt of Purity Culture and its emphasis on a sexual prosperity gospel. But Christian Gen Z is dealing with a different set of challenges. Having grown up in the era of smartphones, the shutdown of a once-in-a-lifetime (we pray) pandemic, and endless sexual content online, they’re often unsure of how to pursue intimacy…of any kind.

What answers are we ready to provide for the generation now getting hitched and starting their lives together? Is what I’ve written about being sexually intimate applicable to young couples who’ve never learned to be fully present with one another in other contexts?

I don’t know the how to respond to this upcoming generation, but I’m increasingly aware that yesterday’s solutions won’t meet tomorrow’s troubles. And we need to be thinking through what newlywed couples need to hear and know about God’s plan for sexual wholeness.

Sexual Identity

Speaking of younger generations, no one distinguished between my sex, gender, and orientation growing up. I was a girl, identified as a girl, and thus was presumably attracted to boys. I was a sophomore in high school when American Movie Classics (AMC) began airing old movies, soon joined by Turner Movie Classics (TMC) and Chicago’s WGN. Watching those shows, I fell in love with the likes of Cary Grant, Gene Kelly, and Rock Hudson. One year later, Hudson contracted AIDS, and it was revealed that he’d contracted this awful disease through homosexual relationships. Shock rattled me. How could this hunky heartthrob be gay?

If you read that thinking what?!, then you’re likely a generation or two younger than me. But trust me—sexual orientation was not widely discussed a few decades ago. Now? We not only discuss it about those who identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual; it’s a topic everyone is expected to consider.

Some Christian authors have done a great job taking this on! Juli Slattery, Preston Sprinkle, Jackie Hill Perry, Rebecca McLaughlin, and others come to mind. But have the rest of us grappled with the implications of this change?

How do we address couples who enter marriage wondering where they really are on the sexual orientation spectrum? Do we have a gentle yet biblical answer for what male and female really mean in the sexual content? Does any of this impact the sexual insights and tips we give to newlywed couples?

Do any of these issues concern you? Where do you think we’re fighting the last battle instead of today’s battle? And what other issues do you see coming down the pike?

The post Are We Fighting Today’s Sexuality Battles? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

I love sex the way God created it to be. I love what sex says about our Creator and our marriage covenant. I love sex with my husband. But there are things I hate about sex. Specifically…

How Much Satan Distorts Sex

While raising my sons, I often told them: “Satan can’t create anything. He can only distort what God created.” And boy, has Satan done that with sex!

God intended sex to nurture and express intimacy between husband and wife, but Satan uses sex to promote false versions of intimacy. From premarital sex to serial partners to erotica to pornography and more, he sets people up to believe that you can have the feelings of intimacy without commitment, personal growth, and mutual submission.

I experienced it myself when I engaged in premarital promiscuity. I longed for the acceptance and affection of a man, and I got it—after I had sex with him. But it was counterfeit. It lasted for a short time and left me feeling as empty as, or even emptier than, before.

Perhaps you’ve known a phony version of intimacy. It might be that porn actress that seemed to accept you just as you are, or that one-night stand that made you feel desirable, or that emotional affair you’re carrying on in a chat room or on social media that no one else knows about. But you know. You know it’s not what you really want. It’s a distortion of what God designed.

And I hate that Satan has taken what God intended to be good and twisted it into something that hurts God’s children so much.

What I Hate About Sex: "I hate that Satan has taken what God intended to be good and twisted it into something that hurts God's children so much."
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How Much the Church Has Gotten Wrong About Sex

The number of times someone has told me how the Church messed up their view of sex is staggering. I still believe the Church has not been as bad as the world in this regard, but given that we should be So Much Better, our failures stand out like neon signs warning folks we’re not trustworthy.

Our infractions range from bad messaging to enabling sexual abuse, and while I certainly don’t equate the extremes, we have, as the scripture says, fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). As believers, we have the truth about sex. We should know what it’s supposed to look like.

And yet, I get messages from women who were told that submission requires putting up with sexual oppression by their husbands, from spouses who were sexually assaulted or harassed by church members, from individuals who are struggling to move beyond shame dumped on them as part of Purity Culture, and from couples advised by pastors or Christian counselors that no sex in a marriage isn’t a problem. While the Church has done better in recent years, we have a long, long way to go to get the topic of sex right.

I hate that the Church has messed up so much, because it means we’ve messed up people. And in sinning against them, we have sinned against God (see Psalm 51) and undermined the Gospel. How many have left our fold or not come in at all because we didn’t honor God’s children regarding their sexuality and desire for true intimacy?

How Some Use Sex as a Weapon

God planted in us a deep longing for intimacy, and one way that can be experienced is through sex according to His design. But that longing also makes us vulnerable in a broken world to becoming a predator or a victim. While sexual assault, childhood molestation, and harassment can easily be identified as falling into that paradigm—and dear God, I ache for those who’ve been through that—sex is weaponized in many other contexts as well.

Withholders may avoid sex to punish their spouse for real-but-small or perceived slights or to barter for what they want in other areas of marriage. They may enjoy the control it gives them over the whole marriage to be the gatekeeper of all sexual contact.*

Pursuers may avoid other intimate activities unless they get the sex they want or demand a certain frequency or particular activities as what they’re “owed” by their mate. They may consider a missed sexual encounter a sin against them and hold a grudge against their spouse.

And then, there are those who claim that marital rape isn’t real; that is, that when you say “I Do,” you’re agreeing to any sexual encounter your spouse wants, when they want it, where they want it, how they want it. That attitude weaponizes sex against a fellow child of God who was also given free will.

Worst of all, too many spouses use Scripture to justify their weaponization of sex. As I’ve said before, the Bible is not your bludgeon (3 More Principles Christians Should Affirm About Sex). Please don’t pull a verse out of context, cite it to your spouse, and attempt to use it as a pressure tactic to get what you want. As I noted in that same post:

The Word of God definitely has something to say about what sex should look like, as well as what we owe each other within marriage. But the Bible is God’s love letter to you—not His edict against your spouse. The primary goal of reading Bible passages should be applying them to our own sin-filled lives.

What then does one hope to gain by pulling out scriptures and hurling them at our spouse? Is it our defense mechanism? Are we lashing out to make our spouse feel pain like we’ve felt? Or do we simply expect our spouse to hurt so much they’ll change to avoid more of it? Even if that were to happen, how would that improve your overall intimacy?

Yes, I hate sex being weaponized against others and how much we’ve accepted and even promoted such weaponization.

*Note: There are good reasons for not wanting sex in marriage. You can find more about that in 7 Reasons You Don’t Want Sex and other posts on my site.

How We Compartmentalize It

I hate how we compartmentalize sex. Both the secular world and the Church have too often treated sex like this side gig we’ve got going on that doesn’t impact the rest of our selves. You can find both pornographers and professing Christians who convey that sex is just a physical act and/or what goes on between consenting adults should have few boundaries. That is not what God created sex to be! Nor is that our experience when you take an honest look at the fallout of that perspective. We instinctively know sex means more.

Christians have also diminished the importance of our sexuality by calling it sin or only preaching about the sin side of sex. Through Church history, many viewed sex as an act of the flesh with the idea that we should be pursuing acts of the Spirit instead (despite that not being what God’s Word teaches). And then, there’s simply our discomfort of bringing God into our sex life; we say we want Him in our life, but not in our bedroom.

One of the points I often make when I’m speaking is that many spiritual aspects of ourselves are expressed through these bodies God gave us. In Matthew 25:31–46, Jesus praises those who feed the hungry, clothe the stranger, or visit the sick or imprisoned. How are those not physical acts that express a godly heart? And Jesus Himself healed through His words and His hands. What the Bible teaches is that we must not be overcome by sinful fleshly desires, but that we must integrate our bodies with pure hearts, renewed minds, and spirit-filled souls.

But we keep compartmentalizing sex and missing out on what God had in mind.

The Sex I Love

Obviously, I don’t hate sex. But I do hate how it’s been misused in so many ways, and I hate the injury that has done to so many hearts and souls. I wish every one of you was experiencing the kind of sex God designed for us to have.

Of course, I don’t think anyone achieves perfection in the sexual arena. No matter how holy and healthy your sexual intimacy with your spouse, we’ll still have challenges because this world is broken. However, many challenges can be overcome, and sex in marriage can thrive. But ONLY if we pursue the one-flesh sex God created.

Let’s hate what our Creator hates and love what He loves.

The post What I Hate About Sex appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

There’s a war on religion!

Relax. There’s always been a war on religion. Not fake religion—that’s sometimes quite popular. But real religion that focuses on a relationship with God, on tough choices and moral integrity, on trusting God in the midst of difficulty, on humility and emulating Christ? Well, that’s been opposed over the breadth of cultures and the course of history. So let’s not presume, or panic, that we’re in some unprecedented time in which things are worse than they’ve ever been before.

Including in the arena of sexuality. Purity Culture has not destroyed Christianity any more than the Corinthians’ pagan practices did. Gnosticism, as bad a message as it sent about the spiritual versus the physical, has not won. And harmful myths about sex are prevalent in the church but not utterly controlling.

I could point to couples from various Christian sects—Catholic, Orthodox, Mainstream, Evangelical, etc.—who have healthy sex lives in their marriage. Sometimes in spite of their church’s teachings, sometimes apart from it, and sometimes because of it.

But saying it’s not the apocalypse doesn’t meant that we shouldn’t concern ourselves with wrong messages about sexuality spread by those in the Church.

Where has Christianity gone wrong?

When it comes to sex, we’ve had two major problems in the Church: bad theology and hypocritical practice.

When it comes to sex, we've had two major problems in the Church: bad theology and hypocritical practice.
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Examples of bad theology include:

• Sex is sinful or selfish in any context
• Sex is mostly for husbands
• Sex is solely for reproduction
• Sex is optional in marriage
• Sex outside marriage leaves an unforgiveable stain
• Sex can and should be demanded from one’s spouse
• Sex in marriage doesn’t require consent
• Sex acts of any kind are permitted in the marriage bed

Examples of hypocritical practice include:

• Engaging in affairs
• Sexual abuse and harassment
• Use of pornography and erotica
• Withholding of sex without cause
• Habitual solo masturbation
• Extreme sex acts

The world often sees the Church as having the paradox of prudish teachings combined with sexual misbehavior. As an example, consider those pastors and priests who have engaged in perverse sexual sin at the same time they engage in rhetoric about the utmost importance of sexual purity. It’s heartbreaking to think about the witness we’ve lost through the bad teaching and actions of some in the Body of Christ.

Just in my own circle, I have two close friends who were sexually abused as minors by church leaders. One stayed in the church, one left. My heart aches for both, but especially the latter. The cost was not only to her childhood heart but her adult faith.

We as a Church, as the representative for Christ on earth, have to do better. Every call to better theology and practice is worthwhile, not because it knocks out sin for good, but because it saves that one person who is too precious to let go. (See Luke 15:3-7 and Matthew 25:34-40.)

What has Christianity gotten right?

Contrary to popular belief, some theologians throughout time have gotten it right. There really is a remnant in nearly any time period that “gets it” regarding sexuality.

Moreover, the answers proposed by secular culture are more than lacking in their approach.

Stating the truth

Just looking at the last century or so, I’ve been reading through some books from my late father’s library and delightfully discovered such examples as these two:

1. In Orthodoxy (1908), G.K. Chesterton, writer, philosopher, and lay theologian, likened sex in marriage to making love to the moon. Mind you, this was more than 60 years before anyone visited the moon, so the idea of being that close to a heavenly body was…well, heavenly!

I could never mix in the common murmur of that rising generation against monogamy, because no restriction on sex seemed so odd and unexpected as sex itself. To be allowed, like Endymion, to make love to the moon and then to complain that Jupiter kept his own moons in a harem seemed to me (bred on fairy tales like Endymion’s) a vulgar anti-climax. Keeping to one woman is a small price for so much as seeing one woman.

Chesterton goes on to point out that having many sexual partners cheapens the experience, but you can read that yourself here if you want.

2. William Barclay, a well-known minister, professor of divinity at Glasgow University, Christian author, and radio personality wrote A Spiritual Autobiography (1977) in which he says:

I believe in love and I believe in marriage. I have never been able to see or to agree that celibacy and virginity are superior to marriage. In one sense and from one point of view they are far easier than marriage, because they have dispensed with the problem of living together. I know well that those who undertake celibacy or virginity may live in community, but life in community does not present the problem of living together in the crises and the trifles of day-to-day-living. Celibacy and virginity do present one problem—the problem of dealing with the sex instinct; but that is a self-manufactured problem which should never have arisen. Sex is part of life and the deliberate annihilation of it is not a virtue; it is a criticism of life as God made it and meant it to be.

Within the boundaries of marriage and with the right priority, Christianity and sexual enjoyment are entirely compatible.

Within the boundaries of marriage and with the right priority, Christianity and sexual enjoyment are entirely compatible.
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Avoiding the lies

Speaking of boundaries, the Church has also avoided some important lies about sex. For example, the Church has never condoned adultery, prostitution, or inappropriate lust. Its members don’t always practice this well, but we have at least recognized such things as sexual sin.

Meanwhile, in a day and age that constantly declares, “Listen to the science,” I’m amazed how few secular sex therapists accept such truths as the perils of pornography. Christians have gotten it right by listening to the Creator of sex Himself, but it’s no surprise that research supports the conclusion that pornography hurts relationships long-term.

Christianity needs to do a better job of noting other sins that impact marital intimacy, such as abuse, long-term sexual refusal, and selfish demands. But while correcting the problems, let’s continue to protect marriages by addressing such issues as adultery, porn, and inappropriate lust.

But has Christianity hurt your sex life?

A teaching or experience linked to your Church, a fellow Christian (or “Christian’), a religious resource, etc. likely damaged your marital sex life in some way. Maybe it came through you, maybe it came through your spouse, or maybe you even sat in a counseling office and got bad advice. I’m sorry.

Christianity should, once again, do better. We have a responsibility to teach and live out God’s truth!

However, the problem isn’t with God’s design itself. Rather, the word Christianity is made up of three parts: Christ + ian + ity. Christ means the Messiah, specifically Jesus; the suffix -ian means relating or belonging to; and -ity means a condition or state of being. Christianity is not simply Christ—who is perfect—but imperfect people trying to follow Christ in their imperfect states of being.

In short, God makes things right, but His people get things wrong. Sometimes out of malice, but more often out of ignorance or their own personal struggles. (Looking at you, St. Augustine.)

Practicing grace

For instance, I believe the older ladies in my church, whose sex advice to High School Me amounted to “keep your legs closed,” wanted the best for me. They wanted me to avoid the heartache and real-life consequences that can come with sexual recklessness outside marriage, so they said what they thought would keep me virginal until then. They wanted me to have a good marriage later, so they told me that sex was something I should provide to my husband. They wanted me to have intimacy in that relationship, so they suggested that sex and affection were trades between husband and wife.

Of course, that’s terrible advice! But you know what’s terrible too? That they didn’t know better. I now have deep sympathy for these imperfect Christian wives whose condition of being had not included hot and holy sex in their marriage in a way that they could speak well about that gift of God to others!

If a Church or fellow Christian messed things up for you with their words or actions, maybe it’s time to give a little grace. I’m not talking about something going on right now that should be addressed—and certainly past or present abuse should not be overlooked—but you might need to let go of anger or resentment you’ve held on to for longer than you should.

Embracing God’s design

When you let go of bad theology or practices, you need to replace it with something else—good theology and practices. I have lots of posts that touch on the Bible and sex and will continue to talk about it! But a summary version of God’s design for sex might be:

• Sex was created for procreation, recreation, and unification.
• Sex was thus intended for marriage.
• Sex should be mutually desired and satisfying.
• Sexual challenges are to be expected, given that we live in a broken world, but can be resolved with attention, effort, and unity.
• Sexual sin damages individuals and intimacy and should be avoided, repented from, and replaced with godly practices.
• Sexual oneness between husband and wife reflects God’s longing for intimacy with His people.

Where Christianity has failed, Christ won’t.

Given my difficult past and our prior marital struggles, I should not have the incredibly intimate sex life I have with my husband. But I do. I’m a firm believer that my marriage and sexual intimacy thrive because of Christ and His redeeming power.

Now I’m not saying someone can’t have pleasurable sex outside of God’s design, but that will never be all that sex could be. It is and can be more. God designed sex to be a blessing—a challenge at times too, because that can force us to grow, but a blessing as well.

God designed sex to be a blessing—a challenge at times too, because that can force us to grow, but a blessing as well.
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Has Christianity hurt your sex life? Maybe. Probably. But it’s also the very thing that can bring you to a new and better place. Because whatever the –ian and -ity have messed up, the CHRIST part of Christianity remains the core. However Christianity has hurt your sex life, Christ can heal it.

The post Has Christianity Hurt Your Sex Life? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

But I was blown away by this comment from Lori at Generous Wife when she awarded Hot, Holy & Humorous a 2012 Grow Your Marriage Award:

“Three cheers for the Three Musketeers of Sexuality! These gals routinely turn out good material on marriage and sexuality. Their ability to talk about tough subjects amazes and blesses me. And they make me laugh . . . a lot.

Julie of Intimacy in Marriage
Sheila of To Love, Honor and Vacuum
‘J’ of Hot, Holy & Humorous”

Bam! Did you hear the sound of me falling over in amazement? To be in the category with Julie and Sheila was too delightful not to share. But then I got to thinking about “three musketeers of sexuality”? What was so appealing about that phrase?

While I’ve not read the novel by Alexandre Dumas, I am familiar with the Three Musketeers as being friends of the main character D’Artagnon. The three friends were inseparable, members of a military guard called the Musketeers, and lived by the motto “All for one, and one for all.”

There is strength in numbers. The Bible says that “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12) and that “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them” (Matthew 18:20).

One of the blessings of having this blog has been discovering others willing to address biblical sexuality and advocate for (lots of) sex in marriage. When you link with others to pursue a mission for God, your impact doesn’t increase like addition — it multiplies.

Even in the two years since I’ve been online writing about sexuality, many voices have joined the chorus of Christians desiring better marriages and intimacy that honors God. I pray that as the voices grow in number and volume, our world reaches the “tipping point,” defined by Merriam-Webster as “the critical point in a situation, process, or system beyond which a significant and often unstoppable effect or change takes place.” Unfortunately, forces in our world have weakened marriage substantially, and we need to tip over to the side of preserving and strengthening marriage — in part by strengthening the intimate relationship between husband and wife.

But moving back from a big world point of view, we all need three musketeers of sexuality in our own lives and churches. At times I’ve heard from a reader who is eager to tackle this topic with biblical insight within their church, but the leadership or members aren’t cooperative or simply ready. Some wives have no one to talk to about their sexual struggles or with whom to celebrate the beauty of sexuality. You could use someone nearby with an “all for one, and one for all” attitude.

I contemplate now and then what we can do to foster this advocacy. How can we get more (and more and more) people on board to address the topics of purity before marriage, preparing for intimacy in marriage, addressing issues of sexuality in marriage, and broadening and deepening your sexual experience within marriage — all according to God’s Word? Who are those people who might simply need a nudge to step forward and volunteer for the Musketeers?

My own confession is that I had largely given up addressing this topic among my friends and within the church before starting my blog. I had hit the wall of resistance so many times that my confidence and my forehead were bruised. I am making a resolution in 2013 to find more musketeers in my own area.

I plan to keep fencing alongside Sheila and Julie — women who began blogging before me and who have inspired and encouraged me in numerous ways. Knowing that they, and others, are out there promoting godly sexuality gives me confidence to speak up for marriage with boldness. But I also see the benefit of having support locally — creating that synergy within your church to reclaim the blessing of sexuality for the marriages in your midst.

Please pray for me as I approach my own church with some ideas, and then pray for what role you should play in your area to advocate for godly sexuality. If you have the gift of speaking and biblical wisdom on this topic, ask for opportunities to share what God says about sex. If you have struggled with sexuality, ask for access to helpful resources for married couples in your church or local area. If you have special knowledge (a physician, a counselor, etc.), see how you can use your expertise to positively impact marriages.

Let’s join together to be the Three Thousand Musketeers . . . and beyond. In fact, I think our motto should be “All for THE ONE, and THE ONE for all.”

“And [Christ] died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” 1 Corinthians 5:15

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