Printable PDFs of the poem are available at the end of the post.

‘Twas The Intimate Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even your spouse.
You hung your stockings by the chimney with care,
In hopes that the two of you soon would get bare.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her Santa teddy and cap,
Was eager to wake hubby from his brief nap.

With hopes that your kids wouldn’t hear the clatter,
You sprang to the bed ’cause you know it matters.
His eyes flew wide open with a flash,
And he smiled at his beautiful wife, so rash.

The moon on your breast, as it shone through the window
Gave luster to your body, hinted at what was below.
Alas, to his wondering eyes, what appeared,
But the woman he chose and holds ever so dear.

With a smile and a grin, so lively and quick,
He lowered his mouth onto your lips.
More rapid than eagles your heartbeats came,
As you kissed him back, your love aflame.

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So out from your bodies the clothing flew,
With longing, desire, and passion a’brew.

And then, in a twinkling, we’ll skip ahead
Past the prancing and pawing that hap’d in your bed.
As you made love and your bodies wound,
It reminded you both of how deeply you’re bound.

Then his eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, (his chin a bit hairy).
His delicious mouth was drawn up like a bow,
After you and he got to “biblically know.”

He held you tight, his arm underneath,
The afterglow encircled you both like a wreath.
That wink of his eye and the kiss on your head,
Reminded you of the night you’d wed.

You laughed with joy, he responded with a whistle,
“Now that was a Christmas Eve with some sizzle!”
And then he spoke with whispered delight:
“Thank you, God, for the intimacy we’ve had tonight.”

Printables

Take your pick of a classic view or a more modern look.

The post ‘Twas the Intimate Night Before Christmas: A Marriage Poem appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

However, I’ve since learned that St. Patrick was captured by Irish Pirates at age 16 and taken from his home in Britain to be a slave in Ireland. He spent six years there before returning to his family. Afterward, he dug deeply into his faith and later returned to Ireland as a missionary, spreading Christianity and, as legend has it, using the three-leafed shamrock to explain the trinity.

While we usually think of St. Valentine’s Day as the holiday that gets attention with our spouse, a Facebook page commenter recently posted: “St. Patrick’s Day is coming up in a few weeks. Any fun ideas that you are planning with your spouse?“

Challenge accepted!

And because this is the holiday of luck, here are seven suggestions for celebrating St. Patrick’s Day with your spouse, from romantic to sexy.

1. Snuggle up and watch a movie set in Ireland.

I’m partial to the classic The Quiet Man, that film being my favorite John Wayne flick, but you can find a list of possibilities here: 43 Of The Best Irish Movies To Watch Before You Visit Ireland.

I do not vouch for those movies being good or even okay to watch! Do your homework, y’all. (Common Sense Media and/or Focus on the Family’s Plugged In will often have a movie review that tells you exactly what to expect.)

2. Dance together to Irish music.

Pick an Irish/Celtic playlist on Spotify or Pandora, grab your partner, and dance to the the rhythm! Or try one of these options:

3. Wear undies that say on the front, “Kiss Me, I’m Irish.”

4. Check out the St. Patrick’s Day Resources from The Dating Divas.

The Dating Divas is a website dedicated to dating your sweetheart after you get married! They have hundreds of ideas, including holiday-themed dates. And yes, they have St. Patrick’s Day.

5. Dye your down-there hair green.

Yes, it’s really a trend. One I don’t understand, but hey, if you feel so moved, WikiHow even has instructions.

(Gives a whole new meaning to “It’s Not Easy Being Green.”)

6. Leave notes around the house, leading your spouse to the bedroom.

• “Feeling lucky? Head to the bedroom.”
• “Don’t kiss the blarney stone. Come kiss me!”
• “You can rub me for luck!”
• “I don’t need Irish whiskey to make me frisky!”
• “I want to taste your lucky charms!”
• “Irish you were inside me!”
• “Let’s rock, baby. Let’s sham-rock!” (I don’t even know what that one means.)

7. Make Love.

What? You don’t think that’s Irish? I beg to differ. Ireland’s fertility rate is 1.92 children per woman, so some couples on that big island are having sex. Follow suit, and go have fun!

The post 7 Ideas to Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with Your Spouse appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

However, if you like having a little nudge from a holiday, be assured that February 14 is not your only opportunity. On today’s High Five Saturday, let’s talk about five upcoming holidays on which married couples can celebrate their hot, holy, and humorous love!

1. Steak & BJ Day

This year: Wednesday, March 14, 2018

The theory behind this holiday, clearly concocted by men, is that Valentine’s Day is for women — what with the emphasis on greeting cards, flowers, candy, and romance. Meanwhile, what does a man really want to get from the love of his life? Two things: steak and a blow job.

However, I know plenty of husbands who enjoy Valentine’s…and plenty of wives who also enjoy steak and giving their husbands fellatio. So perhaps Steak & BJ Day would be a win-win in your marriage!

For tips on giving a great blow job, check out the chapter on oral sex in my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design.

2. International Kissing Day

This Year: Friday, April 13, 2018

This holiday celebrates kissing for kissing’s sake, whether or not it leads to other affectionate activities. Why not devote extra time and focus on smooching with each other on this day?

For more on kissing, check out 5 Kisses You Need to Master and my more extensive tips in the Hot, Holy, and Humorous book.

3. National Sex Day

This Year: Saturday, June 9, 2018

It’s either impossible or a complete waste of my time to track who came up with this holiday. Yet it’s become a hashtag on social media and a goal for some couples to make love on this particular day. Although this year you have a whole Saturday to accomplish this challenge, the holiday actually occurs on June 9 every year. That’s 6/9. Get it?

If you want tips on having great sex…yeah, that’s pretty much my whole blog, as well as my books. But in case you want to know what qualifies as sex, check out this post: What Is Sex?

4. National Romance Awareness Day…oh wait, MONTH!

This Year: Wednesday, August 1, 2018, and beyond!

Apparently, a single day dedicated to romance is insufficient. We need an entire month! Now, research shows it takes about twice that long to really develop a new habit, but a full month of romance might convince you of its benefits so that you’ll keep it going for years to come.

How to do romance well? Three blogs I follow share quite a few romance tips. Check out The Romantic Vineyard, Love Hope Adventure, and The Generous Wife.

5. Your Anniversary

This year: _____________________, 2018/2019

If you couldn’t fill in that blank, you’d better figure it out quickly! Because of all the marriage holidays one can celebrate, your own anniversary is probably the one your beloved cares most about. It’s the day unique to the two of you and your marriage.

How should you celebrate? I suggest you ask the spouse who cares the most about this day and commemorate the way they want. Within reason, of course. I mean, I’d love to go to Australia for a full week to celebrate our upcoming 25th! But we’re going to Chicago for a few days, because that’s where I’m traveling already for a business trip and it’s what we can afford. Likewise, figure out how you can do your anniversary up big without breaking your back or the bank.

Of course you don’t need any of these holidays to celebrate the love in your marriage. But if you enjoy the special days, find one or more of these to mark on your calendar and start the joyous anticipation now.

Speaking of marriage (as if I do anything else), I had a wonderful opportunity last Saturday to chat with popular Canadian talk show host, Dr. Drew Marshall. I’d love for you to pop over and listen to the 20-minute interview! Click below to find our segment from February 20, 2018, the Valentine’s Day Special.

The post 5 Holidays to Celebrate with Your Spouse (Besides Valentine’s) appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.