Welcome to another monthly roundup of marriage and sex resources with links to recent posts, as well as:

• podcast episodes with Knowing Her Sexually and Sex Chat for Christian Wives
• my monthly post over at KHS Ministry (for husbands)
• any new resources I’m involved in (from online seminars to new site store products)
• resources and products I can recommend for your marriage and sex life
• news and events I need or want to share with y’all
• biblical inspiration for the upcoming month

Scroll through to find what you might have missed or your next great resource for marriage.

This Month on the Blog

Quick note: I’m trying to blog twice a week, but sometimes I only get one blog post out.

From Sex Chat for Christian Wives Podcast

• Episode 101: Enjoying Sex, with Joyce Penner
• Episode 102: What You Need to Know About Sex
• Episode 103: Take Time to Titivate

From Knowing Her Sexually Podcast

• Episode 26: What “Take It Slow” Means to Her
• Episode 27: Does My Wife Think I’m Hot?

My Post at KHS Ministry

Click the image below to read.

A Few Great Reads Elsewhere

• I’m in love with my podcast partner Gaye’s Healthy Life Toolbox series. I have felt seen, called out, and encouraged! Here’s a particularly great one: Decide What You Really Deserve – Healthy Life Toolbox, Tool #11 – Calm.Healthy.Sexy. (By the way, Gaye has also pointed out that Dear Wife, You Deserve a Great Sex Life Too).
• Some great thoughts about sexual release vs. sexual relationship in marriage in this guest post from Juli Slattery: Stop Hooking Up In Your Marriage  | Shaunti Feldhahn.
• How does the security of your marriage relate to your words? I wrote it about it this past month, but here’s another excellent post on that topic: The Importance of Encouraging Words – Fierce Marriage.

Also, to the WIVES, please help Chris Taylor of Honeycomb & Spice learn more about chronic illness & sex. You can visit her post about it below or just take the survey at: https://tinyurl.com/chronic-survey

Recommended Resources & Products

I’ve often mentioned Christian Friendly Sex Positions as a good resource for positions tastefully drawn yet well displayed and described. But it can be rather unwieldy to lie in bed with your spouse searching through their database. Hey, CFSPs just launched a deck of physical cards with 52 of their most popular positions! It comes in a blank box, so no one but you and your beloved will know what’s inside, and cards include QR codes that you can scan to find the online instructions. (affiliate link)

I wrote a whole post about this product, but I just have to say again: what a smart idea! Ladies, if you want to do Kegels right and in a way that’s actually fun, check out the Perifit pelvic floor exerciser. (And no, this is not a sex toy, but a device for women’s health.)

What J’s Up to These Days

These days, I’m down more than up. Meaning I sleep way more than I used to, but it is what it is. I’m in a season of rest.

• My battle with chronic illness continues, with several doctor appointments lined up and ongoing investigation to answer the question: What is wrong with me? (I mean, beyond my fun craziness. ~wink~) No certain answer yet, but I found an app that helps me track symptoms. In case it helps someone else, the app is Bearable.
• My TBR (to be read) pile is quite large, but sadly it’s been difficult for me to read anything longer than a few pages. I’ve been keeping up with my field through online articles—often read to me with the text-to-speech function—and audio/video content. All of which reminds me that I really need to get my own books into audio!
• Spock and I recently took a short driving date outside Houston to soak up the beauty of Texas wildflowers. Unfortunately, the flowers were in short supply. Some have wondered if Snowmaggedon (our rare snowstorm in mid-February) impacted their growth, but Texas Parks & Wildlife says the flowers should still blossom, though more in April. We hope to take another drive soon and verify that “the sage in bloom is like perfume, deep in the heart of Texas.” (It is.)

Biblical Inspiration for the Coming Month

How do we read the Bible? That is, a lot of us “read” the Bible by seeing and sharing verses or short passages. While time doesn’t always permit, I now try to open up my Bible where the excerpt appears and scan the context. Sometimes, it’s an eye-opener to see the verses that come before or after what was cited.

For instance, we love to share Jeremiah 29:11:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

That sounds great, God! Let’s do that.

But if you read the whole chapter, that verse appears in a section telling the Israelites to hang out in Babylonian captivity for a while yet. Wait a minute—I didn’t know CAPTIVITY was part of this deal!

My point is that we want to rest on all of God’s amazing salvation promises, and they are true! He loves us so much and wants the best for us. But sometimes we have to hang out for a while, doing the best we can and finding contentment in an imperfect situation.

If your marriage or sex life isn’t everything you know God wants it to be yet, don’t give up hope. But also don’t demand a miracle from God by tomorrow.

His plan may unfold more slowly, but incremental improvements are often the ones that become permanent and teach us gratitude for both the result and the journey.

The post Resource Roundup: March 2021 appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Several times over, we’ve discussed on our podcast Sex Chat for Christian Wives the importance of building and maintaining a friendship with your spouse. Since true sexual intimacy requires vulnerability, you want it to be with someone you feel fully connected to and trust.

Since true sexual intimacy requires vulnerability, you want it to be with someone you feel fully connected to and trust. #marriage
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For some marriages that means building the relationship first…but is that always true?

This post presumes two good-willed spouses. If you’re in an abusive or destructive marriage or dealing with the fallout of adultery or pornography use, you have every reason not to engage in sex with your spouse unless and until other issues are worked out. Please get help!

The Chicken or Egg Argument

The common advice is that if you want wonderful intimacy in the marital bedroom, invest in your relationship with your spouse. Building your connection outside the bedroom can lead to better connection inside the bedroom.

That’s true, but in my own marriage, the reverse was also true. That is, our connection in the bedroom helped us weather our relationship difficulties, hang in there, and become more connected outside the bedroom.

I’m not alone. Friend and fellow podcaster Chris Taylor has shared that working on the sexual intimacy in her marriage provided several unexpected benefits, including:

I expected our sex life to improve—but I didn’t expect our ability to communicate to improve, or our enjoyment of non-sexual time together, or the overall intimacy that grew. I had no idea that sex had anything to do with all that other stuff. Turns out it does.

Unexpected Benefits: 10 Years of Growth | The Forgiven Wife

And a reader of my blog shared her own story—how she and her husband tackled the sex area of their marriage first, talking honestly and making that a priority. “The funny thing is, when THAT area of our life returned to what, I believe, God intended it to be, everything else in our marriage came together, as well. We communicate better, we laugh more and we talk more openly.”

Maybe it’s the chicken or egg dilemma: Which came first—the chicken or the egg? Better friendship or better sex? Well, whichever one you start with, you might end up getting the other.

A Different Perspective

Understandably, we don’t feel like having sex with a spouse to whom we don’t feel close. I get that. I’ve been there. However, bear with me a moment while I throw out a different perspective.

Higher drive spouses tend to feel more connected to their mates after lovemaking. It’s easier for them to engage in affection, romance, and more when they feel secure in the sexual intimacy. I’m not saying that should be a demand made by any HD spouse. Of course not!

However, positive benefits of sex can include:

• feeling desired and valuable
• lowered cortisol, the “stress hormone”
• relief of pain
• wash of oxytocin, the “bonding hormone” that makes us feel connected to our mate
• rush of adrenaline
• sense of closeness
• dopamine, the “reward hormone” that gives us a psychological pat on the back
• lowered blood pressure
• state of relaxation

Having all that happening could help your spouse feel more interested and able to work on relationship issues, pursue friendship activities, and connect more profoundly with you.

You might also feel those benefits yourself and find the motivation you need and want to pursue a better relationship. Sex is definitely not just for your spouse! It’s for you too. But if it’s not as strong a desire for you, you may not fully understand how having more and better sex could provide emotional and relationship reassurance to your spouse.

Sex and Friendship Form a Loop

Ideally, investing in the relationship makes you desire sex more, and investing in sex makes you desire relationship more, and then investing in the relationship… And so on and so on.

Now I don’t think having great sex can salvage a sinking marriage. But great sex could encourage you to work on the relationship.

Want a great marriage? Put yourself into ALL of it—both sex and friendship:

• Foster the friendship.
• Learn your spouse’s love language and speak it.
• Deal with tricky issues like finances, in-laws, and child rearing.
• Practice the Fruit of the Spirit with your spouse.
• Pray for your spouse and your relationship.
• Work on having and improving sexual intimacy in your marriage.

Don’t wait for everything in your relationship to be perfect before you commit to having the marital intimacy God intended for you two to enjoy. Start today.

This post includes Amazon Associate affiliate links.

The post Must a Better Friendship Come Before Better Sex? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.