In my last post, 4 Sex Research Findings I Keep Coming Back To, I shared that I’m involved in a research study about married women’s sexual experiences and provided a link for wives to take our survey. And then, I found out the link wasn’t working. (Of course it wasn’t. Why should months of work culminate in everything going smoothly when we release the link? Sigh.)

Please Participate

If you were able to take the survey (the QR code presumably worked), thank you for doing that! If you tried but couldn’t reach it, the proper link is below. And if you didn’t click the link or scan the QR code, please do so! Here’s info about the study:

Regent University’s Cherish research team invites married adult women to take part in an important study on women’s thoughts and feelings around their sexual experience. Participation involves completing a confidential 20-minute online survey. Your privacy will be fully respected and you may choose to opt out at any point; if you choose to participate, more information will be given with regard to informed consent. Your responses will help shed light on an area of women’s health that is often underrepresented in research. By joining, you will be contributing to meaningful insights that can improve awareness, resources, and future care for women. Your voice matters, and your voluntary participation can make a real difference. Please contact abigwi3@regent.edu if you have any questions.

A Few Notes About Research

Having reported on many studies, and now helping with a study, I’ve learned a lot about how research is conducted. In a prior post, I noted The Perks and Pitfalls of Sex Research. But here’s a short list of research considerations:

• Sample. Quality research involves a representative sample (unless it’s a case study, which is different). For instance, in the work I do here, findings of a study of committed couples are more relevant than one of single college students.
• Purpose. Studies ask a question and then attempt to answer it. However, most of the time, researchers don’t tell you the specific question(s) they’re looking into because sharing their hypotheses ahead of time could influence participants’ responses.
• Measurement. A key question is how to measure whatever the researchers are looking for. In sex studies, researchers typically have people engage in sexual activities in a lab or fill out questionnaires (obviously, more people would prefer to do the latter). To reach credible outcomes, a measurement should be valid and reliable; that is, it measures what it says it measures and produces the same results when repeated under similar conditions.
  • Note: Some research uses more than one questionnaire previously established as valid and reliable, and the questionnaires may overlap. While it can feel weird to answer similar questions more than once, researchers usually can’t remove “repeats” because that would affect the validity and reliability of their findings.
• Confidentiality. Researchers should always tell you how the information you provide will be used and lay out how your private details will be protected.
• Institutional Review. Well-respected research normally goes through an institutional review process, meaning those conducting the study submit the why and how of their research to an expert board to make sure everything’s on the up and up. If the board finds any problems, they can and should request changes.
• Participants’ Rights. Participants should have the right to opt out at any time and also be made aware of where and how to report any concerns or complaints.

If you want to know more about how research involving humans should unfold, check out the US Department of Health & Human Services page About Research Participation. The World Health Organization also has information about conducting human research ethically.

One More Time

If you’re willing, wives, please take 20 minutes and complete our survey. Here are the link and QR code again. Thank you!

The post A Call to Wives to Help Our Research (w/an updated link) appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Way back in the 1950s and 1960s, the duo of William Masters and Virginia Johnson began conducting research experiments about sexual arousal and climax. They were groundbreakers for sure, but their participant pool and methods skewed the results a bit. Thankfully, scientists have improved their approach since then, and we now have some fairly good studies that tell us a lot about how our bodies function and our relationships flourish.

Of course, not all studies can be trusted and/or widely applied. For instance, finding out how single college students approach sex won’t tell you that much about how middle-aged couples married for decades approach sex. And certainly, some researchers go in with a biased viewpoint and use methods—often unintentionally but still—which influence the results.

Today, I thought I’d share some of my favorite findings from sex research. But first, I need to ask for your help with an important study that I’m involved in. Please, wives, consider participating! Just click the button or scan the QR code below to get to the survey.

Regent University’s Cherish research team invites married adult women to take part in an important study on women’s thoughts and feelings around their sexual experience. Participation involves completing a confidential 20-minute online survey. Your privacy will be fully respected and you may choose to opt out at any point; if you choose to participate, more information will be given with regard to informed consent. Your responses will help shed light on an area of women’s health that is often underrepresented in research. By joining, you will be contributing to meaningful insights that can improve awareness, resources, and future care for women. Your voice matters, and your voluntary participation can make a real difference. Please contact abigwi3@regent.edu if you have any questions.

Please remember to take that survey! In the meantime, here are four favorite research findings I’ve come back to again and again.

Sexual Desire Isn’t About Being “In the Mood”

Those sex research pioneers, Masters and Johnson, proposed a sexual response cycle that included excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Everyone they studied showed up to have sex or masturbate, so they weren’t really looking much into what sparks desire. Rather, for a very long time, the notion was that you felt in the mood, then you headed into those four stages of sexual interaction. But a lot of spouses reported not feeling in the mood, like maybe ever.

Hats off to Dr. Rosemary Basson who dug deeper and realized that we were missing a huge chunk by focusing on those who independently, or “spontaneously” experienced sexual desire. Many people’s sexual interest is more responsive. That is, they might start in on excitement—engaging in actions that stir arousal—and thus awaken their sexual desire.

This shift is understanding can be HUGE for some spouses and couples! Did you think you were broken because you didn’t want sex like your husband or wife did? Maybe it’s just that you get into it after it starts. Did you feel rejected because your spouse never seemed to be in the mood? That doesn’t mean they don’t desire you or sex; they just need some other stuff to happen first. Have you been at odds with each other because your sexual interest works differently? What if you learned to appreciate your differences and figured out how to get both of you fully engaged?

Intercourse Isn’t the Best Way for Her to Climax

Speaking of researchers, Sigmund Freud had problems. Including his insistence that clitoral orgasms were inferior and immature, while vaginal ones were superior and mature. We now know that all orgasms emanate from the clitoris—some from direct stimulation of the bulb (the part at the top of her vulva you’re likely most aware of) and some from indirect stimulation of the wishbone-shaped clitoris (which can produce what feels deeper, or “vaginal”). And one climax isn’t better than another. You might prefer one more than another, but they all count.

Indeed, research has shown that many women don’t regularly climax from intercourse. Some simply can’t. And that’s okay. As Song of Songs says, “at [your] door is every delicacy” (7:13). That is, you have options.

One wonderful study shared about the “Golden Trio.” These are the three actions most likely to lead a wife to reach climax, and they are genital stimulation, oral sex, and/or deep kissing. So if you want the wife to reach that peak of pleasure, aim for one or more of those actions. If you want the orgasm to arrive during intercourse, add genital stimulation or deep kissing during that part. Or simply go for a second one for her with intercourse after she’s reached her climax in a different way.

Wear Your Socks to Bed!

Have you heard of serendipitous discoveries? It’s when someone is studying one thing and discovers something different. For instance, Alexander Fleming was studying staphylococcal bacteria when mold contaminated a Petri dish and the bacteria around died. “Wait a minute,” Fleming said (more or less) and discovered penicillin, the first antibiotic. Percy Spencer was working on radar magnetrons when a chocolate bar in his pocket melted. “Wonder what would happen if I tried popcorn,” he thought . . . and the microwave oven was born. Then there’s sildenafil, a drug originally tested as a treatment for angina. It didn’t work well for the heart, but travel 18 or so inches down and it was quite effective! Don’t know what sildenafil is? It’s the generic name for Viagra.

Likewise, some researchers in The Netherlands were looking at brain scans during orgasm to see which parts light up and which turn off. They published the scan findings but noticed something else worth reporting: Both men and women reached orgasm more easily while wearing socks. And it wasn’t a small effect. Couples who kept their feet cozy had a 30% increase in climax.

It’s no guarantee, but why not try wearing your socks to your next lovemaking session? Not having cold feet could make other places heat up more easily.

Sexual Growth Really Can Happen

One of the most damaging beliefs one can have about sex in marriage is that you’re either compatible or not. Having this attitude can lead one to try out various lovers before marriage, looking for The One that they enjoy sexually the most—when that isn’t the best way to choose a partner and adds sexual baggage you both may need to deal with later. It also allows people to excuse their stubbornness and unwillingness to change. After all, if that’s just who you are, then there’s no point in even trying. And it soaks us in a sense of helplessness and hopelessness. If you’re married to someone you’re simply not sexually compatible with, then it’s never going to change and you have to live with the tension and despair for the rest of your life. Or divorce and find someone you are sexually compatible with—at least until you hit a speedbump in that relationship.

Sexual compatibility has been talked about a lot, but it’s not evidence-based. Marriages have seasons. Sexual problems can be resolved. Plenty of people change. But they have to ditch that fixed mindset and adopt a malleable perspective regarding sexual desire and satisfaction.

Across multiple studies from 2017–2021, researchers consistently found that believing sexual intimacy can grow and develop is linked to better outcomes. Growth beliefs were associated with higher relationship and sexual satisfaction, greater sexual desire for both partners, healthier coping with sexual problems, lower rejection sensitivity, and even lower problematic pornography use. Meanwhile, fixed or “destiny” beliefs were tied to lower satisfaction, more conflict, more anxiety and depression, and more negative coping responses. One study also found that, without reinforcement, the benefits of a growth mindset fade over time, suggesting that we have to intentionally nurture this perspective.

One way to do that is to stay close to God—His Word, prayer, worship—because one core message of our faith is that He brings restoration and transformation. Also look for marriage resources that promote nurturing your relationship, including your sexual intimacy.

Quality research reveals God’s design for sex. Sex was God’s idea, and He made it to be an intimate experience between husband and wife. But of course, we live in a fallen world, so not everyone is experiencing that right now. It’s important to remain in His Word to understand His plan, but we can also get at God’s truth through well-conducted research. Which is why I want to remind all wives again to please complete the 20-minute survey described above. Here are that link and QR code again. Thanks!

Related Posts: Fun Findings about Sex, What Research Says You Need for Better Sex, The “Golden Trio” That Could Bring Her to Orgasm, 4 Research-Based Tips for Better Sex, 4 Curious Findings from Sex Research, The Perks and Pitfalls of Sex Research, Embrace a Sexual Growth Mindset, Volunteer for Marital Intimacy Research Today

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As I’ve been going through them, I decided to summarize some of the more interesting ones; particularly those that don’t warrant a full blog post. So here we go!

Embrace New Experiences

This isn’t about new sexual experiences, though you can have those too. Rather, a study of long-term couples published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that when each partner had an opportunity to have novel experiences or develop new skills/perspectives, they had more sex and reported greater satisfaction with sexual intimacy.

The researchers called these “self-expanding activities” and noted the benefits continue. “The benefits of self-expansion for relationship satisfaction are sustained over time, and…effects cannot be attributed solely to increases in positive affect, time spent interacting with the partner or closeness during the activity.”

So go out on the town. Take that trip. Enroll in a class. Explore local nature. Do a Bible study together. Read my Pillow Talk book. Find something where you can learn together and embrace new experiences!

Sources: APA PsychNET – Broadening your horizons: Self-expanding activities promote desire and satisfaction in established romantic relationships; MBG Relationships – Couples Who Do THIS Together Have A Better Sex Life, Study Shows

Be a Conscientious Lover

Ruhr University researchers surveyed nearly 1,000 couples about their personalities and their sex lives. For personality, they used the Big Five Framework that measures extroversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism, and openness to experience. One trait in particular was correlated to fewer sexual problems and higher sexual satisfaction: Conscientiousness.

The correlation was even higher for women whose male partners were conscientious. “Men who are thorough and dutiful may feel the need to satisfy their partner sexually, which may in turn lead to better sexual function of their partners.” Gotta love that word thorough!

Conscientiousness people are described as organized, reliable, and ambitious. They tend to be intentional and to plan, as in scheduling sex. They take time to get it right. How are you faring on conscientiousness? Need to up your game?

Sources: Inverse – “Big 5” Personality Trait Predicts How Good Sex Is for Couples in New Study; Quartzy – Turns out the best sex actually doesn’t come from hot-blooded passion

Use Cannabis…No, Don’t!

Hey, I want to be honest about the research out there, and if I’ve seen one article, I’ve seen 12 saying mild cannabis use is linked to higher sexual frequency. But notice first the word mild and then ask why this result occurred. Hmm, let’s see… What a shocker that studies showed a substance that relaxes you relates to more willingness to have sex! (And every frat party attendee ever says, “No duh.”)

I included this point because because I want to accurately represent current research, while also showing how we must ask good questions about the results. If cannabis usage is related to more sex, you still have to ask: Should I do cannabis? My recommendation is no, because we have other ways to get that relaxing effect that don’t have some of the drawbacks of cannabis. For example, cannabis may well lower sperm count and affect embryos fertilized from that sperm.

As Christians we need to ask about what we put in our bodies and whether it’s good for us. I plan to stay away from the cannabis. Although I enjoy a glass of wine sometimes—something I figure Jesus would be okay with, given that wedding miracle He performed.

Sources: My SA: Is Marijuana Good for Sex, Bad for Sperm? (I read plenty of others but didn’t keep their links.)

Note: CBD oil is not the same. These cannabis studies are essentially about marijuana.

Believe in Your Body

I’ve talked a lot about the importance of a positive body image, both for women and for men. We should embrace our inherent beauty for our own’s sake and to honor the Creator who crafted it. But research also shows it’s good for your sex life.

In a review of research literature, a study’s authors concluded that “women who are more satisfied with their appearance tend to initiate sex more often and report more orgasms during sex, while both men and women with a better body image tend to be more comfortable discussing sexual topics with a partner.” We also know that communication with your partner about physical intimacy increases sexual satisfaction. So for both genders, body image matters.

I know, I know—easier said than done. But if you’re not feeling great about your body today, take a step in the right direction. Find one thing about your body you’re grateful for—appearance, function, or health-wise. Write it down and read it several times over the next week. Then choose a relevant memory verse to meditate over. I’m a fan of Psalm 149:14: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Next week, do the same thing but with a different trait. And on and on. Begin to believe in the body you have and share with your spouse.

Sources: PsyPost: Positive body image linked to better — and safer — sex; Science Direct: A review of research linking body image and sexual well-being

Make Your Bed

In a study commissioned by a mattress company of 2,000 couples, researchers found those who made their bed had more sex per week (3 times/week) than those who didn’t (2 times/week). And even if you’re not a bed-maker yourself, if your spouse is, it’s a good idea to go with flow on this one. Why? Because 42% of bed-makers consider it a turn-off for their partner to leave the sheets untucked.

Mind you, the bed-makers were also found to be high-maintenance, but if you already married that person, too late. You’re in for a penny, in for a pound. Make that bed and maybe you can add another sexual encounter to your week!

Sources: Toronto Sun – Making your bed can boost your sex life: Study; Happy National Make Your Bed Day! See Our Survey Results

Summing It Up

There you go! Four things to improve your sexual intimacy:

• Embrace New Experiences
• Be a Conscientious Lover
• Believe in Your Body
• Make Your Bed

Do all of them or pick one to work on, and see how your sex life improves!

The post What Research Says You Need for Better Sex appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

One reason research has revealed is that men get a wash of feel-good chemicals during sex that isn’t nearly as strong in casual relationships as it is in committed sex. Another study showed that men responded positively to the faces of their partners, over images of other women, due to the presence of oxytocin, a body chemical released in especially high doses during lovemaking. And of course, hubby and I discussed the deeper emotional and spiritual meaning of sexual intimacy in marriage.

However, I recently came across another interesting aspect that didn’t surprise me, though I was happy to see it show up so clearly in the research: One primary reason that sex feels so good is the affection we receive from our partner. It’s not just the arousal sensations but the closeness and physical touch we get when we make love.

This particular study used three different methods to look at what the link between sexual pleasure and affection might be. First, they conducted a survey that showed “a strong correlation between sex and positive emotions, but only when affection was factored into the equation. When affection was removed, the link almost disappeared.” You hear that? If it’s just about the sex, without genuine affection, you don’t get the positive-emotion payoff.

The researchers also had 200 participants, mostly marrieds, keep a journal tracking their sexual frequency and “erotic feelings,” as well as times they had non-sexual intimacy and affection with their mates. The result? “Sex correlated with positive emotions almost exclusively when it also led to affection (more than 90% of the time across all of the couples’ journals).”

Finally, the study asked 60 couples to track their sexual and non-sexual affection in real time on their smartphones. Participants reported affection after sex, but also hours later — demonstrating that affection was a positive consequence of lovemaking.

So are we having sex in part to get affection? It seems that’s a factor. Is sex more meaningful when paired with affection? Absolutely.

Of course, I believe all of this is God’s design for sex. Marriage provides the perfect context for daily affection as well as frequent lovemaking. From this research, it appears that the affection might be more important than the sex in giving you the positive emotions of intimacy with your spouse. However, when both are present in your relationship, they feed each other. Sex increases affection, and affection leads to sex.

Sex increases affection, and affection leads to sex.
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That is God’s beautiful design.

How should you use this information in your marriage?

Well, some of us are more naturally drawn to affection, and some are more drawn to sex. And oftentimes, people from different categories marry each other. And then there are those who have simply shut down both affection and sex in their marriage. Be honest with yourself: Do any of these sound familiar?

• “I’m not having sex with him unless and until he spends a lot more time on romance and affection with me.”
• “I’m tired of him wanting to be cuddle but not wanting to have sex. If he wants to touch me, why can’t he arouse me too?”
• “I try to turn her on, but she takes too long to orgasm. So I just go after my own climax.”
• “It’s been months since we made love, and we rarely touch anymore.”

Those are just a few examples, and I’m sure you could come up with others, but they illustrate what I’ve heard from various marriages. Some spouses are aching for more affection, and some spouses are aching for more sex. And some marriages are desperately in need of both.

But I’m not sure it matters as much which comes first: sex or affection. Or maybe it does matter, in that you should figure out what your spouse desires and try to meet that. Great marriages arise from spouses who make an effort to satisfy their mate’s deepest longings.

Great marriages arise from spouses who make an effort to satisfy their mate's deepest longings.
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Of course, it’s best if both of you are putting forth that effort. However, one spouse can ignite change in a marriage. So rather than thinking about what you’re not getting, maybe you should consider what your spouse longs for.

Because if it’s affection, providing that might lead to more sex. And if it’s sex, that might lead to more affection. And all of that will produce more positive emotions about each other and your relationship — that is, a greater sense of intimacy.

Regardless, most of us marrieds could spend more time on affection during sex. That is, we could slow things down and spend more time touching.

So ask yourself: Where do I need to invest? Affection, sex, or both? Then go do that. My prayer is that positive emotions and intimacy will follow.

Sources: Forbes.com – The Reasons Why Sex Makes Us Happy May Not Be What You Think; Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin – More Than Just Sex: Affection Mediates the Association Between Sexual Activity and Well-Being; WebMD – How the ‘Love Hormone’ Works Its Magic

The post What Makes Sex Intimate? Try Affection. appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

My last stroll through the web for interesting reports yielded five studies I want to share with you. A couple of them have important implications, a couple are simply interesting, and one is guaranteed to make you laugh.

Does having sex make men more spiritual?

Duke University researchers tested two groups of men by administering oxytocin to one group and a placebo to the second group. They then surveyed the men regarding feelings of spirituality and discovered that those who took oxytocin were more likely to answer questions about spirituality in positive ways. For instance, they said that “spirituality was important in their lives and that life has meaning and purpose” and agreed more with statements like “There is a higher plane of consciousness or spirituality that binds all people.”

What’s particularly interesting about this study is that oxytocin is a chemical produced by our bodies that has been labeled the “love hormone.” It’s been linked to feelings of bonding, trust, and satisfaction. And it’s released during breastfeeding, prolonged physical contact (like a long embrace or holding hands), and sex. Indeed, at sexual climax, men in committed relationships get a huge rush of oxytocin into their system. The upshot is that having sex may make your husband feel not only connected to you, but to the spiritual realm — and our Heavenly Father. So the next time your husband claims making love with you confirmed that there is a God, he might really be reporting his mountaintop-like experience.

Source: Duke Today: Oxytocin Enhances Spirituality, New Study Says

Is sex bad for his heart, but good for hers?

A federally funded study led by a Michigan State researcher looked at the link between frequency of sex and cardiovascular health. Participants were between 57 and 85 years of age, and information was collected once and again five years later. For those who had sex one or more times a week, men had a higher risk of cardiovascular events (like hypertension, heart attack, etc.), while women had a reduced risk of hypertension. So basically, more sex seemed to be bad for his heart, but good for hers.

But wait… The bigger question is why: Why are men at greater risk for heart conditions just by having more frequent sex? It’s not clear that it’s the sex, because older, sexually active men are also more likely to use medication to boost sexual function and could be straining themselves more to reach an orgasm that isn’t quite as easy to attain as it once was. Maybe the takeaway is that we need to let our sexuality mature with us — take our time, don’t sweat it if the orgasm doesn’t happen, and enjoy the vast array of sexually intimate acts. And if that doesn’t work, I know plenty of husbands who’d simply say: “I don’t care if having sex increases my risk of heart attack, because what a way to go!”

Source: MSU Today — Is Sex in Later Years Good for Your Health?

Should you turn on the lights?

Research conducted by the European College of Neuropsychopharmacology Congress studied 38 male participants with disorders characterized by a lack of interest in sex. They gave them half of them light therapy (exposure to light that mimics the sun’s rays and is used with seasonal depression) and half of them exposure to much dimmer light. The men who received bright light therapy showed increased sexual satisfaction three times higher as well as a jump in testosterone production.

Honestly, this matches one of my theories of why more men have lower sex drives these days. I believe that since many men aren’t spending time outside and in manual labor, they aren’t doing things that used to maintain their testosterone levels and decrease their stress. Whether my theory’s true or not, it appears that sunlight or light therapy would be a good idea for men whose libidos aren’t where they, or perhaps their wives, would like them to be. For you higher-drive wives, maybe you could suggest a daily walk or time together outside more days than not.

Source: Popular Science — New Research Shows How Bright Light Could Wake Up Men’s Sexual Desire

Why should college students have all the fun?

Researchers at the University of South Dakota surveyed 706 college students and discovered that having sex in a parked car remains a “fundamental coming-of-age phenomenon.” Sixty percent reported having experienced parked-car sex, and although men reported a higher rate of satisfaction, a strong majority in both genders viewed the experience positively.

Why am I talking about this to married Christians? Because hey, you can do it your car too! Frankly, as you get older, your car is usually bigger and more conducive to having sex without getting jabbed by a gear shift or slammed into the dashboard. You might well own a garage so that maintaining privacy is an easy goal to meet. And you’d probably be surprised how much your body can still bend and move when romance and libido run high. Some of us even own trucks, meaning we have an actual “bed” in our vehicle. Doesn’t that mean we should use it as the word intends?

Source: The Daily Beast — Science Says: Car Sex Is Still a Rite of Passage

Is polyester killing your sex appeal, guys?

Cairo University Professor Ahmed Shafik dressed lab rats in pants of different fabrics, then studied how they affected the rats’ sex drive. He discovered that rats in polyester pants got less action than those wearing cotton or wool — a finding that once-and-for-all confirms the 1970s were the worst fashion decade.

So throw out your old leisure suits, husbands, because that polyester look is not helping your sex appeal! Go with cotton or wool (or even a mixed blend, I suppose). Although I wonder how those rats would have fared in satin boxer shorts. Do you think they would have become “love machines”? Maybe, maybe not. But you could give it a try.

Source: Polyester pants dampen rats’ sex appeal: Ig Nobel prizes honor weird research

What do you think about these research studies? What surprised you or shed light on your situation?

The post 5 New Sex Studies (Including One Which Will Make You Laugh) appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.