I’m a fan of rhymes. For instance, what rhymes with thrive? Well, here are a few options. Which of them would you say best describes your marriage at the moment?

• Survive
• Deprive
• Arrive
• Revive
• Alive

I certainly hope it’s one of the more positive words! But none of those words is quite like the meaning of thrive. Don’t we all long for our marriages not to simply survive or arrive, but thrive? One definition of thrive is flourish, and that brings to mind the sense not of getting by but rather bearing fruit.

This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

John 15:8

What a Marriage Needs to Thrive

Several aspects are key for a marriage to thrive. You need two good-willed people; not perfect, but reasonably good-willed. You need time to make changes, because—in spite of some marketing to the contrary—going from meh to marvelous doesn’t happen overnight. And you need wisdom. You can work really hard, but if you’re working at the wrong things, you won’t get the right results.

Obviously, my entire ministry is providing whatever wisdom I can, based on biblical principles, evidence-based insight, and practical tips. With a bit of humor thrown in whenever possible!

But I’m certainly not the only one with good advice. Which is why I’m happy to turn the spotlight on others when I learn about a good resource.

Thrive Christian Marriage Conference

The Thrive Christian Marriage Conference is a 4-day virtual event, February 15–18, 2022. It’s hosted by Equipping Godly Women and brings together over 20 professional counselors, bestselling authors, speakers, bloggers, podcasters and more—all sharing their best advice to help you build a marriage that flourishes.

While I’m not speaking at this conference, I know several of the presenters, and the lineup looks really good. Among the topics are:

• Empowering Women to Find the Hero in Their Husbands (Juli Slattery, Ph.D.)
• Are You in an Emotionally Destructive Relationship? (Leslie Vernick)
• The 5 FUN-damentals of Dating Your Spouse (Tara Carson of Dating Divas)
• How to Overcome Sexual Trauma and Find Healing (Jay Stringer)
• Unlocking the Power of Prayer in Your Marriage (Mike + Carlie Kercheval)
• And many, many more!

And here’s the kicker: This event is FREE! However, you do need to register in advance.

Also, you can upgrade to an all-access pass, which adds:

• One Year Unlimited Access to all Videos
• Printable Conference Workbook
• Printable Marriage Conversation Cards
• Free One Month Trial to Better Help Counseling
• Free One Month Trial to Covenant Eyes Accountability Software
• One Month Free Equipping Godly Women Membership
• Printable Year of Dates Binder from the Dating Divas
• Roadmap to Recovery Workshop by Natalie Hoffman

The pricing on an all-access pass is:

Early Bird / Before February 14: $35
During Conference / February 15 – 21: $45
After Conference / February 22 and after: $79

So basically, for $35, you early birds get hundreds of dollars’ worth of marriage insight and resources!

How to Attend a Conference

Having been to more conferences than I can count, let me share a few tips so you can get the most of your experience.

Take stock of your needs. Which sessions address what you’re dealing with now? Which ones have little or nothing to do with helping your particular marriage thrive? Few presentations are for everyone. And that’s good, because tailored information is often what we need to navigate our own journey. That said, you might try watching at least a few minutes of the sessions you’re not sure about, because you might find something is your cup of tea after all.

Embrace the good stuff, don’t worry about the rest. Some people complain if they attend a session and find one or two things they disagree with. Learn to look for the golden nuggets, let go of what doesn’t work for you or what you disagree with, and just move on. Look, I don’t agree with everything my colleagues say, but if we share the same biblical foundation and we’re in accord, say, 80% of the time, that’s a good deal.

Discuss the sessions with your spouse. Assuming your spouse is watching with you, talk about what you learn. As always, don’t just share your own opinions, but ask for your spouse’s take and really, really listen to what they say. (See Are You Listening to What Your Spouse Says about Sex?)

Jot down action items. Too often, we gain insight but don’t put it into practice. But knowing how to do something and actually doing it until it’s an ingrained habit are two entirely different things. (Just ask any athlete or musician.) Be sure to write down what you want to work on based on what you’ve learned. It might be a 10-step to-do list, 3–5 overall goals, or just that one next baby step you want to take. But make a promise to yourself by writing it down and following through.

Revisit the material as needed. I’ve gone back to old conference materials months and years after and discovered reminders and epiphanies. Keep your workbook or notes and refer back to them weeks or months later. Ask how it’s going and what else you might be ready to work on next.

Share your insights with others. Did you gain some fantastic insight or learn a wonderful tip? Don’t hoard your wisdom. Share it with that other wife, husband, or married couple who could use some encouragement! And if you think that couple might benefit, share about this conference with them.

Do Something for Your Marriage This Year

If you don’t sign up for this conference, do something else for your marriage this year. Take an intentional step by attending another event, reading a marriage book, listening to a podcast, and/or taking or facilitating a marriage class.

If we want to thrive at anything, we have to make an effort. Prioritize your marriage and help it to fluorish this year and beyond.

Disclosure of Material Connection: This post includes one or more affiliate links, meaning if you click on the link and purchase an item, I receive an affiliate commission at no additional cost to you.

The post Want Your Marriage to Thrive? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Especially when what hubby and I most wanted was just more sleep.

Fast forward to those children become teenagers, and it was so much easier to find our way out the door, sitting at a restaurant enjoying grown-up conversation, and having the energy to finish the night properly when we got home.

And now, we’ve just entered the Empty Nest stage, and dates are becoming more about dinners at home alone and sex, well, wherever we want to have it in this big house. (Don’t tell my sons. They may never sit on the living room couch again.)

But looking back, I realize that we needed dating at every stage of our marriage. Those times when we weren’t dating much? Things weren’t great in our marriage. We were in survival mode, rather than nurturing our connection.

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have ample family time and alone time, but being a couple now and then—without the demands or distractions of work, household, and parenting—reminds you why you fell in love. And why you should keep falling in love, over and over.

Research has even shown that we experience a boost of feel-good chemicals when we’re first falling in love that can be later mimicked by experiencing novel activities together. The typical dinner-and-movie probably won’t have that effect, but exploring your town together, taking walks in different places and in different seasons, or visiting new restaurants, museums, or sports activities can bring you closer together. You associate those feel-good times with the one who was with you — your beloved spouse.

But whatever season you’re in, how can you find the resources of time and money to date your spouse regularly? Here are a few ideas.

Organize a babysitting co-op.

Spock (husband) and I started dating again regularly when we joined our church’s babysitting co-op. Couples took turns babysitting groups of children, ages 2–11, using church facilities and a regular routine. For four hours, children played, watched a video, ate kids’ fare, and had adult supervision throughout. Meanwhile, couples who weren’t on call that night paid a few dollars for their kids’ meals and got those four hours to go out and do whatever they wanted. 

While we had the use of a gym and adjoining classrooms, you could organize a smaller co-op in couples’ homes or a church nursery. Adjust the ages to what works for you. Come up with a routine that appeals to kids and works for adults. See if area restaurants will deliver food or purchase grocery items that are easy to prepare, like frozen pizzas or sandwiches. Make sure you get parental permission to seek health care in an emergency and have good contact numbers for everyone.

If you can’t get that going, at least find another couple to swap with or ask around at your church for who the good, reasonably priced babysitters are.

Get creative about your dates.

My husband and I default to dinner-and-movie dates too. Or dinner and wandering through a store. But while those count for good maintenance, the dates that have brought us closest together and made for great memories are the more creative ones.

We’ve taken day trips to historical spots, visited various museums (many offer free admission on certain days), attended the Texas Renaissance Festival, cheered on our awesome Houston Astros at the ballpark, kayaked at our local town lake, and attended Shakespeare in the Park.

Google your town’s or your state’s tourist bureau and see what’s going on around you. Tour Pinterest for ideas on having a special date night at home. Also, check out The Dating Divas, which has a gazillion date-night ideas on their website. Just think outside the box!

Talk about expectations.

What does a “date” involve in your mind? It might not be what your spouse pictures. While dating before marriage, most of us expected the night to end with a kiss. Once married, a fair number of spouses expect a date to end with a roll in the hay.

Then there’s the romance/wooing factor. Let’s face it: some of you tried a lot harder when you were dating. Perhaps you got spiffied up, went out to a nice restaurant, and then went dancing, but now you think the local sandwich shop and a tour of Walmart should count. While your spouse is scratching their head and wondering, What happened to the romance?

Talk about what dating should look like. Discuss expectations, activities you can mutually agree on, and how the date might end. Figure out what will make you each feel more cherished and more connected to the other.

Attend a marriage event.

One of the best dates you can go on is a marriage enrichment event. That could be a regional conference, a ministry retreat, or a date night hosted by your local church. My husband and I have attended, and once coordinated, weekend marriage retreats for our church couples class, and they stick out in my memories as wonderful times we dedicated to nurturing out relationship. Not to mention we stayed in hotel rooms, a setting especially conducive to physical intimacy.

I have one particular event in mind, though. The Get Your Marriage On marriage conference is a single-evening event on Saturday, November 17, in St. George, Utah. And I’ll be delivering a keynote about sexual intimacy!

St. George is located in Southwestern Utah, with beautiful views and plenty of those novelty experiences to enjoy together. And you can stay in a hotel room at the Amira Resort & Spa at a discount, when booked through the conference. Then there are the presenters: marriage and family therapists, a professor providing relationship education, a massage expert, Tara Carson of The Data Divas, and yours truly (that’s me!).

The event is underwritten by the Ultimate Intimacy app, The Dating Divas, The Center for Couples and Families, and more. On top of all that, I’m crossing my fingers (cross yours with me, please!) that I’ll have my newest book, Pillow Talk: 40 Conversations to Have with Your Spouse about Sex, out in time for Get Your Marriage On. If so, that’s the first place print copies will be sold!

And now you’re all like: Oh my goodness, this sounds fabulous, but we could never afford it! Y’all, it’s only $99. For a couple. Seriously, this is a great value and investment for your marriage!

Yes, you’ll have additional costs with lodging, transportation, and meals. But if you can swing it, you’ll have an unforgettable experience. And you’ll meet not only me, but also my beloved Spock — the man crazy enough to marry me and stay married to me for 25 years.

Get Your Marriage On might be just the kick in your two pairs of pants to revitalize your dating life. Regardless, prioritize dating in marriage. It leads to greater connection, a stronger foundation, and yes, typically more sex.

The post Are You Dating Your Spouse Enough? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

To listen to Jolene’s interview with me, just click on the play button below. And then be sure to click the link to check out the conference. Sign up now and get the early bird discount!

CLICK ON THE BANNER BELOW TO LEARN MORE & SIGN UP!

Your conference ticket includes:

• 14 conference sessions with quality speakers, bloggers, and authors
• Conference notebook, with session notes and more
• Access to our private Facebook group community to discuss each session’s topic, ask questions, glean from one another, connect with other like-minded wives AND interact with the speakers
• PLUS, additional resources including Sex in Marriage, a collection of five entirely new devotionals from me (in the same format as Intimacy Revealed, but fresh material)

Early bird discount until May 5. Be wise and sign up today!

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Get wisdom, get understanding;
  do not forget my words or turn away from them.
Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;
  love her, and she will watch over you.

What I hope to do here on my blog is share wisdom about marriage and sex. When you soak in God’s truths about covenant love and sexual intimacy, your marriage will be blessed.

Which is why I’m thrilled to be a part of the upcoming Wisdom For Wives Conference, hosted by Jolene Engle and Christian Wife University. You might remember Jolene from her recent, and fabulous, guest post here on Hot, Holy & Humorous about working through physical pain in the marriage bed. Jolene has a beautiful heart for marriages, and her invitation to me to speak at the Wisdom for Wives Conference demonstrates her commitment to helping wives experience God’s gift of intimacy.

But I’m definitely not the only one. I’m among a wonderful line-up of women speaking to women about important aspects of marriage. Just look at this sampling of conference speakers and topics:

• Growing into a Godly Wife in Spite of Having Ungodly Role Models with Carlie Kercheval
• To the Wife Who Is Ready to Run with Michelle Lindsey
• When Porn Shows Up in Your House with Bonny Logsdon Burns
• Nurturing Your Marriage in the Middle of the Storm with Roseann Cunningham
• Choosing Him All Over Again: Tips to Strengthen Your Marriage & Help for Troubled Marriages with Juana Mikels
• How to Rein in Your Emotions So You Don’t Tear Down Your Home with Jolene Engle

And my session will be:

• 5 Steps to Improve Sexual Intimacy in Your Marriage

The conference takes place online May 12-15, 2015. But you can sign up today for an early bird discount!

A lot of behind-the-scenes and in-front-of-the-camera effort is going into delivering a content-rich conference that will benefit your marriage, and that you can attend from home. I encourage you to check it out today and see all the conference sessions, resources, and special downloads attendees will receive.

May God bless this special event! And I pray that you can “come.”

Every marriage goes through seasons. Some seasons are exhilarating and effortless, while other seasons can be faced with serious heartache, disappointment, and downright despair. No matter what season you’re living in, the Wisdom for Wives Conference is designed to encourage, equip, affirm, and inspire you in your role as a wife so you can have the type of marriage that God intended.

CLICK HERE TO ATTEND!

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