Welcome to another monthly roundup of recent posts, podcast episodes, recommended resources, and much more. Scroll through to find what you might have missed or your next great resource for marriage.

Disclosure of Material Connection: This post includes one or more affiliate links, meaning if you click on the link and purchase an item, I receive an affiliate commission at no additional cost to you.

This Month on the Blog

I’m trying to be more consistently with blogging … and mostly failing, but I want an A for effort! ~wink~ Still, some great content for your marriage!

From Sex Chat for Christian Wives Podcast

• Episode 119: 10 Best Things About Sex
• Episode 120: Our Holiday Gift Guide – Sexy and Romantic Gifts for Couples

From Knowing Her Sexually Podcast

• Episode 42: Foreplay In and Out of the Bedroom, with Dave Barringer
• Episode 43: Rebuilding Her Trust, with Jessica McCleese

My Post at KHS Ministry

I didn’t blog on KHS this month, but Chris had a great post!

A Few Great Reads Elsewhere

• I love this goal from Lori Byerly: I Want to Be a Radical – The Generous Wife. “I want to live so radically different in my marriage that people do a double-take and say, ‘Whoa, what’s going on here?'”
• Chris Taylor addresses a question a lot of wives want the answer to: Are You Normal? – Honeycomb & Spice. She also asks whether that’s the best question and proposes a different one. A good read for wives of all levels of sexual desire.
• Brad Wilcox is the Director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. He wrote this researched-based article: Evangelicals and Domestic Violence: Are Christian Men More Abusive? | Christianity Today. In discussing it with a friend, I wrote: “Our faith regards marriage highly, so that creates greater expectations and dedication. For most marriages that’s great—resulting in stronger, kinder relationships. For a few marriages (statistically speaking), that dedication is their destruction. They don’t know how to reach out for help, or when they do, it’s met with ‘try harder’ or ‘pray’ without advisors understanding that trauma has taken place and needs a different response.” C’mon, Church, let’s keep what we do well but diligently pursue better in all those places where we’ve have failed. Each and every one of those lives matters. (See also Enough is Enough – Gary Thomas.)
• I’m a fan of men. Not all men, of course. But I genuinely appreciate what the masculine brings to marriage and to society, which I’ve addressed here, here, and here. Shaunti Feldhahn shared her own thoughts about good husbands in Men Making a Difference.

Recommended Resources & Products

May I highlight the low-price, high-value webinars available from Sex Chat for Christian Wives and Knowing Her Sexually? You could easily gift your marriage, your spouse, or yourself one or more of our offerings!

What I’m Reading

Many years ago, I read a novel that stuck with me. It was Christian, but not. That is, it wasn’t the typical Christian fiction I’d read. That novel was Wrapped in Rain by Charles Martin.

Since then, I’ve read several of Martin’s novels. But his 2013 novel, Unwritten, had sat on my shelf for a while unread. I finally picked it up and read through this past month.

I recommend Unwritten. The characters are rich, the author’s prose is compelling, and the story unfolds in interesting and authentic ways. By authentic, I especially mean that life isn’t made out to be easier than it is. Like Martin’s other books, Unwritten shows characters encountering Christianity not as a cure-all but a calling.

Even so, my favorite novel of Martin’s remains When Crickets Cry. That’s the one that really stuck with me. The Mountain Between Us is also good. (And for anyone who saw the film based on that novel, let me assure you that there is no sex scene in the book. That wasn’t at all who the characters were in the book. Anyway…)

I’m re-reading a novel titled Mark of the Gods, which is book 1 in the Muse Island Series. It’s supernatural suspense; that is, it combines mythology and mystery. Being a fan of both of those, this series is right in my wheelhouse. There are four books in the series so far, and a couple of shorts, but more should be coming in 2022.

And I have started listening to Married Sex by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta. So far, it’s been nice having the juxtaposition of a male with a theology degree and a female who’s a licensed counselor. Together, they cover more ground than one could alone. But I’m not done yet, so I’ll come back next time and say whether I would recommend the book.

What J’s Up to These Days

Years 2020 and 2021 were something of a disappointment. I certainly didn’t have it as difficult as a lot of people did, but several plans fell through and I didn’t feel physically good for a full 9 months. So we’re recovering some lost time now!

For example, Spock and I hopped on a last-minute cruise and had a lovely time! I even got some work done with a gorgeous ocean view.

Then we had Thanksgiving with our two grown sons here (and one girlfriend). My heart is always full when my whole family is here!

Work-wise, I’m booking speaking gigs in 2022, working on my higher drive wife book, and getting ahead on blogging. I’m also putting together the Hot, Holy & Humorous Business Plan for next year, since my oh-so logical husband asked if I had one. ~grin~

Biblical Inspiration for the Coming Month

In a few days, I will hit my 11th anniversary of blogging. Who has been consistently blogging about sex in marriage longer than I have? Several people, but not many. Among them are Paul and Lori Byerly, who offer the Generous Husband and Generous Wife blogs with daily encouragement to be better spouses.

I love that framing of being generous to your mate. I’ve also written about generosity here on my site—for instance, 3 G-Words to Improve Your Marriage. Generosity is an attitude that surpasses meeting requirements, expectations, or even emotional needs. It’s a lavishing of love on the other.

Resource Roundup: November 2021: "Generosity is an attitude that surpasses meeting requirements, expectations, or even emotional needs. It's a lavishing of love on the other." @hotholyhumorous #marriage
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When both spouses treat one another this way, a marriage can thrive in new and wonderful ways. But even one spouse can make a real difference, changing the dynamic of a relationship, by living and loving generously. After a while, the other spouse may respond with fresh generosity as well.

Proverbs 11:25 summarizes it beautifully.

The post Resource Roundup: November 2021 appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Welcome to another monthly roundup of recent posts, podcast episodes, recommended resources, and much more. Scroll through to find what you might have missed or your next great resource for marriage.

Disclosure of Material Connection: This post includes one or more affiliate links, meaning if you click on the link and purchase an item, I receive an affiliate commission at no additional cost to you.

This Month on the Blog

It was a rough month for blogging, primarily because we were getting settled in a new place. But I did manage a couple of posts.

From Sex Chat for Christian Wives Podcast

• Episode 117: Prayer and Sex
• Episode 118: Sex Is for You Too

From Knowing Her Sexually Podcast

• Episode 40: Her Erogenous Zones
• Episode 41: 4 Truths About Sex Husbands Should Know

My Post at KHS Ministry

Click the image below to read. (I posted twice this month on KHS.)

A Few Great Reads Elsewhere

• I came across this really interesting article from 2018 addressing Rosemary Basson’s research: The Misunderstood Science of Sexual Desire (thecut.com). Basson helped reframe sex drive as sometimes happening after things get going rather than before; that is, responsive desire. But she also noted that its opposite, spontaneous desire, is a bit of misnomer—because we’re all responding to something, and the real difference is simply how long it takes to go from stimulus to arousal.
• Does sex inevitably decrease as you age? Not necessarily! In fact, plenty of older couples are having better sex than ever. Check out this article for the scoop: Almost half of over 50s say they’re having the best sex of their lives – Yahoo News. (Being in that over-50 category, I agree with that conclusion.)
• In the marriage ministry world, there has been a lot of talk and controversy surrounding the release of Married Sex, a book written by Gary Thomas, a pastor and author with a master’s in theology, and Debra Fileta, a licensed professional counselor and marriage therapist. Whatever you think of the book—if you think of it at all—Julie Sibert penned a thoughtful review, including tips on finding the right resource for you: 3 Reasons I Recommend Married Sex Book By Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta (intimacyinmarriage.com). A related post from me would be How to Read a Marriage Book.

Recommended Resources & Products

Have you seen my webinar with Dr. Jessica McCleese on overcoming negative sexual messages? It’s still available and entirely FREE. Click here and scroll down to the bottom of the page.

Also be sure to check out Jessica’s other excellent resources! She’s a licensed psychologist and a certified Christian sex therapist.

In my last roundup, I mentioned a wonderful book by Juli Slattery titled Rethinking Sexuality. Then I came across this series of six short videos from her through Focus on the Family, and it is soooooo good. Begin with Episode 1: How Do You Define Sexuality?

If you can get your spouse to watch with you, great. And be sure to check out the follow-up questions and prayer.

And it’s not too late! You can still sign up and watch the Awesome Marriage Retreat online, including my session on God’s Gift of Sex: What’s Keeping You from Enjoying It Fully? Once you purchase, videos are available for viewing for a full year.

Hosted by Dr. Kim Kimberling & Awesome Marriage, this conference focuses on marriagtee as a whole, including physical intimacy, but also communication, conflict-resolution, relationship-building and more.

$49 per couple

What I’m Reading

Esther Perel, licensed psychologist and expert on relationships and sexuality, wrote a book titled Mating in Captivity that was widely highlighted and discussed. I jumped in to see for myself what was so groundbreaking about her perspective.

I haven’t finished yet—honestly, because I’ve lost interest and had to kick-start my determination several times over. While I now understand why this book got talked about a lot, I generally don’t agree with the premise. It’s basically this: relational intimacy and sexual interest are at odds with one another, because physical desire is linked to separateness and mystery. Put simply, knowing your partner well outside the bedroom can interfere with your drive to know them inside the bedroom.

Look, I think there’s some truth to that when you approach sex as a physical high. And it is a physical high, in that humans enjoy being aroused, pleasured, satisfied. But God’s design for sex goes beyond that to a deeper emotional intimacy.

Nearly 29 years into marriage, I no longer get the excited butterflies in my stomach about having sex with my husband, but it’s so much more comfortable, vulnerable, intimate, and profound. It’s also playful and fun and exciting. I don’t miss that initial high because what we have now is better.

Though I’m not finished reading, I cannot recommend this book. If you want to know what Esther Perel is about, you can visit her website or look up her TED Talk. But her approach starts from a different paradigm than the biblical one, and I’m far more interested in what the Creator of sex has to say about it.

What J’s Up to These Days

I recently told a friend that I have lived a pretty interesting life. After all, “I have been quoted in a Rolling Stone article online, I have had a book I wrote on shelves in Barnes & Noble and other bookstores, and now…I have named a sex position.”

Yep, I described a sex position in a recent episode of For Christian Wives, then tried to find it on my go-to site for positions, Christian Friendly Sex Positions. When I didn’t come up with it, I consulted the site’s owner. He agreed it wasn’t there but offered to draw it up and include in their extensive list. And then, he offered to let ME name it. Woohoo!

Meet the Dragonfly Sex Position. You’re welcome. ~grin~

And as if that isn’t fun enough, I also attended the Texas Renaissance Festival this past month. My husband and I have been several times, but this time we were joined by our older son and his wife. What a lovely day!

Here are me and Spock in costume:

Biblical Inspiration for the Coming Month

I live in a warm, humid climate most of the year. It’s finally turning cold with temps in the 50s Fahrenheit (that’s 10–15° Celsius). Okay, that’s not cold to a lot of you, but it is a respite from the 80s and 90s we’ve had for a very long time. And it means we’re switching from air conditioning to heat in our home.

But you know what’s even better to keep warm in winter? Snuggling up to your spouse. The Bible points it out! So here’s your inspiration.

By the way, if you’re in a warm climate this time of year—I see you folks Down Under and many others!—it’s still fun to snuggle with your beloved.

The post Resource Roundup: October 2021 appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Welcome to another monthly roundup of recent posts, podcast episodes, recommended resources, and much more. Scroll through to find what you might have missed or your next great resource for marriage.

Disclosure of Material Connection: This post includes one or more affiliate links, meaning if you click on the link and purchase an item, I receive an affiliate commission at no additional cost to you.

This Month on the Blog

Once again, I missed some blogging days last month. But here’s what I did write about!

From Sex Chat for Christian Wives Podcast

• Episode 115: Sex When Life is Overwhelming
• Episode 116: On Fantasy, Focus, and Feeling Betrayed

From Knowing Her Sexually Podcast

• Episode 39: Grooming and Hygiene

My Post at KHS Ministry

Click the image below to read.

A Few Great Reads Elsewhere

• To my mind, Ngina Otiende of Intentional Today is one of the best Christian bloggers on sex in marriage right now. Here’s another must-read from her: My Husband Only Wants Me Sexually – 5 Things To Do. If this post had been a book, I’d have dog-eared it about 10 times!
• This next article is not from last month, but from July. I’m embarrassed to admit that I bookmarked it back then but only read it this week. But hey, it’s timeless advice from Chris Taylor: Work on Yourself (Even if Your Husband Is the Problem) – Honeycomb & Spice.

Recommended Resources & Products

I’m repeating myself! Because you really need to know about the events I’m involved in. Again, my sessions are original material. That is, what I don’t repeat is workshop content I did for other online conferences.

Hosted by bestselling marriage author Gary Thomas and Licensed Counselor Debra Fileta, this conference will help you take your sex life to the next level. Packed with important seminars from some of the top leaders, teachers, and experts in the marriage space—you’ll learn about love and married sex in a way you never have before.

$89 per couple includes all sessions, viewable for up to a year, and a copy of Thomas & Fileta’s new book, Married Sex (a $26.99 value!). Use code: MARRIEDSEX10 at checkout to get 10% off the admission price.

My session: 5 Sex Myths & God’s Better Truths

Hosted by Dr. Kim Kimberling & Awesome Marriage, this conference focuses on marriage as a whole, including physical intimacy, but also communication, conflict-resolution, relationship-building and more.

$49 per couple

Once launched, the videos are viewable for up to a year.

My session: God’s Gift of Sex: What’s Keeping You from Enjoying It Fully?

What I’m Reading

Clinical psychologist Juli Slattery has been talking about sex for many years, but her impact has grown a lot in recent years. Her ministry, Authentic Intimacy, includes a blog, a podcast, speaking engagements, and books. Sounds familiar, actually. Though believe me, I ain’t anywhere near as big a deal as Juli is, and she is imminently qualified to speak on her subject.

I met Juli a few years back at an event she held in San Antonio, Texas.

She also appeared on our podcast, Sex Chat for Christian Wives. For someone I respect so much, it took me way too long to pick up her book Rethinking Sexuality. My review of the book could be summarized with WOW.

Rethinking Sexuality is a fantastic resource to get Christians to embrace a paradigm shift about sexuality in line with God’s will and His Word. Juli digs deep into theology while remaining practical and compassionate about complicated questions in our culture.

This book isn’t about making sex better in your marriage with tips or to-dos, though embracing this paradigm shift would do a lot to help many marriages. Rather, Juli spreads the net wider, addressing sexual brokenness in our world, why it happens, and what we can do about it.

I recommend this book to anyone interested in such issues, but particularly to those who’ve experienced brokenness, have a loved one struggling with sexuality or gender, are engaged in marriage ministry, and work as pastors. It’s well worth your time—and an easy listen if you go with the audiobook.

What J’s Up to These Days

Last time, I shared that our too-large-for-two house had sold. Now I get to report that we have ordered up the next house—a new build in Denton, Texas.

But with the construction market bottle-necked, it’s going to take maybe a year for that house to be ready! So in the meantime, we’re renting an apartment a little ways from our previous location but still in the Houston metro area. The kicker is that it’s in the same complex as my sister!

(Okay, I’ll stop posting Kristen Bell memes now. Two months of that is enough, I suppose.)

I am moved but exhausted. Here’s hoping things can calm down a bit now!

Biblical Inspiration for the Coming Month

My husband is better at hanging pictures than I am. I’m better at arranging kitchen items.

Knowing our strengths and weaknesses and using them accordingly helps our marriage overall. But it’s also a gift to one another. I don’t have to mess with rulers, levels, and hammer and nails, and he doesn’t have to figure out where all those pots, pans, and utensils are going to fit.

I was thinking about all this as I came across a verse in 1 Peter:

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 

1 Peter 4:10

While Peter wrote these words to scattered exiles (1:1) and not married people specifically, I believe there’s a takeaway for spouses. Our gifts can be used to serve our beloved, as our brother or sister in Christ.

What are you good at doing that would benefit your husband or wife? What do you need to let go of because your husband or wife does it better? And how can you support one another to serve in your giftedness? Food for thought.

The post Resource Roundup: September 2021 appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Welcome to another monthly roundup of recent posts, podcast episodes, recommended resources, and much more. Scroll through to find what you might have missed or your next great resource for marriage.

Disclosure of Material Connection: This post includes one or more affiliate links, meaning if you click on the link and purchase an item, I receive an affiliate commission at no additional cost to you.

This Month on the Blog

I missed two weeks this month! Sorry, but you’ll see why later in this post.

NOTE: There was a lot of disagreement about this next post,
and I’m still thinking through what I said and should have said.

From Sex Chat for Christian Wives Podcast

• Episode 112: Are You Compromising Too Much? (Listener Question)
• Episode 113: The Most Pleasurable Sex Positions
• Episode 114: Pursuing Playfulness in Sexual Intimacy

From Knowing Her Sexually Podcast

• Episode 37: Why Sex Can Feel Risky to Your Wife
• Episode 38: Why Didn’t She Come with a Manual?

My Post at KHS Ministry

Click the image below to read.

A Few Great Reads Elsewhere

• Is marriage easy or hard? For most of us, it gets hard and then harder when we start confronting our problems, but if we can work through them, marriage gets easier. (Not easy, in my opinion, but easier.) That’s why I love this post from Ngina Otiende of Intentional Today: When Marriage Hurts: Why Growth Can Feel Like Regression. She said it so much better than I could!
• Keelie Reason of Love Hope Adventure writes about How Pornography Has Changed Sex. Whether you’re currently pro- or anti-porn, this is worth reading, because she quickly covers some evidence-based reasons why it’s not a good idea. Pursue the best your marriage bed can be, without porn.
• Another excellent post addresses pornography’s effect on marriage with research-based evidence. Porn Is NOT Helping Your Marriage! from Paul Byerly, aka Generous Husband.
• Chris Taylor and I recently did a podcast episode on Why Sex Can Feel Risky to Your Wife? Then I read this post: Adventurous Isn’t a Fair Word When the Wife is More Vulnerable. While it’s in the same vein, Gary Thomas makes other excellent points. Hubbies in particular, check it out!

Recommended Resources & Products

I have to use this section to talk about two amazing online conferences I’m involved in! One is hosted by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta and the other by Awesome Marriage.

What you should know about my sessions in particular is that it’s original material. That is, I’m not repeating workshop content I did for other online conferences (such as the Dating Divas Sex Seminar and last year’s Awesome Marriage Retreat).

Hosted by bestselling marriage author Gary Thomas and Licensed Counselor Debra Fileta, this conference will help take you take your sex life to the next level. Packed with important seminars from some of the top leaders, teachers, and experts in the marriage space—you’ll learn about love and married sex in a way you never have before.

$89 per couple includes all sessions, viewable for up to a year, and a copy of Thomas & Fileta’s new book, Married Sex (a $26.99 value!).

My session: 5 Sex Myths & God’s Better Truths

Hosted by Dr. Kim Kimberling & Awesome Marriage, this conference focuses on marriage as a whole, including physical intimacy, but also communication, conflict-resolution, relationship-building and more.

$39 per couple through September 28, 2021
$49 per couple after September 28, 2021

Once launched, the videos are viewable for up to a year.

My session: God’s Gift of Sex: What’s Keeping You from Enjoying It Fully?

What I’m Reading

I don’t remember where I heard about this title, but I downloaded the audiobook a while ago and finally listened to it this past month.

The author, evolutionary biologist and researcher Sarah E. Hill, Ph.D., doesn’t share my Christian worldview, but she does have great information about what hormonal contraception has done or might do to women’s bodies and brains.

Dr. Hill strikes a fair balance between showing how altering our cycles can have unintended consequences and not creating panic since most women don’t experience severe side effects. Rather, she shares her and other researchers’ findings so women can make more informed decisions about birth control.

I recommend this book to certain people and with caveats. This is a deep-dive into the science, and most people don’t need or want that level of information. If you work in healthcare or with married couples, however, this book could be a good source of knowledge. Also, some values the author expresses are not mine—and likely not yours—and she uses some curse words. But most people can get the gist well enough by watching Dr. Hill’s TED Talk or by heading to her website, clicking on Articles | Media, and finding a podcast or TV appearance.

Long story short: pay attention to any changes you experience while on hormonal contraception and shop for the right pill, patch, etc. for your body or change to another method.

A totally different read! I got a preview copy of The Flirtation Experiment by Lisa Jacobson and Phylicia Masonheimer.

I’ll be doing a more extensive review of the book in a blog post (because I want to hit some certain points and takeaways for my readers). But the upshot is that I highly recommend this book to wives.

Now, Lisa and Phylicia are upfront in saying this is NOT the right book if you’re in an abusive or emotionally destructive marriage, and I agree. Rather, this book is intended for those couples who are doing good but want to do great or who have mild to moderate conflict and want to reconnect. Basically, it’s for well-meaning spouses who want a boost in their marriage.

But it lives up to that goal beautifully with lots of great ideas based in biblical truths with real-life takeaways.

What J’s Up to These Days

Our house just sold! And the next question everyone asks is: “So where are you moving?” The short answer is:

The longer answer is that we’re hoping to build a house somewhere in Texas and rent an apartment while it’s being constructed. Regardless, we have less than a month to downsize, find a place, and move. I’m not panicked. Nope, not at all.

When not in that mode, I am continuing to work on a book for higher desire wives (getting back to it with renewed focus!) and trying to catch up on my reading.

Biblical Inspiration for the Coming Month

What is the most necessary Christian virtue?

You may quickly answer, “Love, of course.” After all, the apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13:13, “And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love,” and Jesus said the two greatest commands were to love the Lord and love others (see Mark 12:29-31). Yes, but…

In The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis wrote, “Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point, which means, at the point of highest reality.” He wasn’t saying that’s most important virtue, but one that underlies others.

The pastor Andrew Murray made a case for humility being a key feature of the Christian life (see Humility: The Beauty of Holiness). And the longer I live, the more I think, although love and courage are dominant, humility must come before such virtues. After all, Jesus’s sacrificial love began with humbling himself:

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

Philippians 2:5-8

I’ve also witnessed people lose their way, ministries go off-track, and marriages torn apart or damaged—not because there was a lack of faith, hope, love, or courage. Rather, each of those was present but put in jeopardy by a lack of humility. We get too full of ourselves and what we think, feel, believe, or know and fail to listen, contemplate, and empathize.

With all this in mind, it occurred to me in the last week or two that the best verse about sex and marriage in the whole Bible isn’t about sex or marriage. It’s about how we treat one another, and following this command can make a profound difference in our marriage—and other relationships, of course.

The post Resource Roundup: August 2021 appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Welcome to another monthly roundup of recent posts, podcast episodes, recommended resources, and much more. Scroll through to find what you might have missed or your next great resource for marriage.

This Month on the Blog

I’m back to blogging twice a week in most weeks, but I had to take a break last week! Anyway, here’s what appeared on the site last month. Images first, then links and descriptions below!

• Top 10 Things To Teach Teens About Sex – July 5, 2021
  What should you teach your teen about sex? J provides 10 important principles parents should convey when they have the opportunity.
• Why I Took My Breast Implants Out – July 8, 2021
  J shares candidly about her journey of breast augmentation, chronic illness 10 years later, and choosing to remove her implants.
• 10 Things to Do After Sex – July 12, 2021
  What could or should you do after a sexual encounter is over? Here are 10 important things to do after sex with your spouse!
• Do You Think About Sex Too Much? – July 19, 2021
  C.S. Lewis said those obsessed with food or sex are terribly hungry or overly indulged. Is your marriage starved, saturated, or satisfied?
• A Christian’s Guide to Sexual Morality – July 22, 2021
  C.S. Lewis’s chapter on “Sexual Morality” is a must-read…or must-see. Check out this doodle video on that topic!

(And if you’re a coder who can tell me how to make a WordPress gallery with descriptions and links that freeze in time—a specific month, not just the latest X number of posts—PLEASE email me.)

From Sex Chat for Christian Wives Podcast

• Episode 110: The Sleep-Sex Connection – Sex Chat for Christian Wives
• Episode 111: Accepting Your Body – Sex Chat for Christian Wives

From Knowing Her Sexually Podcast

• Episode 34: She Did It with a Boyfriend, So Why Not with Me? – Knowing Her Sexually
• Episode 35: “Be Worth Sleeping With,” with Kevin A. Thompson – Knowing Her Sexually
• Episode 36: What Do Women Want? – Knowing Her Sexually

My Post at KHS Ministry

Click the image below to read.

A Few Great Reads Elsewhere

• Ngina Otiende is a wonderful resource for marriage, particularly for newlyweds, though she has great nuggets of wisdom for any marriage. This recent post is well worth your time: The Power of Prayer In Marriage – Invitation to More Depth as a Couple (intentionaltoday.com).
• Dave Willis gives The Ten Secrets of Happy Couples | XO Marriage. LOVE this list! Spock and I have 9½ of these—hey, just being honest—and it’s a happy 28-year marriage. If you want one too, this list is for you! And for your spouse.
• Meanwhile, Keelie Reason shares Why Sex in Marriage Can Be So Great | Love Hope Adventure. I agree with every point!
• I’ve long been an advocate of preachers not skipping over Song of Songs, but it matters how you preach this book. While I don’t know this article’s author, pastor Aaron Menikoff, he makes some great points in 3 Reasons You Should Preach through The Song of Solomon : 9Marks.

Recommended Resources & Products

They should pay me for this, but I’m going to share about a service I use quite a bit: Airbnb. (Airbnb, call me—we take podcast sponsorships!)

I’ve used Airbnb to find places to stay when I visited my kids in college, when I needed lodging for speaking engagements, when I went on retreats with friends or family, and when my husband and I took mini-vacations.

Why mention Airbnb now? Or at all? Well, a lot of marriage advice out there suggests: “Go on a vacation together” or “Get a hotel for the weekend!” But that may not be affordable or preferable for you.

You have a lot more options with Airbnb, from houses to apartments to campers to boats to glamping. And many of the locations include a kitchen or kitchenette where you can prepare your own food to cut costs. Anyway, my two cents that it might be worth checking out and seeing if this is the right time to book that getaway for your marriage! (And you know, your sex life.)

Note: Before booking, be sure to read about the amenities and house rules for check-in and check-out.

What I’m Reading

Now that my mental fog is gone, I’m back to reading full-length books. YAY! So I’m adding this section to let you know what I’m consuming and whether I recommend it or not.

Though it was a super-popular marriage book, I never read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray, Ph.D. I did, however, decide to listen (through Audible) to his book on sex.

The first several chapters were great, but then it took a turn. I found myself yelling at the audiobook. Not exactly the most effective method of persuading the author. LOL.

Anyway, Gray isn’t a Christian author, so I cannot expect him to have the guiding principles that faith requests and requires, nor the approach that relational intimacy supersedes personal pleasure. Basically, when he talks about sexual skills, he’s on pretty solid ground, but beyond that, not so much.

Thus, I cannot recommend this book. Rather, I’d suggest other options for learning sexual skills without some of the more problematic ideas.

Also listened to The Man’s Guide to Women from John and Julie Gottman and some of their colleagues at the well-known Gottman Institute. This book is neither Christian nor written to married men, though there are some good takeaways.

Unfortunately, there are also some misses; for example, the typical assumption that men want sex more than women do, statements like “she’ll love it when you do X” (maybe / maybe not), and concluding what to do based on what’s desirable rather than what your covenant calls for. Not that marriage and its outcomes shouldn’t be desirable, but as Christians, we believe we are in covenant and that should give us a somewhat different perspective.

So sadly, I can’t recommend this book either. You can get the good parts just by going to related posts on their website and applying a biblical filter to what you read. Or hey, listen to our women’s guide to men on the Knowing Her Sexually podcast!

What J’s Up to These Days

• Dear Delta Variant, GO AWAY! Let’s hope this latest variant does as it appears to have done elsewhere: hits hard (too late to wish otherwise) but fades quickly. Because like you, I’m ready to get back into the swing of things! Including that I’ve recently scheduled a couple of speaking gigs for MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and have an engagement in the works. If you’re looking for someone who can speak comfortably, positively, and biblically about sex in marriage, invite me! You can see my speaking page HERE and/or my MOPS speaker profile HERE.
• Our too-large-for-two house is almost on the market! Given our location, we’ll be surprised if it doesn’t sell quick. Where are we going next? We’re not sure! I’d appreciate your prayers that God will lead us to the right place—not only for a residence, but for a church home and a community.

Biblical Inspiration for the Coming Month

This past week, I’ve been studying the Book of Esther and thinking about the oppression of women during that time; having discussions with a couple of close friends (plus one vitriolic Facebook commenter on a different personal profile) about what it means to care for others; and read an article from The Dispatch columnist David French that pointed to a video from BibleProject, whom I’ve mentioned here before. And within that video on justice, they shared a verse from Proverbs 31.

Now, every Christian woman can tell you what Proverbs 31 is about. We tend to both love and hate that chapter. Because it draws attention to the value and nobility of a woman of godly character, but it’s also been used to make women feel like we’re not enough (see How Do You Measure Up to the Virtuous Woman?). But that passage starts in verse 10. What advice from father to son comes immediately before?

Open your mouth for the people who cannot speak, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Proverbs 31:8-9 (NASB)

And now I cannot stop thinking about how these passages are not linked exactly, but what made the father speaking here go from that admonition to a whole passage about finding a good wife?

Well, here’s a thought: If you’re not the kind of dude who speaks up for the unfortunate, judges righteously, and defends the rights of those in need, how likely are you to get and keep that noble wife? But if you are the kind of guy who speaks up, judges, and defends well, that’s highly attractive to good women. Noble attracts noble.

Moreover, a husband who cares that deeply and acts with such integrity is kinda sexy to his wife.

Of course, this goes the other way! So we should all heed the wisdom of King Lemuel from Proverbs 31— especially the part about the wife having servants. ~grin~ Wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah, this:

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