Until I realized this woman wasn’t doing all these things in a day! Moreover, she had servant girls. And for some crazy reason, when I ask my husband to get me a slew of servant girls, I just get confused stares. (Go figure.) Needless to say, I haven’t had influx of household staff to whom I could delegate certain tasks.

So basically, I don’t get everything done. Ever.

Yet I adore how Proverbs 31 lays out the deeper characteristics wives should aim for — industriousness, kindness, generosity, wisdom, mirth. That’s really what Proverbs 31 is about, and it’s a focus I wholeheartedly endorse.

I was thinking about this chapter yesterday as I walked through my living room and saw my husband’s shirts laid out to take to the dry cleaners. I don’t get everything done that I wish I could, but he trusts that laying out his shirts means I’ll take them to the dry cleaners and pick them up later. When he reaches for clean clothes, they’ll be there. When it’s time for dinner, I’ll have it ready, let him know I won’t be there, or secure food from a nearby restaurant. When our bank statements come in, I’ll reconcile them. When our kids need school supplies or new clothing, I’ll purchase them. By the way, this is not some do-my-laundry-woman! attitude from him. It’s a division of responsibilities we’ve worked out over the years and according to seasons. But he trusts that I’ll take care of these small things.

And then there are the bigger things. Like him knowing that I’m here for conversation, affection, and intimacy. Expecting that I’m on this life journey with him until the end. Supporting one another through thick and thin, better and worse, and all the challenges of a life long-lived.

It’s both the little and the big things that make him feel loved. Which is why when I came across the following verse, I wanted it to be my encouragement to wives this week. I’ll be memorizing it; maybe you will too. “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value” (Proverbs 31:11).

I think this verse could be a good guide for how we treat our husbands in marriage. Does your husband trust you? Do you have his full confidence? Does he lack anything of value?

Note: No, he may not have that singing bass he wants for your living room wall or the newest Apple gadget, but I doubt that’s what’s meant by “value.” Interpret accordingly.

Aim for being that wife of noble character this coming week — the one who approaches life with industriousness, kindness, generosity, wisdom, mirth. The wife a husband should and can trust, for the big things and the small.

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Proverbs 31:10-31:  “Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.  Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:  ‘There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!’

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.”

For some time, I have secretly harbored resentment for the virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31.  So have many of you, ladies!  This chick seems like a huge overachiever who makes us look bad.  She’s like that celebrity actress who perfectly wears her string bikini six months after pushing out a ten-pound baby.  Couldn’t she have kept some of the baby fat to make the rest of us feel a little better about ourselves?

Most of us gals naturally compare ourselves to others, and we oh-so-aware when we don’t measure up.  So why did God include this passage in Proverbs that is guaranteed to cause most women to curl up in a corner and whimper at the mere thought of that woman’s to-do list?  If I had to find wool and flax and then spin it to have clothing, my family would have to join a nudist colony.  And if “bringing her food from afar” means traveling more than several blocks to the local grocery store or the pizza shop for take-out, I’m busted.

Listen, this woman gets up before dawn and her lamp stays on past dark.  I need eight hours of sleep to bear fruit of the Spirit.  She spins thread and makes her own bedspreads, for heaven’s sake!  I once sewed a pillow cover; it’s unraveling now.  Her children stand and bless her.  My children slump on the couch and ignore my third warning to stop playing video games or suffer brain cell loss.  She prepares breakfast.  I serve boxed cereal or Pillsbury cinnamon rolls.  She plans out the work for her servant girls.  Wait!  Servant girls?

Now this is the part of the passage that has always struck me!  She had someone to help her.  Actually, more than one someone since it is plural — servant girls.  Now this changes everything!  This is like opening up the magazine article that accompanies the front cover photo of the previously pregnant, now bikini-clad actress titled Gorgeous Gal’s 4 Secrets to Getting Slim and discovering those secrets are (1) her nanny, (2) her personal trainer, (3) her dietitian, and (4) her personal chef.  Hey, if I had someone to watch the munchkins, plan and cook healthy meals, and make me exercise three hours a day, I could at least get back into the sweatpants I wore in college!  How can I compete with that? 

Clearly, though, the Virtuous Woman didn’t lie around on a chaise, eating Bonbons and ordering her extensive household staff around.  She was a hard worker and cared for those around her.  Yet she did have help, and she used that help wisely.  So what if my help happens to come in the form of a restaurant drive-through employee or a lawn service? 

She also didn’t accomplish her list of to-dos every single day.  Sometimes, we read this passage like we could open up Mrs. Virtuous Woman’s day planner and see:

5:00 a.m.         Get up while dark
5:30 a.m.         Find wool and flax
6:30 a.m.         Spin it
7:00 a.m.         Bring food from afar
8:00 a.m.         Prepare breakfast
8:30 a.m.         Plan day’s work for servant girls
9:30 a.m.         Inspect field
10:00 a.m        Buy field
10:30 a.m.       Plant vineyard

And so on.  But this chapter is likely relating a number of things that Mrs. V.W. could be engaged in on any given day, but not every day.  If you were to list all the things that you do for your family and household in the course of, say, six months, what would that list look like?

So what if you didn’t plant a vineyard today!  Maybe in the last year, you repainted the bathroom, helped your child with his science project, taught Bible class for a quarter, mowed the lawn, did dozens of loads of laundry, shopped for clothes as your children experienced another round of growth spurts, took family members to the doctor, prepared hundreds of meals, and much, much more!  And if you have servant girls, you probably accomplished all that and had time for a mani-pedi.  Good for you!

Don’t wear yourself out trying to live up to any impossible standard — whether it’s our perception of the Proverbs 31 woman or the expectations of the world around us.  Work hard, be generous, love your family.  And remember that the most important part of this passage: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.”  How are you doing on fearing the Lord?

By the way, I love the line: “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”   Now I don’t know how well I’m doing on that dignity thing, but I have learned to relax in the hand of my Heavenly Father and not fear the future.  And as most of you can tell, I enjoy a good laugh!

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