Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day ideas for marriage

How to Make Your Valentine Gift Meaningful

blog post title + illustration of envelope with hearts come out

If I didn’t know better, I’d think the first line of Charles Dickens’s A Tale of Two Cities was actually about couples and Valentine’s Day: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”

Yep, St. Valentine’s Day is less than a month away — the holiday that some spouses anticipate with excitement, and others dread with exasperation.

Regardless of how you approach it, I suspect you come with your own set of expectations. Maybe they are high expectations that cannot possibly be fulfilled, and maybe they are low expectations that your frustration turns into a self-fulfilled prophecy. But most of us fall somewhere in between.

I’ve written about Valentine’s Day so many times that I wondered what I could possibly say to make this holiday better for married couples. But when I asked members of my Facebook community what I should cover, a lot of answers boiled down to wanting something really meaningful.

So how can you give a meaningful gift to your spouse? What will make this the Valentine’s Day s/he will always remember?

1. Plan.

You might have wondered why I’m writing this post nearly a month before Valentine’s Day. But you may need time to brainstorm ideas, line up a babysitter (and perhaps a back-up babysitter), make a reservation, and/or purchase or make any necessary supplies.

Almost every gift I can think of that a friend happily told me about her husband getting her involved planning on his part. For example, a getaway weekend he had to book ahead of time, bidding on eBay for a treasured item from her childhood, breakfast in bed made by hubby and the children, the love letter he wrote.

As Benjamin Franklin purportedly said, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” Instead, plan ahead.

2. Prioritize.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times: I don’t care if this holiday means absolutely nothing to you or you think it’s supremely stupid — if it’s important to your spouse, you need to make something happen. Because that’s love, people. “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10).

That also means that you must prioritize your time. Clear your calendar to make time with your spouse. You can’t fully connect with your spouse if you can’t disconnect from the other stuff pulling you apart.

You can't fully connect with your spouse if you can't disconnect from the other stuff pulling you apart. Click To Tweet

If you can’t celebrate on Valentine’s Day, pick another day around the same time. But figure out when you can carve out time to be together and then make that happen.

3. Pursue.

One reader commented that she wanted “almost like a ‘take me back to our honeymoon days’ kind of post. I feel so overwhelmed with responsibility in life I sometimes forget the exciting and fun side of things.” I know she’s not alone.

Remember when you were falling in love? When you first held hands or felt that flicker of this could be the one? Remember how excited you were just to be together?

Scientifically speaking, those fluttery feelings involved some brain chemicals that aren’t at the same levels now after being so familiar with one another. But the beauty of our brains is that we can renew those feelings by introducing special moments and pairing them with our spouse. Essentially, you need the attitude that you’re still pursuing your spouse.

Romantic pursuit can be passionate or playful. It can make you burst out in laughter, weep with deep emotion, or simply savor the moments. It can be grand gestures or cozy comfort. It’s whatever romance means to you and your beloved.

But regardless of what form it takes, pursuing your spouse doesn’t simply mark off the box of “I’m married to you” or “I thought of you.” It wholeheartedly communicates “I love you, I want you, and I’d do it all over again.” You’ll know it’s more meaningful when your gift conveys that message.

4. Personalize.

If my husband paid attention to all the statements that women love getting flowers, he’d miss the mark. It’s not that I don’t like getting flowers — which is nice — but it’s not all that meaningful to me. Other gifts have meant far more to me, like when my husband saw me admire a piece of art in a store and it showed up as my gift at the next holiday. He paid attention to what I really like.

Likewise, you have to personalize your gift to your spouse. I’ve given a lot of gift ideas in the past, but you have to look at such lists with knowledge of the person you’re married to:

13 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts from Your Grocery Store
7 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts You Can Make
“Go Big” Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spouse
8 Cool Valentine’s Gifts for Your Hot Hubby
8 Sweet Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spicy Wife

Think about previous gifts or experiences your spouse has had. When did you see your spouse light up? What fond memory have they recounted many times over? What interests, talents, and dreams does your spouse have? How can your gift honor the person they are?

Those are my four tips for giving a meaningful gift: Plan, Prioritize, Pursue, and Personalize.

I can’t leave without mentioning that sex should be very meaningful in your marriage. And right now both of my books, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage and Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design, have sales right now on the ebook. Only $2.99! This is a great time to get one or both and get ideas for improving the sex in your marriage, and making sure your Valentine’s Day is meaningfully intimate as well.

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7 Things You Should Say to Your Spouse on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is three days away! If gifts mean a lot to your mate, you’d better have a plan or be working on one right now. In case you need help, I have several past posts you can peruse for ideas:

What to Get Your Husband for V-Day
13 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts from Your Grocery Store
7 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts You Can Make
“Go Big” Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spouse
8 Cool Valentine’s Gifts for Your Hot Hubby
8 Sweet Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spicy Wife
Valentine’s Day for the Rest of Us

But whether your marriage involves exchanging gifts or blowing off the whole holiday, I’ve got seven romantic things you should say to your husband (or wife) on Valentine’s Day. Or some day soon. Here they are.

7 Things You Should Say to Your Spouse on Valentine's Day

1. You are attractive to me. It’s uncommon that one spouse has no attraction whatsoever to the person they married. So I’d guess that 99% of you can say this one without reserve. (And if you can’t, read this post.) Tell your sweetheart that you find him handsome, sexy, desirable, and overall your brand of catnip, so to speak. If there’s something you especially appreciate, name that feature. Make sure your honey knows he’s still your hot honey.

2. I like you being my friend. Some of you will happily insert the word best in there: “You are my best friend.” I don’t tend to think of my husband that way, and I’m not alone, but I do think it’s important to let your guy know that he’s not just your provider, garbage-dumper, father to your children, spider-killer, roommate, and lover — he’s your genuine friend. He’s the guy you love to hang out with, laugh with, share stories with, do life with.

3. I’m sorry. You know there’s something you should apologize for. Even if it’s not understanding how important something is to your husband. You might be waiting for him to fess up to all of his wrongs and beg for mercy. But one of the most loving things you can do in your marriage is to humbly take responsibility for your own sins and ask for forgiveness. We’re just not perfect people, and we let each other down. Say I’m sorry.

4. I admire the person you are. Romans 12:10 says, “Outdo one another in showing honor” (ESV). Do you let your husband know that you respect, honor, and admire him? Men in particular respond to these expressions, although many of us ladies cherish such encouragement too. Go ahead and tell your husband outright that he is admiration-worthy in your eyes. If you can, tell him exactly why — that you admire the way he handles your kids, works his job, leads Bible classes, etc. Let your hubster know he’s got someone in his corner.

5. I’d choose you again. No matter how easy-breezy or rough your marriage has been, you picked this guy out of all the others and said I do in front of God and witnesses. For some reason, you thought you couldn’t live without him. Confirm that commitment by saying you’d do it again. You were willing to go through the hardships to have the happy marriage you have now, or you are willing to keep swimming through difficult waters to reach a better destination. Either way, you’re happy with the person you picked, and you’d choose him again.

6. I want to make love to you. For those with lower-drive hubbies, be sure to emphasize that it’s about lovemaking with him. It’s not meeting some physical need, but bonding together in intimacy. Offer to pleasure your husband in a way that he particularly enjoys. Show affection and honor in how you initiate. But make it clear that you long to be one flesh, in your lives and in your marriage bed. If you’re the lower-drive spouse, your hubby will be thrilled to have you express interest and desire for him.

7. I love you _______. Likely you’ve said those three words to each other many times over, but say them again . . . with something extra added on. How you fill in the blank is up to you! It could be: “I love you more than ever.” “I love you and all that you do for our family.” “I love you so much my heart feels like it’s bursting.” “I love you to infinity and beyond!” In my marriage, we have a phrase that’s meaningful to the two of us that I’d add to the words I love you. (No, I’m not sharing them here. Just between me and “Spock.”) Maybe you have a pet phrase too. But get extra close to your husband, linger in his arms, and express your love in a memorable way.

Of course, you can change the wording of any of these seven items to fit your marriage. But these are areas in which we should speak directly and lovingly to our husbands. (And wives. Yes, I know I have faithful male readers. Thanks, guys!)

Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to tell your hubby how much he means to you.

What other phrases would you add to my list? What would you like to say to your husband or wife? And what would you like to hear?