Valentine's Day Archives - Hot, Holy & Humorous

One Week Until Valentine’s Day (Are You Ready?)

Tue, 06 Feb 2024 16:36:59 +0000

Every year, couples around the world celebrate Valentine’s Day, and this celebration hails back to at least the 5th century when Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine’s Day. Who was Saint Valentine? There are three potential saints who might be linked to this holiday, but many of us favor one particular legend:

Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret.
“Valentine’s Day 2024: Origins, Background & Traditions.” History.com, January 19, 2024. https://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day-2.

On top of that, back in those Middle Ages, “it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds’ mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine’s Day should be a day for romance.”

Now, some point out that the holiday may have been introduced to counteract or subsume the Roman fertility festival of Lupercalia, but let’s face it: by now, your average person has zero idea what Lupercalia is but certainly knows about Valentine’s Day. So I’m not bothered that the dates overlapped at some point or that the choice of date to celebrate St. Valentine might have involved practical considerations.

What I definitely like about the legend of St. Valentine’s is the emphasis not merely on romance but on marriage—the relationship that should include a lifetime of romance. You know, in between paying bills, doing laundry, and cleaning up after your kids. But that romance stuff can make the more boring stuff more doable.

With all that in mind, today I wanted to provide readers a quick-and-easy way to access my Valentine’s Day ideas. With quite a few posts, you may want to scroll through and look at titles before deciding which ones to click!

Remember my caveat, though: If Valentine’s Day is important to your spouse, it should be important to you…because your spouse is important.

If Valentine’s Day is important to your spouse, it should be important to you…because your spouse is important.

How We Think About Valentine’s Day

Gift Ideas

What to Do for Valentine’s Day

And For the Ultimate V-Day Gift…

Click to Learn More!

That’s it! Maybe you can see why I didn’t write another ideas post this year. I have so many already! Best wishes celebrating in the way that you and your spouse do.

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This Valentine’s Day, Give Extravagant Love

Mon, 11 Feb 2019 13:35:14 +0000

If you’d known me in high school or college, you could have heard my rant about how Valentine’s Day was a ploy used by greeting card companies, florists, and candy makers to guilt people into purchasing things they didn’t need, all to express the love they could have been expressing 364 other days of the year. I gave versions of this same rant my first several years of marriage as well.

And then I became a marriage and sex blogger.

Valentine’s Day is huuuuge in this world. So many couples celebrate this day and want fresh or practical suggestions on how to commemorate their special love. It’s a great time to speak about how to romance and honor your spouse, because people are listening.

Not to mention that sales of marriage and sex books, affiliate-linked products, and more increase this time of year. That’s just a fact. And on that note…hey, look, a great place to buy lingerie! (And they’re offering 25% off on lingerie and boxers through Valentine’s Day 2019 with the code LOVE25.)

Lingerie and marital aids for your marriage!

Anyway, over the years, I’ve dug myself out of my cynicism, written many posts about Valentine’s Day, and learned to appreciate it as a holiday with origins in a lovely tale about a priest who continued to perform wedding ceremonies despite a ban by the king—because he believed in marriage. Here are those (many) past posts:

Here’s some simple advice.

But today, just a few days before Valentine’s Day, I want to offer simple advice about how to treat this holiday. Actually, it’s not even my advice. It’s ancient advice, with great wisdom. Here it is:

That’s from the New Living Translation, and here are some other translations of that same verse:

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves” (NIV).
“Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Outdo one another in showing honor” (CSB).
“Be devoted to each other with mutual affection. Excel at showing respect for each other” (ISV).

What is extravagant love?

People often talk about unconditional love, but I prefer the phrase extravagant love. To me that connotes going above and beyond, the same prescription here translated in words like “take delight” and “outdo” and “above yourselves” and “excel.”

On this holiday that focuses on romantic love, maybe it’s a good time to take stock and ask how we’re doing on this one with our spouse. Are we showing them extravagant love? Love that goes above and beyond what we’ve done before, what we think we’re capable or, what we believe they even deserve.

On this holiday that focuses on romantic love, maybe it's a good time to take stock and ask how we're doing on this one with our spouse. Are we showing them extravagant love? via @hotholyhumorous #Valentines #marriage
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But here’s the real core of the matter: You can’t do extravagant love on your own.

You can do extravagant gestures, extravagant gifts, extravagant romance. But day-in, day-out, through-all-life’s-challenges, trying to show extravagant love to your spouse in your power can wear you out.

If you want a really great Valentine’s Day, and marriage, ask yourself what it means to show genuine affection to your spouse and to take delight in honoring them. What would extravagant love look like? And then ask God to pour His love into you so that you can pour it back out to your beloved.

I don’t think I can give better advice than that. Happy Valentine’s to you all!

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5 FREE Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spouse

Sat, 03 Feb 2018 13:00:36 +0000

It’s Saturday, meaning another high-five! That is, five resources or tips you can use to nurture your marriage and your marriage bed.

Valentine’s Day is coming up! If you and/or your spouse enjoy commemorating this day, you need to decide on what you’ll do to celebrate. But what if you don’t have a lot of money to spend?

No worries! Here are five FREE Valentine’s gifts you can give your spouse.

1. Full-body massage

Our bodies love touch, and there’s something so wonderful about your spouse soothing your tight muscles with their hands.

Now, if you want to make this a real Valentine’s treat for all involved, remember: The higher drive spouse wants it to lead to sex; the lower drive spouse just wants a massage.

I’m not saying the lower-drive spouse won’t be responsive to the idea of sex on Valentine’s, but if they feel the whole time like you’re only giving the massage to get sex, it won’t be enjoyable. So focus on the massage for the time being, and make your sexual advances separate from that experience.

If you want to present a gift certificate for the massage, Canva has a bunch of templates you can use; although mostly tailored to businesses, they can easily be adapted to a massage for your spouse.

2. Clean house

I know that doesn’t sound romantic, but if you listened to our Christmas episode from the Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast, you heard Gaye of Calm.Healthy.Sexy. say that one year the only gift she really wanted was a clean house. And I guarantee a large number of wives were nodding their heads, fully understanding that desire.

But it’s not just wives. In some couples, the husband is more of a neatnik.

If your spouse is stressed by the mess, it’s a relief and a gift for them to have a clean house. Take a day or more off and focus on decluttering, deep cleaning, and/or decorating your home. Make it a space that feels welcoming and peaceful. And be sure to attend to the bedroom, creating a place conducive to lovemaking.

3. Love letter

Words are powerful. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Your words could be sweet to your spouse’s soul and healing to their bones. Why not put your words in a love letter, to be kept and cherished?

If you don’t know how to write a love letter, I have a section in my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design, simply titled: “How to Write a Love Letter.” Yep, I walk you through the components of a good love letter and give examples. You don’t have to be Shakespeare to write something your spouse will treasure for years. Just learn these tips, and you can write a letter your spouse will love getting for Valentine’s Day.

4. Homemade meal

If you don’t usually cook, be the one to prepare dinner. If you’re not much of a cook, choose something you can’t screw up, or find a simple recipe and follow it to the letter. Videos with a cooking demonstration can be particularly helpful.

If cooking is a shared activity or you typically get meals ready, how about breakfast in bed? Make sure you have a tray on which to serve the food so it’s easy for your spouse to eat. (Unless you’re planning to eat off each other…)

And consider presentation! When you go through Taco Bell, they shove your paper-wrapped burrito into a sack and hold it out the window to you. But when you go to a fancy restaurant, the chef displays the meal on a gleaming white plate with everything arranged perfectly and a garnish on the side. Give your spouse the fancy treatment, as much as you can (search “plating” on YouTube for ideas).

5. Sex

C’mon, you knew I had to say it. Sex is a shared activity that provides fun and pleasure, expresses love, and is free! It’s the gift God gave marriage that we re-gift to each other again and again.

But then how do you make this sexual experience feel special, worthy of qualifying as a Valentine’s Day gift? Try one or more of these:

Create a romantic atmosphere, using tools like candles, flower petals, aromas, etc.
Try something different or new. Again, my book has a lot of tips!
Play a bedroom game, like Ultimate Intimacy or Sexy Truth or Dare.
Have sex their way, putting the focus on your spouse’s enjoyment.
Lengthen the time you’ll make love, drawing out pleasure with exploration and foreplay.

There you go. Five freebies for your Valentine’s Day.

For other gift ideas, check out:

13 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts from Your Grocery Store
7 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts You Can Make
“Go Big” Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spouse
8 Cool Valentine’s Gifts for Your Hot Hubby
8 Sweet Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spicy Wife

And remember, you can always gift one of my not-free-but-really-inexpensive books! On sale only through Valentine’s Day.

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Do You Have to Celebrate Valentine’s Day?

Mon, 30 Jan 2017 13:33:52 +0000

In two weeks, it’s St. Valentine’s Day — a holiday celebrating romantic love. Given what I write about, this should be my wheelhouse. I should be excitedly touting the beauty of romantic gestures, sex-themed gifts, and marital bliss. And I have. You can find those posts here:

But I’ve also written about my own view of Valentine’s Day:
Valentine’s Day for the Rest of Us

What I really want:
What I Really Want for Valentine’s Day (Maybe You Do Too)

What men want:
Does He Just Want Sex for Valentine’s Day?

And my belief that we can make this holiday carry more weight than it should:
Is Valentine’s Day Too Much Pressure?

Some of you are like me: You have a billion things going on in your life, and the thought of stopping all that for something extra-special for a holiday designated by other people seems like another to-do you don’t need on your list. Besides, you frankly couldn’t tell anyone just who St. Valentine was anyway or what that cupid baby has to do with anything. (Seriously, little arrow-toting dude, put on some clothes.)

So here’s a question: Do you have to celebrate Valentine’s Day? Is it in the marriage contract somewhere? Does the fact that you are a couple mean you that must do something for this event? Would you be remiss if you breezed through February 14 not giving flowers or candy to your beloved and not even wearing the color red?

It depends.

On your spouse.

If this day is important to him or her, reconfigure that to-do list and make Valentine’s Day a priority.

But don’t assume. Because in an interesting conversation with some wives lately, I discovered that most of us didn’t care for a big to-do for Valentine’s Day. We wanted subtler gestures of romance — a quiet evening at home, a single flower, a greeting card, an extended time of physical intimacy, a whispered, “I love you. Happy Valentine’s.”

My husband and I tend to trade greeting cards and a long kiss … and that’s it — what constitutes the entire Valentine’s celebration in my marriage. Which both of us are happy with. We personally prefer to go out for a date on a night on which the restaurants aren’t so crowded or to exchange gifts on a day personally significant to us, like our anniversary.

But if I were a flowers, candy, or jewelry person, my husband should oblige, considering and cherishing the wife he married. Likewise, if my husband considered a proper Valentine’s celebration involved extra-sexy sex, I should oblige, considering and honoring the man I married. It’s simply biblical love to seek the other’s good and to show kindness.

I could write another post about what you can do for Valentine’s Day, but I’ve already written a bunch and it’s all a waste anyway if you don’t know what your own spouse desires and enjoys. So have a conversation and see what they think about this holiday.

While you’re at it, maybe talk about other holidays too. My husband and I evaluated our Christmas experience and decided to make some changes next year, and we’ll be talking soon about how to spend our anniversary, making sure our expectations are reasonably met.

If your spouse does want a bigger to-do, I have all of those resources up there you can consult for gift and activity ideas. Plenty of other marriage websites have ideas as well. And I’m sure your local retailer would love to walk you through some possibilities.

But you might be surprised to find out that you don’t have to do quite as much. Many couples are content to take it easy on this holiday of love and find small ways to celebrate.

That said, never ignore an opportunity in your marriage, whatever the day, to express love to your mate. Make that an ongoing goal.

Reminder: Valentine’s Day is special in that we are launching our podcast that day. Click on the banner below to head to our website and learn more. And mark your calendar to listen that week!

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What I Really Want for Valentine’s Day (Maybe You Do Too)

Thu, 28 Jan 2016 13:00:31 +0000

I’ve mentioned more than once on my blog that I’m not super-big on Valentine’s Day. Maybe it was ruined for me the year a high school boyfriend gave me a dozen roses in a thick glass vase, and two weeks later they all died on the same day. It was such a letdown, especially when I found out how much they cost and that I could have had a long-lasting outfit or a great pair of shoes for that kind of money.

Call me too practical.

But I don’t think I’m unromantic. I enjoy romance! It just doesn’t always look like what other people’s romance looks like. Which makes me think we should extend our definition of romance in our marriages and for Valentine’s.

So what do I really want for Valentine’s Day? And are any of my ideas what you might want from your spouse?

A lingering kiss. I’m talking about that long, soft-lipped kiss that says your spouse’s lips are the only ones you ever want to touch. The type of kiss that feels sweet and passionate all at once. The sort of kiss a fairy tale prince or warrior would plant on his beloved when they finally escape certain peril and find one another.

A hand-picked bunch of flowers. Here in Texas, you’d better make sure you don’t pick any bluebonnets, because picking the state flower on public land is a crime. But there are plenty of places where you could likely yank a few naturally growing flowers from the ground or clip some from a bush and bring them home to your honey. Me? I have a weakness for daisies, which always strike me as a cheerful flower.

A slow dance in our bedroom. I love being held in my husband’s arms and swaying in tandem. We don’t need great dance moves or perfect rhythm or even music playing. Sometimes he just takes me in his arms and sings (off-key) while we dance and I swoon.

A sexy greeting card. There are some very clever greeting cards out there for spouses to exchange, and quite a few of them are flirty, suggestive, or even seductive. I like the idea of my husband picking out the perfect card to say “I want you always…starting right here and now.”

A sightseeing excursion. We’ve done dinner and/or a movie plenty. But my best memories with my husband are when we’ve traveled or gone to museums or visited local attractions. We walk hand-in-hand, see interesting sights, and enjoy great discussions. We spend quality time together. And we don’t do it often enough.

A handwritten letter or poem. My favorite gift ever from my husband is a poem he wrote for my birthday one year. Poetically speaking, it’s bad. But in terms of my intimacy with him, it’s beautiful and unforgettable. He stepped way out of his comfort zone to write something for me he knew I’d like. And if he wants to do something like that every decade or so, that would be just fine with me.

A day in bed. Yes, an entire day that we spend in bed together. We could hole ourselves up in our bedroom and do everything from the cushy, cozy spot of our mattress: Watch TV or movies, eat snacks and meals, read books, have conversations, take an afternoon nap, and — oh yeah — get physically intimate. Maybe more than once.

Are any of these are your wish list? What other ideas would you love for your spouse to gift you with this Valentine’s Day?

And here are some other ideas from previous posts:

What to Get Your Husband for V-Day
13 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts from Your Grocery Store
7 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts You Can Make
“Go Big” Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spouse
8 Cool Valentine’s Gifts for Your Hot Hubby
8 Sweet Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spicy Wife
Valentine’s Day for the Rest of Us

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