Yeah, she definitely has some terrible perceptions. I’m so sorry. I wish I could speak with her. Because not only are you missing out; she is missing out too.

Yeah, she knows. Counseling 3 times – no results. Last time we argued (about current and the past) I asked isn’t it normal for newlywed 20’s to have sex once or twice a week (we are in our forties, and when we first married, we had sex 5 times in 3 years)? She said “if you thought back then that I would ride her like seattle slew like some pervert, you are out of your mind”. Thats almost a direct quote. Go watch Jim Carey’s “Liar Liar” movie for the reference.

So a 20-ish husband wanting sex with his 20-ish wife once a week is a pervert. Guess what that makes me as a 40-ish husband who would be happy with once a week now, or even once every 2 weeks? thats kind of what I have had to deal with for 20+ years.

Anyways, after 20+ years, and having given up, its really only on days like V-day or anniversary where I get really unhappy. So I just buy the gifts, smile the fake smile, and look happy. Because if I don’t, its trouble. Just have gotten to the point where the rest of the time its just finding other things to be busy with, and try not to dwell on it too much. Because that is all I got left.

My heart aches for you. I wonder if your wife has any idea how unhappy you are.

I hate valetines day. I get a card, I usually try to get one of the funny ones. I used to get one of those mushy ones, but every word on it is a lie. I hate them. It takes all my willpower not to rip each one in half as I browse them at the store.

Oh, and this year is special – its also on Sunday! So I get to go to church and hear in sunday school how great and loving marriage is supposed to be. Then I go to morning service and hear a message that is 90% about how God’s love is way better than man’s, and the other 10% about how husbands are supposed to love like that, and of course, we’re failing at that. And then sunday night is a message on Song of Solomon – and not about what its literally about, of course, but how its a metaphor for God’s love. Great. Just great. All true, of course. But, just great.

So here I sit, 11pm, on Valentines day, where we all have off the next day (presidents day holiday), and I sit here, knowing, without a doubt, that there is no chance for anything whatsoever happening. I barely anticipate a kiss goodnight (hardly have those, either).

And you know what? I really don’t even care anymore. We’ve been to counseling – never worked. So I’ve given up, and just try and not be an idiot to do something stupid like have an affair or something. So far, its working, but I fear in 6 years or so, when the last kid is out of school, that will be it for me.