You can’t stay behind that wall all the time, of course. While I personally established The Rule that I will not be alone with a man who is neither my husband nor a male relative, that isn’t practical for everyone. I recognize that you may need to be with someone of the opposite sex for work or in other circumstances. You may even find yourself tempted by someone when in a group. You may be contacted on social media by a person from your past that brings up residual feelings. You may receive overt come-ons from someone when you didn’t ask for them. You are human. You were designed by God as a sexual being. You may one day be tempted to engage in flirtation, romance, or physical contact with someone other than your spouse.

So you should know how keep things on the up-and-up, you should have a ready response, you should prepare for battle . . . Nope. That isn’t it. We often think that the way to handle an adulterous opportunity is to talk our way out of it — explain to the presenting party that we love our spouse and we want to remain friends and nothing more, blah, blah, blah.

Hey, we are never instructed in Scripture to do hand-to-hand combat with sexual temptation! Do you know what the biblical teaching for such temptation is? FLEE. That’s right. Create distance between you and the temptation. Go away. Run for your life. Get the heck outta Dodge.

Joseph is the prime example for how to handle sexual temptation. After being sold into slavery by his brothers, he went to work in Egypt at Potiphar’s house. He is described in the Bible as “well-built and handsome.” So yeah, he was the Israelite version of Brad Pitt, Ian Somerhalder, Robert Pattison, or whoever you think makes nice-viewing. In fact, Scripture says that Potiphar’s wife “took notice” of that nice view. And then she made her move. At first, Joseph explains that he will not do that to her, his master, or his God. But that doesn’t do it, of course.

A few years down the road, the son of an adulterous relationship, Solomon, decides to instruct his son on sexual morality. You might think that his love of his mother Bathsheba and his father King David would sway him toward giving them a pass on their adultery. Things happen, right? King David wasn’t trying to be an adulterer; he just fell in love with Bathsheba one day, and there you go (never mind that he was supposed to be at war with his army).

But Solomon passes along the wisdom he received from God to his own son. Rather than telling him to “look but don’t touch” or “just stop before you doing anything really wrong” or giving him some speech about free milk and cows, Solomon says in Proverbs 5:8: “Keep to a path far from [the adulteress], do not go near the door of her house.” The entire chapter is worth reading, but the lesson Solomon wants his son to receive is that the only way to avoid sinning sexually is to avoid the temptation altogether. Just don’t get near it. If you find yourself on the wrong path, take a detour. Don’t go there.

One other verse from the New Testament puts this concept in as straightforward a manner as possible. In 1 Corinthians 6:18, Paul says: “Flee from sexual immorality.” The Greek word for “flee” here is pheugo, which means “to be saved by flight, to escape safely out of danger.” Sexual temptation is a danger zone. You don’t manage danger, so much as you get away from it. I don’t talk my way out of an oncoming car; I get out of the road!

So if you find yourself tempted (and it is my belief that almost every married individual will at one time or another), FLEE! That means that you cut off opposite-sex friendships that begin to include flirtation or feel too familiar (“do not go near”); you avoid places where you will run into those who may tempt you (“he refused to . . . even be with her”); you deal with come-ons with physical distance (“ran out of the house”); and you know your escape route (“flee from sexual immorality”).

Have you ever been in a tempting situation? Confession time: I have. When my marriage was struggling in prior years, I had a male friend whom I realized I enjoyed seeing a bit too much. Temptation to interact, flirt, or being physically close to someone outside marriage often happens when the marriage itself isn’t meeting your needs for safety and intimacy.

What did I do? I fled. I stopped spending time with this couple (I was never alone with him during this time, since I was following my own rule). Whenever a stray thought about him appeared, I pushed it out and refocused myself on my husband. I confessed my inappropriate thoughts to a close female friend who was clearly on the side of my marriage. I created physical and mental distance. And you know what? A few months later, I had no such feelings for the guy. The feelings untended simply went away.

Boy, am I glad that I didn’t confuse sexual temptation with covenant intimacy. I have a better marriage now than ever. God honored our faithfulness and commitment to one another by giving my husband and me a heart makeover that surpasses anything I had imagined.

Feeling tempted? Flee. That’s the Bible’s answer to sexual temptation.

The post The Bible’s Answer to Sexual Temptation appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

But I think I’m done with the word “hedge.” In the last month, I have learned of two Christian couples whose marriages have been struck by adultery. I ache for them and what the adulterer’s actions will do to their families. Considering them and what the Bible says about adultery, we need to forget the hedge and build a wall.

A hedge intimates that you can see over to the other side — how good it looks over there. You can wave at people or shake hands. Good gracious, I could even kiss someone over a hedge. I can crawl under a hedge, jump a hedge, squeeze through a hedge, etc. No, I want a wall for my marriage — a sturdy, rock-hewn boundary that keeps my marriage safe inside and invaders outside. If some guy wants to hang out with me, he can ring the doorbell and come in through the front door that my husband opens. Then our friendship is all on the up-and-up.

Yes, definitely a wall. Remember Nehemiah in the Bible? God sends him back to Jerusalem to rebuild the city’s wall as the time of Babylonian captivity is ending. Why did the City of David need a wall? Walls were constructed to secure and protect the people within the city limits. Marriages need the same thing: a WALL to secure and protect the relationship that you have committed to and that God will bless.

We need to be marriage Nehemiahs erecting thick walls to provide security for our relationships. We will also likely experience pushback from those who believe that building walls is a foolish task. You may have friends that suggest that if you loved each other, such walls would be unnecessary or proclaim that they can have opposite-sex friendships and wonder why you can’t. Nehemiah faced opposition, anger, and ridicule when he and his fellow Israelites built the wall. But he encouraged the Jews by saying, “Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes” (Nehemiah 4:14). We are fighting for the same thing when we make the effort to protect our marriages from the temptations and opposition that may come from outside.

Given my premarital history of promiscuity, I have a rule that I do not spend time alone with a male who is not my husband or a relative. I don’t care if you are my co-worker, a family friend, a church elder, or my literary agent, we are not chatting it up over lunch somewhere alone. Does this make logistics difficult at times? Yes. However, it makes my marriage a lot easier. And my marriage takes precedence over inconvenience.

Some married couples assert that they can maintain friendships with opposite sex people because their marriage is strong enough. Perhaps it is…now. But in many situations I’ve seen and heard about, the marriage hits a rocky spot (which happens in just about every marriage) and suddenly an innocuous friendship becomes a temptation because it seems better and easier than the relationship at home with the spouse. If you want to maintain friendships with opposite sex people, include your spouse. Do double dates; invite your hubby to get to know your male best friend from high school or college; host a group event. But be very cautious about having alone time with a man who isn’t your hubby.

If someone of the opposite sex is flirting with you and won’t take no for an answer, get firm. Be frank. Push them back. Get away.

Is that clear enough?

Why am I adamant about this? Because in the worst years of my marriage — when I was about 80% sure we wouldn’t make it — I was ripe for an affair. Had there been another man in my life who was attentive, kind, responsive, attractive, etc., at that moment he would have looked much better than the painful prospect of working on my failing marriage. Thank goodness — no, thank GOD — that I had set up that rule for myself and did not have such a guy on the horizon. Because I was committed to my marriage, and because I didn’t have another option, I stuck it out. My husband and I worked on our relationship, and we are happier now than ever before. I love and adore my husband, and he feels the same for me.

Also, consider the children. When a parent leaves the home to take up with another woman or another man, the child does not see that the marriage wasn’t working, the parent fell in love, sometimes things happen, they will still see their parent, and all of the other rationalizations the adulterer gives. They see that the adulterous parent chose someone else over them. It is not the same as divorcing and then remarrying someone else. Breaking up a marriage over adultery has a more profound effect.

If you are unhappy in your marriage right now, you are even more susceptible. Get help for your relationship! Things can get better. God desires you to have a quality marriage.

If you have already engaged in inappropriate activity, break off contact with the other person. Ask for a transfer to another work department or shift if needed. Build a wall around your marriage and get help. Tell your pastor or a counselor what has happened, and figure out together whether/how to inform your spouse.

Forget the hedge, build a wall. Remember your vows to keep yourself only unto your spouse.

“They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, ‘Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.’ But I prayed, ‘Now strengthen my hands.'” Nehemiah 6:9

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