Last week, I heard from marriage bloggers who had their site hacked and taken down, received suggestive emails from a creepy follower, got personally attacked for word choice, sifted through loads of spam, and more.

Yep, it’s a typical week.

I love what I do here, and the marriage bloggers I know are also passionate about reaching out and ministering to couples in any way they can. But yeah, there are moments when it feels like we’re at an archery range with apples on our heads, and I ask myself, What did I sign up for?!!

So today I want to suggest ways you can pray for marriage bloggers.

Pray for their message. “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.” 2 Timothy 2:15

We need prayers to correctly handle the word of truth. It does no good to have a marriage blog that shoots out terrible advice like poorly-aimed buckshot. Maybe one shot hits a target, but we can do a lot of damage if we mess up the message.

The best marriage bloggers are constantly studying the Word of God, sifting through information and wisdom from others, considering what they say and how they say it, and clarifying if misunderstanding occurs. We want to be faithful in speaking God’s truth. Pray that we do it well.

Pray for their courage. “…enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness.” Acts 4:29

Being advocates for godly marriage oftentimes puts you at odds with people in the world. “Wait for sex until marriage,” “Don’t use porn,” “Submit to your husband,” — these and other messages are not ways to get invited to sit at the Cool Table of Life.

It takes a certain amount of boldness to speak up for what the Word of God says about relationships and marriage, because there are plenty of people who want to say you’re stupid, narrow-minded, misguided, or whatever. (In all fairness, I think that about plenty of secular sex bloggers, although I avoid personal attacks.)

But please pray for godly marriage bloggers to continue to speak with boldness about God’s heart for marriage. The Cool Table is overrated, and we’d rather be in the Book of Life.

Pray for their technology. “They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, ‘Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.’ But I prayed, “Now strengthen my hands.” Nehemiah 6:9

Of course there isn’t a Bible verse about using the Internet for ministry. However, the story of Nehemiah and his fellow Jews rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem seems appropriate. You see, those against the rebuilding of the wall did everything they could think of to frustrate Nehemiah and the workers. Sometimes, naysayers of marriage ministry can frustrate our efforts to get the message out by messing with the tools we use.

Recently, Sheila Wray Gregoire had a hacker repeatedly take down her website because he didn’t like what she said about porn. (He was identified and reported to the police.) I easily delete 10 or more spam messages every day, many of them giving links to porn sites (and yes, male enhancement *eye roll*). Other bloggers cull through phony email messages to find the couples really needing their help.

To continue with our message — and for me currently, my anonymity — marriage bloggers may pay for websites, security services, file retrieval, and tech support. Additionally, we spend time dealing with miscellaneous technology issues. A prayer that these tools will hold would be much welcome.

Pray for their readers. “And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains.” Colossians 4:3

Sometimes a reader ends up on my blog and says something like, “This is just what I needed to hear!” I’ve had that same experience with posts from other bloggers. I vividly remember opening an Unveiled Wife Prayer of the Day one time and thinking, “Oh my, was Jennifer in my house watching us?” It was just the prayer I needed at just the right time.

Please pray that God opens the right doors and sends the readers that need to hear our message, and that their hearts will be open to receive whatever sliver of wisdom or hope we can offer in God’s name.

Pray for their marriages. “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:9

Reading this blog, you all think I have the Best. Sex. Life. Ever. Right?

Hey, I’d rate my marital intimacy very high, but it’s not perfect. (For one thing, I’ve yet to master that one sexual position where I have to twist . . .  Just kidding.)

Like all other marriages, marriage bloggers must cultivate a quality relationship with communication, time together, patience and understanding, focused priorities, and sexual intimacy. It’s easy, in fact, for people in ministry to neglect their own marriage — to take their own relationships for granted and to focus their efforts on working for some larger cause. Bad idea.

Please pray for the marriages of those involved in marriage ministry. We need to feel like it’s okay to ignore our emails for a few days, pass up an offer to speak, or skip a blog post if we need that time instead to be with our spouse and our family. “And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?” (Matthew 16:26a). Likewise, what benefit is there to helping other marriages if it costs us our own?

Just pray that we continue in strengthening our own marriages so that we can continue to speak boldly for godly marriage.

Thanks so much for your encouragement and prayers. Can you think of other ways to pray for marriage bloggers or ministers?

The post How You Can Pray for Marriage Bloggers appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Last Thursday, I explained that the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association — of which I am a member — was hosting a half-marathon with 13 consecutive days of posts from marriage bloggers. While I did not participate this go-round, I have been reading some fabulous posts from fellow CMBA members. Once again, I want to share with you some of what I found regarding marital sexuality. This is a LOT of reading, so take a look through and click on what interests you.

The Alabaster Jar: The Enticing Wife. Jolene Engle takes a fresh look at the wife in Song of Solomon.

The Generous Husband: 6 Best Sex Positions. Paul Byerly reveals the top six sex positions according to a survey of more than 250 women.

Intimacy in Marriage: Are You Headed for a Sexual Train Wreck? Julie Sibert implores you to look down the track and see what’s coming.

5 Ways to Be a Better Lover. Julie gives specific tips on what to do to become better in bed with your spouse.

Should Married Christians Be Better Advocates for Sex? Julie asks what would happen for marriages if more than just us marriage bloggers spoke up in favor of godly sexuality.

Journey to Surrender: Intimacy Challenge – Day 8. Scott Means gives wives and husbands tips for talking to each other about sex because, hey, it’s a topic that makes us feel vulnerable.

Intimacy Challenge – Day 9: Sex on the Brain. Scott explains how we crave both security and excitement in the marital bedroom.

Marriage Fire Ministries: Wives Body Image Issues: A Husband’s View. Steve Fryar looks at why we wives struggle with body image and what husbands can do about it.

Mission: Husband: Sexual Satisfaction Survey Results, Part 1. Gerad Harris reports from his survey with over 800 respondents and shares the wives’ answers to “If you could get across one thing to your husband about sex, and know that you could say it in a way that he would totally understand it, what would it be?”

Mission: Wife: Sexual Satisfaction Survey: The Results Are In! In her companion blog, Valerie Harris reports the husbands’ answers to ““If you could get across one thing to your wife about sex, and know that you could say it in a way he would totally understand it, what would it be?”

One Flesh Marriage: Dolt to Don Juan in 4 Steps and Sex: Your Parents’ Style. Brad and Kate Aldrich answer a top reader question: “How do I shake off what I was taught about sex and intimacy by my family and church?”

Redeeming Marriages: Sex Is Good, God Created It. Jack and Janet share the main principles that God laid out for married sex.

Sex Within Marriage: Do Men Want Their Women to Take the Lead More When It Comes to Sex? Jay Dee addresses whether husbands really desire sexually aggressive wives.

Does It Hurt A Man’s Feelings When We Give Instructions to Him in the Bedroom on What We Like and Dislike as a Women In Bed? Jay Dee explains why the answer is “It depends.”

Do You Believe Couples Go through Sexual Seasons in Their Relationship? Jay Dee tells about the sexual seasons of his marriage.

Why Do Married Men Masturbate? Jay Dee talks about husbands masturbating alone and whether this is advisable.

To Love, Honor and Vacuum: Encouraging Email from an Older Reader. Better sex in your 70s? You betcha! Read this encouraging note to Sheila Gregoire.

Honeymoon Blues to “O”ver the Rainbow. Guest Rajdeep Paulus tells her story of going from ho-hum honeymoon to the height of delight in her marriage. Great perspective for women struggling with orgasm.

I hope you find something here to bless your marriage. The blogging challenge is still going for a couple more days, so I’ll share a few more posts next Thursday along with a regular blog article from me.

The post Half-Marathon Finish Line: More Fabulous CMBA Posts appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Can you do a post specifically for women who are going to get married in the near future? All the things they need to know, all the things they will WANT to know, or how to be prepared for the wedding night. How to talk about expectations and preferences (meaning anything from candles to music or shaved to un-shaved). I could go on and on. I know sex for the first is supposed to be awkward and never “movie moment” perfect but I want everything to be the absolute best it can be. That awkwardness and stumbling around is what makes the first time together special and perfect. I just want to not do anything bad. I want me and my fiance to be on the same page. I think it could be the best for us. Can you help?

Before I get started, let me say that waiting until the wedding night can be done. Is it difficult these days? Yes, it is. You may have more detractors than encouragers. You will both need to commit to sexual integrity and develop a strategy for staying out of tempting situations.

But make no mistake: While God desires us to wait until the vows have been exchanged to become physically intimate, He blesses marital sexuality with enthusiasm. “Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love” (Song of Songs 5:1b). How wonderful to have your first sip on your wedding night!

What do you need to know and do in preparation?

Discuss Expectations

I encourage you to find a public place that still permits some privacy for this conversation. Discussions of future sex can arouse immediate feelings that you don’t want to give space to become temptation. Perhaps a back table in a restaurant, a picnic bench or quilt spread out under a tree in a public park (in view of the playground?), the dining table of your parents’ house (that’ll keep you honest). Just find some location where your conversation can remain private, but you can also be seen or interrupted at any time.

Also, this is NOT a conversation of “On our wedding night, I’m going to ___.” You’re not teasing one another in hopes that this will increase anticipation of your first time together. You likely have enough anticipation to deal with already.

I also recommend that this discussion happen close to the wedding. IYou don’t want too much time to pass between when you discuss your wedding night expectations and getting to realize those desires.

What might the conversation include?

• When will you start the wedding night festivities? Discuss the day’s schedule and consider whether you will want to eat dinner together, head straight to the hotel, or even sleep off a little exhaustion first before you devote yourselves to bedroom time.
• What kind of environment do you want to create? Is a bed enough? Would you like music or candlelight to ease you into the evening?
• Have you chosen a form of birth control? How will you handle that?
• What of kind of reading have you each done on the subject of sex? Do you need to do some more? Sheila Gregoire’s The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex even has a section for brides on the wedding night. You may each want to do a little preparation in terms of understanding gender differences and basic anatomy.
• What will the honeymoon look like? Does one of you expect to be sightseeing a lot, while the other expects to spend the majority of the time in bed? Try to carve out time for physical, emotional, recreational, and spiritual bonding.
• What are your fears or hopes? These are often based on sexual history or knowledge you had before. If you have a bad history of some kind, you may wish to share that and the fears that come with it. If you had good role modeling, perhaps you want to express what you hope your intimate life will be once married.

As to your question about shaving, some husbands have preferences, but I’d be willing to bet my car that your guy will be happy with however you show up. If you are used to shaving or waxing, go right ahead. If it would be your first time, you may want to gather some information about that procedure to make sure you won’t be dealing with discomfort in that area on your wedding night or honeymoon (since some women are particularly sensitive and could have a skin reaction). I discuss this a bit in my post on Trimming the Hedges.

Consider Contraception

If you plan to use birth control, consider what method you want to use. RESEARCH the various forms because things change and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all in this category. Some contraceptives can even interfere with your sex drive or simply aren’t comfortable for you. Remember also that no form of birth control is 100% effective; you may wish to use two methods (e.g., diaphragm and spermicide).

Discuss your options and preferences with your husband-to-be and with your doctor. After you get married, if you try something for a while and are not happy with it, switch to something else; there’s no need to keep using a method that doesn’t work for you.

Get Your Body Ready

In order to physically engage in sex, the wife needs to be well-lubricated and have sufficient blood flow to her private areas to swell the inner vaginal lips to three times or more their usual size.

Purchase a good lubricant. You may or may not use it your first time, but for sexual penetration, you will need to be lubricated like a Slip-n-Slide. So be willing to add lubricant if needed. Somoe brands I like are Sliquid and Aloe Cadabra, but there are plenty of others as well. And some couples swear by natural coconut oil.

As for the elasticity part, a woman can prepare her vagina for entry by stretching it out a little pre-marriage. Insert a finger and move it around for a while; in a few days, move to two; a few days more, to three. This can help with penetration feeling more comfortable on the wedding night.

On the wedding night, request that your husband be patient in helping you to ready your body for intercourse. You may need him to spend extra time stroking your body and helping you feel comfortable; kissing and fondling your sensitive areas; and proceeding slowly with entry. Yes, this can be a challenge for a guy, but most husbands are willing to make the effort so that the experience is good for both him and his wife.

One more suggestion: Before the wedding, you may want to observe and touch your own private parts to gauge where your sensitivities are. I’m not suggesting masturbation, but exploring for the purpose of understanding what will lead to pleasure with your husband later. A man’s parts are easy to see and gain access to; a woman’s are not, so a little more information may need to be gathered in the privacy of her home.

During the Lovemaking

It’s easier said than done, but let go and focus on yourself, your mate, and your experience. Confidently unveil your body, knowing that your husband will love what he sees and touches and kisses there. Take your time to discover one another and the sensations you can give each other.

If something feels awkward, remember: Sex is awkward. No one gets into this position to do anything but sex! Play into it and let yourselves smile and enjoy the moment. Making love with your spouse can be passionate and grin-inducing at the same time.

Give him feedback if something feels good or doesn’t. You can speak up, just make happy moaning sounds, or move his hands as you wish. Help your husband figure out how and where you like to be touched. Show him, if you’re comfortable doing so.

Let your husband know he turns you on. Turning you on will turn him on. So if you’re feeling good, give him whatever kind of thumbs-up you want. This can be a big grin, an exclamation of pleasure, a compliment, etc. But tell hubby then and/or after what you enjoyed about sexual intimacy with him.

After the Lovin’

Some couples like to bask in the afterglow for a while. You may wish to remain entangled in one another’s arms or talk for a while. Others are wiped out and ready to sleep. These are all fine, except when one of you wants to snuggle and talk and the other dozes off. So compromise a little here and figure out what works for you.

Whatever you do, get thee to a bathroom after intercourse! It doesn’t have to happen immediately, but urinate within thirty minutes of intercourse. Clearing out your bladder can prevent urinary tract infections that can plague women post-coitus. No other cleaning is necessary, but you can use a warm washcloth to wipe off any fluids. If mess is a concern, keep a washcloth by your bed to clean up before you leave the bed. Note that you will likely leak a little seminal fluid, and it may come out during the night or in the morning. If you have morning sex and plan to go out during the day, you may wish to place a pantyliner in your undies to catch anything. It won’t be much, but I wanted you to be aware.

Also don’t be surprised if you’re hungry after sex; some women report feeling ravenous, particularly craving sweets. You can ignore the feeling or sate your hunger with a little treat.

Look at the Long-term

Remember once again that the first night is not the whole kit-and-caboodle.  You have plenty of years to devote yourselves to lovemaking and deal with the challenges and joys of sexual intimacy. Sex is a great deal like your courtship: Take time to get to know each other, be willing to adjust to one another’s preferences, and think of your partner’s satisfaction above your own. If you want some inspiration, turn to the Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon). The passages there show how a godly couple revels in the beautiful gift of intimacy given to us by our Heavenly Father.

You might want to point your guy to my post for the groom on Wedding Night Sex. I also wrote a couple of guest posts for Preengaged.com, a website I recommend for couples who are dating or engaged. The first one dealt with why you should wait until the wedding night and the second with preparing for the wedding night. If you want to read that full article, click over to Preengaged for Sex within Marriage.

Congratulations and best wishes not merely for a great wedding night, but a blessed and beautiful marriage!

The post Preparing for the Wedding Night appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.