Inflation. It’s happening, y’all. Not just in the United States, but in many places around the globe. You may want to invest more in your marriage, but how can you do that without breaking your already stretched bank account?

We’ve got you covered!

The Dating Divas’ Annual Marriage Bundle is HERE, with marriage courses, eBooks, and printables worth over $400 for only $35. But wait, I can give you an even better deal–ONLY $20 with my unique link!

Yes, you read that right! Just $20 to make your marriage stronger, more fun, and more romantic. You are NOT going to want to miss this!

And you could miss it if you don’t act soon (like now). Because this deal is only available until August 1 (midnight MDT).

Limited Time Only!

20 MARRIAGE RESOURCES WORTH OVER $400

CLICK FOR 95% DISCOUNT – ONLY $20

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What do you get with your purchase?

This Marriage Bundle is FILLED with practical tools, secrets, systems, and resources to improve your marriage or keep it going strong. You can use all of them or pick and choose the resources most useful to you. (Even if you only use a couple of these resources, you’ll still be SAVING money!) 

DISCOUNT APPLIED AT CHECKOUT!
KEEP CLICKING, AND YOU’LL SEE IT ON THE 3RD SCREEN
BEFORE YOU’RE ASKED FOR ANY PAYMENT INFO.

And what are those 20 products? Below is the complete list of resources with descriptions of each one.

Note that while I’m familiar with the hosts (Dating Divas) and several of the resource providers, I’m not familiar with them all. Use wisdom with any marriage resource you receive. For more on how to get the most from marriage resources, see How to Read a Marriage Book, Episode 107: Evaluating Sex Resources, with Phylicia Masonheimer – Sex Chat for Christian Wives, and YOUR BIBLE.

1. Positions Matching Bedroom Game by Ultimate Intimacy. Are you ready to bring back the fireworks and passion into your marriage? Need something new in the bedroom? Our non-graphic position cards are the perfect way to spice things up and try something new in a fun way!

2. The Marriage Tree eBook by Tandem Marriage. Tandem Marriage knows what it takes to have a thriving marriage because they have been helping couples do just that for over 25 years now. The Marriage Tree is a beautiful and insightful new book that uses the analogy of caring for trees as a new way to see your own marriage and care for it.

3. Time Blocking Blueprint by A Purpose Driven Mom. Learn how to tackle your to-dos with doable strategies. This course covers plans and contingency plans for when life throws you a curveball. Video instruction and ready-made Trello boards help you plan YOUR life in a way that makes sense for YOU.

4. Navigating Differences in Sexual Desire Workshop by Get Your Marriage On! Do you want sex more or less than your spouse? Marriage coach Dan Purcell shares practical strategies to help the two of you get on the same page.

5. How to Have a Strong and Thriving Marriage After Kids by My Love Thinks. In this 90-minute webinar, Dr. Morgan Cutlip explains the most common four challenges couples struggle with after kids. And then gives the one secret to success in relationships and offers practical tips and tools to stay close and feel connected when it feels like kids are pulling you apart.

6. Creating Partnership Families E-Course by Dr. Julie Hanks. Julie shares information on the Partnership Model of Family Organization in this 80-minute course.

7. 4-Week Connection Challenge by Awesome Marriage. It’s easy to get disconnected in marriage. Distractions, screens, relational strife and other things pull at our attention, and we forget to connect with our spouse. If you feel more like roommates than best friends, or if you just need new and better ways to connect, this challenge is for you!

8. Masterful Communication: The Six Communication Styles by Dr. Tamara Fackrell. In this course, you’ll assess your own communication style and explore and understand the six styles of communication. Learn how communication styles unlock your perspective and how to become a masterful communicator in your marriage!

9. Romance the Write Way by Engaged Marriage. Rekindle the romance (and intimacy) in your marriage with a step-by-step letter writing process that takes less than 15 minutes. Plus, you’ll get our exclusive Love Letter Templates to make it super easy and fun! Includes 40 romantic writing prompts.

10. Designing & Building a Custom Marriage by Emil Harker, CST, LMFT. Do you want a marriage by default or design? In this program, you will be guided to work through any frustrations and disappointments with comfort to eliminate unresolved issues and resentments. Create closeness, passion, and intimacy and keep it.

11. Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage by Hot, Holy, & Humorous. From bestselling author J. Parker, you’ll love this devotional book for Christian wives to better understand God’s gift of marital sex. Just a few minutes each week will help you move toward mutual, intimate, satisfying sexual intimacy in your marriage.

12. Making the Most of a Messy Marriage by Jay and Laura Laffoon. We have to admit that we are all a mess at times! Jay and Laura help you identify areas that every marriage finds messy and unpack the tools needed to make the most of the mess!

13. Better Sex in Your Marriage eBook by Intimacy in Marriage. Do you desire more intimate, passionate, and pleasurable sex with your spouse? Sexual connection is vital to healthy marriage, and this eBook will show you what it takes to get there! Transform your intimacy today with these 5 proven tips!

14. My $40,000 Lesson in Marital Communication by Julie Teffeteller. Julie’s newest masterclass boils down over a decade’s worth of communication studies and some very pricey life lessons and combines them into a lighthearted, humorous, and value-packed workshop. As a bonus, she’s throwing in her newest eBook: 365 Progressive Conversation Starters.

15. The Dance of Desire: Navigating the Dance of Sexual Pursuit and Rejection by Intimate Covenant. If you’ve been married for any length of time, you understand the delicate dance that plays out in your relationship between sexual desire, pursuit, and rejection. In this video presentation, we’ll look at this pattern and how we can dance more gracefully in our marriages. Includes a printable outline and discussion questions.

16. Growing a Higher Love: 6 Relationship Practices to Deepen Your Love by Dr. Matt Townsend. This edutaining, 2-hour date night was recorded in front of a live audience of 1200+ people. Matt Townsend covers 6 important character-building tools, skills, and tricks to strengthen your character and deepen your love!

17. The Marriage Bible Study Bundle +Bonuses by Marriage Legacy University. Couples Bible study shouldn’t be boring or hard. From the Kerchevals, these engaging, candid, and fun studies will draw you closer to God and one another. You will receive four video workshops, four printable Bible studies, and bonuses to enjoy at home or on the go.

18. Marriage Toolkit Challenge by Denoli. Join Oliver and Denise Marcelle as they share valuable tools you can use to help you construct your relationship into the masterpiece you’ve always wanted! In each video, they highlight a different tool essential in building and maintaining a healthy and thriving marriage.

19. 10 Day Recharge Your Relationship Challenge by Love After Baby. Take the challenge for daily ways to connect with your partner and fill your cup, from conversation starters and date ideas to self-care tips and journaling prompts. No need to do it all! Just pick and choose what feels right–it all adds to your Emotional Bank Account!

20. Pick Your Date Adventure App by The Dating Divas. “What should we do for date night?” — There’s an app for that! In this app, your choices can lead you to one of 30 completely unique date nights! No more browsing the internet endlessly for an idea that catches your eye, and no more browsing through Netflix before you fall asleep on the couch next to each other. Just open the app and choose your date night adventure, one question at a time!

What a fantastic bundle, right? Especially when you consider the price! Just $20 unlocks all these resources.

Remember the deal only lasts until August 1. After that, the resources return to their full price of over $400. So don’t wait–get your bundle today!

DISCOUNT APPLIED AT CHECKOUT!
KEEP CLICKING, AND YOU’LL SEE IT ON THE 3RD SCREEN
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The post Great Marriage Resources That Won’t Break Your Budget appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

Since we often start January with resolutions or goals or hopes for what we can accomplish in the new year, today I’m sharing five resources to help you improve sex in your marriage in 2018.

1. Listen to Our Latest Podcast Episode.

My three podcast partners and I chat about the importance of health for yourself and for improving sexual intimacy in your marriage. We go beyond exercise into other areas that impact your health and lovemaking.

Or I could just call this The Episode in Which a Bedroom Pole Is Mentioned. (See, that’s click bait, right?)

2. Get Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage Now!

The ebook is currently priced at $2.99 through Amazon or Barnes & Noble. Intimacy Revealed provides 52 devotions, one for each week — or whatever you pace you want — focused on applying God’s Word to your view of sexuality and the marriage bed. I provide thoughts on each passage, as well as questions you can answer and a prayer.

While I wrote the book for wives, I’ve had couples say they went through the devotions together and found it very helpful in opening up conversations about sex in their marriage.

3. Facebook community!

A few months ago, I launched a group on Facebook (now closed) where spouses can interact about my posts and general marriage questions. It’s been really nice to see people post questions and get insight from others. And I hear that it’s nice for people to be able to comment on my posts without their parents or siblings or kid’s preschool teacher seeing what they say about sex.

I do moderate incoming members, and due to the interactive approach of the page, I’m only approving married, or engaged, people. By the way, it’s not always easy to know that someone is married, and I suggest some of y’all take a look at your Facebook profile with that in mind. Could a visitor or old friend easily see that you are currently married?

4. Sign Up for My Newsletter.

Confession: I was really spotty sending out my monthly newsletter last year. But I’m getting back on track. The newsletter shares my favorite posts of the prior month and must-reads from other blogs, some marriage humor, and a scripture for the month, as well as keeping you updated on the ministry.

You can sign up HERE.

5. Boost Your Libido This Year.

This last resource isn’t mine; it’s put together by Sheila Gregoire of To Love, Honor and Vacuum. But some wives really do struggle with a lower libido, and I really like this online video course she launched last year. She addresses several different factors that come into play and gives you practical tips to increase your sexual response and desire.

This is an affiliate link, but I don’t ever promote something on my blog that I don’t believe in. And I believe Boost Your Libido is an excellent resource that can help you have a better year in the libido department.

That concludes this week’s High Five. I’ll be back next Saturday with more resources and/or tips for your marriage bed!

The post High Five Resources for the New Year appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

My question is how do my husband And I get back intimacy?… I’ve had a hysterectomy so no more kids. We are good with that. Our marriage “broke” 8 weeks after we married due to porn. He didn’t want sex with me anymore and preferred porn and I found dating websites he was signed up too. I was in shock! We obviously had sex again but probably only 10 times in all these years. We’ve done [counseling] on and off. We go to church. We’ve grown in faith. He says I don’t do my “duty” of sex. That makes it awkward to me. But he’s communicating about it with me which is progress. I don’t have those feelings to want him like that, mainly emotionally maybe partially from surgery…. I think the rejection and lies over the years turned me off…. How should I handle this to grow with him?

As often happens in a struggling sex life, there’s more than one challenge here:

• He got into porn so much that he preferred it (see It’s True: Porn Can Kill Your Sex Life)
• He signed up for dating sites (see 7 Steps to an Affair)
• They have a history of a sexless marriage (see Q&A with J: What Can I Do About My Sexless Marriage? Part 4)
• She has a low libido (see More on Wife’s Low Sex Drive)
• They’ve struggled to communicate about sex in the past (see How to Talk about Sexual Problems with Your Spouse)
• He’s pressuring her for “duty sex” (see Not Quite Right Messages about Sex)
• She’s been turned off by a history of lies and rejection (see Q&A with J: What Long-term Sexual Refusal Does to Your Spouse)

That’s a lot to deal with. But as usual, the way to break through is to take the next step forward, then the next, and then the next.

To the reader, there are good signs here, in that the tenor of the message makes me believe that he has stopped watching porn. You have attended counseling, go to church, and have grown in your faith. These are important steps forward that bode well for laying a better foundation, both for marriage and for sexual intimacy.

The porn needs to stay far, far away. As the question says, “He didn’t want sex with me anymore and preferred porn…” That’s one possible result of persistent porn use — a rewiring of the brain to respond more easily and consistently to imagery than real life stimulation. Many men have reported impotence problems that have stemmed from too much porn watching and self-stimulation.

Rebuilding intimacy after the porn then requires rewiring the brain back to the sensations of physical intimacy with another person. That takes time and intentionality, but those who follow through can expect far better feelings than they ever experienced with porn. Because God’s design for sex contains not only physical pleasure, but emotional and even spiritual highs that perversions of sex cannot provide.

If your husband isn’t aware of how porn has affected his sexual responses, you should do some research with him. Read An Open Letter on Porn from The Gottman Institute, Porn Can’t Deliver What We’re Created For from XXXChurch, The scary effects of pornography: how the 21st century’s acute addiction is rewiring our brains from The Telegraph, and How Porn Changes the Brain from Fight the New Drug. (By the way, three of those articles are from secular sources, so this is not merely a moral claim religious people are making. It’s science that isn’t surprising to Christians because we know God didn’t create us for porn.) By understanding what’s happening, you can then work on rediscovering sexual intimacy slowly and surely through reawakening your senses and physical pleasure.

But now, three things in particular strike me as needing to be addressed.

1. His rejection and lies.

Sex requires trust and vulnerability. If a wife doesn’t feel physically and emotionally safe, it’s difficult to engage. This is why there are so many resources stressing to husbands how important it is to woo your wife, be kind to your wife, protect your wife, and demonstrate love to her. It’s why infidelity is so hard to recover from, because it breaks trust between spouses. And it’s why building a friendship, not just a sex life, is an imperative in marriage.

Ultimately, you have to invest in the relationship, not just the marriage bed. You two need to rebuild trust in your marriage before you can rebuild trust in the bedroom. How that happens exactly is a little hard to say. It will likely require ongoing conversation, quality time together, investing in what’s important to one another, and even more counseling.

You each need an opportunity to express what would make you feel loved and safe, and then each spouse should pursue making that happen. As much as they can. Of course, your requests need to remain reasonable, but we should be pursuing the good of one another throughout marriage.

“Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else” (1 Corinthians 5:15).

2. She has a low libido.

Maybe it’s because of his rejection and lies, maybe it’s partly a result of your hysterectomy, maybe it’s just your set-point. I’m not sure why, but the lack of libido may need to be addressed. I can give you a lot of suggestions, because I do know them, but I have some really fabulous friends who specialize in helping women with low libido. So check out:

Bonny Burns at OysterBed7, who also has a workbook you can go through

Chris Taylor at The Forgiven Wife

Sheila Gregoire’s excellent Boost Your Libido course

It could be that dealing with the relationship issues reawakens your libido. However, many women who experience a prolonged time of not being sexual require purposeful effort to get their libido going again.

“Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” (Song of Songs 2:7) — and then awaken it!

3. He’s pressuring her for “duty sex.”

So look, I believe that we are obligated to have sex in marriage. Strictly speaking, it’s a bit of a duty. But you know what? “I just love having duty sex with my spouse,” said no one ever.

'I just love having duty sex with my spouse,' said no one ever. #marriage
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We sometimes cite 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 to back up the notion that your spouse owes you sex, but if you really read the passage and let it sink in, you’ll see how it stresses the mutuality of sexual intimacy in marriage:

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

If I were in your shoes, I’d turn that around with my husband and ask how he’d feel if I told him he was duty-bound to converse with me, to take me out on a date, to give me extended foreplay — that he owed me. While there’s some truth to that, would it make him excited to engage in those activities? Wouldn’t a different appeal work better?

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (1 Peter 3:7).

Explain to your husband that you want sex to be for both of you, and focusing entirely on what he gets out of it discourages the trust and intimacy you need in your marriage bed. And believe it for yourself. See Sex Is for You Too! by Sheila Wray Gregoire and Dear Wife, You Deserve a Great Sex Life Too from Calm.Healthy.Sexy.

Does this mean you then turn him down every time? No, of course not. You do need to rebuild sexual intimacy in your marriage, but stress the need for mutual pleasure and connection. Explain that you’ll be more excited about sex with him if/when he prioritizes your experience too. And let him know what you want in bed. That can help your husband feel that you’re a willing — or even eager — partner, but you deserve to be considered in the encounter as well.

As usual, I could say more, but this post is already really long. And there’s a lot of reading material in all those links!

One final thing: I strongly suggest that you grab my devotional book, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage. And not just because the ebook happens to be on sale right now for $2.99. Rather, it’s a helpful resource in guiding you through what God says about sexual intimacy in His Word and how to align your thinking and your actions with His design for the marriage bed. Although aimed at wives, some couples have gone through the devotionals together and say they have prompted great conversations. Maybe your husband would go through Intimacy Revealed with you.

The post Q&A with J: “How Do We Get Back to Intimacy?” appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

I get a bit weary of seeing email and posts in which people blame God for their way-too-low sex drive. It usually goes something like this: One spouse announces to the other that they need to get over their objections to their very-low libido with “God made me this way.”

Stop it. Just stop blaming God for a sex drive that isn’t in line with His design for sexual intimacy in marriage. If your sex drive is keeping you from engaging in healthy sexual intimacy in your marriage, that’s on you, not God.

Now I’m not saying that those who struggle with libido are terrible people and we should throw stones and blame at them. Of course not! Some have very good reasons why getting in the mood and engaging in sex with their spouses is a struggle. If you have a terrible sexual history, abuse in your background, hormonal deficits, absolute exhaustion, or other issues, it’s not surprising that your libido isn’t what it could be.

But God didn’t make you that way. He made you as a beautiful person, a sexual being, a person worth pursuing in the marital bedroom. He made you to experience pleasure and ecstasy and intimacy. He made you to enjoy the gift of sexual intimacy He provided for marriage.

If that’s not happening, the answer isn’t to blame His workmanship. Instead, consider what He desires for you to have instead.

Look for answers to why your body, your mind, and your spirit are not cooperating. Be intentional and persistent about finding out why sexual intimacy is a struggle for you. Be honest with your spouse about what you feel and enlist their help in figuring it out.

I’m not going to tell you to Just Do It every time — because I think that advice misses what God really intends. He isn’t solely concerned about your higher-drive spouse getting their sexual needs met. You also wants you to experience the physical pleasure and intimacy that He created for the marriage bed. He wants you to enjoy the full feast of delights in your marriage.

“Eat, friends, drink, and be drunk with love!” Song of Songs 5:1 (ESV)

Some spouses find ways to remove the obstacles and awaken their latent libido. Others never experience an independent desire to make love but learn to awaken their love in the arms of their beloved. Regardless, please make it a goal to discover how your body can work in tandem with God’s design for intimacy in your marriage.

Don’t blame God — discover what He longs for your marriage to have. And then pursue it.

One place to start is my devotional book, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage. Other low-drive resources for wives include Bonny’s Oyster Bed and The Forgiven Wife.

The post Stop Blaming God for Your Low Sex Drive appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

But I’ve been evaluating my recent week-long trip to New York City and the last few days of it that I spent with my hubby. What could have made things even more smooth? How could we improve the limited time we get together, alone, out of town, without daily interruptions? What do I want to remember for the next time we take a couple vacation?

Let me share a few.

Schedule rest into the itinerary. Travel is exhausting, and so is out-of-town business. I didn’t plan well for this and allow myself time to recharge between events. Next time, I want to leave more time between arriving from the airport and starting in on my itinerary. I also shifted quickly from work events to vacation days with hubby, and consequently I felt physically bad that whole first day of sightseeing. I only realized how much I needed downtime when I slipped into bed that night at 7:30 p.m. for a “quick nap” . . . and woke up the next morning at 7:30 a.m.

To get the most from your couple vacation time, allow a little breather between travel and vacation activities. Be willing to hang out in the hotel a little longer or linger over a relaxed breakfast. Let yourself sleep in. Yes, you might lose an hour or two in your day, but you’ll feel better and enjoy each other more. You don’t want your vacation to involve two overtired, grumpy spouses, so schedule rest into the itinerary.

Discuss expectations. If your husband thinks this is a “sexcation” and you think it’s a see-everything-you-can sightseeing tour, one of you — or really, both of you — will be disappointed.

Hubby and I do a pretty good job of this, but we can always improve. My one tweak would be to write down the must-do’s, the hope-we-do’s, and the if-we-have-time-do’s. Then we can make sure we knock out the activities we most want to engage in and not waste time on stuff we sorta, kinda, maybe want to do but that isn’t really a big deal.

And yes, I think it’s perfectly fine to write “have sex” on your must-do list. I’m in favor of spontaneous sex, but I’m also in favor of scheduling sex just like you schedule date night.

Pack lube. Calm.Healthy.Sexy. recently penned a great post on why hotel sex is particularly nice. I agree, but I was sort of kicking myself for not packing personal lubricant. Even if you don’t need it, it’s better to have it available, just in case.

My own favorite are the Sliquid travel-size packs so you can get single-use pouches and easily slip them into your luggage. (And no, Sliquid’s not paying me to say that…but they should. *wink wink*) Regardless of what you prefer, remember to pack personal lubricant so that you’ll have it if you need it.

By the way, that photo up there is me and the hubster at Central Park in New York City.

Now what are your tips for vacationing with your spouse?

The post Vacationing with Hubby: How to Make It Better appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.