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Vacationing with Hubby: How to Make It Better

/ Marriage - General / 69 Comments

I try to learn from my experiences. And my mistakes. My many, many mistakes.

But I’ve been evaluating my recent week-long trip to New York City and the last few days of it that I spent with my hubby. What could have made things even more smooth? How could we improve the limited time we get together, alone, out of town, without daily interruptions? What do I want to remember for the next time we take a couple vacation?

Let me share a few.

Vacationing with Hubby - How to Make It Better

Schedule rest into the itinerary. Travel is exhausting, and so is out-of-town business. I didn’t plan well for this and allow myself time to recharge between events. Next time, I want to leave more time between arriving from the airport and starting in on my itinerary. I also shifted quickly from work events to vacation days with hubby, and consequently I felt physically bad that whole first day of sightseeing. I only realized how much I needed downtime when I slipped into bed that night at 7:30 p.m. for a “quick nap” . . . and woke up the next morning at 7:30 a.m.

To get the most from your couple vacation time, allow a little breather between travel and vacation activities. Be willing to hang out in the hotel a little longer or linger over a relaxed breakfast. Let yourself sleep in. Yes, you might lose an hour or two in your day, but you’ll feel better and enjoy each other more. You don’t want your vacation to involve two overtired, grumpy spouses, so schedule rest into the itinerary.

Discuss expectations. If your husband thinks this is a “sexcation” and you think it’s a see-everything-you-can sightseeing tour, one of you — or really, both of you — will be disappointed.

Hubby and I do a pretty good job of this, but we can always improve. My one tweak would be to write down the must-do’s, the hope-we-do’s, and the if-we-have-time-do’s. Then we can make sure we knock out the activities we most want to engage in and not waste time on stuff we sorta, kinda, maybe want to do but that isn’t really a big deal.

And yes, I think it’s perfectly fine to write “have sex” on your must-do list. I’m in favor of spontaneous sex, but I’m also in favor of scheduling sex just like you schedule date night.

Pack lube. Calm.Healthy.Sexy. recently penned a great post on why hotel sex is particularly nice. I agree, but I was sort of kicking myself for not packing personal lubricant. Even if you don’t need it, it’s better to have it available, just in case.

My own favorite are the Sliquid travel-size packs so you can get single-use pouches and easily slip them into your luggage. (And no, Sliquid’s not paying me to say that…but they should. *wink wink*) Regardless of what you prefer, remember to pack personal lubricant so that you’ll have it if you need it.

By the way, that photo up there is me and the hubster at Central Park in New York City.

Now what are your tips for vacationing with your spouse?

69 thoughts on “Vacationing with Hubby: How to Make It Better”

    1. Jeanne Herko

      Thanks for the tips. Yep travelling can be exhausting. Glad to know you took a break from writing and you had some time with your hubby….that is always special. To have we time is important for you both.

  2. Jim Van Handel

    We went to Canadian Adventures; a Christian camp with incredible scenery, a Mount Sinai to climb, water falls, canoeing, more waste falls, Picinic in a cove, another water fall! No cell No Internet …. Bible Studies in the boat house … and of course Cabin Sex!

  3. Pingback: Who can help my marriage? Check out these 9 wonderful sites! | Jerry Stumpf

  4. Jerry Stumpf

    Great list. I especially like “Discuss expectations” as it seems we ususally have different ideas about any trip.

    We have been married 41 years and it still occurs to one of us that we “assumed” certain ideas along the way. We are so far into our relationship that we laugh about thes “speed bumbs” rather than fuss. Time is way to short to fuss!

    Thanks again!

    Ck out “Who can help my marriage? Check out these 9 wonderful sites!” http://wp.me/p50Bqq-9E

  5. Mike S

    I think the “sexcation” expectation causes a lot of problems. Needs to be talked out for sure.

  6. Tracy

    We always try to leave some time for relaxing in the hotel together. Time together is our favorite…and hotel time is wonderful. NO interruptions!

  8. Ham

    Pack enough ear plugs for both of you. Maybe your hotel will be nice and quiet, maybe not! Ear plugs take up almost no space, and they can be a Godsend if you find your accommodations to be noisy. I prefer Mack’s, which are disposable and I can buy at my local supermarket.

    1. J

      What a great idea! I thought about this in the hotel room I was sharing with three other women (at the business conference where I was before my vacation started with hubby), but it’s a wonderful reminder.

  10. Charlotte

    My husband and I have often struggled with the “sexcation” expectations. We feel like we’ve grown so much and are now planning an Italian vineyard getaway (someday when the kids are old enough to leave behind for a couple weeks!) and are already talking about going into it just planning to enjoy each other–no pressure, no expectations–just love!

  11. Kristy

    Great tips! We do some of these things already, but can’t wait to use the others on our next vacation.

  13. Randy

    My gorgeous wife and I have gone exclusively with Cocunut oil, she uses it on her skin for moisturizer and its the best lube ever. The other great thing about is nobody thinks twice when they run across it if going through her luggage or housekeeping at the hotel. If you haven’t tried it you need to, you will throw all that other over priced lube away. Happy Traveling…

  14. Emma

    A couples getaway sounds perfect right now. I’m glad you got to rest up with Spock. đŸ™‚

  15. Betsy

    We are headed to the Rocky Mountains along toward the end of September, the first of October. I really look forward to this down time with my beloved husband of 38 years. We have recently, in the last year and a half, rekindled the passion in our marriage and renewed our vows before God. Yes, we’ve learned to pack lube! đŸ™‚ Walgreens might not be nearby. Right now we have a stash of three nearly empty lube tubes and one almost full one.

  16. Anonymous

    We recently went away for our 10th anniversary. I should have brought some extra pillows along; I’m pregnant and the hotel pillows weren’t great for my comfort. We did factor in lots of rest time though; we both needed it as raising five children can be exhausting!

  17. Liz

    Glad to hear you had a good time and a much needed rest! Thanks for your edifying advice. It’s great that even after what sounds like a successful trip you are still looking for ways to improve it for next time, what a great example of not being complacent and continuing to strive for excellence in your marriage.

  19. Julie

    Love this article and honestly your whole blog! It has been so helpful and thought provoking.

  21. Deena

    I didn’t realize that my husband and I were totally different types of vacationers. I’m very active. I love seeing and doing everything, and he likes taking naps, trying restaurants, and relaxing. I accidentally scheduled excursions that gave him panic attacks on our first cruise. ? Now that we know each other better, we are better able to compromise and decide what’s important and what can be bumped for more rest time.

  22. Becky

    Thanks for all the tips. I’m a subscriber and getting ready for a weekend getaway with the hubby. Will keep these things in mind.

  23. cathie

    Great tips. Just returned from a 6 week vacation to Alaska. A dream come true! I would <3 to win any of the books!

  24. cathie

    I forgot to add that it was for our 22 anniversary. We only had two diapsagreements the whole trip. Not bad for 24/7 and 7000 miles.

  25. Jim

    Real good tips. We have experienced a somewhat difficult trip due to differing expectations. THAT won’t happen again! Every vacation should include lots of sex.

    Can’t decide which book I want, though….. đŸ˜‰

  29. kathy

    Really like the travel list to priorize sightseeing/activities, plus building in time to rest and connect.

  30. Gaye @CalmHealthySexy

    This is a great post, J. I think that talking about vacation expectations is really important, as is making sure that each person gets to do some of his/her favorite activities. My husband and I have similar vacation “styles,” which makes that a bit easier.

    We are going to the NC mountains for vacation week after next. Our college and young adult sons are coming for part of the week but not the whole week, so we will have both family and couple time!

  32. Stephanie

    I would love love love to take a couples vacation with my hubbs, but that’s something I’m afraid is at least a few good years in the future. We’re expecting our second daughter in about 2 weeks, so just the thought of any travel is kind of exhausting right now, but then again, so is most everything. Lol! Hopefully when the kiddos are a bit older well finally get the chance to have a nice duo vacation. Love the blog, been a subscriber for a while and seriously love your openness and honesty, it’s not only helpful but refreshing also. Keep em coming! đŸ˜‰

    1. J

      We did so little travel when the kids were young. While I think it’s important to have couple time even with young children in the house, it really easier now. So use grandparents or friends if you can for an overnight getaway, and look forward to the bigger couple vacation later!

  33. Paige

    When on vacation, we always try to do something very out-of-the-ordinary, such as go to a musical or symphony, eat out at a nice restaurant, or make a point to see a sight we’ve never been to before. And thank you for the chance to enter a giveaway.

  37. Katie

    I love some of theses tips, and have done several in the past. We always have a plan, and a back-up plan. We have learned to just go with the flow, and I never leave home without lube and other ” necessities “. So glad you are sharing such great tips!!

  40. PJ

    We recently took an overnight retreat in a very nice hotel. It was a gift from my wife’s employer. Hotel sex is GREAT! Also found a piece of furniture that works great for sex. An ottoman! We are going back next month and in December for our 20th anniversary. Your website has helped our marriage and sex life so much. Thanks!

  43. Mark

    Virgin coconut oil is the crazy good. A large jar is less than $10.00, and you you can buy it at your grocery store.

  45. Rebecca

    I’ve been a newsletter subscriber for several months and am so glad I found your website. Great advice and I appreciate everything you’ve done to help my marriage. I am looking forward to a getaway with my husband someday so I’ll definitely keep these tips in mind. Thank you, thank you, thank you from a fellow Texas girl.

  47. grace

    Thanks for this great info … and please pick me so I can win your books (wink wink) ….and I am already a subscribe to your blog.

  48. Keelie Reason

    I agree, the amount of sex both parties are planning on having on vacation is truly important to discuss ahead of time. No one needs to be turned down on vacation.

  49. Teresa

    Great tips…

    I can say however, when we vacation, we don’t have specifics planned. We plan our number of days, our budget & then fly by the seat of our pants. Easy to do when all of our vacations are camping trips in the woods or beach somewhere. Nature lovers!

    Even when we take our Grands or other couples are along with us, we make sure to have our alone time. With that it would not be a happy campers!

  50. Jenny

    All great tips, I would just add to plan an hour alone some time… As usually even at home your not with each other 24hrs a day and sometimes that can be a little over load and get annoying, which causes silly arguments. Especially, if your and introvert like me and need that time to yourself. đŸ™‚

  51. Mrs. Right

    Love your blog! Pretty sure I’ve read 99% of the posts đŸ™‚ Would love to have one or more of your books, too!

    I can’t think of any other advice, but I will share a funny story from our recent camping trip. Our 5 year old son wanted his own tent (hooray!), so when it started raining shortly after setting up camp, it was the perfect time for a “nap”. We were eager to enjoy our privacy, but our son wasn’t so eager to actually sleep, and kept talking to us from 10 feet away. After several minutes of conversation with Daddy, we reminded him he was supposed to be sleeping.
    “I’m not tired. What are you doing?”
    ummm… “Hiding from you.”
    “You can’t hide from me! I know where you live! You’re in the tent next to me!”
    Well, that just gave us the giggles, and since the rain had inconveniently stopped, we had to postpone our “afternoon delight” until later.

  55. EA

    discussing expectations is so so important! We went on a babymoon vacation before our first baby was born. One of us thought it was a sex-cation and one of us thought it was a get-your-puffy-feet-rubbed-until-falling-asleep-cation. So…

  57. Corrinne

    Man I love this site. I just found you a few days ago & am devouring it. đŸ™‚ So much to learn! We’ve been married for 16 years and have never really had open communication about our sex life. It’s refreshing & so openly honest – both your posts as well as the comments. It has made me think more about conversations we can (and will) have when, we get some down time.
    Would love a win a copy and have just subscribed. Super excited to keep reading more as well! THANK YOU!

  58. A.L.

    I found your site a few weeks ago and love it! I share it with my husband regularly. These are great tips! My husband and I try to get away at least once every year for our anniversary, but have had regular monthly date nights from the time our boys were born. We have been blessed to have family that have always offered to keep the boys for an evening and, when they were a little bit older, overnight. Even when we went on summer vacation with the boys, we found ways to be intimate. We try to decide if our yearly trip will be sight-seeing or down time. This year we have a cabin, way out of the way, and will be hibernating for 4 days playing games, watching movies, hiking one day, and enjoying each other! Being honest about expectations with each other has been HUGE in helping the trip be as stress free as possible. Thanks for all your helpful tips! I love this site and have shared it with my friends! đŸ™‚

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