You may have seen it in the news lately: Americans are experiencing a “sex recession.” And while married people still have more sex than unmarried ones, they’re having less than they used to.

What’s up, y’all?

The Evidence

Using data from the General Social Survey, researchers Brad Wilcox and Grant Bailey of the Institute for Family Studies noted: “Between 1996 and 2008, 59% of married adults, ages 18-64, reported having sex once a week or more. That number fell to 49% for the period of 2010 to 2024.” Here’s a fuller picture of what’s been happening:

While that severe drop from 75% before age twenty-five to 28% at my age (late fifties) is also depressing, we’ll talk about that another time. Today’s point is that the average drop of around 8% for all ages represents about five million more couples not having sex weekly.

The Theories

Why aren’t more married couples engaging in weekly, or greater, sexual intimacy? The Institute of Family Studies suggested:

Today’s electronic opiates not only depress partnering and marriage among young adults—they also weaken already established relationships. A 2023 IFS study found that married adults reported lower sexual frequency when their spouse substituted couple time for phone or computer use. Furthermore, bedtime procrastination is a rising habit. So-called bedtime procrastinators spend two hours using some form of digital media in the three hours leading up to sleep. It’s not surprising that more social media, Netflix, or gaming on the part of spouses translates to less intimacy.

I largely agree with them (e.g., see my post Get Off Your Screen & Have Sex with Your Wife), but I’d add a few issues.

Widespread Pornography. Viewing porn has two common effects: (1) the porn user seeks out more frequent and/or risky sex, or (2) the porn user comes to prefer the more immediate, self-focused experience. In both cases, the couple may experience less sex. In the first scenario, the porn-using spouse pushes for more and riskier sex, which their mate reasonably resists. In the second, the porn-using spouse rejects sex with their mate in favor of porn.

Many husbands, wives, and couples have been wooed away by pornography. If that’s your story, please reach out to resources that can make a difference, such as:

Small Groups Online (from XXX Church)
Proven Men (for him)
Be Broken (for him)
Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer
Unwanted Journey Group Intensive | Aldrich Ministries (for him)
Samson Society (for him)
SheRecovery (for her)
Beggar’s Daughter (for her)
Her Freedom Journey: A Guide Out of Porn and Shame to Authentic Intimacy by Juli Slattery & Joy Skarka

Female Empowerment. For far too long, women have received the message that they owe their husband sex—to be a good wife, to keep him from cheating, to satisfy his “needs,” etc. Thankfully, various authors and leaders have challenged this message. God’s design for sex is not that a husband feels sated and a wife feels used. When wives learn that sex itself isn’t the goal, some choose to have it less often. That’s not all bad. Wives who’ve experienced trauma or sexual pain or bullying in the bedroom are right to put their foot down.

Of course, my goal is to introduce these couples to a better way, the mutually desired and satisfying sexual intimacy God designed for us to have! But sometimes that begins with saying no to the wrong way say you can say yes to the right way.

Parenting Overload. When I was growing up (in the 70s and 80s), parents expected their children to go outside and play . . . for hours. Many times, my parents didn’t know where I was, other than in the neighborhood and on my bike. I’m not suggesting we return to those days. (Frankly, we had a little too much freedom.) But many parents have swung the other way—managing and micromanaging their children’s schedules such that there’s little time left for a husband and wife to connect.

When your schedule is filled with your children’s dance classes, sports practices, taekwondo, marching band, and scouts, where you do find the time to reconnect emotionally, much less physically?

Extended Family Disconnect. Once upon a time, families lived in clans. While some families lost that centuries ago, many still had grandparents, aunts, and uncles living close to them who shared the responsibility of childcare. But in 2022, the Pew Research Center reported that 45% of Americans lived more than an hour away from extended family.

Not having someone to keep your kids for a while can negatively impact your ability to have date nights and private “couple time.” Not to mention that doing it all yourself can wear you out, leaving little energy for nookie.

Increased Stress. Stress has ticked upward since 2012, especially since the worldwide Covid-19 pandemic. (Remember that? Of course you do!)

While having sex can relieve stress for some, stress can also prevent you from having sex since cortisol, our body’s primary stress hormone, dampens sexual interest.

That’s a lot of factors contributing to less sex! While stopping sex that mistreats one spouse is a good development, the other causes are not so positive.

The Fix

What to do? “Get thee to the bedroom!” some would say.

For some of y’all, that’s good advice. But based on 14+ years of hearing spouses’ stories, I can tell you that most of the time, we need to back up and deal with those whys. Why are you not having sex as much as couples used to have? Is it for a good reason? Are you simply in a rough season? Do you need to change something else in your life before you can increase sexual frequency? And how is the sex itself when you have it?

Truth is, most spouses want more sex to happen in their marriage. One extensive research project found that “among those who said they were less than happy with the frequency, 76 percent of their spouses were less than happy with the frequency too! Even in the most low-sex/no-sex marriages, both the husband and wife want to be having sex more often!”

Thankfully, many of us aren’t willing to settle for Tab-A-in-Slot-B sex but want the kind of sex God prescribed: mutually desired and fulfilling sexual intimacy. Once you recognize that as the goal and figure out what’s in the way, you can work together to address the obstacles and prioritize physical connection.

That could involve something as simple as taking one task off your to-do list or letting one of your child’s extracurriculars go. Or it could be more involved, such as getting help for a porn habit or addressing past sexual trauma. It could involve fostering your emotional intimacy or learning more about how to experience better sex. (I can certainly help with that last one!)

But let’s strive not to be in that sex recession statistic. Instead, let’s choose the path God paved for us—a marriage of two spouses who prioritize and enjoy sexual intimacy.

Related post: 7 Reasons You Don’t Want Sex – Hot, Holy & Humorous

Sources:

• Feldhahn, Shaunti, and Michael Sytsma. Secrets of sex and marriage: 8 surprises that make all the difference. Minneapolis, MN: Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing Group, 2023.
• Hurst, Kiley. “More than Half of Americans Live within an Hour of Extended Family.” Pew Research Center, May 18, 2022. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2022/05/18/more-than-half-of-americans-live-within-an-hour-of-extended-family/.
•  Wilcox, Brad, and Grant Bailey. “The Sex Recession: The Share of Americans Having Regular Sex Keeps Dropping.” Institute for Family Studies, August 25, 2025. https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-sex-recession-the-share-of-americans-having-regular-sex-keeps-dropping.

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