Before we jump into the topic, I want to remind you that I’m having a sale on three of my books right now. You can get signed paperbacks for ONLY $5 each, and that includes shipping. Make sure to order what you want before I run out!

Christmas is over, and the New Year looms. For some, that means setting new goals. Others disagree that January 1—”just a date on the calendar”—should prompt us to reconsider our plans. While I respect the naysayers’ take, I find this to be a good time to reassess where I’ve been and where I’m going.

Rather than come up with a long list of goals, however, I typically choose a single word to guide my year. And I’ve written about the one-word approach several times:

• Resolution Week: What’s Your “One Word” for Your Marriage?
• My One Word for 2022 (and What It Means for My Ministry)
• My One Word for 2023, and 8 Quick Tips for Finding Yours
• Our One (Sex) Word for 2025

Choosing a single word to guide you is a common approach, but there are plenty of others. Whether you use them at the New Year or another time, it can be helpful to set some goals for yourself and/or your marriage.

Goal-Setting Approaches

What are the options? Let’s look at a few.

SMART Goals. With this strategy, make however many goals you want but be sure they are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. For instance, instead of jotting down, “I want our marriage to thrive,” write something like: “We will go on a date at least once every two weeks in 2026.” It’s specific, measurable, achievable (depending on your situation), relevant to having a thriving marriage, and time-bound—though one would hope you enjoy it so much, you continue the practice.

Start / Stop / Continue. Identify habits or projects to begin, to let go of, or to keep doing. I’ve done this with my work life and found it very helpful to assess where I am, what I want, what needs to give, and what is worth my ongoing effort.

Life Wheel. A life wheel is a chart that shows key life areas, and you make goals within each area. I personally like the 8 Dimensions of Wellness, with growth areas being physical, intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual, occupational, financial, and environmental.

Vision Board. With a vision board, you collect images, words, or symbols to display what you hope to experience or cultivate in the year ahead. You can put them on an actual board, a One Note page, a sketch pad, or wherever you want. Your board might include a picture of someone jogging (if you want to exercise more), photos of faraway destinations (if you want to travel), examples of beautiful bedrooms (if you want to redecorate), a graphic of an open Bible (if you want to read more Scripture), and so on.

Color. I only recently heard about this one—people choosing a color to represent the tone you want for the year. Maybe that would work for you! Would you prefer a calm blue? A cheery yellow? A bold red? Or maybe something very specific like muted teal or apricot cream to get just the feel you want? You could also go with a full palette. (Check out this cool palette generator: Coolors.)

One Word. Choose a single word to guide your mindset, priorities, and decisions. Some words I’ve heard include health, focus, yes, peace, and surrender. You can find more tips and inspiration from One Word For 2026: How to Choose Yours (Plus 236 Ideas) — Sweet PlanIt.

Phrase or Motto. Instead of one word, select a short phrase to represent how you want to show up this coming year. Want examples? “Slow progress is still progress” can remind you to appreciate how far you’ve come and keep going. “Be faithful in the small things” can help you focus on everyday kindness and godliness. “Stay in the moment” might be exactly what some of you need to relax and enjoy time spent in nature, with children, or in the arms of your spouse. Plenty of mottos are out there, or you can make up your own.

Scripture. Find a Bible verse or passage to meditate on throughout the year and to guide you. There are so many possibilities! You might have one already in mind, look in your Bible for a verse/passage that really fits where you are now, or discover the right option with posts like Top 101 Encouraging Bible Verses to Inspire You | Bible Study Tools.

My One Word

As previously stated, choosing one word is my favorite approach, because it’s simple, broad, and flexible. That said, I actually changed my word a few months into 2025—from open to enough. Open was supposed to guide me to be more open to experiences, but I learned after some helpful sessions with a spiritual coach that what I really needed was to let go of feeling like I had to do All The Things. I needed to remember that sometimes I have done enough, that I am enough, and that when I’m not enough, it’s still okay because God is more than enough.

I embraced my one word so heartily that I got a bracelet with it and haven’t taken it off since I put it on. (Thank you, Etsy.)

Although I will take it off and replace it soon with my word for 2026: serve. Why serve? Because that’s the season I’m in. In the course of this past year, I have:

• Visited my aging, Alzheimer’s stricken mother several times (five hours away)—not sure how much longer she’ll be with us.
• Walked with a dear friend as she made the difficult, but well-warranted, decision to leave her marriage.
• Welcomed my son and his fiancée back to our no-longer-empty nest so they could return to college and avoid debt.
• Traveled to see my sister (three hours away) and sit at her bedside as she recovered from two serious strokes and an emergency brain surgery.

And in 2026, I’ll be caring for my husband for several weeks after a much-needed knee replacement surgery in January and then providing childcare from time to time after my first grandchild is born in February.

It’s a lot, y’all. And I’ve had moments of overwhelm. But then I remember: “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). No one’s asking me to be flogged and die on a cross but simply to be there for my loved ones in need. Not only can I do that, but I can do it with joy.

Though the one-word reminder helps.

What Season Are You In?

Whatever goal-setting approach you use, pause and ask what’s going on in your life? Where do you need to focus? What about your marriage and sexual intimacy? (You knew I’d get to that topic eventually!)

Do you need to invest more time in connection with one another? Better understand your sensuality? Address body image issues?

Do you need to say “enough!” to the mental load and emotional labor you’ve been carrying in your marriage? Set boundaries with your spouse regarding sexual frequency and repertoire? Finally break free from your porn and/or erotica habit?

Do you need to learn better communication skills? Speak each other’s love language more? Increase your sexual savvy?

Do you need to be okay with a lapse in the intimacy you’d love to have, because that’s where your life is right now? (God knows Spock and I haven’t had as much sex as we’d like in the last few months.) Do you need to cast a someday vision of what you want life to be like when you get through your current hardship?

Do you need to go to counseling? (I recommend Aldrich Ministries Coaching Network or Better Help.) Attend a marriage event? (Check out Intimate Covenant’s annual retreat.) Read a book together? (Faves include God, Sex, and Your Marriage by Juli Slattery; Secrets of Sex and Marriage by Shaunti Feldhahn & Dr. Michael Sytsma; and, of course, my resources.) Take a marriage course? (Such as The Gottman Institute’s Art and Science of Love or Awesome Marriage’s Sex Course, in which I’m a contributor.)

Where are you now? Where do you want to be? And what’s the next step?

Choosing a word, a vision, a plan, etc. can clarify what you truly desire for your life, your marriage, your sexuality, and how to get there.

Are you a goal-setter? What goals do you have for yourself and your marriage in the New Year?

Disclosure of Material Connection: This post includes one or more affiliate links, meaning if you click on the link and purchase an item, I receive an affiliate commission at no additional cost to you.

The post My One Word for 2026 & Other Ways to Set Goals appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.

What do you call the 1977 movie about Luke Skywalker? My husband and I, a Baby Boomer and a Gen Xer, call it Star Wars, while our Gen Z sons call it A New Hope. Somehow, between the film’s release and the vast expansion of the Star Wars franchise, it got renamed.

Honestly, 2020 for me, and for many others, felt like Star Wars, with planetary-level destruction, personal heartache, and challenges to our physical and/or emotional survival. But maybe we should reframe it and rename it. Maybe we should think more about how difficult times can be defined by A New Hope. Sure, you don’t know how it will all work out, but even a Death Star is surmountable with fresh skills, fresh allies, and fresh hope.

(Can you tell we watched The Mandalorian over the holidays?)

What are your challenges?

There’s a scene in the second Star Wars movie, The Empire Strikes Back (we can all agree about that title!), in which Han Solo decides to enter an asteroid field to escape an enemy attack. It begins with Han saying, “I don’t know how we’re going to get out of this one” and ends with the C-3PO droid giving him the statistical probability of surviving an asteroid field and Han answering, “Never tell me the odds!” Spoiler alert: They survive. (Sorry, but if you didn’t know that, where have you been for the last 40 years?)

Han Solo doesn’t know how they’ll go from under threat to surviving and thriving, but he does know the challenges he faces: a ship on the fritz, enemy fire, and no easy path. In the short term, entering the asteroid field makes things seem more dire, but it’s the best way through. And he believes enough in himself, his ship, and his crew to give it his very best shot.

What are your challenges? Personally and relationally?

• Did your sexual intimacy simply get off track in 2020?
• Are there physiological reasons why sex isn’t what it could and should be?
• Have you struggled with personal issues, grief, or baggage?
• Is your marriage experiencing conflict, tension, or distance?

You may not know how you’ll get to surviving and thriving, but the first step is taking stock of what your challenges are. Then you can find the right path and know that, even if that path is a difficult journey, it’s worth your best shot.

Where is your hope?

When Luke Skywalker first meets Obi-Wan Kenobi, he brings the droid R2-D2 with a message from Princess Leia Organa. Leia outlines a request and finishes with “You’re my only hope.”

Whether you’re just hoping next year is an even better year of sex for you and your spouse, or you’re hoping to resurrect a seemingly dead sex life in your marriage, or somewhere in between, where is your hope?

Go search for “hope” in your Bible, and you’ll see that the correct answer is not a something but a someone. Princess Leia also placed her hope in someone, but our someone is far greater than a legendary Jedi like Kenobi—He is Christ the Lord. That’s the theology, but what’s the practical takeaway?

Well, I see a lot of couples looking for hope with a new product, a fix-it system, a one-and-done marriage course, or a begging-God-for-it conversion of their spouse on the issue of sexuality. Believe me, I wish I could give y’all the 10 Surefire Steps to the Sex Life You and Your Marriage Deserve! Actually, that’s a good subtitle for a book. Unfortunately, I’d need to remove the word surefire, because there are no guarantees.

Look, I’m a huge fan of marriage education, insight, encouragement, and products that do all of that. They have helped me in my marriage and many others. But when someone tells me something I wrote or said made the difference in their marriage, I’m a bit baffled. It wasn’t what I wrote or said—it’s what the couple did with the information they encountered.

And all of that important change and renewed love comes back to the foundation of God Himself, where all hope resides. So start by asking yourself: Which do I want more—sex according to my desires or God working through me to love my spouse?

Answering that correctly—putting your hope where it should lie and living that out—will go a long way toward getting that sex life you both deserve.

How can I help?

“You must unlearn what you have learned,” Master Yoda says in The Empire Strikes Back. To embrace God’s design for sex in marriage, we all have bad ideas and habits and selfishness we have to unlearn and replace with new and better practices.

My goal is to share everything I possibly can to help the sexual intimacy in your marriage thrive in a way that strengthens you individually and together. To be your Christian Sex Yoda. (Okay, that sounds a little creepy, but you know what I’m trying to say! ~smile~)

Let me pull out some key features of that goal:

Sharing what I know

My avenues for sharing hope and help are through writing, podcasting, and speaking. I will be focused on providing both free and paid resources within those areas.

Doing what’s possible

Like everyone else, I have limited time, knowledge, and resources. I’m owning that upfront and planning to do only what I can, while believing wholeheartedly that I’m only one small part of God’s plan that involves many other wonderful marriage ministers.

One upshot of that is, as much as I’d like to blog daily or podcast weekly, it’s not happening. I’m aiming for twice a week here with summer and winter breaks and will maintain biweekly podcasts with Sex Chat and Knowing Her Sexually. Within those boundaries, I can follow Yoda’s other advice: “Do or Do Not. There is no try.”

Concentrating on sexual intimacy

I recently asked a question on my Facebook page about how broad my ministry should go, and the answers I received felt like God’s Spirit speaking through the wise counsel of friends. While I personally have opinions on broader cultural and theological issues, my calling is to keep my eyes and ministry firmly fixed on godly sex in marriage.

Helping both individuals and couples

Do I minister to wives? Or husbands? Or couples? I’ve wavered on this in the last 10 years, but the answer is: yes. Some of my resources are aimed at wives (e.g., Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast, Higher Drive Wife community, and Intimacy Revealed book), while others are aimed at husbands (Knowing Her Sexually Community and podcast), and even others for couples (blog, Pillow Talk book, Sex Seminar).

But also, as much as I’m a believer in the blessing that marriage and sex in marriage can be, I agree 100% with Gary Thomas’s post in which he said: “If the cost of saving a marriage is destroying a woman, the cost is too high. God loves people more than he loves institutions.” And that’s also true if that marriage destroys a man. Thomas was talking about clear abuse, and his post is well worth reading. My reason for restating his words is that I want it clear that I first and foremost value the people God made.

I believe so much in marriage because I think it’s a blessing to people to be have a life partner, to experience love and joy with another, to be challenged and grow as “iron sharpens iron,” and to form the foundation of family for the sake of children and community. The intimate act of sex between husband and wife supports all of that as well.

If none of that describes your marriage, your issue is not sex. Not even close. Go find the help and hope you need.

Most of what I write assumes both spouses at least want a good marriage, and from that place, you can spark or spice up your sexual intimacy. Even if you don’t exactly know how just yet. But we’re here together—with new and renewed hope. Let’s make our marriages better than ever in the coming year and beyond.

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