I am giddy with delight! For the last several weeks, I have welcomed husbands (and one single guy) to guest post on what they wish women knew about sexuality. Today is the last day of this series, and I asked my husband to add his two cents to the conversation. Convincing him may have involved some cajoling and some nudity, but he finally agreed.
For those wondering about the title Spock Speaks, sometime ago I introduced my husband with the pet name of “Spock.” Why? Because if you want to picture his personality, imagine a Vulcan.
He’s not Mr. Romantic or Mr. Talkative, but he is a fabulous husband and has grown with me through the years into a relationship of trust and intimacy. Oddly enough, whenever I take those “Which Star Trek character are you?” quizzes, my results always come up as Captain Kirk, and since Kirk and Spock are best friends and work well together, I think I did pretty good with my hubby choice.
And now we boldly go where no one has gone before . . . to my husband speaking on my blog. Given our personality types, we opted for interview style. Going forward, his answers are in bold.
What did you expect regarding sex going into our marriage?
What was the biggest surprise about our marital sex life?
Um, cannot really think of a surprise. Entertaining that it was very creative.
“Creative” in what way?
Different positions, different approaches. I knew you enjoyed having sex and were a willing participant.
When was our sex life the worst?
After [our first child] was born.
What was so bad about it?
It was non-existent. (Mostly true.)
How did that make you feel about us and yourself then?
Made me feel very frustrated. I felt that there was something not quite right about what was going on with your body, and you weren’t doing anything about it.
What have you learned about God’s gift of sex through our marriage?
I don’t so much think of it as learning something new as better understanding how unifying it is, how it brings the two together to feel as one, to be closer together.
What does having a satisfying sex life in your marriage mean to you?
Means I have a satisfying sex life. (See what I mean . . . Mr. Logical.) Which means I don’t carry a lot of frustrations that go with an unsatisfying sex life.
What is it like to have a wife who obviously enjoys sex and pursues it?
Much better than the alternatives.
What do you hope to teach our kids about sexuality?
First, and probably foremost, is that it’s meant to be mutually enjoyable to the two who make a lifetime commitment to it. Always remember it’s about mutual enjoyment, not personal enjoyment; therefore, warm her up before you go to the races.
After this comment, I responded to my beloved, “And now we wives have been compared to horses.” To which my classy guy retorted with a cocky grin, “Ridden hard and put away wet.” *BIG EYE ROLL* Good thing I have a sense of humor!
How do you wish churches would deal with the issue of sex?
Historically, I feel that churches have been much like the Sadducees and Pharisees — quick to condemn sexual activities, slow to praise enjoyable sexual activities. Now sex is meant to be an intimate experience between a husband and wife, so to the extent that a church gets involved in it, it should be in the form of counseling couples to develop healthy sexual relationships.
What do you think husbands want wives to know about sexuality in marriage?
Sexuality is a gift from God meant to unite and strengthen the relationship of a man and woman. To strengthen that relationship, each must hunger for and feel bonded by sexual intimacy. The man wants the woman to understand this as much as he does, and to train her mind, her body, and her heart to experience it as strongly as the man does.
What do you think about your wife blogging about Christian sexuality?
I think it’s something she was born to do; she serves God’s purpose.
Anything else you want to say to me or my blog readers?
I love you, J.
And go hug somebody; it’ll make you feel great. (He ripped off that last line from some weatherman’s sign-off, but it’s still good advice.)
That’s it! My husband, ladies and gentleman.
Now do you have any questions for J’s hubby? (I may need some more leverage to get him to answer, but I’ll try.)